It has come time to say farewell to this blog.
When I first started this blog in December 2008, I was a guest at a church couple’s home, a recovering eating disordered patient, a rediscovering Christian and a person in the midst of searching and understanding herself.
It’s been about 58 months since my first blog post. In between those almost-five years, I’ve changed.
I’m a more confident and happier woman today. I’ve made tons of mistakes, struggled with various relationships, anguished over growing pains and stumbled over my own foolishness and immaturity…And I still make mistakes. Even on this blog, I’ve made quite a few public blunders, which caused me great distress, but cautioned and straightened me in ways that would not have been as effective were I to make them privately. I still struggle to become a better human being, a wiser Christian, and more loving and compassionate family and friend. That work will continue till the end of my life.
But I’ve come to treasure myself a lot more — not because I suddenly found myself wonderful and lovable, but because God willfully loved me and precisely showed me how wonderful He considers me. After that realization, I can no longer be blithely, resignedly suicidal, treating my body and my soul as if they are disposable nuisances.
When you have to rebuild yourself from ground up, you’re a lot more honest and hard on yourself. So I’m more aware of my flaws, but I also like myself a whole heck more. Through the four years in college, as I met new friends who pulled me out of my self-protective shell, I began a different sort of recovery. I recovered my old personalities and old interests, while also gaining new character developments and hobbies.
I’ve had fabulous, educational internships. I’ve explored the city, explored the people, explored myself. I’ve recovered laughter, and I’ve recovered tears– and I’m delighted to have a full range of human emotions again.
This blog has been a platform for me to record these developments. The posts were mostly worthless ramblings, but it was fun to have a (self-serving, self-centered) space. It was therapy for me, and I’m intensely grateful for my readers, you invisible beings scattered all over the country and the world, for being on the other side of the screen while I bumbled on. I’ve met fellow bloggers who I now consider friends, with an open invitation to contact and visit me in Los Angeles. I’ve corresponded and met readers who became some of my dearest friends.
So I want to thank you all. For reading and being there. For providing me a sense that I’m being heard…for helping me release stress, work out mental tangles, rant my grievances and record my experiences, however trivial or significant.
On a last note: I will be shutting this blog down in a week or two. I’ve tried transferring all the posts here to a free wordpress.com blog, but failed for whatever reason I’m not technologically savvy enough to comprehend. I’m kind of tinkering with an online portfolio, to which I have manually uploaded all my Weekend ED series posts, the only writings I can’t bear to lose. And I have no intentions of starting another food blog. That phase has passed, and I’m eager for something new and different.
Farewell! It’s been a joy while this journey lasted.