I recently came across a spectacular book that left me stunned and meditative.
I don’t smoke, but I felt like it was the perfect time to suck, with trembling fingers, into a cigarette, pondering what it all meant (Or maybe I’ve read too many Steig Larsson books.). Instead I lay on my bed with the fan blowing warm, futile wifts onto my arms and thought hard before I fell into a smoggy sleep. I had the weirdest dream that night, in which I was surrounded by a sea of women giggling and gossiping in a mass of red bodies. But then at some point in the dream, the group of friendly women turned vicious and I was caught in a stampede of female feet swathed in scarlet spike-studded silk boots.
The book that smoked up that strange dream is Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See, a freelance journalist turned best-selling author who is half-Chinese.
Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See.
You might have heard of it. It did so well on paperback that it was made into a movie (which I did not watch).
I’ve always loved historical fiction with China as the backdrop. Two of my favorite books are The Good Earth by Pearl Buck and Wild Swans by Jung Chang, and I’m excited to find another author whose writing style and writing subjects I love.
Ms. See’s book isn’t all that exciting. Set in the 1800s in China’s Hunan province, the plot basically swirls around the full life of Lily, a farmer’s daughter. The most excitement you get in this book is the foot-binding process– a months-long procedure of literal bone-breaking pain, odious putrefaction and matted blood just for the guarantee of arousing one’s future husband.
Then, it was tiny feet. Now, it’s to be as tiny as possible. My, how much we’ve advanced!
After all that torture for the sake of aesthetic and sexual pleasure, Lily enjoys no steamy romance; her marriage life with her husband is cordial at best. There’s not much action in this book unless you count famine and typhoid. Lily is no Mulan and she doesn’t form the typical rebellious female protagonist who defies social pressures.
Mostly, the book is about the decades-long relationship between Lily and her laotong (老同), Snow Flower.
I’ve never actually known of laotongs before until this book. I might have heard that phrase, which literally means “old-same,” some time in my life, but not in the full detail that Ms. See draws out in her book. I guess the closest English definition for laotong is “soul mates”– not in the romantic sense, but in the sense of a female platonic love that is supposed to last for as long as they live. You can’t have any other laotong except the one. It’s like a non-sexual marriage– sacred, life-lasting and of course, no cheating.
So that’s the kind of relationship Lily and Snow Flower shared ever since they were little girls. They share many things together: born in the same year of the horse, the same day of foot-binding, the same fondness for fried sugared taro at the Temple of Gupo. But in truth, they are extremely different.
** Warning!!: I might be giving some plot away.**
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plot giveaways.
Snow Flower is a spirited girl who longs for freedom and adventure, which is metaphorized by her obsession with birds. Born with noble blood, Snow Flower is exquisite in her etiquette and highly educated in nu shu (女书), a “secret” simplified form of writing used by Hunan women for centuries. But her family’s great wealth depletes quickly due to her father’s addiction to opium, which leaves her no dowry to marry well. She ends up marrying a butcher (considered a low-class, filthy occupation at the time) and suffers under a mean-spirited, “rat year” mother-in-law and a physically abusive husband.
Lily, meanwhile, may come from humble origin, but because of her delicate, lily bud-shaped bound feet and her laotong relationship with an (ex)aristocrat, she manages to marry into a wealthy family and soon presides as the honorable Lady Lu. She’s not as gale nor as refined as Snow Flower, but she’s a model female in her time– obedient, hard-working, eager to please and most importantly, totters around on erotic tiny feet. But all she ever truly craves is love, and she finds it in Snow Flower.
Lily and Snow Flower, presumably skipping over on their tiny feet to the taro man. Credits: Courtesy Fox Searchlight Pictures TM and Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation.
One laotong meets social disgrace and misfortune, the other meets nobility and prosperity. One goes up, the other goes down. Somehow their friendship persists, but gradually, unconsciously, it wilts like a rose under a mid-summer sun.
Like most relationships, the deterioration starts long before the catalyst. Though not immediately explicit, Lily becomes proud. She’s proud that she’s a good and loyal friend to someone beneath her social standing. She gets hurt when her laotong hides her unhappiness, but rustles with impatience when Snow Flower finally shares her anguish and pain. As Snow Flower faces tragedy after tragedy, Lily tries to show her love through admonitions and moral sermons. She pushes and pushes Snow Flower to be strong, to not weep, to keep on trying, to make more sons, to be more obedient. She says all the “right” things, and she believes she’s loving Snow Flower through her preaching and Confucian quotes.
Instead, her words of “encouragement” and “support” form whips to an already broken spirit. What her friend needed weren’t more lectures on what to do and what not to do. What her friend needed was an ear to listen when nobody would hear her woes, and a heart that loves without judgment and disapproval. When Lily is unable to give that to her, Snow Flower finds solace in three other village women.
That plunges a stake into Lily, who takes it as a dagger of betrayal. In a surge of self-righteous fury and bitter jealousy, Lily stabs back by betraying all of Snow Flower’s secrets in front of a group of women, thus publicly shaming her laotong. Decades of friendships and swears of loyalty, burned into ash due to misunderstandings, miscommunications and mistakes. The ending is tragic, but satisfyingly so.
What I loved most about this book, besides the eye-opening culture references, is that it captures in vivid words and emotions what is most beautiful– and cruel– about female friendships. I believe a true friendship between women is one of the most powerful and sacred relationship ever. The bond that we share, the conversations that we enjoy, the pains and joys we relate with one another…it’s something miraculous. Just having one good friend with whom you can experience these is a tremendous blessing.
Yet…which of us (women) have not been scarred by another woman? Which of us have not been subject, or even participated, in catty gossip? Which of us have not judged another woman for the way she looks, dresses and weighs? Women typically feel things stronger and more acutely than men, and we also tend to talk more about feelings, which inevitably leads to mistakes, misunderstandings and major conflicts. I’ve been a direct witness to many messy situations that started out with something so ridiculously miniscule. Considering my exaggerative speech and foolish temper, I’ve put my foot in my mouth countless of times.
Although I didn’t really like Lily’s character very much at first, I saw my own flaws and mistakes in many of her actions and speech. How many times have I verbally condemned a friend who needed tender words? How many times have I envied a friend because of my own insecurities? How many times have I thought ill of someone because of my stubborn presumptions? How many times have I belittled someone because of my arrogance and impatience? Oh God, all the cruel things I did and said!
Through the stories of Lily and Snow Flower, Ms. See highlighted my own base desire and flaw: to be loved, and the inability to love fully, humbly and selflessly.
The conflicts that two 19th century Chinese women went through may be shrouded with antiquated rituals and outdated ideals, but they’re still the same timeless conflicts that smother us 21st century “emancipated” and educated women. We may be free from foot-binding practices, arranged marriages, and mother-in-law enslavements, but I wonder how free we are from each other.
I’ve tasted both the sweet and the bitter of female friendships. I’m incredibly grateful for the beautiful, unique women I have in my life, from my darling mother to my wonderful best friends to my favorite journalism professor. As for the ones I struggle with right now, I’m ready to make a change, starting with myself.
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{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
Thanks for the review!!! I really need to start reading more often for pleasure – I have been so busy I keep forgetting to make time for it.
I loved that book too. I agree, so spellbinding. Have you read The Piano Teacher? If not, I think you would love it.
As much as I adore your food reviews, I love the book reviews you do too! This story puts me into shame, although not directly, but it does reminds me of all the foolish and ludicrous things I have done in life out of assumptions and ungratefulness. I can be painfully inconsiderate at times, neglecting how others would feel when I hurl countless terrible comments at people around me. Sometimes when anxiety and insecurity creeps up to me, I tend to smash the negative feelings by ‘turning’ them onto somebody else instead through simply uttering nasty words that could destroy a person’s day, or worse, a relationship. I guess this review is posted at the appropriate timing, and serves as a strong reminder to me to manage my emotions in order to lead a better life. Like you said, the change starts with ourselves.
I remember reading this book 2 or 3 years ago, but i somehow didn’t concentrate on their relationship as much as on sexism and cruelty of Chinese people.
I was so angry “why women have do it, it’s unfair! And why their mothers/grandmothers support it, they must know it hurts!” I really didn’t understand how women can put themselves after men and act badly towards other woman, and being sad when getting a daughter? – no words. It made me think about how women were treated in other countries and still are, not even getting on Islam, but women still get less money for the same job as men even in Europe…Basically the book only made me become more and more of a teenage feminist
What a fantastic book review. It sounds like a book I’d be interested in!
Lisa See is not 1/2 Chinese, but rather 1/8. It shouldn’t matter, but it does, that she has white skin and red hair. She’s been treated all her life as a white person, with white privilege. The fact that she is the tiniest bit Chinese (having studied genetics, I can say that she might have no Asian genes at all), is treated like a novelty. She uses it to get attention (when she wants). I imagine that she did not grow up being called racial slurs, her identify and nationality constantly scrutinized. “But where are you from, REALLY” is a phrase many of us, even at the second, third and fourth generation are familiar with.
Imagine that a blonde-haired, blue eyed woman writes about her black African roots. Oh wait, there are those, too.
As a writer I have to ask, why, when people of color write about whites, they are ignored, or mocked, or asked “what gives you the right,” but when whites write, they can find an audience (or just an agent and publisher) for anything??? Why can’t Asian-looking English-speaking people get book deals to write about Europeans in the form of “historical fiction”? And don’t tell me there aren’t any or many who have tried. I’m in the industry and know better.
I wasn’t really aware of this, but that’s unfortunate.
Lisa See’s other book Peony in Love is just as beautiful
I’m going to read it soon!
I read this book not too long ago as well! WOW the idea of having a laotong is a glorious thought, as is using nu shu. It’s a bittersweet thing~I mean, praise God we don’t NEED something like nu shu today! BUT how sad that such communications have gone by the wayside, along with an appreciation of beautiful things. Does that make sense?
Recently I’ve delved into some other authors of Chinese descent as well, and I have to say that I’ve cried LOTS and LOTS and LOTS! Especially over the journey of Chinese people and their descendants living in America. I so grieve their struggle to fit, to not be Chinese enough or American enough or to be viewed as too much of one or the other~OH I cannot express all the feelings I have in words. So I pray! A lot. With heart overflowing.
I hope more people join you in that sincere prayer!
It’s not just the Chinese, but every ethnic person who moves to a new environment, I suppose. It can be tough being an immigrant, and a foreigner. Americans, too, have a similar tough time adjusting and fitting in when they live in other countries like Korea as well. (Been reading some American expatriate blogs in Korea, haha)
Sounds like a really good book.
i read this book a few years ago, but now, because of your review, i want to read it again. what a gorgeous perspective of this book, you put things in a way that i had never thought of before. do you think you’ll see the movie?
I actually saw this movie and it made me want to see The Joy Luck Club since it’s by the same director. The movie was pretty slow, but I really enjoyed it!!
Dear Sophia,
As fast as China is developing into one of the world’s superpowers, I think the country and its people still have a lot more to learn about “refinement” – basic human rights, health, safety and hygiene for its people. Some atrocities which happen in China is little more than primitive to say the least considering immense wealth and intellect on the other extreme.
I’m going to check this out!
Thank you for the book recommendation. I hope it will be translated to Japanese… English books take a long time for me to read….
Thanks for sharing this review – I am definitely intrigued! As a half-Chinese person I feel I should really read more books set there. Have you read Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress? That another book on my list and I’d love to hear your thoughts if you’ve read it.
I’ve heard of Little Chinese Seamstress but I haven’t read it yet! I’ll stick them to my reading list.