Hey Upper East Siders (and everyone beyond who isn’t fortunate enough to be called one), Gossip Girl here.
Today I’ve been blackmailed to write this post about three West Coast gals who skipped over to our territory in Manhattan in exchange for my anonymity. What’s a Gossip Girl to do? Girl’s gotta preserve her identity since word’s out that our It-Girl Serena van der Woodsen is out to get me (Bring it!) and Georgina Sparks just plain messed up while playing my surrogate.
Anyway, somehow these three girls have gotten into their silly heads that they’re the It-Girls now just because they are cruising Manhattan’s Upper Side in their Target tights and discounted coats.
Spotted: three camera-totting girls entering Chelsea Market at the trendy Meatpacking District.
Sophia told me to remind you all that she’s been to Chelsea Market before, and she loved it, which is why she insisted her two friends, Tracy and Marilyn, experience it for themselves. She knew they would appreciate it—after all, it’s the office space for Food Network and is basically a mega Toyland for foodies.
The three foodies were still stuffed from a breakfast of Papaya Dog hotdog and papaya juice, Ess-a-Bagel bagel with cream cheese and Tom Colicchio’s goat cheese sandwich, so they were just in the mood for something light.
And by light they do mean desserts. Preferably with chocolate.
Spotted: M, T and S licking samples of brownies at Fat Witch Bakery. How common. Blair Waldorf wouldn’t approve. She wouldn’t be caught dead next to samples.
And then…eh, lost track of them for awhile because they were running rampant.
But oh, ha. Should have figured that they would wind up gathering at Jacques Torres Chocolates:
This place was recommended to Sophia by her friend Alda. Who the heck is she again? *Shrug.* Anyway, Alda apparently told Sophia and her friends to get the chocolate chip cookie.
Unfortunately, those cookies must have been really good, because Jacques Torres ran out of them. Boo hoo, cried the girls. They just had to get the next best thing then:
Peanut butter chocolate chunk cookie.
Sophia says: “That cookie was a mouthful of heaven. It’s not soft and chewy, nor hard and brittle-like. It’s for people who love crumbly, dense cookies that dissolves slowly like extra peanut buttery chocolate in your mouth. The chocolate chunks in there melts gorgeously, too.”
She doesn’t really talk like that. She’s just trying to sound like a bon vivant. She said more closely to the muffled form of “Mmm…freaking yes…mmm…”
Tracy and Marilyn made similar noises about the hot chocolate, which they liked because it was pure melted chocolate just velvetized with a touch of creamy dairy. Not too sweet, not too cloying, not too intense but thick enough to feel like you’ve drunk a high quality liquefied chocolate bar.
Well, they look happy. Yawn. Moving on.
To the subway. The complex Manhattan subway system seems to have confused them a little bit.
But they made it. To the Upper West Side, right near the borders of Central Park.
Since they reign from Southern California where residential homes are flat-roofed and widely spaced out, they got very amused and ridiculously fascinated by the multi-storey brownstones with stoops and basements.
The girls decided to go a bit more highbrow with their desserts here. Their first stop was at Grom.
Tracy put three stars next to Grom on their “Must Visit” list because she says she had excellent experience with the other Grom branches during her trip to Italy.
Apparently Upper West Side’s Grom did not disappoint. They shared two flavors:
Pistachio (obviously) and Crema di Grom (some kind of crazy concoction of sweet egg cream, corn flour biscuits, and dark Colombian chocolate). Because the biscuits are made with a special blend of corn varieties that are extra hard and dry, the little crumbles stay nice and crunchy even drowned within the creamy sweet cream gelato.
Uh-oh. Spotted: Three girls tacking across Central Park to enter your Upper East Side.
We wonder if Blair is at the park feeding the ducks with her maid Dorota. I know, Upper East Siders, you’ll get your regular gossip scoop on S and B soon. Patience. But keep the look out for me.
On that note, quiz time for ya: What is Blair’s favorite cookie?
Macarons, of course. Preferably flown in directly from France. Which is what Laduree does. They have no kitchen in-store; instead, they import packs of freshly baked macarons from Paris every morning. Hm. I’m intrigued.
I’m surprised Blair hasn’t been spotted more often here. The haughty flair of a high-end European boutique sniffs of her kind of tastes.
So what are three broke ladies doing here? Guess they really wanted a taste of the Upper East Side after all.
The girls bought a pack of 7 macarons in a Napoleon III box for their friend Lindsey (who is she again?), whom (they made sure I add) that they sorely missed.
Wouldn’t that make a lovely present!
Both Marilyn and Sophia also got individual macarons to munch on right away.
M got the baby pink Cherry Blossom macaron, while S, venturing from her usual pistachio love, got the Blackcurrant Violet.
Macarons are the best expressions of love romance. Dear male Gossip Girl readers, take heed. Macarons trump flowers, every time. Chuck knew that. Remember that the next time you try to impress a lady.
Yours truly is getting sugared out just writing this post, but these girls’ sweet tooth still don’t seem to abate.
Spotted: Girls with sweet tooth the size of Serena’s attention whoring at Midtown’s Momofuku Milk Bar, cameras a-flashing like tourists. It’s really just a cave inside the luxurious Chambers Hotel; you order and borrow the lounge seating above.
Momofuku Milk Bar, of course, is the sweet and nostalgic dessert branch to David Chang’s savory and edgy restaurants.
Apparently Momofuku Milk Bar, known for its fabulous desserts, also offers savory lunch options. Pastrami on rye with kimchi slaw? Hm, yours truly says pass. Savvy food media consumers will know that you just can’t leave Momofuku’s famous dessert shop without trying two things: the Crack Pie and the Compost Cookie.
Here’s a cheat list on all the ingredients in that pie.
Or better, here’s a recipe you can text to your Dorotas in the household.
Overheard: a few disgruntlements about the crack pie at the lounge area of Chambers Hotel. No they didn’t!
Be careful of raising too much expectations. Seems like T and M aren’t so impressed. For something that people will pay over $80 to ship overnight across the country, they just anticipated something more pizazz. Perhaps they wanted the crack pie to actually be loaded with crack, or do a few jumping jacks while it’s at it.
S disagreed; she found the oatmeal cookie base of the pie deliciously brittle—like oatmeal cookies melted down and hardened into butterscotch. The thin, fudgy, intensely sweet layer on top reminded her of the gooey filling in pecan pie. It’s just a combination of America’s favorite cookie and pie, she said.
And then she just had to open her big mouth and brag, “Not worth the money. I can make this at home.” Oh no she didn’t!
Them three whiners also bought an armful of cookies. For friends and family, they said.
Inevitably, a few got nibbled on. Fortunately for them, they gave the Compost cookie and the Corn Cookie two thumbs up. Otherwise they may just have crossed the red code on “trespassers not welcome in NYC territory due to excessive trash talking about the best (and more scandalous) city in the world.”
Well, Upper East Siders, looks like my time here is up. About half an hour off my usual work checking my inbox for new scandalous gossip, and I already feel like I’ve missed the juiciest part of the steak.
So fill me in, Upper East Siders. What did I miss? Send me all the deets. And who am I? Well if my blackmailer keeps her promise, so will I—that it’s the only one secret I will never tell.
You know you love me.