I know, I know, I said this was my last Weekend ED post, but as are many other forms of writing, my series is still incomplete. Here’s a post on something that I missed.
I’ve been getting quite a few emails lately about an issue that I was surprised to discover is more prevalent among eating disordered individuals than I had thought. And for some reason I don’t see much publication about this issue. Perhaps most people dealing with this issue are embarrassed to say it out loud because it paints them in a very negative light. Or perhaps it’s really not so common. But I felt the need to at least address it because of the number of people asking about this subject.
Okay, I don’t even know how to clearly define the issue. It’s a strange, twisted, rotten phenomenon. ”Jealousy” is the best word I can come up as a definition, but that barely explains this particularly bizarre accumulation of animosity directed towards someone– most particularly, someone who is closest and dearest to you, like your sister, your best friend, or even your mother. It’s one of the ugly symptoms of struggling with an eating disorder: the person starts pulsating an obsession towards somebody else’s diet.
I’ll explain clearer by talking about me.
More than a year ago, I wrote a very personal post about the 8-year-long conflict between a beloved cousin and me. The cousin, for the longest time, was my sister because she lived with our family for about 11 years. We grew up together playing Power Rangers (she was Yellow Ranger and I was Pink), getting into trouble, and sharing clothes and toys. We shared the same kind of bittersweet bond most sisters do: fighting occasionally over petty things, struggling with a bit of friendly rivalry, but still tight friends. We were, in one word, family.
And then some things happened that drove a wedge between us two. There were a lot of misunderstandings, and the fact that we barely talked for a few years just created layer after layer of misunderstandings and complicated emotions until it got to the point where I felt I truly hated her with all my heart.
But one key thing that arose from –and further deteriorated– our conflicts was her diet.
My cousin started dieting. She brought home a stack of diet books from the library. At first she cut out fats. And then she cut out carbs. She kept a calorie log, in which she recorded every single thing she ate: 1/2 a packet of skim milk and 1/2 banana for lunch. Some bulgogi, 1 cup stir-fried veggies and 1/2 cup cooked rice for dinner. 5 Triscuits. Almost every day, she went out for more than an hour to run.
It freaking bothered me.
At the time, I was at the awkward teenage stage and was already feeling rather self-conscious about my own body. I had always been skinny as a rail but after moving to the U.S., I heard many stories from fellow Asians who told me they gained an insane amount of weight after eating American food. And at the time, I was definitely eating way too much. I ate two school lunches for lunch and indulged in two Super Size McDonald’s french fries after school before eating dinner and then snacking again late at night. I was a freaking glutton, and I was starting to worry about the effects.
I started my own diet too– by observing my cousin’s. It really stemmed from the already unhealthy relationship I had with her, and mixed with my own insecurity and low self-esteem, the combination just exaggerated the feelings of self-hatred, which I directed towards my own body.
I was obsessed with my cousin’s diet. Just so freaking obsessed. I just had to know how much she was eating, what she was eating, when she was eating. I had to know how much she was exercising too, and it ate away at me each time she was outdoors working out when I was sitting like a lazy slouch indoors. I still remember pacing the living room, looking out of the window every few minutes because I wanted her to come back and stop working out and burning calories.
Every meal was horrible and indigestible, simply because I had to watch my cousin cut this and that, push this and that around, and eventually throw half her rice away. It made me so livid!! I wanted to grab three handfuls of lard and rice and shove it into her mouth– just so I could enjoy my own food. For some reason I just couldn’t stop obsessing about her eating, and I felt this inexplicable rage every time I saw her do something diet-y.
It definitely affected my eating, too. I simply couldn’t and wouldn’t eat more than her. It was a silent, stalkerish competition between her and me. I don’t think my cousin participated in this ridiculous rivalry; it was me myself engaging in a one-sided mental torture. That was my instigator to the beginning of a long, treacherous slide into a real eating disorder.
It is lunatic– absolutely absurd in the most detestable way. And it upsets me terribly to find that many girls are dealing with this too, because it isn’t just them who is suffering– it’s the people they love who suffer for this, too.
Many have asked for my advice on how to get rid of these feelings. Like me, they can’t help the way they feel, and like me, they hate themselves for it. It’s a jungle of conflicting emotions and thoughts because you hate yet love the person. But eating disorders don’t work that way. An eating disorder corrupts an individual’s mind, and drags down every loved one along with her/him.
I’ve also noticed that this phenomenon happens frequently with eating disorder individuals who are trying to recover. In the midst of struggling with refeeding and increasing daily calorie intake, these individuals project the need to feed to other people around them. They become more and more obsessed with making other people eat, and they start comparing the density of their meals with others’.
And then there are people like me, where such obsessive jealousy towards somebody else’s diet was the beginning spark that consumed me down to a full-blown eating disorder. The weight of guilt, hatred, rage and obsession mired me into the pit of Anorexia.
I’m afraid I don’t have an answer for how to rid yourself with this feeling, except that you want to nip this in the bud– as soon as possible.
I can’t emphasize enough how detrimental such feelings are to your psyche, to your own self-image, and to your loved one. And needless to say, it’s a huge obstruction to recovery. It provides an excuse to delay recovery, and it will keep you traveling within the same circles of disordered thoughts and behaviors.
I can’t tell you how much I regret those incidents with my cousin. Just look at my story. You know how much I paid for it.
And guess what. Those feelings of hatred and jealousy towards that person? They’re not real. They’re not supported. It has little to do with that person you’re antagonistic towards, and more to do with you.
When my cousin left to join her own parents in year 2004, nothing much changed within me. I was still angry, unhappy and neurotic. It had little to do with her diet all along. I thought that once she left I would be free from this obsession, but it just got even more internalized.
So I guess if I had one advice, it would be this: don’t be foolish like me.
Step back and take in a wider, wiser perspective on your situation. Be focused on what the root of the problem is. It’s not about that person and what she eats or doesn’t eat. It never was. Don’t let temporary conflicts and struggles like these bridge a gap between you. You don’t want to realize that in 5 or 10 years time, when your relationship with this person has been damaged beyond repair.
I think we do have the choice of letting a negative emotion get worse or better. Of course we can’t prevent sudden pricks of certain feelings, but we do have the power to decide whether we’re going to indulge those antagonistic feelings or not. It takes some effort, but be clear on what is more precious: a few minutes of satisfaction– or a lifetime of a good relationship?
I just wish I had been a little bit wiser at that time. Although I had made amends to my cousin during my last trip to Korea, I know the tainted memories won’t change. My cousin is still going to have that vestige of uneasy images of what I was like at that time. There are still some hurts and wounds that no amount of apology can erase.
I loved and still love my cousin very, very much. And now, I would give so much to replay those days. But since what’s past is past, I look back and see that it was a necessary stage in my life to get me to where I need to be.
Thoughts to Ponder:
1) Have you ever experienced such feelings before towards someone?
2) What is your advice to people struggling with this issue?
3) Why do you think such feelings are usually directed to a close family or friend?
Related posts:
{ 34 comments… read them below or add one }
Something similar that I sometimes feel that you didn’t quite address is that I will get jealous of other people’s diets, precisely because I know that I will never diet again. I am committed to being in recovery and so even if I gain weight, I must just continue to moderately exercise and eat. I can never diet again. This should be a good discovery for me, as I think eating healthily is much more enjoyable than restricting, but sometimes I get really jealous of people I know that are dieting. It’s very strange.
This. But for me i think the jealousy is directed more to what i miss that dieting used to ‘do’ for me. It felt like ‘everything was going to be okay’. It felt like I was ‘doing something’ that would fix all my problems in the whole world (even though none were actually diet related). As false as those feelings were, i miss them – they gave me a great sense of comfort and security i’ve found nowhere else.
wow! i had no idea that this happens, but i think we all need to face out demons and let them come to surface so we can move past them, in every form, yes? how is your cousin now?
I think this is what I was trying to reference on your “feeling fat” post- that I can’t talk to to others about diet or food or feeling fat because it sparks that competition. I know that some (most) of the people this happens with do not have ED, but some (most) do have unhealthy body image or obsession, and MANY women commiserate over body drama. I do have 3 friends in particular with which this is a problem: one who sees me as some kind of ideal (even though I am sick!) and wants to know what I do, eat, exercise to compete, one who is “better” than me- always thinner, always eating better, and always in better control than I have ever been (but definitely ED), and one who breaks my heart with her pain in TRYING to lose weight that makes me feel like an asshat for even struggling with this when I am clearly normal weight. Now that I have typed this out I realize that I am “that person” (I am the competitor, the ideal, and the pained struggler in one).
I think it is usually friends or family because those are people we can observe at close enough range to emulate/compare.
The only advice I can give is what I do, which is to prohibit body talk (+ or -) of my own and others bodies around me (even the people on TV). I won’t do diet (as it related to restricting, appetite, binging, purging, calorie counting, etc), weight loss, gain, size of clothing, exercise (as it relates to sweating, burning, speed, time). When people bring it up I change the subject, either by blunting refusing (to family who know my history) or by saying “uckk let’s not beat ourselves up” for – and “I’m sure she/you/it have more going on than her/your/its body” for +. Yes, even positive, because for me, skinny=+, and anyone saying I look good is really saying I lost weight (and vice versa), so I can’t hear it without feeling like I have to do MORE.
I love talking about delicious food, a great run, or fun new clothes so I am not a complete bore. I hope.
PS
Thank you. I know these posts must be hard to write and I appreciate every single one. Whether or not you ever write another ED post, I will keep an eye on your work. Your writing style is equal parts heart wrenching, wry, and humble- you will always be able to speak to directly to the heart.
I know exactly what you mean when you said that your cousin’s eating bothered you! It’s actually how my problems (ed) came about. Instead of a cousin, it was my best friend. The way she picked her food seriously bothered me! She’d eat two bite and start pushing a food around, exercising after and before meals, blah blah blah. I used to live with her and it drove me crazy. I’m a competitive person by nature so, I started restricting and exercising. It felt like a competition which she didn’t even know was going on!
ps. I’m a Malaysian living in Melbourne and Singapore’s practically my second home!
I hardly see her nowadays. Although she stopped her ed behaviors ages ago, being around her is extremely triggering. I miss the old days but I can’t move forward if I stick with her.
Anyway, just stopping by to thank you for sharing your stories! It felt like an amazing journey which I related really well. I adore your food reviews as well!
Huh – this must be where my non-competitive side comes in handy! The whole idea/phenomena is new to me. And now I’m trying to go back in my head and see if this ever played a role that I didn’t realize.
I think these animosities are directed at those close to us because it’s really hard to evaluate the eating habits of enemies or acquaintances: we’re not with them for enough of the day to make an informed judgement about what they’re eating. Family or friends can be scrutinized a lot more closely.
It’s a bit different with the issues I have with my Mum, I suppose, because she does actually have anorexia, and thus she does actually need to be encouraged to eat more. Still, I can’t stand all of her restrictive behaviours, and it’s not just from the point of view of care. Jealously definitely comes into play, as well as resentment and embarrassment that I’m her daughter and I didn’t get the ‘good’ anorexic genes, instead being some mutant reject with BED.
xxx
missed your site. you always have great info. thanks for sharing. suzy
Long time lurker here. This post could not have come at a better time. I was just on a trip to San Diego with my mom and sister and I felt EXACTLY the same way towards my sister. I’m in the midst of recovering and I’ve been trying (and succeeding) to eat a healthy amount. But living with my sister and seeing everything she ate, or more specifically, what she didn’t eat, I felt like there was a competition between us to eat less. Of course, it was all in my head. It’s amazing how easily an eating disorder can be retriggered. But after reading this post, I’ve realized that these jealous feelings are not worth it. I love my sister and there’s no reason for me to be angry at her. Thank you so much for writing about this. Your posts are always bang-on and so well-written.
I can totally relate to this, however I find it much more disturbing that I get joy out of seeing some people eat terrible foods (donuts, cheeseburgers, etc). Quite sick and unhealthy!
I definitely used to be a ‘feeder’. I’d encourage people to eat anything to the point of offering to buy people cookies/burgers. It meant that I knew I was eating less than them.
It’s gotten better recently, if that’s any consolation. I’m finally coming to accept that different people have different needs. Somebody not eating a cookie one day because they’re on a diet doesn’t make them a better person than me, you know?
These feelings are irrational, yeah- but they don’t make you bad or wrong in any way. Be kind to yourself. How you are feeling is not your fault. x
This is so me! I used to be a ‘feeder’ as well, making sure everyone ate well (or, more than well, or, greasier than well, etc) just so I could put my measly meal ‘into perspective’ (EDs perspective, ofcourse!). So silly!
I would cook elaborate meals/cakes etc just so others could indulge on them. I made a mean hot chocolate-baileys/whipped cream that everyone loved, and yet I never even tried a sip. If I would prepare something for others, I would sneak in some extra oil/cream etc! I have felt so, so guilty about this later on.
Also, at the very start of recovery, I could only eat when my parents ate. My father had to eat two breakfasts for quite a while. First his, than another with me. He had to ‘eat with me’. My poor parents gained some weight during my recovery (not as much as I did, thank God!) but they always said that they’d rather gain some, than lose me. Painful, nay?
Weird things that ED makes you do hm!
Anyone else have those feelings?
Hi. You might remember me or not since you probably get so many e-mails but anyways, I wrote to you about a year or so ago exactly about this topic! Thank you so much for doing a post about this! I follow your blog, but never really comment (I’m just shy, but I love reading your ED series).
Even though it’s been such a long time since I talked to you, I have to say that I am still strugling with comparing myself to my sister. It’s getting a bit better now, but I know that the feelings I have towards her now is still not completely normal. I try to stop doing this comparing thing everyday, but it doesn’t work since I see her everyday! I live with her and we eat our meals together! Even when I try not to focus on her food, she’ll say things to me like “I LOVE baking, but I HATE eating it,” or, “I walked 3 miles today at school.” Hearing this sets of a flame in my body and makes me crazy.! I have tried spending time with my friends and getting out of the house ,but it only keeps me occupied and I know I’m just avoiding the problem.
For others who are struggling with this, I would say maybe talk to someone about it? I’m sorry I don’t have much advice, but I haven’t resolved my problems yet, but I do agree with you that I/others should fix there issue as soon as possible because it has tore my sister and I apart. We no longer hang out like we used to and I get angry when she hasn’t eaten “enough” in my eyes. I wish I could get over this soon!
Thanks again for writing about this topic!
I’m never one to comment on people’s blogs, always usually the silent reader. But I couldn’t leave your blog without saying something. I spent the whole day reading through this series. And it horrified me to the core of my being. Because your story is my story. I don’t even know where to start, what to say. Your blog, its so different from any other, because I can identify with you. I’m originally from Malaysia, living in AUstralia. Looking at your photos… i can barely differentiate it from my own. I’ve never before come across anyone from south east asia with this problem. It has never been spoken about ( and yes, like you, I too have felt how people there just openly STARE at you and comment like you look like living death straight to your face).
Like I said. I dont know what to say. It’s a shock. I have an eating disorder though I’m loathe to admit it. I never had anyone I could speak to about it, or thought would understand. I don’t know how it happened or when. I just know I need to get out of it. Now. And your journey, your story, fills me with hope. I will use this as my pillar of strength, something to aim towards. Might I congratulate you on looking so healthy right now?
In the meantime, I’m going to drive out (not walk!) to get myself that pizza I’ve been craving for, and probably for good reason. My body needs it. WIth lots of melted, gooey processed cheese. And then I’ll come back and read a bit more of your journey. Thank you for this blog. I have no doubt it’s helped more people than you’ll ever know.
Jom lah!
(Sorry, had to. It’s a long road, but worth it. It seems to be so far from ‘Malaysian’/Singg habits, because really, isn’t the first thing to be asked ‘sudah makan’? But I’m telling you, there is NO culture where the anorexic way is the normal way of doing. Not in SEAsia, not in Australia, not in Europe, not in the US.. Eat the pizza, enjoy it, but put it into perspective. One slice of pizza is not recovery, it takes a lot to refeed the body/brain/soul/heart. Go for it. It’s worth it)
hahaha. thanks for responding, sooz! makes a big difference when ppl say something.. and I agree, I don’t feel the ED tendencies at all when I’m back home holidaying in Malaysia. There’s just too good food around, it is way too social an event.. everyone usually just eats for the taste, to hell with health! and “exercise” would be a leisurely stroll on a flat incline to a neighbours house for chit chat/tea..that, and random strangers will tell you straight out you look like walking death and plonk down food in front of you…
Ah I remember the phrase like it was yesterday; ‘Jom la! Eat! We will fatten you up lar! Can use some more!’
LOL. Aah…I miss Singapore and Malaysia.
yes yes!hhahhaa.. but u see.. in malaysia I WANT to fatten up anyway… There’s so much good shopping which sucks if nothing fits, so much good cheap food.. and.. yes, i feel crazily guilty for worrying everyone around me, when random old women/men come up to you and either a.- scold you like crazy or b.- start crying ( which is a hell lot worse). Not to mention I LOVE durian… and it reminds me of my childhood days where I never cared that I ate 2-3 times as much as the guys did….
Sophia, you look absolutely glowing now. Might I ask… how long did it take you to get to where you are with the increased energy intake, and, in your recovery process, did you do any weight training/form of exercise/ dance/sport at all? I suppose my biggest trigger for relapse ( i think) at the moment anyway, is needing to eat an INSANE amount compared to everyone around me, which in australia, I find everyone eats uber healthy salads salads salads, no bread no pasta no rice no noodles ( i.e- just no carbs) have diet products instead of lunch and gym every lunch/afterwork ( oh, I’m a newly graduated doctor by the way, hence the super “healthy” environment). Compared to when I was home and everyone had breakfast, morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner, supper…. no shrieking about oilly char kuey teow or even oilier roti canai and gloriously sweet teh tarik or thick SLABS of cold butter and kaya on toast as a SNACK- everything was just about if it tasted good or not. The mindset is life is not worth living without good food, and you’d be crazy to exercise til you become unsightly out of breath/ have you heart beating so fast it leaps out of your throat, and who needs to walk so fast? take it easssssssssy.. enjoy, smell the roses, yes, even at work (omg… the lack of urgency in emergency departments in malaysia… >< )
Another more private question, you don't have to answer if you like, or could email me instead? DO you worry about infertility at all? About regaining regular periods… And what sort of physical/health effects do you still experience?
I'm sorry for the long post, but I have so many questions, and you're really the first person that seems so much like me, right down to the sort of foods you like and make! people think I like weird combinations too, which I have always liked througout my life ( apparently its weird to like melted cheese and jam on toast or peanut butter and spicy onion chutney with banana on toast) , but when I was losing weight ( not on purpose- mine is a weird long convoluted story of how it developed- I've never talked to anyone about it cos it just hurts and i never found anyone I could trust, and everything seems so far away and confusing I wouldn't know where to start) it suddenly became a "sign of ED" because it's "abnormal"…
Hi Min!
I understand where you’re coming from. It was easier for me to gain in Msia/Singg as well, not just because of the food itself (which, obv is better than any food anywhere else on the planet) but also because it was so normal to eat all of that food 24/7, every single day again. AND people liked me more when I was indulging&gaining! Not EVER did any of my friends/bfs there told me I looked better with a few pounds off, no, the contrary! And here in Europe…. Well, the ‘ideals’ just are different. It was NEVER about wanting to be the ideal or anything with me, my ED developed after rapidly losing weight due to an illness, but the gaining it back on WAS easier when I was still living in Malaysia.
But, this brings me to another point. You shouldn’t tell yourself you can gain when you’re there and not when you’re here. It’s first of all putting things off, and second of all fooling yourself. You need to gain for your own health, not for any other reasons. I only really started gaining and doing better when I decided I was going to do it for me, and no one else. It makes it a lot more complicated to make excuses as well.
So, chin up, and power to you. You cán do this. I know it’s friggin’ hard in an environment where everyone is always only trying to lose weight, it’s so darn easy to just give up on your own new good habits. But don’t. It’s worth it. I promise.
Love, Sooz
PS; I definately worry about getting my period back. Ive been a healthy weight now for quite a while and still nothing… I so so so so so desperately hope I didn’t fuck that up for good! (Excuse my language. But my fertility was the one and only reason I ever started recovery..)
PPS; Stop talking about char kueh teow, roti canai, ais kacang, doublecheesegarlicnaan, kayabuttertoast, etc. unless you can get me some ASAP..
Sooz!! gee. wonder why I didn’t get an alert when u replied! hahhaha.. thank you SO SO SO much just for replying.. i know EXACTLY what you mean.. eveyrone just loves eating 24/7 – and food is CHEAP which helps loads. lol. and yum.
and.. geee… I initially lost weight rapidly due to an illness too. I just never regained it back again… I tried, honestly, then .. other things happened… then I REALLY developed the disordered eating …
i’m glad you found a reason to recover. that’s what we all need, don’t we? something that’s bigger than ourselves. And to be honest, another reason why I don’t have the tendency to restrict back home is just because there are so many POOR people …. and hungry..and they can’t afford to buy food, even the basics. Food isn’t wasted at all.. it’s ta-paued home or used for something else, or at the worse – given to pets. It drives me SO SO SO insane here because everyday i see people just throw out their food because its been sitting there for a couple of hours…. and it’s GOOD expensive foods, too! think.. whole blocks of cheese and deli meats .. even cakes, cookies, chocolates and fresh greens and fruits!
hehehe.. think another motivation would be to gain a FIGURE back again… time for boobs and BUTT action, baby! everytime i feel fat jiggle… i’m gona jiggle it even more and be grateful! shake that booty! wooot!! lol.. can’t be comfy snuggling up to a pack of bones after all…
I hope you’ll be able to set your own words into action!
If there’s anything I can do (or Sophia, she’s a pro!)?
(And Sophia, sorry for invading your blog like this!!)
OMG. This is exactly what’s hindering my recovery. I always compare myself to my sister, that I have take ensure supplements twice a day. I keep an eye on whether she’s eating any “unhealthy” or food with fats just to make myself feel better. Can someone please help me? My weight is dangerously low and I still can’t make myself eat because of all these fear. I just feel so fat and bloated.
Mindy I have the exact same problem. Wondering what my sister eats drive me nuts. Are any of you on recovery taking supplements? I’m from singapore. I hate the fats in the supplements.
I actually have not experienced this, but I can see how this would happen. I am glad you have made up with your cousin, even if there are some bad memories. That’s a part of life.
When I first ventured into ED, it was because one of my best friends from high school and I went on a diet. I had already been counting calories, but eating a normal amount. And she convinced me that if we ate only 600 calories a day and then burned off 600 calories at the gym, we would be golden. Unfortunately, she was more able to take a step back from it while I spiraled into ED hell. Then when I started to recover, her eating was disordered in other ways. She was always on some kind of diet, restricting some food group or other, and it drove me crazy because I still wanted to be dieting. I was totally jealous. and eventually I just had to cut her out of my life because while she could dabble in dieting for a few weeks and then snap out of it, I couldn’t. and it was just too much for me during recovery.
yes yes yes. this is a really great post! ED’s go so much deeper than one’s own personal food problems, it really does project onto everyone’s life around them. During the worst time of my ED, my dad was trying to lose some weight and at the time, i was really the only one who cooked in the family. I took it upon myself to make sure every meal of his was perfectly balanced, not too many calories, etc, and it literally became an obsession.
Eventually, that died down a bit as I began to grow out of my harsh ED habits (partially because I went to college and got myself out of the house!), but I moved in with my brother.. who also was beginning to diet at the time. Every little thing he did really got under my skin. It was a complete competition for every minute of exercise, every morsel we ate. I felt I couldn’t leave my bedroom when he was home in fear that he would make comments such as “I’m not as healthy as you, but I’m almost perfect, I’m getting there.”
It crushed me to hear him say these things.
I had progressed so much in my recovery, and the last thing I wanted was for him to begin on the same route as I had suffered the previous year. Many times it threw me back into my ED mindset, but as time progresses I have realized I need to take the emphasis in my life off of food, dieting, and body image. There really is so much more to living than those trival matters.
If I want a big dish of ice cream for dinner? I’ll eat it, and I won’t feel bad if my brother sees it, nor will I feel “unworthy”.
In the end, I think it helps the both of us. It makes him realize that if having something “unhealthy” is okay for his “soon to be nutritionist” sister, that he’s allowed to indulge too.
Wonderful piece, and very thought provoking! Far too often these underlying ED effects are overlooked and deemed as unimportant, when they may in fact be a huge part of recovery!
@ Suncraves That is really cool that you are from Singapore!! I know this is odd to ask, but what is life like over there?
I live in the U.S. and throughout the beginning of my treatment I had to drink something called Ensure.. which was bascially a calorie filled drink that would make me gain weight. I hated it so much, so when I got out of treatment, I just stopped drinking it and kinda binged my way to the weight I am now….
Today, I just take a vitamin . You should remember though that fat is actually good for you. I try to eat a little bit everyday in the form of nuts and peanut butter =)
sophie! i miss you~~~~~!
i see that you are still glowing and forever young and doing good!
Because I have weird eating issues and am hyperaware of food, I notice when people (friends and families) change their eating patterns. The minute someone starts eating less/weirdly I immediately start to preach against eating disorders and warn them to eat “normally”. I think I project my issues on other people, not everyone is as weird about food as me. I think that I’m just concerned that people judge me on my eating habits.
@mindy
Well, Singapore is hot! It’s a tropical island. I’m taking Ensure Plus now, was on Resource 2.0 (fattening and crazy like hell) twice a day. It’s more calories than Ensure. I relapsed and gotten to super low & dangerous weight. Trying so hard to gain now cos I have no strength to do sports I love.
You can email me at suncravesATyahooDOTCOM
Sooz » Haha no problem, Sooz. Invade away! I love a healthy discussion.