A sibling relationship is a bit more complicated than that of a parent-child relationship.
For a typical (not messed up) parent-child relationship, it’s a straightforward kind of love. You know your parents will love you no matter what, and in a way it’s a selfish kind of love because you expect them to care and give endlessly.
But for a sibling relationship, you actually kind of have to work at it. You’re connected by flesh and blood, and obviously you love each other, but it’s still a relationship you need to build, especially if you are close in age.
My younger brother and I are just about a year and a half apart.
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I remember when were were kids, we were joined at the hip. Wherever I went, my brother tottered along, even when I called him names and pushed him away. We played dolls and clogged drains with mud together. I taught him how to do a cartwheel and roller-blade. We made sandcastles together after he peed on it to make the sand stick. He helped me eat the vegetables and fruits I sneaked onto his plate when my mother wasn’t looking.
And then that kind of changed as we grew older, and I jumped higher and higher up the grade in primary school. I had my own cronies to hang out with now, a tight group of friends that left no room for my sibling. He formed his own group of friends too, and we drifted apart socially.
We still loved each other, of course. But we just didn’t have that open relationship anymore, and we barely hung out with each other. And one day I found that I just didn’t know much about my brother. I didn’t know what he was thinking, what he was feeling. I didn’t know about his tastes and hobbies, except that he was watched films voraciously and was obsessed with Audis. All I knew for sure that we were different; I was fire, he was water.
I missed those days when we were innocent kids just playing side-by-side and getting into trouble together. But now, we are adults. We live a nation apart, and although we share a brother-sister love, that’s about the only bond we have in our relationship.
So, when brother texted me that he would be visiting by himself for three days, I wanted to make it meaningful. I wanted to bond. Probably not back to the kiddie friendship we had before, but I wanted to hold his hand and bring him to a different stage.
But how? I’m the kind who wants to talk things out, honestly and openly. My brother is reserved and tacit. I definitely didn’t want to force my style of “bonding” upon him.
Sunday was spent with a mutual friend, just frolicking around Little Tokyo and having a jolly ol’ time. That was a lot like our childhood days—simple fun and laughter, little more.
Monday night, I took my brother to Yogurtland because he had always wanted to try their stuff. Our plan was to go for a late hour night at a jazz club after, but we were both tired so we ended up holing up at home watching “Despicable Me” over pork dumplings, kimchi, cheese raviolis, chocolate popcorn and a shitload of Twizzlers (from Halloween candy sale).
It was super fun and relaxing. We were both laughing out loud, bits of pork and Twizzlers spittle shooting out of our mouths. Little conversation, just a shared love for laughter and food. Very much like the stage we’ve been in since we “grew up.”
Tuesday morning, I took him to Mt. Hollywood, and that is when we reached another stage in our relationship.
As we huffed and puffed our way up, with nothing to do except hike, we got to talk. A lot. And this time, it wasn’t just me babbling away. He talked a lot too, and I got to understand my brother in deeper levels.
It also made me realize how much my brother has grown. Even if he doesn’t verbalize them often, he has mature and developed thoughts. Even if he doesn’t express it overtly, he has deep and empathetic feelings. He’s a real fine young man now, and I’m incredibly proud to be his big sister.
And now, he’s gone. Back to DC. Just when I felt like we were reaching the “conversation and understanding” stage. Oh well. I have an evil plot to coax him to move to Southern California. Heh heh heh.
One thing that Los Angeles definitely impressed my brother was the food. I just need to constantly email him updates on all the wonderful food I’m eating, and hope that it somehow hooks him to cross over to La-La Land. Starting now.
There was a restaurant I recently visited that reminded me a lot like my brother and me. It’s called Naya, and it’s an Indian-Californian restaurant incorporating a yin and yang theme to its interior design that is just so super cool. You can guess who is the yin and who is the yang between my brother and me.
It’s located in Silver Lake along Sunset Boulevard, and you’ll notice it right away. Its architecture by Kritstofer Keith isn’t glitzy or bright, but it is certainly unusual and interesting.
The wall looks lush like an Arabian tapestry yet faded like an Ancient Wonder construction. The lantern looks like it belongs in a gothic castle or a haunted mansion.
I was here to review the place for my internship, and brought along a partner-in-crime of gluttony, Eva, who also happens to be a blogger (I convinced her to do it! ME! All me!):
You walk in, and you’re greeted by a pleasant hostess who asks you to choose your mood of the day: yin or yang? Ottoman dungeon-like lounge, or sultan’s harem-like dining room?
The lounge seriously looks so badass cool.
It’s got these high intricately carved archways, and the atmosphere is dark and sinister, but in an entertaining, thrilling videogame way.
The stools and tables are low, so you kind of eat and drink hunched like a nomad. Or maybe a runaway gladiator. Or a villain in disguise. Or a dragon-slayer on mission. You get the idea.
We ended up choosing the harem formal dining room because it possibly had better lighting.
It did not, but boy was it pretty.
Luscious, gossamer draperies hang from ceiling to well-polished floor, and the whole room just glows in peach and plum glimmers.
There are posh white leather booths with elaborate embroidery, surrounded by laced dossers. It’s the perfect date sitting; in fact, when Eva and I entered a couple was cuddling in one of those booths.
Elongated lanterns encircled by fabric hang low and dim. Candles flicker seductively from every table in every corner.
It’s a scene right out of an Arabian Wonderland. Actually, Naya is Indian cuisine, but the design really made me imagine Aladdin and a Thousand Arabian Nights.
The only minor problem was a food blogger one: the light was incredibly dim and I was forced to use flash, which pained my heart. But the food nursed it back to pumping vitality.
Let’s start off with a salad. But not a typical lettuce salad; this one was made of sprouts and chips:
Raw mung bean sprouts, tortilla chips, chickpeas and potatoes with sweetened yogurt and pomegranate chutney.
How pretty is that? It was a hefty, juicy disk of crunch, lots of punchy flavor from the crisp sprout and fried tortilla chips. The only complaint I had was that it was more chips salad than sprouts salad; I could have used more sprouts in there.
Second up, Pea and Fenugreek Curry:
This bowl was super rich and creamy from mellow coconut milk, chockfull of brilliant green peas and herby, moss-like fenugreek. Each mouthful was like silk—very delicious silk.
To mop up the rich curry, we needed a carby utensil, so we ordered plain naan for dipping.
One of the BEST naan I’ve ever had—incredible, ethereal multiple-layer of golden-baked bread. The outside was nice and crispy and toasted, while the inside was hot, airy pocket of savory, buttery steam. Hell freaking yes.
But we hadn’t even gotten to our entrees yet!
I got the Tandoori Cornish Hen:
Split game hen, spiced and baked tandoori-style. Served with lightly spiced basmati rice , cucumber yogurt and a zagged squeeze of curried cream cheese.
Lovely. The basmati was like bead-sized feather; it was so fluffy and light. It was just slightly flavored with spices and herbs, enough to bring the natural sweetness and fragrance out of the rice.
The hen was perfectly spiced, slightly charred with tender flesh, though it wasn’t as juicy as I would have liked. The cream cheese was so rich it tasted like butter to me.
Eva got the vegetarian Coconut Moile Baby Eggplant:
Tender baby eggplant braised in coconut moile with special Naya risotto.
Incredible. The baby eggplant was cooked until it was succulent and flavor-soaked. The sauce was mildly spiced, rich and gorgeous.
But the star was definitely the risotto, which tasted curiously like egg yolks. If I were in a molecular gastronomy restaurant, I would have thought the risotto rice was chemically made from cooked egg yolks. It was just so creamy, probably because the rice wasn’t Arborio but basmati.
And that, my friends, concludes the deliriously wonderful Arabian night story at Naya. Though my eating expenditure in Los Angeles is still ongoing for as long as I still have a working stomach.
Take that, little brother. How can you say no to L.A. now?
Question of the Day: So…the Ottoman Empire lounge, or the Arabian Night dining room? Which dining venue fits your personality and mood?
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{ 34 comments… read them below or add one }
I sometimes wish I had a brother who grew up with me, instead of one that was born when I was thirteen (that sounds so bad, I LOVE my brother, but I was bored sometimes growing up alone). I’m glad you showed your brother a good time in LA! I would definitely choose the Arabian Night dining room. And the food sounds wonderful. Pea and fenugreek curry? If I’ not mistaken, fenugreek is used to help women lactate. hmmm….
lol! Good to know….sometime in the very very very distant future!
It great to be able to bond between siblings. You are so correct in saying the relationship is always a work in progress, something that needs to be worked on to get to a deeper level. Like you, there are 3 of us and we live in 3 different cities so it’s difficult for us to build on our relationships when we have families of our own too.
1) I’m SO much closer to my brother now that we’re both older. We have a very similar age difference that made us impossible together when we were younger.
2) I swear I just had a dream about reading your blog. I woke up thinking about it. I can’t remember what your entry was about, but I remember in the dream it led me to google the song “Got to get out of LA.” Weird, right?
No! Hahahah! Got to get IN LA!
My brother and I are very different, but we complement each other well, and when we see each other (he’s in Montana & I’m on the east coast) we tend to get along well.
I just want to hug you both! I’m so glad you had a chance to connect on a deeper level – I’ve always thought parent-child relationships are important, but sibling relationships are essential. They will be with you your whole life, and growing up with someone who shares your genetic code has long-lasting effects.
Reading this post was a great way to start my day
It’s also interesting when your siblings are very far in age from you. My brother and sister (they’re actually half-siblings, we have a different mother) are 10 and 12 years younger than me. They were always the kids and I was not, even when I was still a kid myself. It’s been fun to see what people they’ve become as young adults and how our relationship has changed.
That naan looks delicious! Great post!
I have to work at my relationship with my two brothers too. The bond between siblings is pretty amazing sometimes!
I’d still say any sibling, even a distant one, is better than being an only child – people find it strange that I hate having no brothers and/or sisters!
I’d definitely go for the Ottman Empire/Game of Thrones-looking room. Completely suits my mood and personality. Make of that what you will!
Such well-presented and original food too – I would be in heaven ordering the same meal/appetizers as Eva!
xxx
I got choked up reading this post. Its not that Indian food makes me emotional…unless is really spicy- lol- but my relationship with my brother is not a good one. I long to have any kind of relationship. but hes north and IM south. Hes mean spirited and a loner, Im sweet and love company.
Just reading this tugged at my heart strings a bit as i wish I had any thing in common with my little brother.
Hope you and your little brother continue to work on your bond.
And now, onto the food! i can imagine how silky tht baby eggplant must have been! and a big bowl of them would make me happy.
To a certain extent I can see elements of my relationship with my sister in your relationship with your brother. My sister and I are about a year and a half apart as well, and growing up, we were always together. We had the same group of friends in the neighborhood, and even took horseback riding lessons together for years. As we got into our teens we grew a part a bit. She became a bit more shy and introverted, I a bit more loud and extroverted. It’s amazing though how we’eve changed again. Now she’s the one who is the social queen with all the friends and the long term relationship, and I’m a bit more contemplated and gaurded. But we’ve rediscovered our friendship, mostly on account of our shared interest in sports.
Cool food choice. I think I’d go Arabian Nights, provided that include some kebab meat grilling over an open flame beneath a stary sky.
How great that you and your brother got to bond again. I’m waiting for that moment to happen with my little brother, but he’s 8 years younger, so it makes it really tough, especially when he’s in high school haha. Someday. All of your food looks amazing, but the food in LA is the only thing that would take me there.
I bet he is so SO happy to have his big sister “back” if you know what I mean.
And I bet he is SO proud of you.
Mmmm the food looks so good! Especially the salad and the curry. And risotto, I looove risotto!!
I’m glad you had a good time with your brother
My siblings and I are closer now that we’re more grown up, and I’m so thankful. Nobody knows you like your siblings know you
The food looks awesome. I love Indian food and I am so happy they have some good places to get Indian here in Japan. I am very happy that you had that time with your brother. It is very important to do when both siblings want to have that relationship and it is not just one sided. We will always be busy, but we just need to step back and slow down a little and take that time to really connect. Good for you.
I’m glad that you and brother got to connect on a deeper level! I have three younger siblings (the youngest of which is still in high school) so it makes it difficult to connect with each other on a deeper level. Siblings can be a great comfort in older years and I want my children to have a huge family connection with their cousins and aunts and uncles. Hopefully your brother will fall for your plot and you can bond some more
What a handsome brother!!!!! LOVE your stories of growing up together.
That restaurant is MAGNIFICENT!!! I’ve never experienced something like that.. WOW! Would love to live your food adventures with you!!!
It’s weird how the sibling relationship changes as you grow up. My sisters and I fought constantly growing up, but we are all best friends now. My brother and I were close growing up, but it was very much a big-brother-caring-for-little-sister kind of relationship. It was a strange transition for us when I got married and wasn’t a little girl like he always remembered. It’s been fun to get to know each other as adults.
Also, that food looks great!
My brother and I shared a room until I left for college and as a result we were always very close. The good news is that you now you have a basis for an infinite number of future conversations! Yay you!
This post is so sweet and so poignant all at the same time. Thanks for sharing! I have a younger sister too and I totally get what you mean about sibling relationships. I guess my sister and I have a really strong love-hate relationships, we fight like cats but at the same time (usually within the same day) we’d spend hours just chatting about anything and everything. I don’t know what I’d do without her.
Such a sweet post. I was just writing my sister a birthday card today and realized how different everything is now that we are all older… cool, but different. I have 4 younger siblings and we are all spaced 2 years apart in age (24, 22, 20, 18, 16) and I feel like when I left for college it became harder for me to think of my siblings as getting older when I didn’t get to see that happen. My sisters and I are close (and the oldest 3 of the group) but I have a harder time connecting with my brothers. I hope to sometime hang out with them like you got to hang out with your brother and spend some time chatting and eating
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I love this picture of you and your brother! Makes me miss my own, ironic as we grew up trying to beat the other up hehe. He’s three years younger than me, and it’s very interesting how we grow closer with each passing year. We are both different in personality and interests, but there are things we understand about each other simply because we are siblings and we have this special shared understanding that surpasses all word and explanation. I think I’d like the cave-like ambience of an Ottoman empire setting =) that naan looks so good! Have you ever had palak or mattr paneer? (it’s spinach or peas, with cubes of soft indian cheese. I think you can use tofu to get the same effect.)
I’m a happily married chica but I just gotta say, your brother is a little hottie!
I have six siblings and watching my younger siblings grow up and become adults with jobs, and lives has been a really huge learning experience for me! It’s crazy.
the older we get, i feel the harder we have to work to stay close, especially now that there is so much distance between us. this was a wonderful post though. what great bonding time with your brother. and the food, as always, looks incredible!
I have to admit that picture of the naan bread made my mouth water and it looks like it would be anybodys best naan bread.
Wow, that oriental restaurant looks totally magic!
I don’t have any siblings (my parents just didn’t get another child), and at some point of my life, I was very sad about that, but now it’s okay. I still wonder sometimes when I read stories like the one about you and your brother, how it would have been …
My kids, which are now grow-ups, are 18 months apart. Whenever they would start drifting apart, I would always remind them of their bondage with one simple statement. “To my daughter I would say, he’s more your brother than he is my son. and to him I would say the same thing. You see, Sophie, a child has the genes of both parents and siblings are bound together by genes of both parents equally. My children are only half of me but each is a total of us both:)
GREAT food, BTW!!!
Thanks for sharing…
That’s such a wonderful way to put it, Louise! My dad said something similar to us too, once. I’ll remember that always.
You’re so sweet, Sophia:)
that story is so wonderful sophia!
It’s Arabian Nights for me!!!
I am so glad you and the brother got to spend some quality time, catching up. This post definitely made me miss my little brother even more ;(
That naan bread looks so fresh! I want to go to LA sooooooooooooooo bad! The food in this post looks so incredible. I cannot stand it.
I am reading this post about a week late … Happy Thanksgiving!