Correct me if I’m wrong, but from what I know, there is a difference between Asian and Americanized parents’ attitudes towards sexual relationships in college.
Asian parents want their daughter to stay chaste and focus on getting that honorable medical degree in college. But once the daughter has graduated and has a practical, steady career, they cannot shut up about her finding a man before she turns 30…assuming she’s saving her maidenhood for marriage, of course.
But with my Caucasian girlfriends, what they tell me is that their parents have been pestering them to find a boyfriend since they were in high school. Their parents teach them about safe sex and basically imply, “Go forth and get laid, so long as you be safe!” Obviously not in middle school, but once they hit 20, it’s kind of expected that they’ve already lost their virginity.
Two very different attitudes, but the final consensus is still that a girl needs to find a man in her life some time in her life in order to be fulfilled and happy. In today’s society, if you’re a 20-something college girl who’s single, apparently there’s something wrong with you.
I must be a freak then, because I’m a 23-year-old single (and virgin) college girl in Southern California who has never ever gone out on a single date, let alone go steady with a guy.
I resent that.
I used to get pissed off when people ask if I’ve got a boyfriend, and when I say no, they go quiet, as if I just said I had cancer. They coo sympathetically, patting me on the arm, “You’ll find one some day.” Or worse, they ask, “So, are you a lesbian?”
I wasn’t not offended by the lesbian part, but more so by the assumption that a girl needs to have a romantic partner or she’s pitiful. You don’t really hear that for the guys. What’s that all about? What makes a single man okay, while a single woman isn’t?
I expect it gets worse with age. 40-something single men are sexy bachelors, while 40-something single women are either career-driven bitches, or sad, bitter cat ladies (sadly, I play to the stereotype because I plan to get a cat one day).
Can you tell I’ve been watching too much “Sex and the City” lately? My parents were right—that show is a bad influence on me.
But it’s actually something I’ve been wondering about for years, ever since I got the “So you swing for the other side, huh?” comment too many times. I no longer get irritated; I’m now merely curious.
Mimi and I got a good laugh a year ago when her mother thought Mimi might not be straight because she hasn’t been too interested in dating. And of course, since I hang out with her often, she thought I was Mimi’s lesbian partner.
Well! Let’s just say I’m super glad it all got cleared up before I finally got to meet Mimi’s mother a couple weeks ago, or it would have been quite the awkward “meet the parent” moment.
I’ve heard a lot about her from Mimi, so I was pretty excited to meet her. As expected, Mimi’s mom looked like an older version of Mimi. They share the same delicate, pretty features.
She is also super sweet, and speaks with the exact same Texan drawl as Mimi’s. We first met at the Yellow House Cafe with Andrea and Andy, where she was introduced to her first bibimbap. 
A day later, the mother and daughter duo treated me to dinner at True Food Kitchen at Santa Monica Place. 
We chose this place because Mimi’s mothert just discovered that she’s got severe gluten or wheat allergies, and True Food Kitchen is a gluten allergy-friendly restaurant. 
I really liked the decor of True Food Kitchen. It’s a very modern and chic place— very Santa Monica. It was also packed with beautiful, slim people and more blondes than I’ve ever seen in one spot. Lots of plaids and polos, too.
They had these little trolley bins of edible plants outside their restaurant that tickled me. 
I guess this is supposed to be city gardening. Kind of cute! I want one with tomato and basil and Korean lettuce! 
They also had an outdoor patio for beautiful people to be seen.
The interior was really intelligently designed to make it look wonderfully spacious and clean. 
Hardwood floors that were polished so finely that it reflects back the posh dim lights hanging from the high ceiling, neatly arranged tables and chairs, a few communal round dining tables…all designed to maximize and utilize space. 
Today’s dining fad seems to be open kitchens: 
Hee hee, check out the mustached cook grinning at me! That was adorable.
So is this mother-daughter pair: 
Can you see the resemblance? Even their hairstyle is alike!
Mimi started out with a “natural refreshment” called The Natural: 
It’s a frou-frou virgin cocktail made from fresh ginger, agave nectar and soda water.
We shared an appetizer of shrimp dumplings: 
Steamed shrimp dumplings with shitake mushrooms, ginger and broccoli in a soy-and-ginger based sauce. 
Damn. This was the nastiest dumplings I’ve ever had. It tasted like it was defrosted and sat out in the heat for too long. The wrapper was gummy, the shrimp was a strange combination of bitter and bland, and the soy-and-ginger-based sauce was cringingly salty.
Thankfully, the bad food ended there.
Mimi ordered All Natural Certified Angus Beef Steak Tacos: 
Steak on tacos with cojita cheese, tomatillo salsa, sour cream and Anasazi bean with extra avocados. 
I stole a bite and it was delicious. The steak was nicely cooked till tender, though I think the cojita cheese was too sparse. In my opinion, the whole dish was just kind of small. Good flavors, but teeny weeny portion.
Mimi’s mother got the Spaghetti Squash Casserole: 
Gluten-free and vegetarian casserole with spaghetti squash, fresh mozzarella and organic tomato sauce.
It look good, but uh…tiny. It was barely the size of a standard bowl of rice.
I got the Grass Fed Bison Burger: 
Half-pound bison burger with mushrooms and onions, mayonnaise and Parmesan shavings on flax bun, with a side of hash sweet potatoes and kale salad. 
I’ve heard a lot of good things about bison meat, but this was the first time I got to try it…and I see what the hype is about!! It tasted a lot like beef, but a higher quality one…sort of like a really really good grass-fed beef.
The bun was a bit too hefty though; I could barely get my mouth wide enough to chomp down, but I suppose that’s part of the fun of eating a burger—you gotta have some juice dripping down your fingers! 
The kale salad was tender and tangy, topped with Parmesan and bread crumbs. Pretty good, both taste wise and texture wise. 
The sweet potato hash was nicely cooked, though I would have preferred a bit more char, but then it wouldn’t be “healthy” because of the carcinogens.
We ended the night with dessert. I got a scoop of refreshing Lemon-Ginger Frozen Yogurt: 
Random sprig of mint on top. Am I supposed to eat that? I did, of course. It was free after all.
Mimi got the Flourless Chocolate Cake: 
Gluten-free 72% Cocoa cake with vanilla ice-cream, cacao nibs and caramel.
The menu at True Food Kitchen was all over the place, from Thai curry to Mexican tacos to Italian ravioli and Bolognese. My advice to any future True Food Kitchen patrons is to stay clear from the Asian dishes. And I know it’s a “healthy” place, but if anything, this is the spot to have your burger and eat it, too.
That said, it was an absolutely lovely night. Both Mimi and her mother are talkers, which suited me just fine because I’m more quiet late at night and my mouth was full of ground bison and flax bread. I don’t have the best table manners, so I didn’t want to horrify Mimi’s mother by talking with my mouth full.
So while I chewed on my yummy burger (hopefully with my mouth closed, uh…I don’t remember), Mimi and her mother amused me with stories of the old days when Mimi was a wee darling that could be a real rambunctious rascal at times. Tee hee.
Thank you, Mimi’s mom, for the wonderful dinner.
Oh by the way, this weekend, a bunch of friends and I are baking up a storm for this month’s Foodbuzz 24 x 24! It’s gonna be an awesome gastronomical project, and I can hardly wait!
Question of the Day: What’s your thoughts on singlehood? It’s okay. Be honest. I won’t be offended in the least.
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{ 50 comments… read them below or add one }
Glad you got to spend a nice evening with Mimi and her mom! I really enjoyed our time at Yellow House with them! Mimi’s Mom’s spaghetti squash casserole looks and sounds good! I’ll have to make one soon. I’m on a casserole kick lately…
Yes. Of course singlehood is okay! I really don’t like when people think they can comment on what I consider personal choices. BTW, if you are married, people feel entitled to constantly comment and/or question how many children you have/should have…
I won’t clog up your comments with links back to my own musings on the topic, but being 30 years old and single, I can relate to the questions and the curiosities. The bottom line? I’ve been in one serious relationship that lasted six years that was awful. I dated a bit after the breakup (thank god for the breakup) and I haven’t been in a relationship or really dated for 10 years now. People think I’m a weirdo, but I think people try too hard and I’ve seen entirely too much time and energy spent on drama. If something should happen and I meet someone that can make me laugh and support the independent woman that I am, I have an open mind and open heart. If it never happens and I go through life with friends and family that support the independent woman that I am, what’s so wrong with that?
The issue is that people look for someone to “complete” them, when in actuality, they should really be looking for someone to share all the fun and uniqueness that they already possess. Depend on yourself and make things your own, don’t let anyone force you to lower your standards and be open to new people and experiences. If things are supposed to happen–and you want them to–they will. That’s just my take on it, but then again, I’m 30 and single
P.S. My family has given up, so I don’t get the questions anymore. Now they just ask me when I’m going to get a cat.
THIS is the point I’m trying to get across to my family + friends, I think I need to laminate this and carry it in my purse to save me from reciting the same sentences over again. I’m only 23. Leave me alone!!
When you said “go steady with a guy” I had a brief flashback to Saved by the Bell
I think the way your parents are speculating about your orientation is completely normal. My dad is hispanic and for a while I just didn’t want to talk to him about boys, go figure, and he asked me point blank if I was playing for the other team. lol. Now that my sister is in college she is getting the same insinuations from pops. I think he is more concerned about us not being lesbian than our actual college grades! It’s def a foreign and possibly god-fearing thang.
My parents have no doubts about my orientation. It was Mimi’s mother who worried.
Hee hee, your dad is funny!
I’m single, too, and have never had a boyfriend or ‘relations’ either. Oh, and I’m not a lesbian.
I’m 18 and I realize that this probably makes me weird…I think it’s because (a) I don’t invest time in chasing boys/partying/etc. like other girls do, (b) I’m kind of picky, and (c) boys aren’t really attracted to me…except the weird ones that I’m not attracted to. My parents are kind of whatevs about it (they used to be thrilled, when I was younger, that they didn’t have to worry about that stuff, and right now they just don’t care). I disagree that it’s different for guys, though. My mom’s twin brother is single and his parents have been nagging him about it (as well as friends & family) since forever. I think you just can’t force it…
Oh, and that chocolate cake looks delicious.
As happy as I am to be getting married in just a few short weeks, I sometimes look at my single friends that are always going out on the weekends and think about how much fun that sounds!
But then I remember I’m like a 95 year old lady who likes to go to bed before 9:30, and would much rather be reading a book with a cup of tea than getting hammered in a bar with random strangers
The bar scene is NOT my thing – which is why I don’t go; Joe hates crowded, noisy bars too so we don’t go. I think the point that I’m trying to make here (and failing) is that you don’t HAVE to do things that way because that’s what “everyone else” does. There are plenty of people out there that have the same frame of mind as you, and once you start to meet up with them, you will not miss the “other side” at all!
I have a lot of thoughts about this topic and its many sub-topics, but put simply, being single is more than fine. Hence you are more than fine.
I just remember my parents didn’t care when it came to teaching me about sex or telling me I should keep my pants on until a wedding ring was on finger. At nearly 31 years old, I’ve now had two wedding rings on my finger. As you know, I’m with Husband #2. I’m done at this point. John is stuck with me. Period. Fortunately for me, he has the same mindset I do.
I remember you commenting on your singlehood over Jacks N’ Joe and frankly, I commend someone like you. Is there a possiblity your singlehood and interest in marriage could change? Of course. We’re human. We change. If it doesn’t? So be it. I’m not about to judge you for that life choice. Sex, relationships, and even marriage are all complicated (and for the most part, personal) matters that should be left to the individual. I chose to have sex in my late teens and I’m okay with that. I’m proud of you for making the decision that is best for you and sticking to it despite potentially negative and/or ignorant opinions. At least you’re not out there with five kids and four baby daddies.
I have to say that the moment I stopped giving a crap about whether I was dating anyone, I found my husband. I think being single is something people don’t cherish enough. People waste their time of “independence” and finding out about who they truly are aside from their partner. I have to say I’m so proud of you for being 23 and a virgin. As a Catholic kid (born and raised), I stayed a virgin until I got married and you know what? That remains one of my proudest “accomplishments.” The day we got engaged, I turned to my then-fiancee and said “I’m so glad we both waited for each other.” It’s really something, in my opinion, that should be given to the person you are meant to be with forever. Okay, I think I’ve rambled on enough! Hope you have a great weekend!
Lol, what my mom never knew was that I’d had one quasi-relationship with a guy that ended badly so I was gunshy of boyfolk for awhile. Personally, I like relationships. I prefer it to being single. It’s great to have someone you can chill out with OR sleep with, depending on your mood
But there’s nothing wrong with being single at all.
I’m so glad you got to meet mein mutter. She’s a lovely lady and she really liked you.
Oh Mimi, just want to let you know, you have such pretty delicate hands! Care to swap my stubby man hands with yours?
Maybe it’s just a different background, but my parents never pressured me to be in a relationship. It was only about being happy in all my endeavors. And for the record, there is definitely something wrong with a 40 year old man who has never been married. Can’t even blane career, just a big red flag that someone has issues.
Kate,
With all due respect this is utterly false. My husband John married me at 43 and it’s his first and only marriage. He’s a top notch, quality man who simply chose to not settle down with the wrong woman. To suggest a man has some serious issues because he has not wed by 40 is just as bad as suggesting a woman is a bitchy, angry spinster doomed to a life of cats because she has not wed by 30. Some men (my husband included), simply chose to not tie themselves down to marriage early on in life. It doesn’t mean he or any other man has issues or should be shunned accordingly. If you met my husband you’d know what a kind, loving, generous, funny, intelligent, and all around awesome guy he is. Sophia can attest to this as well since she recently met him.
Being the only guy here (almost….thanks Andy), I’m a little conscious about what I say on these matters.
Kim, I have no doubt your hubby John is a great guy. You are absolutely right about some men wanting to remain single for a while for whatever reasons. Remaining single for a while was also my own choice and I’m not saying I’m a great guy at all, far from that. However, I think there is also some truth to Kate’s statement and I think she’s being very general about it, of course there are exceptions, such as John. I’ve met some 40 something guys who are single and yes Kate, they definitely have issues and I’m not the only one saying it among a group of friends who are together. On the other hand, I know of a 40 something guy who’s eligible and doesn’t seem to have any issues and many women like him. But .. he does absolutely nothing. So we jokingly wonder if he is playing for the other team .. then again who are we to judge or care what he chooses to do?
Part of my concern with the generalizations regardless of which gender it’s aimed at is that it always seems to revolve around some number, some age that seems to magically mean a woman is now a lowly spinster and a guy is an issue-laden bachelor whom we should avoid. Just because a guy hits 40 or whatever magic number people decide doesn’t mean he has issues. It’s those kinds of broad generalizations that often get people into trouble or with a foot in their mouth. Kate’s statement may be a broad generalization but I find it one to be insulting to both genders.
“…there is definitely something wrong with a 40 year old man who has never been married. Can’t even blane [sic] career, just a big red flag that someone has issues.”
How is being 40 and never married an automatic red flag? Wouldn’t that be considered akin to judging a book by its cover? She or anyone else may not know this person yet there is the automatic assumption without getting to know him that something is horribly wrong about him. Might as well say there is “definitely something wrong” with every never been married 30-35 year old woman.
Baking up a storm?
Sounds like tons of fun!! My friends have been baking many things lately now that we have a kitchen….I get to taste test
And about this single-hood, I love your honesty. It’s easy for people to feel like they can’t talk about this stuff because of embarrasment…I myself tend to embarrassed!
It is RARE to find someone like you.. 23 and never on a date. But I don’t think it’s a bad rare, just rare! One of my brothers just turned 23, and he’s been on a few dates (or.. one I think!) but never had a girlfriend. And girls love him, so no problem there. He’s feminine, and gets the, “Are you gay?” question all the time… but he’s just focused on other things in his life right now.
Being single in your twenties is probably a good thing. While having a boyfriend is fun and the support while going through school or whatnot is great, being single gives you a lot more opportunity for what you do. I love my boyfriend… but when I start applying for medical school it would be “easier” if I was single and didn’t have to worry about another person. But i’m not, so I’ll make it work! There’s pro’s and con’s.
Good Friday morning to you Sophia
I am a SWF and used to get very intimidated by the comments, so believe me you aren’t alone even though you are years younger than I am:)
You may be made to feel like a freak if you weigh the opinions of others more heavily than you weight your own – and even so that doesn’t mean you ARE a freak – it means you are making choices that you respect for yourself.
I just got disgusted when one of the suburban mommies on my street assumed I was gay because I wasn’t choosing to date, and there wasn’t a man’s car leaving the house at 6:00 a.m.
They’d have assumed I was a slut if I dated a lot!
People just like to gossip, and if they are unhappy, they look for something else to be negative about.
What I think now is that people are so used to the sheep mentality “everybody’ doe x or y or z.
They cannot fathom being able to enjoy your own company or be independent without wanting or needing a mate to make you complete, happy and busy with your own life.
Also, sometimes they are in an unfulfilling relationship themselves where they feel trapped, and secretly jealous of your being single and free!
True Food Kitchen – it is beautiful inside and out on the patio in Newport Beach, and I found the service indifferent and the food mostly mediocre.
http://cinderella11pm.com/2010/10/true-food-kitchen-2/
ahahahah!! Oh myyy~~what a crazy and hilarious story. I think that if a woman (or man) is find and actually gifted with being single and not getting all “lonely” or whatever, it’s toooootally fine and honorable!! It’s just that, there aren’t that many people in the world with that “gift”. I think it’s kind of mushissuh when girls can do that b/c who knows how mobile you can be for missions! hehe
But, if one is bound to go out of control, then I highly suggest marrying someone lol.
And I’ve been sooo curious about bison meat!! ahhh can’t wait to try it! And about the dumplings, it wasn’t good cuz youz is Korean fooo! Haha, I think we have some of the best dumplings.
You’re not alone.
Granted, I’m from a small town, but I’m the last girl in my class to get married. Or even further, I’m still single and it’s not even in the cards at the moment. And it drives my mother crazy. All of her friends/sisters/etc have grandkids and she’s obsessed with it. And when I go home (where the average marriage age is at about 22?), I get the sympathetic looks and am consoled with, “don’t worry- one day!”
Hilarious, because do I look nervous about it? I’m not…
Oh being single. I have a love/hate relationship with it. Ive been in relationships…dated one guy in high school for four years straight, a few guys in college, one of whom essentially used me for sex (not as clear-cut as that but in essence, that’s what happened. And it was bad sex. yuck.) and have dabbled in online dating since. And while I’d really love to find someone, I’ve definitely come to appreciate being single and the freedom that it gives me. I don’t have to rearrange my life for someone else or think about someone else’s opinion…I can just be. Is that really so bad?
Oh my dear, I can tell you live in a liberal state. TRUST ME a lot of women in more conservative states are expected (and often assumed) by their parents to remain chaste. Perhaps it’s because I grew up going to Catholic school and the majority of my friends are Christian.
Not that I think there’s anything wrong with that.
I, myself was a virgin when I got married and I don’t think there’s anything weird about it. Sure, it was a choice, and sure, it wasn’t always easy. I had to laugh when you described the reaction of people who find out your single. (and please, I hope I don’t sound hypocritical since I am married and obviously no longer single) After being in an abusive relationship, I spent over a year being single and it was the best learning/growing/empowering time for me. I learned who I was and to love myself again, which really is key before you can love someone else.
I hate the way being single you’re automatically perceived as some kind of pathetic weirdo. Add asexuality to the mix in my case and I may as well stamp ‘Crazy Cat Lady’ on my head right now.
I am lonely and would crave the company of a male partner on a platonic basis, but that’s about as likely as money dropping from the sky all of a sudden. Even so, I don’t need a man to define me and neither does anyone else. Female identities should be strong enough without adding a man into the mix to ‘complete’ them.
Even if you do find a partner, the pressure then shifts from ‘get yourself a guy’ to ‘when are you having kids?’ It’s a sad situation that for girls and women of all races motherhood still appears to be a defining aspect of their being. Well, nuts to that, because I’m single, 25, also a virgin (and will be until I’m 125 if I live that long
) and also never dated. I had the ‘you bat for the other team’ crap all through high school and eventually answered with, ‘nope, I don’t bat for any team.’ Yeah, that caused me even more sh*t but it was amusing for 10 seconds.
I don’t know why people feel so threatened by the lifestyle choices of others…
xxx
Well, I do think that nowadays, it’s VERY rare to find someone who have never dated before. But I didn’t have any serious relationships until I was 23, so I guess people must have thought I was a lesbian as well, though not to my face. LOLLL.
There is nothing wrong with being single. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be married.
I’m 20 and while I’m not a virgin, I’ve never had a boyfriend and I’ve only been on a few dates. I’ve had opportunities to pursue a relationship with a number of guys but the thing is.. I don’t want to. Yes, I would LOVE to be in a relationship but the thing is, I’m picky and not willing to just settle for a guy because he’s interested in me. Besides, we’re young and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being single! In fact, if someone wants to be single for the rest of their life then who cares, it’s THEIR life.
Unfortunately I feel your annoyance at how other people automatically judge you or assume things simply because you’re single. One of my guy friends actually admitted that he thought I was a lesbian in high school because I never showed any interested in guys. Actually now that I think about it, my own BROTHER thought I was a lesbian for awhile too! It’s ridiculous how ignorant people can be, family members included.
I seriously wanted to eat your plate. (Ish
) The flax bun and sweet potato? Mmhm. I wish my desert had such fabulous food, but I suppose this only means foodie road trip? 
About the singleness, I agree that Caucasian parents push their daughters to date. My parents did not start until late, but boy my parents cranked into high speed: books on being single (and how to ‘fix’ it), my mom showing pictures of me to random “cute” guys she met on planes (oh yes, she did), and mostly pointing out cute grandchildren. My sole purpose is Baby Maker and Marriage Marathoner in my parents eyes. My mom even told me she gave up on grandchildren (since I’m 21), and will support my career focus now. (!) I suppose the most important question now (since we are obviously such cat ladies) is… do we get perks? I mean, discounts on bubble bath? Chocolates? Old maids need some comfort!
There is nothing wrong with staying single. Who wants to be tied down right away? I feel sorry for my friends who are now married and have babies and are my age (25) and younger. Sometimes I envy that life, but I have way to much crap going on right now to be much of a girlfriend to any person.
And there is definitely nothing wrong with keeping your maidenhead intact. :p Virgin Solidarity!!! Woohoo! lol. No oops babies or anything like that for this one. ;p
Okay so this is really embarrassing, but my aunt is 50 and has never been married and I always assumed she was a Lesbian. To this day I don’t know, but I also don’t care. As I’ve gotten older I realized it doesn’t matter. Maybe she is, or maybe she’s just a woman that is okay with being single. We all have our vocation!
Hmmm…that’s very interesting. A few thoughts:
1. On Asian parents, maybe true. I have a good friend whose daughter is now in her last year of medical school (ha!) in So. Cal. When she was an undergrad, she came home and told her mother she was going on the pill. Her mom freaked out and said “if you do that I am cutting you off.”
I said “Honey, she’s 18, and it’s just sex.” Now, I think she kinda held me up on a pedestal, and when I admitted that I did the deed in college – and still graduated with degrees in engineering and even found a husband – she calmed down a bit. I pointed out that he daughter was getting straight A’s, had a job, paid for her own plane tickets and food, so something minor like sex (and responsible sex at that), was not where she wanted to be uptight.
American parents…my parents were not like that, and I don’t know any others that were. Well, I guess my dad told me on my 16th birthday that I should get married out of HS and have the easy life, but he did that to all my sisters, including those 18 and 19 years older than me.
As far as 40-something bitter single women…eh. I guess I can see that, but only a little bit. SOME women at 40 look…desperate. My friends, however, in their 40′s, 50′s, and beyond who are happily single…they are just strong, confident women. I guess some are career driven, and I do have a 41 year old friend (my age) who has a bunch of cats. Hm.
I think you can’t generalize behavior based on something as broad as ethnicity (or skin tone). Living in Japan, I’m all too familiar with behavior which suggests that sex is regarded very casually by many Asians. I also know that having grown up in a rural area full of nothing but white people who were relatively conservative, that white parents do not encourage their daughters to have boyfriends and especially do not discuss sex openly and frankly with them. I think education, socioeconomic status, and religion have a lot more to do with the choices being made than ethnicity.
In my case, I have never been on a date, not once. I married at 24 and lost my virginity to my future husband at 23 (he was 25 and also a virgin – so obviously, some people wait awhile to have sex). Since he was a penpal, we never went through all of the ritualized stuff (like dating) to get to know each other. Frankly, this was all for the best in both of our opinions.
My parents still are uncomfortable with the idea that I have sex at all, even though I’ve been married for a long time and only have ever been with my husband. Being white doesn’t really change anything in that way.
Yeah, I realized I was totally over-generalizing after I wrote this. I didn’t mean every individual though, it was just a general observation but as you said, it doesn’t apply to everyone…and I’m sure Asia is changing in terms of sex culture, too.
My friends in school ‘couple’ (get hook up) with one another, but they mainly do that for popularity or excitement sake. 9 out of 10 do NOT take it seriously which explains how they can have 10+ ex’s while only at the age of 16. Some just declare boyfriend and girlfriend for a day, and then ‘split’ the next day. I’ve came across many who claim that they themselves actually cringe at the thought of having to hold hands and kiss lips with their partners simply because they know it’s ‘not age’ yet.
What I’m trying to say here is, it’s actually a good thing most of the Asians are not bold enough to have sex before marriage. My mother had taught me well and this concept had been carved deep in my mind that is ‘no sexual intercourse before marriage’. I fully understand and completely obey it because really, some things just can’t be mess up with.
I personally think being single is wonderful. Because I know if Mr. Right haven’t come seeking for me, it’s because God’s trying to select the best for me. HAHAHAHA.
Cheers to you for being single yet so pretty
Ugh…there was like this phase I went through that lasted a week where I was certain I Must be a lesbian since I was 20 and sans a boyfriend since…..forever. So I just asked myself, “Well, Eden, no guy seems to be attracted to you and you don’t seem to give any guy a chance, you must be a lesbian. Accept it, move on!”. Ha, but the truth was, girls made me want to gag even more and my true “boyfriend” for most of my life was my eating disorder. I think my eating disorder shot down an “craving” for a boyfriend for most of my life. Fucking ED!
I don’t see anything wrong with being single, but I DO if you replace having a significant other with an ED.
I’m kinda sad I’m out of the country for all these blog meet ups! I miss you sooooooooo much. I dont even have my iphone handy so I feel REALLY disconnected! bah! texting you right when I get back!
Right as I was reading this pos tI was thinking, “This sounds like Carrie from Sex and the City!” haha. So, I have to say I can not STAND IT when parents push their daughters (or sons) to find a mate and get married or have kids. HELLO, have you heard the latest divorce rate statistics ?! Come on! PEople just need to freaking chill out already. I think parents are getting so pushy that their kids are just settling with the first person they meet. It drives me insane. I used to get so annoyed when people would ask me “When is Nick proposing?!”, as if a guy has to propose after a certain amount of years. It’s just not right. Our society needs to make a change, and fast, because while I do believe love is wonderful, some people need to learn to love themselves before they get involved with someone else, and if they are being pressured to find someone, that’ll never happen.
I say KUDOS to you for being single, and ENJOY IT while you CAN!!!
Hi Sophie! I don’t think you’re a freak or anything for never going on a date. Honestly, just from reading your blog, you’ve been through a lot over the past couple of years and you deserve to focus on yourself instead of a silly boy! Make yourself happy first!! It’s been about a year since my last relationship. I think that parents want grandkids especially mothers!! My mom is about to experience empty nest syndrome in the next two years and I think it’s freaking her out after having four kids. She needs some babies to spoil. Though I’m white, I’m pretty sure my Dad just assumes that I’m saving myself for marriage (even though he probably knows the truth)!
Ahhh, sorry I meant Sophia!! I need to sleep more (I have to work this weekend and I’ve been sleeping at work)…
Hmm. Well I’m a Caucasian, 19-year old virgin and my parents never want me to date.
My older sister (who is two years older than me) has never had a boyfriend and is a virgin (as far as I know, of course). I think for me, now is the time to realize what I want to do with my life and there is plenty of time later for me to date. I mean, people are living till 80 and above, am I right? And I don’t want to be sleeping with every guy I date, even though these days it’s expected. I know lots of people think I’m weird or really innocent because of this (and I have gotten the lesbian thing before too), but I think for me, it’s the wisest choice.
I was single up until college. It used to drive me nuts when girls would be shocked that I never had a boyfriend & then say “I’m so sorry” for what exactly? I was doing just fine thank you very much. In retrospect, I’m glad I didn’t get a boyfriend til college. I was very much a kid in high school and I loved it. No boy drama, nothing. What was there to be sorry for?
Glad you liked true food kitchen. I was at their soft launch and really loved those tacos! I had their berry crumble for dessert which was also very good.
what a fun meetup, the food looks great, i’ve never had bison either.
girl, i say take your time and just do what feels right. i got a lot of comments like that too and it drove me crazy. you’re awesome!
The Boy and I have been together for five years and we are frequently asked “when are you getting married/engaged?” or “why aren’t you engaged yet?” We will get engaged and married when we are ready – when it is right for us. I think that as long as you are happy, that is all that is or should matter.
I want to try bison! That burger looks awesome.
Isn’t the double standard ridiculous? My 9 year-old neighbor asked me if I had a boyfriend and I said, “no”. Her response was, “What?! You don’t have a boyfriend yet? How old are you?” I’MSORRYWHAT. First of all, I have had a boyfriend – I just don’t at the moment, and if I never had one…WHY does it matter? Why is it anyone’s business? I’m much happier now that I’ve been single for over a year. I don’t understand why it’s such a big deal. Everyone is different and does things on their own time. I respect people who stick to who they are regarding relationships, whether it’s staying single, ending a relationship that doesn’t feel right, putting themselves out there to find “the one”…whatever. Feeling judged or looked down on for doing what you want to do SUCKS.
AH, the wonders of being single. You know, when you’re my age it’s actually worse because all of your friends are in committed relationships, have good high-paying jobs and even starting to think about marriage (I’m actually going to an engagement party for one of them this evening). Then it’s not just strangers who give you the whole, ‘you’ll meet somebody’ lecture, it’s your *friends*. That really is the worst.
It used to bother me a lot – I was constantly comparing myself to everybody around me and despairing at the fact that they had “got there first,” that it was likely that I would never “get there,” but then I realised that I don’t really care. I mean, when I really look at it hard and pull it apart in my head, I simply do not give a toss. Yeah, I’m single. So what? I’m in my 20s, I have a fledgling career to look after, I’m living with my best friend, I have amazing people in my life and I don’t need your judgement as to whether or not I’m coupled up. I don’t need a partner to be happy – I’m pretty happy as I am, thank you very much. In fact, I don’t know if I ever really want to get married or start a family.
Pretty extreme, no? But I think it’s a rebellion against what people expect of me. As for the whole sex/Asian family thing, well I gave my V-card to my first proper boyfriend when I was 17-ish after 6 months of dating and didn’t tell my family until we broke up three years later. He was much older than me but also a virgin and I thought we were going to be together forever (because I was young, naive and hadn’t yet figured out that he was a twat). I thought my parents were going to have an absolute fit that I was sexually active but actually they were more mad that I hadn’t gone on the pill during this time! Since then I’ve been in two more adult relationships and, though my parents don’t really want to think about it, they just accept me for who I am… and my mother is *extremely* religious, so that was a shocker. I think it varies – my parents are pretty liberal for Chinese families! It’s weird to say that as they are definitely much stricter than Western families, but for Chinese? They’re pretty tame.
This is a great discussion, Sophia. Also, that Bison Burger looked immense
Jax x
I met my husband when I was 29 and he was my first really serious relationship. I’d dated casually before that, but not really had a serious boyfriend.
I think dating and relationships can be overrated and honestly, a pain in the ass until you find “the one”. That being said, singleness does get lonely for me, and I wouldn’t mind a date every now and again haha.
oh man, can i EVER relate to the “being thought a lesbian” thing. my first and longest relationship was with a female-to-male transgender guy! i dated him for a total of five or six years, and went through most of the process of his “becoming”, physically, a man: hormones, surgeries, etc. since i personally am extremely open minded, and i think that love is less about what your body looks like and more about your mind and personality, we were perfectly suited to each other: both nerdy, quirky, shy, with the same taste in books, movies, and tv shows. however, it was hell when my parents found out about him, because they immediately assumed it meant that i was gay and hadn’t told them (my father angry because he is a bigoted jerk, my mother hurt because she would have understood and sympathized) and then because they felt weird about the whole transgender thing in general. eventually, my mom accepted it and loved him, and even my stepfather (who used to be very conservative in his views on “different” people) came to really like him. my dad never mentioned him but… like i said, he’s a jerk. ANYWAY considering that this was my only really, truly, serious relationship– i would have married the guy, and heck, i still would, since we remain good friends– my sexuality is often called into question. but i’ve been single for the past five years, because i decided that my own mental state dictated a need for the freedom of pressure to have sex, which had been the deciding factor in our breakup. i don’t feel ready for a sexual relationship, and i think that it is my right to say you know what? i’m not ready, and if you can’t accept that, then you better start shopping for another girlfriend. it may be reactionary, but a woman’s sexual freedom is just as much about being free to say NO as it is to say YES to being in a relationship of any kind! VIVE LA SINGLE FEMME!
Some people just aren’t happy unless you follow the life script. If you got a boyfriend they’d start asking when you’re getting married. If you’re married they ask when you’re having a baby. If you have a baby they ask where its brother/sister is. Do what’s right for you … no-one has to follow the life script!
And I never eat mint springs that come on dessert – always assumed they are decoration.
My parents were definitely more like yours! They would have NEVER encouraged me to find a boyfriend (not in high school anway!)
I made your chicken soup and it was SO good!!! First time I had used star anise.
I giggled when I read the part about Mimi’s mom thinking you were Mimi’s lesbian gf
I don’t think Mimi looks like her mom at all! Maybe just the hair?
Dude, I was so, so SO happily single until I was 23. (I had gone on dates, and had sex prior to….). I never cared about guys or relationships. I liked flirting, being free, and being alone whenver I wanted. I swore I would be single forever. Now that I’ve been in a relationship for almost 4 years, I can honestly say my life is enhanced 10-fold with him — but that doesn’t detract at all from the fact that being single rocked! so rock on with your freedom. No rush at all, or ever, to find someone else to make you complete
Because of God’s Word I would like for my children to live with purity. I also have experience that they don’t have, and I believe all those feelings should be saved for your spouse.