**** I am right now sitting at Yellow House Cafe, leeching their high-speed internet and working on an article. I was planning to postpone this week’s ED series again, but I had a conversation with my dad and before I knew it I’m typing away as fast as I can on my blogging platform.
Thanks, dad, for the inspiration. As always.
And another thank you to Kim and John for driving all the way from Las Vegas and spending an evening and a whole day with me. More on our hilarious adventures together next time. Final thank you to Ellie for just being plain awesome and hiking up Griffith Park with me. 
Tomorrow is my first day back to school. Cannot believe I’m a junior already! ****
When I was a little girl, my absolute favorite story was that of Helen Keller.
Do you know the story of Helen Keller? She was a person born in the late 1800s who became deaf, dumb and blind since young after a horrible illness. Imagine the rage and frustration as a young child to face such limitations in life. Why, even just losing one of your senses is crippling and devastating enough. How do you live when you’ve lost all three of your most basic human abilities? As expected, Helen was a bitter, angry child who would fly into screaming tantrums, understanding and enjoying little of what life has to offer.
And then came her new governess Anne Sullivan. Anne became Helen’s friend. She wasn’t her overprotective, distraught parents. She wasn’t pitying onlookers who kept a comfortable distance away. She didn’t try to become Helen’s eyes or ears or mouth. She gave Helen ways to enjoy life even without those things.
And most importantly, she gave Helen love. And I believe that Helen, by receiving and accepting Anne’s love—even though she could neither see it or hear it—learned to love herself, love life and in turn, love others.
Years later, Helen became the first deafblind person to earn a Bachelor’s degree and became a world-famous author and speaker. And when asked who she would like to see the most if her eyes ever opened, Helen, of course, said: “Anne Sullivan—my lifelong benefactor.” She also said, “If it had not been for Anne Sullivan, the name of Helen Keller would have remained unknown.”
It’s a beautiful story, isn’t it? Every time I hear it, I get goosebumps.
I remember as a kid being all proud and haughty, thinking that I was probably the few individuals who “got it”— the real heroine wasn’t Helen Keller, it was Anne Sullivan.
“I’ll bet everybody else thinks Helen’s the one who’s so great because she overcame all her disabilities, but I think the true great person is really Anne,” I told my mom proudly. “Without Anne, Helen wouldn’t have become the person she became.” And then I would strut around with scornful eyes at my peers, thinking they are so dumb and patting myself on the back for being oh so wise.
Cut me some slack though. I was about six at the time; I clearly hadn’t learned the meaning of modesty yet. I also remember wanting to be a teacher for kids with disabilities, but somewhere in between maturity and puberty, I realized that I just didn’t have the kindness and patience to be a teacher to anyone.
What an irony, that more than a decade down the road, I found myself in my own Helen Keller story—except I was “Helen,” and “Anne” was not limited to just one individual.
Having an eating disorder is very much like having disabilities. People don’t know how to deal with you. You don’t know how to deal with yourself. But you’re like an invalid—you need someone to take care of you. And even those who pitied you at first, get frustrated and tired of you after having to deal with your disabilities.
But worst of all, you come to see yourself as an invalid, so you act even more like one. You depend on people to say or do things to make you feel better about yourself, you depend on your rules and routine to make you feel safe, you depend on your obvious disorder to remove you from real society, real problems and real responsibilities.
At first, you might fight for your identity. You might deny that the disorder affects you as much as people say it does. You might debate over the political correctness of the word “invalid” versus “a person with *insert some obscure scientific-sounding word here* disability.” You might get angry with people who look at you with scorn or pity.
However, at some point, you give up. You might not even realize the moment when you completely surrendered yourself to be defined by your disability, but one day, you find yourself speaking, doing, and thinking exactly the way you and others expect you to. Slowly, you actually want people to give you that special treatment. Because at least you know you are not an invisible Mr. Cellophane. At least you have…some sort of…identity.
I admit, that’s how I felt at first with my church. Besides for my parents, the brothers and sisters in my church were the only people I regularly met. My friends were all in college and I avoided them at all costs because I didn’t want them to see me all shrunken and shriveled up like flattened prune. I rarely went out the house except for my daily 3-hour-long walks, in which I was too absorbed in burning calories to even notice other people.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t avoid church. As I’ve said before, it was one thing my parents were adamant about. Thank God, because otherwise, I would not have had the chance to meet my “Anne”s.
That’s the great blessing in life. To meet an Anne. A person who can demonstrate love to you when you yourself cannot. But to have not just one, but several? To now, I don’t know what I did to deserve that. It is entirely God’s grace.
Even though I generally tried to avoid people at church, sitting standing (must burn more calories!) at a secluded place, hiding in another isolated place to eat my own packaged food instead of the fat-laden, sugar-laden snacks the other church people socialized over and high-tailing the moment service was finished, somehow I couldn’t completely avoid them.
Actually, quite a few individuals kept approaching me. It was really annoying, actually. I wanted them to stop touching me and stop talking to me so that I could go away and munch on my sweet potato and yogurt and not be tempted by their white-flour, white-sugar sweet Asian breads. But either they ignored my look of discomfort, or they really didn’t notice, they just wouldn’t stop talking to me. And treating me like I’m a normal person. Treating me…with respect.
I think any human being is born with an innate ability to detect bullshit and insincerity. You can tell whether a person is real or not. And there were individuals at church who actually truly were sincere in wanting to get to know me better, to have a relationship with me. It was…strange. Frankly, it was also scary. But mostly, it was…nice.
After month after month of such interactions, I gradually opened up. I actually mustered up the courage to go out for meals with them (they even created a “Sophia Day” for me). A lady even invited me to sleep over for a few days (I helped her cook). I learned to smile again. I learned to trust again. I learned to talk about normal things.
But at the same time, my faith in God was also growing. Because these were church individuals, a big chunk of our conversation topic was spiritual. At the time my weight was so low that I would get out of breath if I talked too much, so I mostly listened. I listened to their testimonies of how Christ changed their lives, and I observed the way they lived out their faith.
Those were the rare times when my thoughts weren’t focused on myself but other individuals. I saw that they weren’t perfect; they had flaws and they made mistakes. But I also saw how they struggled and overcame those failures in life, how they gained strength and reassurance through God’s words and how much they love Christ. It was quite a novel and refreshing observance for me, as a pastor’s daughter who grew up under holy and near-perfect parents (well in my eyes, anyway).
I don’t know exactly how this happened, but suddenly, I wasn’t just an observer anymore. After some time, I was starting to share, too.
I tell you, the Holy Spirit is so infectious. When you see genuine passion and fire in someone, you can’t help but feel it yourself too, and when you feel it, you just cannot help wanting to talk about it.
Obviously I wasn’t healed or anything, and I still stuck obstinately to my routines and disordered behaviors at the time, but…I could still share a verse I liked, or discuss what the week’s sermon meant to me, or simply just request a prayer. Yes, at times my words got lispy and hoarse because of my physical state, but seeing my words were being heard and received was the most amazing comfort I had experienced in a long time.
I still remember the one time I shared a verse to my Friday bible group. It was a verse in Psalms that really touched me during a particular hard day, and after I finished reading, I looked up and I saw several people have tears in their eyes.
I cannot describe this feeling I felt then with justice. It is like these ashes within me were starting to whisper in a warm breeze, and a flame had been lit. It’s like stirring up after a long, dreamless sleep. It’s like…you are drenched for hours in a dreadful storm, and all of a sudden, you start humming a cheerful tune even though the rain is still pouring and you are still wet to the bone. Me? Being able to share something? What a strange, foreign yet delicious idea.
The strangest thing is that before I felt I was even ready, God sent me my own “Helen.”
Turns out, Anne Sullivan had her own benefactor, too. She wasn’t born a great, wonderful person. She had a dysfunctional background, an alcoholic father who abandoned her and her siblings, a brother who died and a history of “insanity” in which she would attack anyone who tried to approach her. And then. She met an elderly nurse. A nurse who not just took care of her, but showed her love and compassion.
Life is a strange game. It’s not about the beginning or the final product. It’s about the process between the start and the final. That’s where all the action lies. The dice that determines how much you get, how far you go is love.
I really do believe love conquers all, and that love is the most important and desired thing in the world. After all, my life is proof of that, too. Without my family and my church brothers and sisters, I wouldn’t be here typing this right now.
Questions to Ponder:
1) Do you have an “Anne”? What about a “Helen”?
2) When you are at your weakest, how would you like people to treat you?
3) What about you yourself? How would you like to treat/view yourself during your weakest moments?
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{ 41 comments… read them below or add one }
What an amazing analogy- you would come up with something like that
I did not exactly have one person as an “Anne” but my parents and select friends definitely played the role altogether and I am eternally grateful for that.
There is nothing I despise more than being pitied, even when I was at my sickest, I felt disgusted and angry when I caught people giving me pitiful looks or feeling sorry for me or saying anything that seemed to be apologetic for my condition. I much preferred to be treated with support and optimism and yes, tough love.
During my weakest moments I sometimes just want to go sit by myself and bawl my eyes out, but I’ve been working on becoming more constructive, finding solutions, meditating and bringing myself to a calm rational space…after I bawl my eyes out- crying is an extremely relieving expression of emotion
Yesss I totally agree that this is a really great way to tie it all in together.
This is so beautiful, “I tell you, the Holy Spirit is so infectious. When you see genuine passion and fire in someone, you can’t help but feel it yourself too, and when you feel it, you just cannot help wanting to talk about it.” It’s so true! haha. I’m sure we’ve even experienced that together. When we have that communion together in talking about Holy Spirit, I feel like I get lit on fire in a good way.
Hmmm great questions…I think I just like to be treated with sympathy but not pitied. All that I require seems to be an ear to listen to my words, and that’s pretty much it. But of course, if they go the extra mile in checking up on me, I get extremely touched and encouraged!
And have a great day tomorrow Sophia!!
Thank you for your thoughts this afternoon, Sophia. I know it’s a busy time for you, and I appreciate you taking the time out to play the role of Ann for some of us here today. On that…
1) Do you have an “Anne”? What about a “Helen”?
I had many Anne’s. I used to really struggle at a dining hall and in social situations in college, especially around many Division I athletes I covered. However, eventually some would sit by me, even when I tried to isolate myself and control my food. At first it was very difficult to hide my shame, but as they began to talk to me about life, sports, and NOT food, I began to normalize the all-you-can eat dining hall experience. They reminded me I was more than a skinny kid with an ED, and reminded me I have a great gift of personality and love of sports and writing. As far as being a Helan, I befreinded many an awkward, non-Mormon freshman while at school in Utah haha.
2) When you are at your weakest, how would you like people to treat you?
Exactly as you said. As a person, just a living, breathing, and DIVINE SPARK who needs to be reminded that they are more than they think they are.
3) What about you yourself? How would you like to treat/view yourself during your weakest moments?
Unfortunatly, I tend to beat myself up, and become very submissive and pessamistic. I’d like to change this though, and am working to.
Also, only two weeks until USC opens the football season. Now I know why you keep avoiding my emails
Before I answer your question(s), I wanted to say how beautifully written this post is. I love your writing style, your use of the Helen Keller metaphor, and your subtle humor.
That said, I did have a few Anne’s that helped in my recovery from an eating disorder. My mother initially treated me like an invalid but after awhile she realized that this was just perpetuating the disordered behavior. So she changed her tactics and treated me like she did before the eating disorder ie making me eat meals with the family, taking walks with me, going out to restaurants. But I think my biggest Anne(s) were my friends. They didn’t comment excessively about my weight/eating/exercise habits but just accepted me for who I was and made me realize that it was not being thin that was going to make me have friends. It was my humor, my intelligence, my compassion and not my eating disorder that they loved and cherished.
I always was a withdrawer, so the worse I got, the less likely it was that I’d asked for help. However, I’ve had a wonderful person who was there for me always. This person is my mom. She has always supported me and wanted the best for me, but she never put me under pressure or accused me because of what I was doing to myself. You see, my mom is a meditation teacher (amongst other things), and she really sees the bigger pictures. Because of her, I have learned that we are here to learn what we have to learn. Without her, I’m sure I wouldn’t be here anymore.
I tend to get silent when I am having any issues. Which is not exactly the best way to deal with any problem right? I am the queen of avoidance but have def. gotten better. I agree with you that love conquers all. I am a compeltely different person than I was even two years ago because of the people I have surrounded myself with. Church can be an amazing aspect to healing that I think so many people forget about – it is amazing how when you open your self up to learning and listening how much better life can get!
Hi Sophia,
I just wanted to thank you, so very much, for your blog. I have been reading for awhile and finding comfort and inspiration from your words (and not just your ED series), but tonight I am finding things particularly difficult. I am supposed to be sleeping, it is night where I am and everyone else I am with is in bed. I decided to read your blog as I am in no state to sleep and I am so glad I did. Not only is this post an amazingly true analogy, but your line, ‘you don’t know how to deal with yourself’ has really struck home. I want to accept the love of those who care about me, but the eating disorder won’t let me. If they say, you need to try harder, or I’m worried about you, I get angry, yet if they praise me, I get angry too. I don’t know what to do about these conflicting feelings, but this post has really started me thinking and I am so grateful for that. I am so scared of losing everyone who cares about me, but I don’t know how to let them in. It gives me hope, that through your church, you were able to. Wow, I didn’t expect to end up writing this comment, but thank you again.
Wow. Thank you, Beth, for writing this comment.
I totally understand that conflicting emotions though. It’s bound to get conflicting and contradictory and confusing because essentially, what we truly want isn’t what ED wants…so it’s a constant battle!
Hope you got a good night’s sleep. (hugs)
Through these posts (and undoubtedly to many you meet in person and share yourself with at any level – even during an interview) …through it all your are an Anne to many.
I bet Anne spiritually and emotionally learned so much from Helen through the process and strengthened her resolve and understanding of herself.
I am so SO glad you are taking the time and labor to write these posts…I know it is difficult — not only to share but to actually go back and dissect and tell the story in honesty because — well, our brains were out of wack at the time. It’s spotty.
wow sophia, this is beautiful. I am so glad you shared about your “anne.” God has his ways of drawing you closer to him, and the holy spirit is his tool. Man on man, I know that feeling. The feeling of life and a deep closeness that fills your heart so much you want to burst. Its good, damn its good!
I’m not sure how to feel about this because I find my brain just blanks over when reading it, as if it’s something I can’t process. I don’t know how to interact with people beyond what I feel is superficial. To me there is NO way people can actually, truly have an understanding and feel for one another. For 14 years of my life I believed that peope were truly just self centered, and bound by obligation, doing what was expected of them, thinking about others only if it reflected on them. This was before my eating disorder. Right before it, I had about 4 months of an actualy deeper connection with a few people that I never realized possible (the revelatory thought being “SOME people actually care”) then it was yanked out from under me as I was ignored. I’ve never had an actual deep understanding with anyone. Hell, I don’t think I knew or know what emotion is for that matter. I tend to think emotion is a bad thing, something we are supposed to suppress while around people, to not have. How I’d want people to treat me in my weakest would be just as they had 5 years ago when I had my revelation; I kept pushing him away when he asked “what’s wrong?” “I kept saying nothing” he kept asking. I didn’t understand why. He’d fulfilled his obligation of pretending to care, so why’d he keep asking; O_O “HOLY SHIT. It’s ACTUAL CONCERN!” Who knew such a thing existed! I long for that again…I have a long way to go huh…
I related to so much in your post, Sophia!
What a good write you are, to make thing so real and honest, and to bring the feelings out like that with your words!
1) My Anne would be my friend for the last 30 years Linda, who has stuck by me through thick and thin even when I was most romance addicted and deluded and stuck and did everything possible wrong while not knowing it wasn’t right and depressed for weeks on end so bad I didn’t want to get out of bed feeling and angry at everyone who wasn’t sympathetic to my pain.
And I’d have been the Helen in that case.
2) I’d like people to treat me with love and respect when I am at my weakest; and that is hard to do until I learn how to help myself, and then I’m not feeling weak anymore.
3) I’d like to be gentle with myself, realize I am human, and see what I did that I want to do differently from here on out, and then forgive myself, be kind to myself with my self-talk, and move forward.
All I have to say is that I love the analogy.
And that you are able to capture something so complex with words and educate others is pretty amazing.
Questions to Ponder:
1) Do you have an “Anne”? What about a “Helen”? My late MIL was my “Anne”, and she was taken away too soon! If I’ve had a “Helen” I didn’t recognize it.
2) When you are at your weakest, how would you like people to treat you? I don’t think I have people around in those times enough to fully know. I’m quiet then. I have had incredible, physical blessing in time of need, but afterward came harsh judgment.
3) What about you yourself? How would you like to treat/view yourself during your weakest moments? I can’t imagine seeing myself as enough or as worthy.
The words just flow out of you, Sophia
This was a lovely read and I love the comparison that you made between your life and the two famous females. Thank you so much for sharing and writing this ED series.
Well put! What a great story and a great reminder. There is always someone to inspire you before you can inspire others, but most of all, you need to believe in yourself and not give up.
So you are my Anne, cos u brought me to God
I love you, devil.
You are an amazing writer. Enjoy your junior year. Time flies!
Im glad you went ahead and wrote this post. I could relate to a lot of it and found it really helpful <3
Another lovely post… I’ve no doubt times are getting particularly busy for you – and that life will get even busier for you, what with classes starting (mine start in two weeks, so I hear ya there!) – but I’ll go ahead and echo what others have already said: Thank you thank you thank you for writing this post. I love how much your weekend ED series really gets all of us thinking, and re-thinking, or re-assessing things or habits we might unknowingly be continuing. This week, it’s just as fantastic: it reminds us to remember the “Anne”s in our lives.
1) I had a Helen before I needed an Anne. My best friend attempted suicide on the night that I departed from the US (I was a TCK and moving all the time – but met the best friend of my life when I spent a brief three years in the US of A). That probably is a self-explanatory statement in itself. Yes, I flew back the next day to be with him for a good chunk of that summer.
The Annes in my recovery… are probably only found, or are mainly found, in two people: my mother and my counsellor. My counsellor became more of a friend, but my mother was there for me from the start. My mother was the one who made the first move in really putting a stop to the ED, and who realised that I needed help – and that I wouldn’t ask for it, even as I fell farther and farther (from health and happiness, but also in terms of weight).
2) I don’t really know, I guess, when I’m at my weakest. Probably the few times when I’m doubting myself, or beating myself to death [completely figurative language there, I only abuse myself mentally and verbally] when I perceive myself as falling short of goals or “failing”. And I’ll agree here with what another commented said, and ultimately agree with what you said: In those times, I like to be treated as a human being – as a regular person who occasionally makes mistakes, who has their bad days and “those” moments, but who learns and who can just… be… human. Imperfect, fallible, but human. And as someone who had an ED, I don’t want to be treated as a psycho; ED sufferers are just people. People with illnesses – mental illnesses – but people nonetheless!
3) I wish I could treat myself with more respect and much more gently in those weak moments! I would like to love myself, for who I am, where I am, at that time. As a person with tendencies towards perfectionism (a common trait, we know, in people with EDs), I know I’m too hard on myself when I supposedly don’t do things “perfectly”… and even though I know there’s no such thing as perfection – only perfectionISM – it’s so hard to remind myself to not be so down on myself, sometimes!
I just saw that Jingwen said that “You are my Anne”. Actually, yeah, I’ll include you too! You’ve made me realise so many things about the ED I have (that will be “had” – past tense – one day) and silly habits that I was clinging too… I’ve managed to shed many of those aspects of the disorder, thanks to having you point them out and go, “Hey, that’s not actually what you do when you’re recovering/that’s perpetuating the problem” and enabling me to go back and change those things or break those habits.
Thank you for being awesome, as always.
I love your writing style, as others have said. [My only critique - which hopefully sounds constructive, rather than destructive - would be to rephrase the sentence "Besides for my parents..." and maybe say "Aside from my parents..." or "Beside my parents...". You can ignore that, of course, if you don't agree! I most certainly will not be offended.]
Aw, thank you, Jenny. I hope just as you want to be treated like a human being, you treat yourself as a human too– a human who cannot ever be perfect, but whose flaws can be a blessing and a constructive way to build one’s character.
And lol, thanks for the grammar correction. I write too fast and I don’t re-read to edit. I probably should start editing what I write…I make way too many cringe-worthy grammar and spelling mistakes!
I love when you post about your ED because you always sound so wise and mature. Perhaps a whole book on this is in order? You have such a real and lovely perspective.
Hey,
My girlfriend is getting over an eating disorder and still having some physical issues….did you ever expierence joint/ leg pain? She a former over-excerciser and thinks she damaged herself for life….I’ve been urging her to talk with someone, but I don’t want her to get discouraged and slide back… Thanks!
Oh dear…I’m sorry about that. I do not experience joint or leg pain, but at one point I did overwork my thighs and couldn’t walk properly for more than three months. It was horrible, but thankfully it healed. I hope she gets help…over-exercising is another overlooked but dangerous disorder.
Great post (as always!!) During my weakest moments, I want someone beside me giving me a hug.
Oh Sophia… thank you for sharing. I think we all have times when we might feel helpless, unacceptable, unlovable. Thank God for those people in our lives who don’t give up on us.
Sophia.. this was absolutely amazing. I’ve always enjoyed your writing but this post just blew me away.
While I hope to one day be an “Anne” in someone’s life, I’m currently more like a “Helen”. I think that having an Anne of my own would help me to eventually become one myself but right now I’m kind of doing the whole recovery thing solo. Which may be one of the main reasons I’m not making much progress.
When I’m at my weakest I’m not quite sure how I would want people to treat me since I get like you use to be: I don’t want people around me. I get mean, bitter and depressed which makes me crave isolation. Having people shower me with genuine love and attention would probably help as long as they can keep it up long enough to get past my bad mood.
PS. You are amazing, Sophia. You’re constantly inspiring me, making me laugh, and lifting me up with your posts.
That is such a treasured story of mine =) Anne and Helen have always been such inspirations to me. It never ceases to amaze me and completely stupify me at moments…just how much Anne did for Helen, and how Helen accomplished SO MUCH despite all her challenges presented before her. In the face of such adversity, how much she conquered! It’s spell-binding!
I think my mom’s definitely my Annie Sullivan. Without her, I wouldn’t have the desire to even live. I would not have done anyting drastic of course, in terms of taking my life or anything, but I’d be…empty, apathetic. My mom always rekindles that fire in me, to experience life and after all, we’re here for a short time, not a long time- we should make it a GOOD time and have no regrets. =)
I’ve dearly missed reading your blog! I’ve been depressed and under the weather for awhile. So hard finding a job in this awful economy sigh…and not sure what to do with my life. a lot of soul-searching, I suppose.
Anyway, I gotta read your postings more frequently! I love the daily dosage of enlightenment. <3
Oh Sheela, so great to hear from you again. I’m so sorry about the job situation…it’s like that everywhere!! But I’m sure you’ll find a great one soon. Email me if you need to talk! <3
I think the best thing to do, always, is to treat people like people – not like their illnesses/ailments/hang-ups. If it’s your friend, treat her like your friend! If it’s your teacher, treat her like your teacher! Etc.
And I definitely agree that Anne is a hero, but I don’t think that means that Helen isn’t. It takes a lot of strength to heal and grow as a person to where an ailment doesn’t define you – props to her and props to you! Plus, I have a feeling that you’ll be someone’s Anne someday. If not already.
You are truly inspirational, Sophia. I do share your view that love is the most powerful medium to guide us through life. Each and everyone of us just wants to be acknowledged as a human being, it’s as simple as that. And I believe you are a better and greater person because of your ED because you demonstrate character, maturity and appreciation through your writing. Thanks for sharing such downright honesty and deciphering obvious emotions and thoughts which at times complicated by our own misguided understanding our ourselves.
This is such a wonderful, inspiring post. I agree that once you begin feeling the Holy Spirit and begin to appreciate the love we get from Him, we just want to share it with others! Thank you for being so honest and for inspiring us all!
Sounds like a busy couple of days for you.
I’d been thinking the exact same thing when I was little, too! How Anne was actually the more gifted one, the more caring one, the more well-spirited one, the stronger one, the better one if to be compared with Helen, who’s appreciation towards life was inspired by Anne completely.
I used to think that some people are just more blessed, and had the duty to treat others better. I’d consider myself profusely fortunate, but giving is always something I’m so reluctant to do simply because I felt I didn’t have enough. Well, we will never have enough, will we? However, after going through so many (possibly one of the toughest I could ever imagine) challenges so far, somehow, my heart is more open to accept the downfalls and melancholies which are inevitable in life and is more willing to express my concern and care to the people who once showered me with unconditional love and to those who needs it.
I never knew the story of Hellen Keller before now, believe it or not. I think it is very inspirational.
Your “Annes” sound like wonderful people, and I love that they had a “Sophia Day,” and took the time to show you love. There aren’t a lot of “Annes” in this world I am thinking …
Sophia, it’s a terrific analogy. I’m lucky to have an “Anne”, and I had a few “Helens” over the years, though not at the present. Btw, I didn’t yet find what I was looking for, but found something better perhaps – a full time job
i think during my weakest moments, i’d love to have people give me space and not force me into doing what they think is right for me but refuse give up/leave me alone…. haa, so contradictory
going thru ed is indeed challenging and life changing, reading your weekly ed series always gives me a great boost and time for reflection.
it’s amazing looking back thru the hard times and seeing how god can turn something really dreadful from the beginning into a blessing ( and that’s only the beginning !)
thanks for sharing sophia, great article here :3
“Having an eating disorder is very much like having disabilities. People don’t know how to deal with you. You don’t know how to deal with yourself. But you’re like an invalid—you need someone to take care of you. And even those who pitied you at first, get frustrated and tired of you after having to deal with your disabilities.
But worst of all, you come to see yourself as an invalid, so you act even more like one.”
SO TRUE. i’m living with this now. i had a friend tell me the other day that no matter what, everyone would always be watching to see what i was eating, if i was eating, my body, etc. it’s exhausting for them. and for me. my best friend at school really stepped up at this time last year, she took me to places i was okay to eat it. she’d let me come eat with her when she was studying. she wouldn’t put up with ed’s bullshit. she even emailed my mom when i was in denial of relapsing. she was my safety and my inspiration (as she’s recovered from an eating disorder). at times, i feel like i can’t be okay without her. and then i have to remind myself, that i wouldn’t really be here without her. and the greatest way i can show my gratitude for all she’s done for me, is to keep on fighting for health.
as to what you were saying about faith helping you…honestly i don’t know how i’d ever get through this without God. He’s just SO amazing when it comes to recovery and life in general. when we replace ED’s lies with God’s truths… recovery becomes so much easier!
hi! very inspiring! thank you!
This is brilliant. I have 3 Annes in my life, 2 devout Christians and one a Catholic. I, myself am a Muslim, but I cannot stop thanking God for the blessings and making them part of my life.
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