**** This is an early posting of my Weekend ED Series because this weekend, I’m doing nothing, baby. Well actually I’m meeting a church friend tomorrow to pray together and I’ve got some recipes up my sleeve to play with and I have about 18 rolls of NY Times paper to read through front-to-back, but I want to be away, far far away from the blogosphere and anything work-related for at least two days.
Today…is my last day as a summer intern at the L.A. Times. It feels surreal. It feels weird leaving…with a group of other reporters who have just recently been laid off this week. Hell, even my recruiter is leaving (voluntarily)!! This is the talk and gossip of the week; wherever I turn, my editors and staff writers are all whispering about this lay-off/bankrupt business of the news industry. What will become of the L.A. Times if I ever do return?
Another note: Please boycott online “news” places like Huffington Post and Yahoo, at least for my sake! They are stealing jobs from people who deserves to be paid well, or at least fairly. Even if you don’t read the news in print anymore, support industries that pay real reporters and does not steal stories or hire byline-hungry wanna-be bloggers!
Okay that’s all. 
****
There’s more to eating disorders than just the “classic” anorexia, bulimia and binge-eating disorder.
But you knew that. Maybe you’re struggling with some kind of issues yourself, but you don’t know how to label it because it doesn’t fit the categories designed for a clear diagnosis. But would it surprise you if I told you that I also had a whole list of weird and totally disordered behaviors in addition to the main ED departments?
Actually, these abnormal eating disorders have their own department now. Since they aren’t neatly anorexic or bulimic, they got lumped together into the Eating Disorder Otherwise Not Specified department, or EDNOS. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t just as harmful and disordered.
Here are just some that I struggled with for random brief periods during my ED limbo:
1) Spit-and-chew:
There was half a year (or more?) period in which I would chew and then spit out my food. It could be bread. It could be meat. It could be cheese. Obviously, I chewed and swallowed my fruits and vegetables because they have nutrients and are low in calories and are “good” for me. It started out with a panicky spitting of food into my napkin during meals out. And then I realized that I could have both worlds of tasting my food and not eating my cake, too! Well, that developed into a full-fledged spit-and- chew episodes in which I would so waste through tons of food. I’m so ashamed to think of all the food I wasted, just to get a temporary, unsatisfying taste of it.
Oh, and strangely enough, I think it does do really weird stuff to your body. Every time after that, my heart felt like it was palpitating and I felt faint. And it definitely is NOT satisfying at all and by the end of it you’re just hungrier and crankier because you just want to EAT, damn it. There is no cheating when it comes to eating real food. My spit-and-chew phenomenon ended when I finally could stand it no longer and outright binged. So if you’re entertaining the idea of doing this, you’ve been warned.
2) Eating non-foods:
Sometimes I would purposely burn my food to a crisp so I didn’t have to eat it. I cannot decipher the crazy logic behind this…non-logic. I guess it was just kind of sabotaging myself. But at times, I would actually eat the burnt carcinogenic foods, because…they are food and presumably, non-caloric. I also liked to eat the skin and peels of fruits and vegetables, sometimes even throwing out the flesh just for the skin. My parents got outraged whenever they saw me do this, so I did this behind their back—sometimes even picking the peels off from the trash. What the heck was going through my mind at the time?!
3) Eating voluminous foods:
This actually is probably more part of my anorexic tendencies. Everything I ate had to be large in volume—loads and loads of raw vegetables, fruits with skin on so that I get full from the fiber, yadee yadah. I had an obsession with fiber. That was the first thing I checked when I looked at the nutrition label. To be honest I see this in a lot of “healthy living” blogs as well, and…it bothers me. You don’t need a sackful of mushrooms or lettuce for lunch, even if you do plan to eat something “naughty” afterward. This need to fill up with low-caloric foods just means you’re hungry and you should really go eat a sandwich.
4) Spices:
Woo! Had I a liberal hand with salt and spices! I craved flavors so much in my food (probably the result of low-carb and low-fat diet) that I could probably shake salt and pepper into my mouth. I could squeeze a bottle of (low-sugar) Heinz ketchup into my mouth, straight up. Everything I ate had a handful of salt and a generous drizzle of sugar-free Smuckers syrup on top, from roasted potatoes to cottage cheese. Again, what I really needed was real food—this was my way of tricking my mind into getting “more” with “less” calories. Trust me, it’ll backfire on you one day.
5) Not sitting:
Even in church. I could not sit (I stood at a separate room). Even in the day when I was reading the bible, or typing on my laptop, or reading a book. I could not sit. Even when I was eating breakfast or lunch. I could not sit.
I even made a desk for myself—my laptop would be placed on top of a stack of books so that I could comfortably type while standing up. I would lick my yogurt while slowly pacing around the room. I would sip my coffee while pacing outside the patio. I would prop my book open on a shelf so that it meets my eye while I stand.
The only time I could stand up was dinnertime. I would finally sit when the clock read 8 p.m., my ankles sore and my legs tingling yet numb. But before then, you would have to chop off my legs for me to sit still for more than 10 minutes.
6) Water-loading:
Similar concept to the voluminous eating. I would have to take a sip of water or Crystal Light or hot tea after every mouthful when I’m eating a meal. That would force me to pause between bites, elongating my mealtime—always a goal I had in mind because I was scared shitless of running out too early of the pre-proportioned food to eat. It also fooled me (not really) to think that I was more satisfied than I really was.
7) Orthorexia:
Every single thing that entered my body had to be healthy. But my logic was twisted because non-caloric foods were the exception, though I did try to limit my artificial sweetener consumption because I read that they are not entirely zero-calorie (Oh my God! 5 whole calories for a tiny packet?!).
Again, I’ll be honest: a lot of blogs have warning flags for orthorexic tendencies. A couple squares of dark chocolate is “dessert”? Ordering a salad with no dressing at a nice restaurant? Protein brownies with coconut flour and NuNatural? Sure, I can’t say that is eating disordered, but if that’s all you can eat and you eliminate all forms of refined flours, sugar, “bad” fats, non-organic produce, blah blah blah from your diet and get all apologetic for eating a granola bar with HFCS, that…bothers and worries me.
People like to call it “clean eating.” Pure eating. Whole eating. Lovely, complimentary adjectives to describe their diet. But what is really going on behind the “perfect” diet? Is it stress, anxiety, guilt, cravings and fear? I didn’t think so at the time. I convinced myself I truly “enjoyed” what I was eating. I just don’t crave those processed crap anymore, I would proudly say. But did I even give myself a chance to see if I actually enjoyed other foods too? No. Was I relaxed and casual when I had to dine out away from my fridge of safe foods? No. Did I panic and get mad when someone brought cookies or cake over and offered me some? Hell, yes. Did I feel disgusting and guilty when I ate white rice or white bread? Was my diet extremely limited because of what I would and would not eat? Did I get incredibly uncomfortable when my food routines were disturbed? Yes, yes and yes. If that’s you, then you really need to rethink whether your diet is a wise choice, or a mental bondage.
8) Obsession with other people eating:
There is this one episode in “30 Rock” when a character, Jack, was put on a diet because of high blood pressure: no meat, no alcohol, no sugar. He bought a chunk of steak, made someone eat it in front of him, and intensely stared at their every bite and chew.
I was that person, except in a less creepy way. Or maybe I was just as creepy. Anyway, I was way too observant with what other people ate. Walk in the streets? I wasn’t enjoying the weather or the scenery, but staring at the little girl sucking on a Popsicle. Bible study with my church group? I wasn’t thinking about the message, but staring at the one group member in the corner who was chewing on a beef jerky. And god forbid if anyone close to me went on a diet. That would frustrate and annoy me in a strangely personal way, almost as if I was asked to go on a diet myself. And in a way, I suppose it was like that, because I was losing that vicariousness of eating via others.
9) Occasional purging:
During my ED limbo days, I wasn’t full-out binging and purging anymore. But still occasionally, I would feel the need to purge–even if it was something stupid like a few slices more papaya than I wanted or egg whites that “didn’t sit comfortably” in my stomach. At some point it wasn’t about getting rid of the calories anymore, but how I felt. I didn’t like feeling food in my stomach at a certain hour of the day; night was the only time I let myself feel full and satisfied. I cherished the gnawing emptiness inside me, and I could almost imagine that slow hunger feeding me energy. Very, very messed up is all I can say.
10) Picking and dissecting:
Looking for some self-aggravation? Just observe an eating disordered person eat her/his food. That should pop some blood vessels in you.
My parents never liked to watch me eat, because then they would get mad and they would say something to upset me and the storm will hit the house. I had a nasty habit of picking. Picking at food like a woodpecker pecks at a tree. Because I wouldn’t ever let myself eat a full cookie or dumpling, I would pick at it. Maybe a tiny tear off the edges. I would “peel” bagels and throw away the flesh. Or I would tear apart a bun and just eat the inner parts. I would eat oranges by first peeling the membranes, eating that, then dividing the citrus flesh into segments and then eating them one by one. Garrgh! I’m infuriating myself just thinking about it.
So there it is. Eating Disorders Not Otherwise Specified, specified. But obviously not in its entirety. There’s so many different disordered behaviors out there that it would fill up an encyclopedia.
Thoughts to Ponder:
1) Did any of the behaviors I listed apply to you?
2) What did I miss out? Or what did I list that you may not agree with? Why?
3) Do you think EDNOS can be just as dangerous as anorexia or bulimia?
Related posts:
{ 57 comments… read them below or add one }
I can relate to the picking at food girl. I am just catching up on your ED series, this is a great addition to it. I love how you are so honest and open about your struggles
Umm, most of these apply to me, aside from the purging.
I thought I was the only one practically with the whole ‘squeezing low sugar ketchup into mouth’ thing, and I drench everything in cinnamon or nooch or vegan sprinkly cheese. I suppose it’s not quite the same though, as the latter two obviously have calories so aren’t ‘free’ in my mind.
The volume thing? Guilty as charged.
With the orthorexia trait, I’m not totally sure. This week I have eaten unfamiliar and ‘processed’ foods, eaten out a bit and had quite a lot of greasy and sweet stuff I wouldn’t normally go within ten feet of. And I genuinely wasn’t keen, not through fear but because my body didn’t react well to fried things and I just felt’ blah’ afterwards. It wasn’t due to guilt: I genuinely think it’s because the quality of the food wasn’t great and I don’t enjoy things like that any more.
Hope you get a well-earned semi-rest this week-end!
xxx
I had ALL of those behaviors! I had a nasty habit of hoarding apples in my room and only eating the skins, and then throwing the rest away. My biggest problem was the volumized low calorie foods. I was obsessed with eating broccoli, and strangely enough, it was also a trigger food if I ate too much of it!
Another behavior that I experienced was cooking for people. Of course I never ate it, but besides tasting it, I engaged all my senses towards this dinner, and I guess that was my way of tricking myself into thinking that I had ‘eaten’.
I’m still struggling with the orthorexia part, but most of those other symptoms I’ve been able to put behind me. I’ve come such a long way since the first time I emailed you, I’ve already eaten everything on my fear foods list! You keep being such an inspiration for me, I definitely wouldn’t have made it this far without you!
(BTW, I’ve been craving some good dumplings since your last post, but unfortunately, Boston has some pretty unimpressive dumpling houses… boo! This asian needs her dumpling fix!!)
Cheers! -Anna
Anna, you beautiful wonderful thing. I’m SO happy!!!!!! Rock on!!! And search a bit deeper! I know for sure Boston has some good dumpling places. If not…come to L.A. and I’ll take you out!
Gah.. way too many of those are ones I use to relate too (eating non-foods, orthorexia, obsession with other people eating) and unfortunately still struggle with (eating voluminous foods, not sitting, water loading, purging) . At the time I honestly thought nothing was wrong but now I look back and realize how crazy I was being. Even when people commented on my “weird” food behaviors I still thought I was normal! While I still have issues with food and ED behaviors I am VERY happy to say that I’m on the road to recovery and it’s finally noticeable to me now whereas before I always felt like I was stuck in a recovery rut. One last thing, I definitely think that EDNOS can be as dangerous as anorexia or bulimia. I mean, it IS what caused me to eventually develop full out bulimia and I have a feeling it causes many others to reach the critical stage too.
1. spit & chew
2. spices
3. not sitting
4. occasional purging
5. dissecting.
the first one i am guilty of on a regular basis; this has mostly to do with the fact that i can’t stand more than about a half-cup of food or beverage (even non-caloric foods/beverages, including water!) and usually applies to the only “bulk” food i allow myself to eat: fruits and veggies. during this time #2 comes into play; i season the shit out of whatever i am “eating” because, as you say, it makes the experience somewhat more satisfactory. (though, for the record, i’ve always felt that things like veggie burgers, french fries, etc. are more a means of conveying ketchup than foods in and of themselves– i’ll eat that stuff straight from the packet and always have!)
i almost never sit down, either; this isn’t difficult because i work as the maid for my household (it’s why i get to live at home rent-free at age 23), but ever when i am on my computer, since i don’t have a desk and my computer sits on my bed, i squat down indian-style, still supporting my weight, and even sometimes going up on my toes and down again to keep up the caloric burn.
#4 ties into what i said about #1– i can’t stand much food in my stomach, and if it goes above that limit, it’s just too easy to throw it all back up again rather than deal with the discomfort and uneasiness i always feel. it goes against what many anorexics like to do– i.e., bulk “guilt-free” foods to fill them up– but i don’t care if it’s practically zero-calorie lettuce or premium full-fat ice cream, if it feels like too much, out it comes.
#5 is pretty much self explanatory. i always decimate my food into the tiniest of pieces and usually only eat what will fit on one tine of a fork.
strangely, i am totally not orthorexic, though i try to eat fairly healthy, insofar as i drink milk, real juice (i.e., not from concentrate and not “juice drinks”), water, and a regular 16-oz. bottle of diet soda lasts me about three days, etc.; but hot damn i love me some CANDY. i <3 jolly ranchers, and i check jlist.com all the time to see if they've restocked their hokkaido corn caramels (if you haven't tried them, imagine the best, sweetest, in-season corn you've ever had, concentrate it a hundred times, and add the slightly smoky, burnt brown flavor of caramel: nirvana).
as for EDNOS, i think it is the most dangerous of them all, because… well, to use an analogy, it's like pot: an easy, fairly cheap and widely available gateway drug. you try it, you like the high… so you move on to stronger drugs. same deal: pretty much every ED starts as an EDNOS, just "weird" eating habits that, for some reason, fulfill something inside you, bring a sense of gratification. gradually, your eating erodes further and further, until you are a full-blown anorexic or bulimic. worse still, most of the habits which you described won't cause you to lose a lot of weight, and, if you live in a family (like mine) that never eats together, it can be a long time before it gets diagnosed– usually only after it has progressed into something more serious. that's what happened to me, and i'm fairly certain that if it had been caught during the early EDNOS stages, i would never have been caught up in this vicious and ongoing cycle that has lasted twelve years and counting.
i think that the best possible thing a parent could do to prevent an ED from developing in their offspring would be to establish the fact that families always cook and eat together, no excuses. though this would by no means guarantee that their kids would not get an ED, it would certainly make it easier for a parent to detect the early warning signs that nearly always emerge before a full-blown eating disorder.
(why do i always end up writing an epic every time i comment on your website? it is nearly the ONLY website i ever comment on, and i guess you have to deal with the brunt of my pent-up desire to comment…?)
I love your epic comments, Jessi, so don’t stop.
Very insightful about EDNOS being like cheap pot…really true. It doesn’t SEEM dangerous, but it’s a dangerous play with something potentially fatal.
p.s. Yes, I’ve definitely tried that corn caramel you are talking about. So awesome. They also have a “seaweed” flavor caramel…love that too!
It is so awesome that you recognize these issues and are out there trying to help others. You are an inspiration!
1. To an extent, I think that people that are eating disordered that look at food blogs can be categorized into the ‘obsession with other people eating’. I know when I was at the height of my ED, I would spend one or two hours a night on Flickr’s ‘Food Porn’ group and just go through all the pictures, my mouth salivating all the while. It absolutely fascinated me that people could be okay with eating that kind of thing, and it made me comforted to at least look at it and think, “Oh, well that looks nice.” At the time, it didn’t feel disordered at all.
I also struggled with the spit-and-chew, especially in the early stages of my recovery. I’d be eating something alone and think, “Why am I eating this if no one is here to even watch me?” and spit it out. My mother and grandmother have always done the picking and dissecting thing, which I have always found disordered (my mother used to be anorexic), and am thankful that I never have done that. It drives me nuts just to think about!
2. I know that you’ve mentioned in your posts before, Sophia, about your nighttime binging. As for me, I allotted the majority of my food to be eaten at one specific time. I would freak out if I had to eat before or after this time, afraid of God knows what, but I stuck by it for a very long time. I’d get home at 3PM from school and eat around 800 calories in one sitting. In actuality, I know that 800 calories is not a lot, but when combined with the fact that I ate high volume low density foods with lots of fiber, plus TONS of water, it felt like a ridiculous amount. My stomach would bloat like crazy even though the amount of food I was eating was on the VERY low end of normal. The bloating would get so bad that I would actually end up (involuntarily) spitting up water. I don’t know how to explain it other than that… it would feel as though it were actually stuck in my throat. It was really gross. I don’t know if anyone else had this happen to them, but I thought it was worth mentioning.
3. I definitely think that EDNOS can be just as dangerous. A lot of the time, people just don’t fit the criteria exactly for anorexia or bulimia, and thus are categorized under EDNOS. This could be a person with a dangerously low BMI that still gets regular periods, or a bulimic that used to purge every day but now only purges every couple days, but still suffers the same physical consequences… you get the idea. The criteria of full-blown anorexia or bulimia can actually be quite hard to meet.
hm, what you said about you spitting out food because “nodody is watching me…” That was so true. For a very long time, the only time I ate was to please my parents. I never ate for myself, and if I had to challenge myself, it had to be under my parents’ eye just to prove to them that “hey, I’m challenging myself!” even though I had no plans to repeat that in full privately.
I’ve had moments when I would involuntarily puke out water too, especially after I binged and water-loaded right before a weigh-in. One of the reason why I hate, hate hate scales.
Oh wow, yeah… um, I did a lot of these. 1, 3, 6, and 10 were all things I did at one point or another. Sad just thinking about it.
I heart dark chocolate for dessert! Or for breakfast! Or a midnight snack!
I don’t know if eating clean needs to be considered disordered, however… depending on how it’s being used and what the intent is… I get your point, but it feels a bit like a backlash against people who are eschewing some of the problems of the modern Western diet—restricting doesn’t have to be ONLY bad! Different machines have different needs, in the end.
I get what you mean. Unhealthy eating is a problem of the modern Western diet…but so are eating disorders. Seems like the underlying problem is extremism. :-/
I believe restricting is bad, period.
Because if you truly eat what you and your body crave and listen, you won’t eat “too much” (as in: the problem of obesity and overeating). Restricting isn’t needed, you ignore the natural process of your body by doing that. I also think that diet/light/whatever products don’t satisfy you enough, so it will become difficult to know if you’re hungry or satisfied.
Sophia: what a wonderful post. I really appreciate your honesty and recognize this all so much (from the past). But you also make some very insightful points about the more covered ways of disordered eating and I think that’s very needed in this society! Way to go girl! xxx
Julia: in a perfect world, yes. But I’m back to “different machine, different needs”.
What do you mean by that, Stephanie, sorry? I’m just a little confused.
Maybe ‘restricting’ is a bad way of phrasing it. I do agree with Julia that restricting your intake is usually pretty bad- like, not eating enough or denying yourself things you want.
I think opting for a healthier option is fine- as long as, like Sophia wisely said, it’s not a ‘well I CAN’T eat that because it’s got x, y and z’. Maybe it’s the difference between ‘I don’t want to eat that cake for health reasons’ and ‘I feel I can’t eat that cake for health reasons’. Between following your diet obsessively and panicking if you have to eat something different, or eating a way that genuinely makes you happy but not being upset or scared if you have to do something a bit differently.
Anyway, I digress. Sophia, I loved this post.
I think EDNOS is dangerous… mostly because it’s often viewed as a ‘lesser’ eating disorder, and patients don’t always get the help they need or deserve. Often people who show all the signs of anorexia except being of a certain weight are thrown into this category, and can be overlooked. It’s stupid.
I think my favourite way of looking at it is that eating disordered patients suffer from an eating disorder. Whether that’s AN, BN, EDNOS, COE… it doesn’t matter- especially when you take into account that ‘long term’ sufferers tend to cycle between all the diagnoses. I like the view that if you have an eating disorder, you have an eating disorder- the category doesn’t matter and the emphasis should be put on getting healthy again rather than exactly where you ‘fit’.
Haha, I rambled. Anyway, loved the post
xxx
What I mean is, in a perfect world, you’d listen to your body and it would guide you right. But, if *I* just go by what I want, I want more starch than I really *need*. Always have. I always want bread, cereal, etc—if I’m not feeling well, that soothes my stomach. If I want a little snack, starch is always what I want first. If I’m tired, I want starch. So I find that if I restrict my starches and try not to have them first, or even not to have them at some meals at all (even though I always want them), it’s better for my corporeal composition, which is better for my overall health. My cholesterol is lower when I eat less starch. I eat a more varied diet with more colours, and more different foods. So do I restrict myself from doing *exactly* what I want? Sure. But does it make me crazy? Do I cut myself off from society for the sake of praying at the alter of starch-free eating? No. It just means that I make choices with my head first and think “well, what veggie and protein would I like?” and hit that first. And after that, if I’m just *dying* for a starch, I’ll have that after everything else. Maybe I lack imagination… but ultimately, I consider that it’s still me restricting, yet it’s also NOT making me disordered and unhealthy—the opposite, in fact! This is just the way *I* work—ergo, “different machine, different needs”. And I have not even a millisecond of doubt about the fact that this is NOT how it is for everyone.
As I said originally, I get Sophia’s point on the matter, but I’m not convinced that it needs a blanket statement as being unhealthy.
I have had a number of these behaviors at various times during my ED. I remember in high school and college I was obsessed with cooking and baking, as well as recipe collecting. People used to love the stuff I made which sort of just kept fueling that desire. At one point, I thought I was going to become a chef.
As for how dangerous EDNOS can be, yes, it is. Like other mentioned before, it can be an easy pre-cursor to full blown AN or BN. It is also one that can fly under the radar. Plus, it can be more difficult to get treatment with a diagnosis of EDNOS versus AN or BN.
I too have written about some of these. But I think a lot of EDNOS are totally under the radar. Some people (weirdos, if you ask me..) just dont like eating! They’ll honestly forget to eat! And lets not forget the mommy anorexics. The people with a perfectly fine relationship with food until they gain some weight after they have kids and then decide to become skeletons!
The important thing I want to get across is that we should not treat EDNOS differently than AN or BN. Its all serious issues! And you don’t have to be underweight to have them.
Oh and I love you
What a breathtakingly honest post, my dear. I found reading it terrifying, thinking of all the people trapped in horrific cycles of these behaviours that they can’t see a way out of, that feel to them at that moment like logic, like safety. Huges for past you, and even more hugs for present you or getting past this!
(I particularly value your closing points to #3 and #7 – things people really need to think about.)
It was the same time of the day, after a meal, where repeatedly, my fingers would uncontrollably creep on the leftover bread rolls on the dining table, following by a whole batch of freshly baked muffins, later 20 bars of Kit-Kat’s, tons of container of biscuits… again and again, telling myself that I’m beyond bloated, however I could sink myself in melancholy and shame when my body ignore my demands and refuse to obey. Until the last crumble of cookie is stuffed down my throat and nothing else is left in the kitchen, then only I HAD to stop.
It has been two weeks since this issue popped up, some days I’m fine but the rest of the days were painfully terrifying. I know, if I don’t put an end to this cycle, things would go out of way and my health is under risk.
I’m not sure if you understand how it feels, but it’s the cry-so-badly-there’s-no-tears-left kind of pain that’s constantly haunting me even in sleep. Can you, if possible, share some of your experience and better, tips of handling and defeating binge-eating?
Wei Jun, I’m so sorry to hear that. Bingeing is such a horrid thing, both physically and mentally. More often than not, it’s not just a physical craving and problem but there’s a deeper issue behind…have you talked to someone about it? What is really bothering you and why you think you feel the need to binge?
My history with bingeing wasn’t too long and I just switched from one ED to another, so I don’t know how to offer a solution. But I do know that beating yourself over it and stressing over it will only make it worse. Also, secrecy always aggravates the situation. I really suggest talking to your parents or someone close to you so that you can’t hide behind your binges…and try to enjoy life other than food, Wei Jun. A person who truly enjoys life and is satisfied with it will not crave the need to literally stuff oneself. Try to find another hobby? Nothing that is food-related. Maybe going on a walk or knitting after a meal, just to keep yourself busy. Develop the habit of not thinking about food after you finished eating. Part of this is a mental problem, but part of it is also a bad habit of nibbling/snacking.
Great tips Sophia.
Wei Jun, are you following a meal plan?
When I started eating regularly with a guideline I found out –ta da! — I was binging because I was effing hungry!! Really hungry!
Actually I have been caught recently in a cycle of binging/purging/undereating and so I am forcing myself to get back on a structured plan of eating. It REALLY helps. The urge to binge goes away after a day or two.
That being said it is an addiction and one that cycles so the tips Sophia wrote are key. After dinner activity is crucial. Even if you are thinking about the bread rolls the whole dang time. Just force yourself to do something.
All of your posts in this series are so like me that it is painful to even read. Especially the bulimic post – I could not even bring myself to respond. Most all of these are me to a T. I never chewed/spit or ate non-foods or used excessive spices. But I am so guilty of the rest – always fidgeting, definitely a volume eater (I just talked of this on Eden’s comments the other day), likes cooking for others the things I will not touch, and am a certifiable Orthorexic. It is sad.
I think all ED’s are just a continum and the lines are blurred. Where one stops, another picks up. I may not be totally anorexic, but I have those tendencies still. I go all day without eating and then think I can control myself at night. But no, it turns into a binge – and not even on crap food. I used to binge on fast food and cookies, chips, etc. But that changed (orthorexic thinking) because I did not want it in my body at all. So now I will b/p on “clean” foods. It is really very sad. I can look at myself and know it’s crazy (like you look back on yourself) yet when that takes over my mind, I cannot think normally. It also drives me nuts when others go on diets, I feel suddenly worthless and that I am not good enough (why? makes no sense). I don’t know. I did well for a while, but last year (after I lost some weight in a “healthy” manner) I just went nuts again. I am thinking the weight loss triggered it in my brain. I have read that before – that malnutrition will fire those ED guns right up if you are predisposed. The answer would be gaining weight, yet that terrifies me. It is a horrid vicious cycle.
Put me in your prayers please. I know God can deliver me but like Paul, I guess this is a thorn in my side for whatever reason.
thanks for the series and can’t wait to see what helped you the most.
Oh Missy, you will definitely be in my prayers. It definitely is a vicious cycle: being underweight, disordered behaviors, disordered thoughts, low self-esteem, extreme competitiveness, etc. they all just trigger, affect and aggravate each other. The root of it, is a spiritual disability to feel, hear and live the way God wants us to. I do not believe that God allows such spiritual illness to be a permanent, lifelong thorn in the side. Sometimes God uses a chronic physical illnesses to bless people, but I believe He will absolutely 100% restore spiritual/mental illnesses. So have heart, and aim for the top!
Great list
I have been guilty of many at one time or another. Number seven is a really interesting one – when I used to blog about my recovery I used to feel like I was in a minority, being a meat eater who also enjoys a mixture of foods, including sweets and processed things from time to time. I think orthorexia is tricky, since people can get so defensive about their eating habits, and in a way it is an easy obsession to justify, given the nature of attitudes towards eating in society generally. However at the same time there are people who genuinely prefer certain types of food (I’ve had several non-disordered friends in the past who genuinely don’t like chocolate or desserts…madness!)…it is so difficult to draw the line and mark out what is disordered or otherwise. Eating disorders are wily creatures, like bacteria they can evolve and change shape, making them harder to identify and fight, but ultimately I think that if your food choices are restricting your life and potential (and by this I include social interaction, i.e. do they prevent you from eating comfortably with others/joining in with special occasions etc) then it is important to question them.
xxx
Disliking a food and fearing a food. There’s a difference. Your friends can dislike desserts, but I’m sure they won’t freak out/puke/run 10 miles/severely restrict if they were somehow made to eat a pie. But like you said, the best way to tell is by honestly asking yourself if you food choices are hindering your enjoyment of life.
oh lucky number 7. I’m pretty EVERY woman has this or has had this. And the funny thing is the definition keeps changing. After being sick with a parasite in my stomach, i had a huge fear of certain “unhealthy” foods. While I didn’t go raw/vegan/etc. I was TOO aware of what I put in my body and would FREAK out when I didn’t know what was in a dish (like at a resturaunt, etc). I think this actually caused more food allergies. Of course I had to allow my gut to heal with NOURISIHING foods but I like you said, it was taken to an EXTREME and beyond.
My theory now……God made food for us to enjoy, not abuse. Amen!
Thanks for sharing this Lindsay — I never knew this about you.
Sophia, these posts have such a way of bringing people from all backgrounds together and sparking conversation, which I believe is the mark of a great blog.
It’s so interesting to hear people who have never had an eating disorder chime in, and I know many have expressed that they have learned so much about EDs from reading.
Yay! Demystification!
Thank you, Missy. The last comment I read…not so positive and it made me doubt whether it’s actually doing any good.
It got me all hot and bothered … that comment I mean.
That is why I replied because it was such the antithesis of what I feel about this series. I could go on and on.
Anywhoo…That was my mean face down there and not the most Christian but sometimes you just hacve to throw down. She was nasty.
What’s, interesting us that most of the behaviors (obviously not all) can also be healthy, before you cross the kind where it becomes disordered. Eating slowly becomes picking, staying hydrated becomes water loading, clean eating becomes orthorexia.
Actually, it is really hard to stick a label on a person’s eating disorder as being “one thing” (i.e. slapping the “anorexic” label on someone and leaving it at that, and thinking that the term defines their behaviour entirely), isn’t it? So this is a really great post… because it outlines all of those other weird behaviours that sometimes get ignored!
I’m most guilty of 3 and 7. There was a point in my life that you MAY be able to claim as involving 8, but I would actually eat and enjoy the meals and treats I made for others, and not obsess about whether or not they were eating. I just loved cooking and baking for others and getting feedback, and comparing others’ opinions to mine on what I had made. XD When I developed an ED, I actually became afraid of preparing food for others… I just assumed that I had screwed up tastebuds and that no one would find appealing what I did.
As for number 3… That wasn’t a problem when I first started recovering. What WAS a problem was having an untrained dietitian who forced me to follow a little plan of “exchanges” that was supposed to teach me how to eat healthily. IMO, food pyramid-based guides to eating are way to restrictive. Even now I can’t forget what was drilled into my brain: 6-7 servings of whole grains per day, 8-11 servings of fruit and/or veggies, 1-2 servings of fats, 2-3 servings of protein, etc. It made my restriction even worse and pushed me into the 8 category. At THAT point I realised I could follow the “guide” and not be hungry as long as I ate LOADS of vegetables. With lunch and dinner I had family-sized salads with low-fat dressing (if I had used up the “fats” exchanges for the day… ugh so stupid).
Thankfully, I never developed a fear of eating out. I always fully enjoyed and never felt guilty about it.
I didn’t even realise you could ask for salad dressing on the side until a little while ago… And even now, I don’t do that. I’m sure the chef created the dish with certain flavour combinations in mind, and I’m not getting the full experience and true taste if I butcher it by asking for dressing, nuts, toppings, etc. on the side.
I know there are some people that recovered eating only “healthy” and “unprocessed” food… but part of my recovery involved eating that which I formerly wrote off as “junk”! Store-bought, full-fat ice cream that, sure, has a few ingredients that I can’t pronounce (oh, yes, I am so horrible… pfft.), or adding some Oreo crumbles onto a TIY (“Top It Yourself”?) cone of softserve…
Actually, I think I pretty much agree, 100%, with another statement you made on someone’s comment that the problem seems to be extremism, when it comes to eating. Yup. Life is all about balance. When I was at my worst, I would have told you that it was all about balancing the ‘healthy’, natural foods. Most of the time, sure. But I don’t think it’s going to kill me to enjoy a few Oreo crumbles here and there. (My Grandpa loved store-bought shortbread cookies, and treated himself to them quite often, and lived to be 98… He loved butter on toast with fried eggs, too. Did he eat ten sticks of butter and two dozen eggs every day? No, but he didn’t restrict them. Clearly, moderation and true balance has helped at least SOME people enjoy long, happy lives!)
Blahblahblah… I like epic comments, just like Jessi P.
Anyway, great post. Always nice to have these things brought up again, lest we forget or fall into old habits! Or lest we think we’re all alone in some of those weird behaviours. Thanks for this!
fellow epic commenter, i will now epic-reply! haha. i totally feel the whole “clueless dietician” situation. i’ve done the exchanges, which i found confusing and ultimately a hindrance to recovery: how should you count a food that could fall in three different exchange areas? do you count them as all three, or just one, and if so, how to determine which? i usually, being stupid and anorexic, chose to count it as all three.
on the other hand, at a long term facility i stayed at, the diet consisted entirely of prepackaged, processed foods, with almost no vegetables or fruits allowed. you weren’t even allowed to consistently drink juice or milk– you had to drink at least one soda a day! they would question your every food making decision (a memorable example is the time when i wanted peanut butter and honey on my toast instead of pb&j– they said that was a “weird, ed-driven combination”, in spite of the fact that HELLO THEY SELL PEANUT BUTTER WITH HONEY MIXED IN IT ALREADY), made no attempts to normalize your ideas about nutrition or educate you about the principle of balance that you mentioned. most heinous of all, the vegetarian frozen meals they had actually had meat in them AND THEY KNEW IT. when i called them out on it after getting a peek at an ingredient list, they were furious and threatened to make meat-eating mandatory, rather than address the problem and simply replace them with another option.
it’s not that any of the foods they made us eat should never be eaten, but you can’t live your whole life on ice cream, frozen pizza, and soda, and they should have at least attempted to show us that both healthful and not-so-healthful foods have a place in your diet. there’s nothing wrong with eating your vegetables…. sauteed in plenty of butter.
I was technically classified as ED-NOS when I was diagnosed because I didn’t weight little enough to be classified as full-on anorexic. How ridiculous is that? I really wish they would change the guidelines to reflect more what a psychiatric disease this is rather than a physical weight. ARRGH.
Also AARGH. How many of these did I have? A GAZILLION.
Spit-and-chew – tried on occasions but hated it and felt weird doing it.
Eating voluminous foods – uh yes. Tons of salads, all the time. And I would always be sure to eat my veggies before anything else so that I could get full on them. Whenever I knew I was going to have to eat out for dinner, I would make those awful shirataki noodles for lunch…just cause they were so high volume with so few calories.
Spices – I still really love salt and highly spiced foods, but maybe that’s just true in general.
Not sitting – this actually became more prominent during my recovery and I even still get antsy today if I feel like I’ve sat all day.
Water-loading – I remember the summer that I was at my worst, I would drink tons and tons of water at work, just to feel full. I told myself that even when i ate, by drinking the water, i was pushing the food out of my system faster so that the calories wouldn’t be absorbed. I still have issues drinking cold water because of this, since most of the water I got was from the machine at work and that was super cold.
Orthorexia – ummm absolutely. I wouldn’t eat ANYTHING that didn’t have a vegetable in it. And I still don’t eat processed food, but that’s because I take so much more pleasure in baking a cake myself…and then eating most of it.
obsession with other people eating – I hoarded recipes constantly and loved baking for other people. I’m positive that’s where the food blog stemmed from.
Occasional purging – absolutely.
they shouldn’t be basing their anorexia criteria solely on weight. if you are exhibiting the behaviors, then you are anorexic whether your bmi is or not. this kept me from getting the help i needed at an early enough stage where it might actually have done some good.
I can relate to pretty much all of them! Sad, sad fact.
I hear you on 1. 3. 5. 6. and 7. sista’
I didn’t actually become aware that those were “symptoms” of mine until I came into treatment! I guess I was never even mindful that I did it. Period.
1. Taking a bite of something and spitting it out because “I didn’t like it” was perfectly normal to me. Why would I swallow something I don’t like?! That makes no sense!!!!!
3. Why on earth would I throw away the peel of perfectly good kiwis and grapefruits?!?!!? That’s almost sinful… after all, that’s where all the nutrients are. And I would be demented to let those go to waste. So yes, lots of peel, lots of rind, lots of whole bitter leaves.
5. Sit? What does that mean, again?! Nope, I didn’t need to sit, that was for the feeble. I could stand on my own two little twiggy legs! the world thought I was week, well I would prove them wrong by standing and walking as much as I could. God, forgive my arrogance!
6. 12 litters a day. Easy. Preferably hot, so it filled me up more. Anything to not feel it… to never feel hunger.
7. Of course, everything must be healthy and the most nutritious possible. Until I became scared of “nutrition” itself and only celery would be acceptable. But hold on, not too much of it. Don’t be a pig.
I’m sorry for the graphic relay of my disordered thinking. I guess putting it out there makes me defend against it. It’s no longer a secret.
Congrats on being done the internship! Now rest and enjoy the last bit of summer
Good for you! I think writing or saying out all the insane thoughts makes it clearer to ourselves too how demented ED is. And to think we loved it so much. Also, so many contradictions: did you actually enjoy the kiwi and grapefruit peels? I’m guessing not…Why not spit it out then? I thought ED wanted us to spit everything we don’t like out.
Fuck ED.
that’s exactly why i love your blog so much– it really makes me think about my behaviors and face up to those that i still practice. it’s so easy to be complacent, and your weekend posts are a regular reminder for me to keep trying.
I just found your blog, and I’m so happy I did. You write beautifully and I appreciate your fearlessness in your posts. I look forward to following your blog!
This post hit close to home. Though I was never diagnosed with an ED, I definitely suffered from disordered eating. I would chew and spit, eat voluminous foods, obsess over others eating, pick and pick (this also drove my parents crazy), etc. I’d “destroy” my food so that I couldn’t eat it – tear bread/buns apart, pour water or whatever I was drinking on it, whatever.
Looking back on this behavior drives me crazy. Thanks for the post.
1,3,4,5,7,9,11…Apply or have applied to me. Not sure if the spice thing applies..I mean, I tend to just put something spicy on everything, lol. Hot sauce, salsa, peppers..something. Never used salt, was afraid of it…or, am. From a salt shaker anyways. Yeah..most of your posts like this are so perfect I’m at a loss for words because nothing needs to be added xP..oh yeah, and the “healthy living blog” thing bothers the crap out of me too. I’d have to meet some of these people in real life, because I don’t write anything online..but face to face something would come out of my mouth probably…but I know it’s not my place to interfere, since nothing I say will change how they feel.
I am currently working on a paper regarding the proposed changes to the DSM-IV. The new DSM-V,which is striving to “capture” more people and move away from Ed-Nos in general, will make significant changes in the Eating Disorder category. The diagnostic criteria is changes quite a bit, and I believe it will ‘capture’ more people (hopefully). It’s interesting to look through the proposed revisions and the rationale behind them (it’s on the DSM5 website). Among the proposed changes are removal of the word “refusal” from Anorexia (refusal to maintain weight- hoping to lessen the stigma and take the blame off of the suffer), and getting rid of the criteria of ammenorrhea; there is significant evidence supporting this, and they are deeming it irrelevant. Bingeing is being lessened to 1x from 2x a week for three months as a criteria. This is a dramatic change, because people who binge/purge 1x suffer as much as those who do it 2x, and deserve treatment and help. They are also considering removing Binge Eating Disorder from the appendix, and giving it its own diagnosis, prognosis etc– separate from that of the other EDs. Several of the EDNOS behaviors you mentioned above have been discussed; it will be interesting to see where they fall when the new manual comes out (2012-2013 I believe?). Either way, it will have great implications for millions of people, the healthcare system, insurance claims etc.
Barbara
Well i am terribly sorry if this comment is in any way insensitive or hurtful that is not my intention but i do feel utterly obliged to comment on this one of your many ED series posts. May i just say being someone who suffered and is still currently suffering from an eating disorder in my case anorexia nervosa, i can not put into words my disgust at most of your ED series posts, not only do i not agree with most of your posts i can not agree with your points and views and find most of your posts extremely triggering to read. they are both unhelpful and terribly self uppity. I find myself whilst reading most of these posts thinking how much you continually contradict yourself through out. i feel that you have hindered my recovery and sent me into a spiraling decent into full blown depression much deeper than i have ever experienced and now after intensive therapy and the use of medications to control my thoughts uncontrollable anxiety and obsessive self doubt and criticism, am bingeing the long climb back from the hole that i found myself after reading some of your posts. You talk about how you binged which No1. frightened the very soul out of me and made me question my own eating habits. No2. you talked about how you loathed your disproportionate weight gain again which frightened me to my core. No2. You talked of how you took up eating only natural unprocessed foods and became self assured and held yourself more highly above everyone else in society because of your knowledge on nutrition, And this this was the one thing that DID indeed send me spiraling into self doubt and self destruction once again, because being a fellow sufferer i thought that i too would encounter all of these obstacles in recovery and it greatly hindered my progress and seeped into every corner of my life. I though that i would at some point become a binge eater, truly believed it and struggle with reoccurring fears of this which then caused me to limit my food take even further and loose weight, I became totally convinced that my recovery was a farce because i valued nutritious options over more heavily processed foods (something my dietitian and doctors recommended i do until i regained sufficient weight to ensure i regained enough nutrients and weight) Then i began doubting my own food choices and began loathing all the foods i previously enjoyed as i believed that i only choose these options due to the fact they contained health giving properties, vegetables, nuts, grains ect, thinking i only used to pick and eat such things for a hidden agenda: To eat naturally, which upon reflection with numerous dietitians and psychologists was not the case at all as i was eating “bad foods” (whatever they even are) also. But as my confidence and self belief was already at rock bottom i truly believed i was cheating myself and setting myself up for future failure. This got to the point where i hated, LOATHED the sight of any “healthy foods”, Any fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds, musleis, porridges, yoghurts, anything that was not deep fried or covered in sugar or chocolate. To the point where i could no longer enjoy any foods as i thought all my decisions to be wrong and disordered. So thanks for that. Now i am still grappling with these inner demons and face them on a daily basis, to the point where i can no longer enjoy fruit cakes, blueberry muffins, apple pies, fruit crumbles, fruit flavor ice creams, or any confectionary containing fruits, as i view them as disordered choices, so yes thank you now my food choices are even more messed up and i am in even worse a position that i was before, all this self doubt and malnutrition lead to my brain becoming so starved that i began doubting myself as a person, i forgot who i was, i have totally socially withdrawn myself as i think im a bad person because im so unsure of myself now, i began seeing the world the whole human race ina differnet more negative light and feel totally unable to connect with anyone as i doubt my own ability to think and respond. So yea thanks again. Also ii think that you totally contadict yourself thorughout your blog! You say all these things about other sufferes how they all think they are self riteous and such like when you are doing just that by writing about them you are looking down upon all sufferers, thinking they are broken in some way cheating themselves. You in short think you are some how higher than the rest. You also again contradict yourself as you actually only seem to eat what i would deem as healthy foods..-___- so how you can be all self uppity and belittle other sufferers saying they only eat healthy foods because they are afraid to face up to their disorders is beyond me. Also a blog totally dedicated to eating and containing most of the meals you eat and places you go to eat? Hmmm..that seems very disordered to me, preoccupation with food? I think so. So how do you tell me do you justify that? All your triggering comments which actually hold no ground, people like you make me so angry and i just hope that more young strugglers fighting to free themselves from their disordered eating habits and to regain health and happiness do not encounter this blog and do not read your ED posts! And one final thing, i think that you are cheating yourself, take a deeper look at yourself like your posts made me and realize that you are still deeply intrenched yourself, also have a look at your fragile frame and emaciated appearance and think to yourself, obviously i am not nourishing myself enough(not eating adequate calories) So how dare you and people like you think that you deserve to look down and belittle people who are brave enough to even begin eating ANYTHING after living with such a serious life threatening disorder. Everyone is entitled to an opinion but not when it is potentially damaging, and yes although i agree with you in most points as in i think that some Ed sufferers do fall into the only eating steamed tofu and veggies with fat free hummus and sugar free products i think that you should first consider the implications of your actions and how your posts could be interpreted by people making progress in their recoveries who are passionate about good food good honest ingredients and local produce. I was one of those people but as i am so self destructive and have such low self esteem i thought that i was just “Cheating myself, setting myself up for failure, and building up years of repression where i would one day binge on all the chocolate, fast foods and confectionary in the future” . That is all i have to say.
Too long.
I stopped reading and started skimming because you write such ugly nasty and ridiculous things. Then I realized I had to read the whole thing if I am to reply. I HOPE NO ONE ELSE WASTES THEIR TIME READING YOUR COMMENT.
It’s clear to me you are deeply troubled and have issues.
Please do not attack others — focus on yourself. Ok?
Seriously — a blog sent you “into a spiraling decent into full blown depression much deeper than i have ever experienced” then let me give you a quick equation.
More meds. Less Blog reading.
You can talk about Sophia and her blog to your therapist, spare us your drama.
We don’t care if you’re gonna be so rude and “self-uppity” I’ll just have to love the spirit within you that is kind and loving and hope that your ugliness fades away soon with recovery.
More meds. Less Blog reading, girl.
“Less blog reading, girl” – I agree! If they trigger you, don’t read them! And sure, Sophia looks like she still is well under the minimum 18.5 BMI required to be at a healthy weight (many schools won’t even let you register without a BMI of *at least* that) but didn’t she say that this is a process? She’s working on recovering, and I’m sure she’s still trying to gain and reach that healthy weight. It’s just as hard for her as anyone else.
Dear Laura, if my ED posts are hurting you, please don’t read it. I’m sorry you had a negative experience with it.
But I want to make it clear that I am not a priest; I am just a person who experienced ED and am telling my story. I hate ED with a passion and sometimes my words do come off strong, but it is not directed to people who are suffering from it. It is at ED, which I loathe with all my heart and soul. I do not think I am better than other ED sufferers– how can I when I went through the same thing myself? I am also open to comments by others who have gone through different or similar experiences as my own.
If you think I only eat healthy foods, then you clearly don’t read my blog. Please don’t judge me for what you perceive from a few posts. Please don’t call me “emaciated” and “undernourished” just because I may have a different body frame from what you perceive as normal.
Also…I like food. I really do. However, just because I blog 3 times a week about food does not mean I think and obsess over it 24/7. I think it’s healthy to enjoy food, actually, and share it with others.
Laura:
I did not read through all of that drivel simply because your horrendous spelling and grammar plus a lack of paragraphs made it a challenge to read.
Here’s the thing with Sophia: If you took the time to read beneath the surface, to not take her writing at face value, and really tried to get to know her beyond the blog you wouldn’t have been so harsh to her or responded so negatively. For you to allege her posts sent you into deep depression signals far more challenges and deep rooted insecurities within yourself, not her. You have no control over your own emotions, no accountability for your own actions and feelings. That is on you, not Sophia.
Please seek therapy and stop blaming others for your problems. I consider Sophia an incredibly intelligent, insightful, forward-thinking young woman who was and is capable of reflecting on the horrors and consequences of ED. I don’t see anything as self-righteous, uppity, whatever adjective you used. I strongly suggest you look much deeper into this blog and gain better understanding before attacking her viewpoints.
You’re #7 was written with such a respectful candor….I bet someone who read it had a light switch turn on in their head. Well done.
It’s crazy how ED behaviors can morph over time…sometimes I think ED behaviors can be something as innocuous as having to check the mail everyday. It’s all inside the person’s head. Thanks for sharing. It may not be easy for you but this is amazing work you are doing I promise.
Sorry about the rude comment above. If she doesn’t like your ED posts, then why is she still reading them!!?
I hope your last day as a summer intern went well
I so agree with 3 and 7 worrying me in some really prominent “healthy living” bloggers (one, in particular, comes to mind).
It’s really dangerous for such popular bloggers to exemplify such behavior, and the one I’m thinking of in particular is skinny as a stick with bones jutting out everywhere, runs a lot, and still is all about volume (“voluminous oatmeal” cooked with double the water, “voluminous rice pudding” cooked with lots of water, “voluminous ice cream” with little-to-no fat, etc.) in her food. The problem is, lots of EDNOs patients (in treatment or not) visit her sight as a ‘good example.’ She also talks a lot about making non-”naughty” desserts with little/no sugar and little/no fat. I know I shouldn’t worry about her, as she’s not *my* friend or family member and I have no responsibility for her, but I can’t help it.
And as her site is so popular, I consider that a form of pro-ana… Do you think so?
I think I know who you’re talking about…and I recently got into a debate with a friend about it. I see it as pro-ana. And I really detest it. I wonder if she knows what she’s doing though. :-/
I agree! And I don’t really see how there’s much of a gray area, it seems so blatant…
I definitely know people who have used it as such and ended up *very* badly. I tried to write her about it, as respectfully as I could, but she flipped out and told me never to write her/visit her blog again. What can you do? :/
I guess all there is to do, is try to provide mentally healthier alternatives (live Burp and Slurp, The Actor’s Diet, Oh She Glows, Kath Eats, etc.) I guess that’s part of why I started Living, Learning, Eating…hopefully the positive blog influences can help reduce the damage of the negative ones…
I don’t think these kind of bloggers are intentionally pro-ana…and we can’t control what everyone blogs/reads so my realization is just to focus on self.
True
I don’t know what you gals are talking about. She eats 2400 calories a day. Trust her. She wrote 2(!) posts to prove it. (0:
I agree with a lot of these. I just recently read a post about a girl that “used” to have an ED (and for the most part I would have believed that) but to me, she has fairly odd eating habits. She just posted about how she loves eating with baby spoons. I do too, but I know that’s from the ED days. She commented on that it doesn’t bother her to eat with a real spoon if needed, she just prefers it. What are your thoughts on that? I’m just curious to get others opinions.
And for the post above, I know Missy is right that she does eat that much, I’m not sure why she does that though.
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