Last night, I came home early from work.
I had a great day: an awesome interview with Marja Vongerichten (the host of the upcoming PBS TV series “Kimchi Chronicles” and wife of Chef Jean-Georges), a busy work day of transcribing and writing (no thumb-twiddling!) and a yummy mid-afternoon Asian snack (strawberry cheesecake pretzel sticks).
And I came back home to an empty house.
Well, not really. I found my room infested with ants. Holy—. How does a whole army of ants crawl into the corner of my closet overnight? I could have sworn they weren’t there yesterday. Damn my bread crumbs!!
I spent the next 30 minutes cursing and sucking up all the pesky six-legged creatures with my vacuum. The weather is past 90 degrees and I was sweating away in my formal work attire. Stupid ants!
But after the last pest was sucked up, the room suddenly seemed empty again. There’s my desk in the middle of the room. Empty and clean, waiting for its sole occupant. Hm. 
For a second, I wondered what it would be like to come home to somebody waiting for me.
Somebody with whom I can destroy ants, somebody I can bitch to about my irritation of the day, or share a bible verse that I liked. Somebody who might have prepared and washed my vegetables for me, ready for me to sauté when I get back. Someone whom I can force to clean the toilet (my LEAST favorite chore), who will sit at my white Ikea desk across me to eat dinner with me, telling me I look good even though I’m dressed in a ratty shirt with a faded Pikachu image on it.
After all, it’s a little sad that I should come home wanting to share my good day with only a swarm of wicked ants waiting for me.
And then I got busy with preparing dinner, and I promptly forgot that I ever doubted why I enjoy my singlehood. You see, I like my silence when I come back home from a long day; I like lazy dinners when I would eat just a big hunk of bread for dinner; I like the ceasing of all social drama once I open my door and walk into the blessed silence.
In short, I love the simplicity of my life at home. Though…what would I know about the “other life?” A good friend of mine recently lamented to me that she hasn’t had a boyfriend in a very long time. I guess in a way I’m glad I’ve never had one so I don’t know what I’m missing.
One thing I do miss though, is sharing my cooking. I remember when I used to live in the little room under the lemon tree with three other guys less than a year ago. I always shared my baked goods with Kenny. I would leave the milk bread or cornbread out on the kitchen counter and when I come back, one-third of it would be gone. I always smiled, because it’s a nice feeling to share food with somebody.
Awhile ago, Mimi asked me to sample a bacon-mint pea soup that she made. It was the best pea soup I’ve had, and I don’t even like peas. So to return the favor, I decided to make something in return for her, too. After all, we single ladies know how to eat well.
I had a list of elaborate dishes in mind, but then realized few of those fancy plates would transport well, nor would it be good a day after. The only options I could think of was some kind of casserole or soup. So I dug into my pantry and decided to use up some of the products that Hormel Foods had sent me some time ago: 
- Bacon
- Smoked Ham
- Salsa
- Beef Bouillon
And some other stuff I had on hand: 
- Corn
- Zucchini (from my CSA box!)
- Onion
- Cream cheese
- Garlic (unpictured)
- Hoisin sauce (unpictured)
- butter (unpictured)
- Hot sauce (unpictured, optional)
- black pepper (unpictured)
Add all that up, and you get some kind of disgustingly good stew. Or chowder. I don’t know, call it what you want, it’s a dish for the single ladies so we don’t need to impress nobody.
First, dice up onion, zucchini and garlic. Set the butter (about a tablespoon?) melting over medium heat in a large pot. Toss in onions and garlic, stir to coat. Throw in zucchini next, let cook until kinda soft.
Next, drain smoked ham and throw it in with a drizzle of hoisin sauce. That’s the secret ingredient here. Ooh-er.
Dump in corn, salsa (as much or as little as you want, depending on how much of a zing you like in your soup), a few cubes of bouillon and enough water to suit your preference. Bring to a boil, simmer for a while.
Turn off heat. Stir in cream cheese at the end, season with black pepper and dashes of hot sauce. 
Serious goodness. I know it looks GOOPy, but it tastes five times better than it looks. That’s more than I can say about Gwyneth Paltrow. 
I ladled a good portion into the very container Mimi put her pea soup in for me. 
Crumbled a bacon on top. Totally fuss-free. 
If you want to get fancy, get a clean bowl out, spoon in a decent serving, crumble bacon on top, sprinkle on fresh herbs and cheddar cheese. Like this: 
Disclaimer: this bowl was from leftovers. I microwaved the contents after work and had a warm, satisfying meal within 4 minutes. Well, minus the 2 more minutes I spent to take an impatient photograph of it. 
This actually tasted better a couple days later! Perfect, since bachelorettes like me tend to have to settle for frequent leftovers. 
Even with the cream cheese, it really wasn’t too heavy or rich. Probably from the tangy salsa. It was a perfect blend of creaminess with lots of texturally pleasing chunks of vegetables. 
I’m getting a bit tired of my need to take several pictures of the same freaking bowl. Another good thing about being single: nobody to call you out on your annoying traits. Except yourself, of course. And the damn ants that jump on every chance to remind you that you’re sloppy with leaving crumbs around the floor.
Question of the Day: Now, let’s hear it. Any fellow single ladies out there? Holler up! What do you like about singlehood?
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{ 43 comments… read them below or add one }
I am not a single lady, so I probably shouldn’t be the first to comment. But that is what happens when you live in a different continent and you are up while the other half of the world is sleeping. My home is crowded: I have a husband and two little kids. It is nice to come home to a noisy, cheerful house and to share an even more noisy meal together. But sometimes, after a long, busy day at the office, when I come home to screaming, whiny kids and a tired husband I sometimes really wish I had the white, orderly, quiet apartment you have on your own.
the stew looks really really good! I love how you can always create something special with whatever you have on hand!
p.s. Singlehood is awesome! ^^ I love having loads of time to myself, without feeling obliged to sacrifice it for somebody. but, dating can be fun though. okay i think i’m horrible oops.
Hey Sophia! Nice post.
I often face the problems with red ants. I don’t use a vacuum cleaner, rather I wash them away. It appears sometimes like a war where I wash them and they come back with the same enthusiasm they had before and again start acquiring their territory.
I was writing posts often then the work and late night travels made me lazy. But I see you though being lazy keep writing. You are encouraging for lazy guys like me.
Regarding a boy friend, it is never a necessity for the women who feel they are self sufficient to manage themselves or have enough friends to discuss. But having one would be great! as you can expect gifts often
Now coming to your question for the day…
Any fellow single ladies out there? Holler up! What do you like about singlehood?
Though not a lady…. but anyone could express views right… about boys it is not so uncomfortable to not having a girlfriend, if you have a friend. Single hood is of-course boring and if we speak about home then I always prefer crowd around me, laughs, games etc… so I have shared home with some of my friends, though all work in different locations we all gather at the end of the day and enjoy. I bet I would have died being idle.
Your apartment looks so nice…I’m jealous!
x
I’ve just moved into my own place again and I love my alone time. It’s nice to escape after a noisy day at work to my own quiet space where I can just please myself. Doesn’t mean I want to be single/live alone forever though
I’d been single for the most part of the year since I’ve moved out on my own, and I gotta say, singlehood + living alone = PURE AWESOMENESS. I guess that’s mostly because I’ve always preferred to be on my own, rather than to accommodate someone else’s living habits, however much I might love them. This could be due to the fact that I have some pretty strange (and terrible) habits of my own, such as sleeping for 5 hours, waking up at midnight to have dinner then bumming around before going to bed at 6am; or going for a run at 3 in the morning. But that could be because I return to my parents’ home practically every weekend to spend time with them and my darling dogs, so the solitude isn’t as drawn out as it could be.
All in all, I’d still prefer living alone, whether or not I’m in a relationship. And even after being committed to a long-term relationship / marriage (which I’m still kinda undecided about), I’d still prefer to have individual spaces within the same house reserved just for myself and my thoughts.
Oh and the stew looks INCREDIBLE. It’s just the sort of thing I crave when I wake at midnight after a long 5 hour nap.
i think I’d like that soup chilled. Well, maybe because its 110F here! I make stuff like this all the time when the hubs is away. My single lady syndrome gets to play with random ingredients in the kitchen. oh ya!
I often wondered what it would be like to come home to someone. I’ve spent enough time living by myself and cut off from people that I’ve found I need the mere presence of individuals to help me overcome my own anxious mind, but at the same time, I find myself always being pulled to a kind of solitude. I enjoy the time spent on walks alone and reading, but as I look at some of the people in my life – including a sister I used to be very close to and the boyfriend she has developed an amazing relationship with – I can’t help but think that I really would love that presence of a “best friend” in a relationship. Of course, nobody is entitled to that, and the people who can find that are not lucky, but blessed.
Like you I often wish I could share my own passions – cooking, literature, writing, etc. – with another person, whether that person is a best friend of either sex, or a spouse. Honestly, I’d settle for a dog, just as long as he/she promises not to piss on my floor. Us single guys smell bad enough on our own and God knows I don’t have the patience to clean dog poop in the few hours I’m awake and at home during the day.
Insightful post, as always. I think one of the great things about living on your own is that sense of being able to cook something you’re in the mood for, and not having to worry to play to the wants of someone else. Personally, it’s nice to know I can make stuff like beef liver without having to worry about if another person will like it.
Oooo must make this. I wonder if I could use sour cream instead of cream cheese. I never have cream cheese on hand but almost always have sour cream.
I am not single but I enjoy my nights alone. I need my me time! My husband works late so sometimes a week will go by where I don’t really interact with him more than a few hours during the weekdays. That sounds crazy but our work schedules are opposite – I like to get up early, do some yoga or whatever, go to work, and then I’m home by 7 to putter around and do nothing (or blog, or read, or whatever). He sleeps late and goes to work at 11-12, and sometimes stays there until 11-12 at night. If I go to bed early I don’t see him at all! We talk online during the day though.
I often ponder the same thing- I’m one of the few people I know who has been chronically single my whole life and I always wonder what it would be like to have someone else around- I know it would take a lot of adjusting since I’m used to taking care of myself. But it would be nice to have someone to put my Middle Eastern hummus-whippin-up skills to use for
And sorry about the ants, I had that happen several years ago and had to get the exterminators in- turned out they had found my secret stash of swedish candy :p
Single lady here! I do – of course! – want to meet the love of my life, but…in the meantime, I REALLY enjoy eating food straight out of the container in front of the fridge, having all day Bravo TV marathons with no judgement, and of course, Not shaving my legs!!!!!!!
When I first got my own place….(I always cohabitated with my boyfriends after college) I RELISHED Sundays and Monday nights because of the complete absence of blaring football and CNN sounds coming from the television.
When I lived with men…this was constant.
These were not jocks either. They were writers, musicians, and STILL never met a guy who didn’t like to watch sports.
Plus one of my boyfreinds was kind of a slob.
Cherish your space girl, trust me.
Eeek! I’m a little nervous about ants now because when I’m home I am usually eating in my bedroom!
One of the most frequent questions I get from friends and family is “who are you dating right now?” I love dating because I associate it with not being tied down. I’ve got way too much going on right now for any type of relationship and I love doing my own thing too. But it’s nice to let a guy buy me coffee every now and then!
Ooooh, that soup in no way looks disgusting! It looks like it wants to be sitting in my bowl right now. I have chowder envy.
The stowder (or is it chew?) looks delicious! I love thick stoups that are full of goodness in every bite.
I was married at 22 and didn’t get the chance to spend any time on my own. Though I would change nothing about my life, sometimes I do wonder what it would have been like living in my own apartment and not having to worry about anyone else except myself. Not have to clean after anyone else. Not have to cook around someone else’s preferences. And peace and quiet? Only in the bathroom, if I remembered to lock the door.
In both cases, singlehood and in a relationship, you give some and you get some. Collect what you can before someone sweeps you off your feet! Could be tomorrow, could be next year, you never know!
Haha, we’ll see! I have a very very hard time imagining anyone sweeping me off my feet!
oh i love creamy soups like yours!
eating dinner alone is one of the things i miss about being single. i loved that if i wanted to i could eat popcorn and diet cherry coke and there was no one to judge.
diet coke and popcorn = dinner of champions
I’m surprised the ants weren’t in your bathroom. That’s where we always find ours!
I’m surprised there is no ants in the kitchen!! There actually are a few ants in the bath tub that I find sometimes, but mostly my room!
i’ve been semi-single for quite some time… i have a medium-serious relationship going on with a very nice guy, but neither of us have made a really formal commitment, because we both know that neither of us are in a state to make such a commitment which could result in any kind of truly healthy relationship. my favorite parts of being a single lady are: 1) no creepy sexiness going on (i know i’m 23 but, like, sex STILL weirds me out!!). 2) freedom to come and go as i please, the ability to tell him i don’t feel like hanging out, and being able to talk to anyone i like without worrying that i’m coming on to them as “flirty” (even though i don’t really know how to flirt or even if/when i am doing it). 3) no need to feel like i have to impress anyone with my taste, beauty (or lack thereof, idk!), or sexiness. frankly, i’ve rarely been in a healthy relationship and so i feel like being alone is the better thing– plus it gives me more “me” time, more family time, and more friend time!
also: i didn’t comment on your last ED post, but i want to say that it wasn’t because it didn’t deeply affect me. to tell the truth, it was quite the opposite: it hit so close to home that i was unable to put into words at the time the way that i felt. it was so pertinent to my current situation, of “limbo”, as you put it, where i want to/don’t want to recover, where i want to/don’t want to do the things i need to do to move past my ED life… my god, i couldn’t muster the courage to say anything. i realized this today, as i was trying to get up the nerve to call my doctor and schedule an appointment with a new therapist, and, um, didn’t do either, in spite of the fact that i need to call my doctor to get a note of excusal for the fact that i dropped out last semester (and probably failed) due to my ED and in spite of the fact that i am excited about the type of therapy recommended to me by the social worker i had been talking to at my mother’s school (narrative practice, in case anyone is interested: http://www.centerfornarrativepractice.com/ , it’s based in my home city but is practiced worldwide and i think this form of therapy could benefit many ED people)……. i am so caught up in the quagmire of contradiction between want/not want that i can’t do anything and end up just freaking out. aai ya! mostly i just go out into my garden and pick berries or weed, and pretend that nothing is going on at all.
sorry for the crazy off-topic comment, but i had to spill it. >__>
also, i just got an iphone and i set up an app which sets up a program to read the bible in a year and i am super excited! i was also just visited by my step-aunt sister judith ann, who is a nun of the order of poor clare, and she explained some things about the advent of/the reason god sent jesus to earth that really spoke to me and made me think differently about the christian faith. so lots of pondering going on in my little brain right now!
I have that bible app too! Love it.
And yeah…I’ve got a icky feeling towards s-e-x too. I really hope you start jagging up in your recovery though! The longer you are in limbo, the harder it is to get out of it because you get more and more ingrained in all the ED ideas and behaviors. There is no question about it: you DO want freedom and change. The only thing making you think you don’t want it is fear.
yeah, unfortunately after 12 years of having an ED, it’s become too easy– i am so used to walking the fine line, doing juuuuuust well enough to keep out of trouble but not enough to fully recover. my eating habits are so messed up and no advice any doctor, nutritionist, or therapist has ever had an effect, ever helped. my rational mind wants change desperately, but as we all know, EDs are utterly irrational beasts that make their victims just as irrational; i can’t figure out what key i need to turn in order to make a difference.
Eugh, ants. They can be a bummer! We had them in our house a few weeks ago too, and we tried spraying them with peppermint oil (mixed with water). It kind of worked, but it smelled great! It reminded me of mint chocolate ice cream every time I passed where we sprayed.
I’m not single but there is a total ant infestation in my kitchen. I can’t seem to get rid of them!
So really…you don’t need a significant other. Just a neighbor who likes to eat and cook!
I’ll move in next door to you. I think we’d be very happy together.
That chowder/stew looks really heavy and cream, but I’m glad you said it’s not, because I really can’t stand anything heavy like clam chowder! It does looks good though
I’m single! I don’t see the need to be in a relationship at this age; too much drama. I love not feeling the need to constantly impress someone i.e dressing up, putting makeup on etc. I can act/dress/eat like a slob and no one can stop me! XD
Hope the rest of your internship goes well!
Mmmm… bacon makes everything taste better!
Not single… and it’s been so long since I was that I honestly can’t remember life on the other side. I was 17 when I started dating my now husband so he’s been part of my life for a good chunk of time now.
We more or less grew up together in lots of ways. Helps that we’ve been best friends all along the way. 
Girl, I have discovered the best ant bait. It’s called TERRO liquid ant baits and they go crazy for the liquid inside and eventually they all disappear. I have not had much success with other products, so if your ant problem is stubborn, I’d recommend them. I got mine at Lowe’s for like $7. I love that you and Mimi swapped soups–so cute!
What a gorgeous looking soup! Soup is my ultimate comfort food – I love it so much, and there is nothing better than a homemade soup. Even better that you put bacon on it
Also, did someone say Kimchi?
I can personally attest that soup is badass. I ate it hot and cold and it tastes great both ways.
Meh, my ideal relationship would be a flexible one. Someone I can occasionally fuss over but no hardcore commitments. I’m still young and curious
There are so many other meaningful relationships beyond just friendship but not just the typical boyfriend/girlfriend and husband/wife. Dan Savage’s Savage Love Podcast is really interesting.
My quiet time. My clean counters. My tiny laundry loads.
Does sound like a marvelous day my darling
Perennially single girl here, too, and what I love is that I don’t have to settle. Things are always how I want them to be, and I never have stupid fights about dumb things like toilet seats and toothpaste covers. However, when I was doing my PhD, my one classmate was engaged, and when the semester reached the breaking point, her fiance looked at her and said “you need to relax.” And he drove her to the mountains, made her laugh, and fed her a good meal. I spent the same day with a stack of books, and while I did better in terms of grades, I also finished the year off with hospitalisation and she went on vacation… so the moral of this story is, “when you’re your own worst enemy, it can be really good to have someone around who’s got your back in the thick of things.”
I see it as a total plus / minus thing, in the end.
Brazil has the SMALLEST ants I’ve ever seen, and I’ve given up keeping them out of some stuff—my friend here just says “I’m sure they give us calcium or something, right?” That which does not kill us…
I must say, you cooked up a delicious looking soup with all of that! glad you got rid of your ants, no fun to have them crawling everywhere. I have been single for 12 years now and I have enjoyed every day of it. Having been married for years, I am enjoying the freedom and the ease of singledom, not having to accomodate someone, not having to bear their noise, their mess, their music, having your space virtually nonexistent, except when you retreat into the bathroom after 10 PM at night when your beloved is finally dozing off; well, what can I say, marriage or living a couple life, is not really my cup of tea. I enjoy my kids though! They live with me and we keep out of each other’s space.
I love singlehood for the same reasons you mentioned, as well as laundry day getting extended for another couple of days. Haha! Pajama day is everyday! Also why I need to get the hell out of this house and into my own.
I do believe you deserve one ‘you go girl!’ for that awesome chowder thingie and one ‘oh snap!’ for the Gwyneth burn.
When you are ready to share your life with a boyfriend, I just want to say he’ll be one LUCKY guy!!! You seem like an amazing woman!! (he’ll be well fed too!) Enjoy your weekend! May the ants never return!!
Single lady here! I like that I don’t have to match up schedules with anyone or change my plans for anyone else, it’s sort of nice. I mean, a date once and awhile would be nice, but I’m not rushin’ things
I was single all throughout college and recommend it actually – you have more time to develop great friendships with people you’ll be friends with the rest of your life (instead of spending all your time with one person, who you may break up with)! Plus, by dating a lot, i figured out what I wanted in a partner and knew right away when I found the right one after college!
And what a comforting bowl of soup – yum!
I tend to go both ways. While I love being married I have plenty of days (even though I am happily married) where I do think, “Ugh. Really? I have to put up with this crap every day?”
When I lived in my apartment alone I answered to no one and I enjoyed that. I enjoyed coming home knowing I could make one big ass mess and no one could say anything. I knew I could go pee and leave it there (yes, I’m gross sometimes) or make a huge stink and there would be no one to complain. If I had a bowl of cereal for dinner followed by a bowl of ice cream it would be a-okay. I could let dishes pile up in the sink, leave laundry in the dryer, put my girly shizz all over the place, whatever I wanted.
Interestingly though, I have a husband who accepts all of those crazy quirks of mine and finds potty humor to be hilarious. He doesn’t mind my wanting cereal for dinner because he does it too. We match and I think that is what makes all the difference in a relationship. If your partner takes issue with your quirks and happens to not leave you alone when you need/want it then he/she is not right for you. John is thankfully the type of husband who is just as screwed up as I am so I accept his quirks. Hell, he was a bachelor for five years before he met me.
As for the sexy time aspect…*ahem* Well let’s just say I like having my fun in that department…preferably while in a monogamous relationship. Casual mattress mambo with some random dude just doesn’t appeal to me.
I’m a single lady, and I really appreciate the independency. The thought of coming home after a day of work, and somebody waiting there for me and wanting me to be there for him totally scares me. (Selfish, no?
) I like the solitude, but I never feel lonely either.
No comment on being single. I hate it. I’d even date strippers just to not be single. Yum. Dating strippers…
Bygones. The reason for the comment: congrats on the Daily Dish piece. Understand it was released on Saturday but whatevers. It’s on the website, and it’s solid content.
Chock one up for that internship portfolio.
The soup looks AMAZEBALLS! Exactly something I would make
I so miss my single days! Seriously, have as much fun as you can and do everything you want as a single lady before getting married.
I love chowders, any kind! Yours looks absolutely delicious! I’m not a bacon fan (no I’m not from another planet) so I’d probably leave that out. I do know that just by adding bacon, you’ve taken this dish to a higher level.
It’s been a while, Sophia. Although I always see you on FB, it seems like ages since we’ve chatted. Hope everything is going well with you with work and in life. Hugs!
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