I think this has been one of my favorite semesters in college yet.
Actually, it’s been my favorite school semester, period. It’s also been my toughest semester so far, but I loved all my classes, and though I have had to drop out of my art class, I’m thankful for all the wonderful lessons I’ve learned.
One of the classes I took this semester was Gender in Korean Film and Literature.
That title is a misnomer. It suggests Korean drama and fun and cultural levity. But nope, it was a seriously DEPRESSING class, because that’s how Korean women history is like. It’s freaking depressing.
It’s painful and heartbreaking to realize how much suffering Korean women has endured throughout the centuries. Not only do they have to conform to Confucian values of serving men their whole lives, they are also always the primary targets for violence.
When the Japanese occupied Korea, they hauled of thousands and thousands of Korean women off as “comfort women,” raping, mutilating and abandoning them. The ones who survived returned to Korea and had to face that additional shame and negative stigma from their own countrymen who saw them as unclean national disgrace.
And then after World War II, the U.S. forces swooped over. Many women, driven by destitute from the wars, sold their bodies to U.S. soldiers in order to bring some food to their families’ tables. Well, obviously they were condemned as sluts who sold their soul to another nation.
Even women who tried to earn money the “right way” by working at factories were abused and mistreated. Think the Triangle Factory Women, except much worse.
I can list on and on, but I don’t want to turn this into a screed. Because as I read through all the academic papers and books written on this subject, I also saw the danger of how many feminists and nationalists treat these women as a collective group by metaphorizing or politicizing them to their own agenda.
Even more than poor, abused women, each of them are individuals. I just didn’t feel like many texts did them justice; I felt like they drowned out the individual’s voices and turned them into an image of political lobbying.
As much as I cried while watching the documentaries, it also made me more determined to be a good journalist— to be a reporter who approaches people separately as unique, singular individuals and give voice to the people.
It also made me wonder who I defined myself as. A woman? A Korean? A college student? A Christian? An Anorexic in recovery? Or perhaps all of those things: a formerly eating disordered Korean Christian woman in college?
The truth is that we all are guilty of constricting ourselves into labels. And we act (or try to act) according to how we define ourselves.
I don’t think it’s a bad thing. But I think depending on the label and how strictly we adhere to it, we might be missing out on a lot of new discoveries of both ourselves and other people.
So. In lieu of that, I’m planning to celebrate Cinco de Mayo.
I’m not Mexican, I’m not a U.S. citizen (yet!), and I don’t even like Mexican food. But I do love food and history, and I say I can definitely enjoy what a Mexican-American who loves Mexican food can enjoy.
Okay, I’ll admit it. I didn’t even remember Cinco de Mayo was coming until Alex, a representative of CHI-CHI’S®, La Victoria®, Herdez® and Doña María® offered me to sample some authentic Mexican products to celebrate Cinco de Mayo. But hey, I had to start out my post and lead into this review some way.
So here they are. 
Alex sent me four things:
- CHI-CHI’S® Flour Tortilla – Burrito Size
- La Victoria® Suprema Salsa – Medium
- Herdez® Sliced Jalapeños
- Doña María® Mole- Original
Now it was up to me to create a recipe with them.
Breakfast Mole Quesadilla
- 2 flour tortillas
- 1/2 onion, diced
- 2 eggs, beaten
- ready-serve mole
- canned sliced jalapenos
- Mexican-blend cheese
- salsa (optional)
Spread each side of the tortillas thinly with the mole. Set aside.
Heat up a sauté pan. Fry up the onions in a bit of mole sauce. Once the onions are cooked and fragrant, pour in the eggs and let it cook into a frittata-ish…kind of thing.
Once the eggs are almost cooked, slide the egg-pie onto one of the tortillas. Top with as much or little of the jalapenos as you want on top, sprinkle with lots and lots and lots and lots of cheese. Ain’t no quesadilla without a shitload of cheese. 
Top with the other tortilla. Heat up a flat pan and toast each side of the quesadilla until nice and golden on the outside and the cheese is completely melted.
Cut into quarters. Serve immediately with a side of salsa. 
This may sound incredulous to you, but it’s actually the first time I’ve made a quesadilla. I told you I never did like Mexican food much. 
Or at least, I thought I didn’t. Damn it, this quesadilla was freaking GOOD! The flour tortilla crisped up really nice and golden on the outside, while maintaining a nice chewy texture inside. 
And boy, you can’t forget the cheese. The best thing about quesadillas is always the cheese. 
I loved the jalapenos, too. They were actually quite spicy, making my tongue salivate with its piquant spark, and combined really nicely with the more mellow-tasting eggs. 
This made a big-ass quesadilla and I could only eat three-quarters of it. A power breakfast indeed. If the French army had had this for breakfast, maybe they wouldn’t have lost. 
By the way, everybody should try mole if you haven’t done so already. I’ve made an unconventional peanut butter mole before, and while that was lovely, Dona Maria’s traditional mole provided as much good taste with less time spent blending and cooking.
Okay, this post has been all over the place, from Korean women history to feminism to a lecture about self-identity to Mexican food. Probably because I just finished my paper on Korean women and plastic surgery, my final print article on Asian-Americans and eating disorders, and my final broadcast package on food trucks.
Phew. With all this work, I think I deserve another quesadilla power lunch break.
Question of the Day: What is the first thing that comes to mind when someone asks you who you are? Do you think you label yourself?
Oh, and if you had the same four Mexican products I received…what would you have made?
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{ 57 comments… read them below or add one }
Re: your question of the day – Depends on my mood. But usually “human being.”
Your question brings up interesting tangents for me, like identity and the roles that we “play” in addition to any labels we give ourselves. Each of us, whether we like it or not, have our roles, be it daughter, son, parent, friend, significant other, student, activist, and on and on. Studies have shown that we are at our best if we mainly limit ourselves to our top 4-5 roles; otherwise we end up spreading ourselves too thin and being drained and/or not particularly good in any of our roles. This kinda makes sense for me, but it’s an interesting topic.
Hm, that’s a different way of looking at it…interesting! It kind of makes sense to me too, but perhaps at an older stage of life?
Interestingly, the studies I refer to about roles and such are often mentioned in the textbooks of college success types of classes. But I hear you because I don’t know if all that stuff would have resonated with me back in the stone age when I went to college.
Hi Sophia, as always, your post is very thought provoking. I love your posts and your insight. Sounds like an amazing course! (the quesadillas look yummy too!)
Have a great day, take care of yourself.
What would I define myself as..hmm. I usually heave a great sigh in my mind with that question when people meet me because it takes along time to explain. If they just want to know my ethnicity though I tell them (as if they assume it’s “what you are”) Well usually I say-
“I don’t know, I’m American.”
Most people don’t understand what that means when I say that. They say “well what are you? Where are you from (and then I say AMERICA.) then they say “What ethnicity?”
Usually I try to have them guess first then say
I’m 5/16s Japanese, and about 1/2 Mexican, and 3/16 I don’t know. As one guy put it “Well, at home do you eat more burritos or rice?” T_T” Neither. I’m American, born here! So was my mom and her parents! Lol. Some days we’ll have egg fu young, another day enchildas, one day rice and teriyaki, another day burritos, one day rice a roni, macaroni, Spaghetti, Pizza, hot dogs, S.O.S, tacos, gyoza, steak and potato, etcetera! We don’t have “Normal food” all food is normal, hehe ^_^”‘
I celebrated Japanese New Years, Girls Day, and Cinco de Mayo. Celebrated Chinese New Years, Chirstmas, Fourth of July.. In fact I even had one of those red white and green dresses for Cinco De Mayo. XD Now that I’m older though we don’t celebrate any holidays though really..
So yeah..not really sure how I’d define myself to PEOPLE. Even trying to ask myself..I’d say I am a very OCD driven person, who’s current obsession is exercise- mainly running,eating disordered (it’s not getting worse at the moment, nor better..of possible), and unsure with what I want to do in this world; more importantly, I usually am only driven to change when I can’t take it any more, but when I finally do, I DO accomplish it. Now I just need to make it so it’s before I get sick of it..>.> Otherwise though, unless peole ask, I don’t think about it – I’m just me.
Strangely though, I’ve never eaten mole. I eat that salsa like..everyday though, ha, I probably would have done the same thing- quesadilla or a burrito- probably with mole on the side.
Hahaha! But that is what American is! It’s all ethnicities! I love that about America…there is just no singular definition of what an “American” is. When I go back to Korea or Singapore, they all think Americans are blonde Caucasians…so not true!
I think that’s pretty cool that you got to celebrate different ethnic holidays…you should start it again!
Hope you don’t stay stagnant in that identity regarding ED though…best wishes. (hug)
What a thought provoking post. I loved it.
Once, I took a women in literature (or some title like that) class and yes, it was completely depressing too. But, I’m still glad I took it I suppose.
Sometimes I say that I’m too “white” (“wasp”ish as they come) to make certain ethnic food, usually asian or indian. I guess that is kind of a silly restriction. I also tend to label myself as “blonde” because my personality pretty well matches the stereotype (I have matured through the years though). A lot of my ancestry is German and Austrian and my mom is Canadian while my dad is a southern. I’ve yet to meet another southern Canadian!
And since I live in Idaho, things like my taste in food (grits to be precise) or grammar (chesterfield anyone??) tend to seem a little strange at times… Individuals are so unique, what a great plan our Lord has!
p.s. I can’t believe you’ve never made a quesadilla!
You don’t like Mexican food? BLASPHEMY!!! LOL! Different ingredients, but I LOVE making hard tacos with chick peas that are seasoned with taco seasoning. Top with an herb salad mix, tomatoes, and cheese with a taco sauce of some kind, maybe an avacado~MMMMMMMMMMM!
I think of myself first and foremost as a Christian. That’s the ultimate definition for me, and I try to let that guide my every decision. Sadly, I’m still human anyway…
Same here. For me, first and foremost I’m God’s precious daughter. I wish a lot of my actions followed that identity though…I think a lot of times…we forget that key self-identity, but mire ourselves in other negative identities…ai-yai-yai!
i need to buy some jalapenos! i always love them in mexican restaurants!
I love Mexican food!! You’re crazy! I’m seriously jealous of the mole and the jalepenos!! Hmm I think I would have probably made something similiar so I could use ALL FOUR. Otherwise I’d maybe do a casserole type dish w/ the wraps, jalapenos, and salsa with cheese. Then smeared mole on something else – maybe pork!?
no, DUCK!
Im glad you learned a little about your heritage… even if it was depressing. But as a european jew, anything from the 1930′s to 1945 is depressing. A 6 million jewish genocide in a span of six years is beyond depressing. But I do love learning about it.
I love mexican food. Except the cheese! hahah! I should be in love with chinese food because there is very little cheese in those dishes! I’m creatively constipated so I dont know what I would make with those ingredients. I’d probably fry it. When in doubt, fry it!
I think Jewish history has been progressively depressing since millenniums ago!
Haha, I love your advice. Do you have a deep-fryer? I hate deep-frying because it creates such a mess.
Oh, and you should be in love with Chinese food because you are a Jew! We should go to SGV sometime for good Chinese.
Hey, thanks for your post. I think the topic on Korean women through film and literature is really interesting, can you recommend me any of the bibliography of the course? Thanks I appreciate!
I don’t know what I would make with those ingredients but vegetable (no meat included) fajitas are my favorite mexican food! together with guacamole
Hey Adriana,
Email me! I’ll forward you some attachments.
interesting post Sophia!! I agree~labels aren’t bad, but they can potentially become such a snare! that’s like anything in life though. when I’m asked that Q, the 1st thing that comes in mind is “I am a daughter of God!” And the occasional proud Argentinean response of “I’m not Korean! I may look like it, but I’m really Argentinean at heart!”
haha. omgshhh the mole looks deliiiiiishhhhhhhhhhh I would love some right about now
Those are the best classes — the ones where you leave the room with new ideas percolating in your brain. The best classes I ever took for “human nature/identity” were at USF. “Ancient Philosophy” “Greek and Roman Culture.” There is so much rich foundation it’s awesome. That, and the professor of the culture class let us watch Rome, as she considered it a great representation of the culture. I find some of the most interesting female times were during the Renaissance. Women had had both little and immense power, though it was often behind-the-scenes and very subtle. Unless you’re talking about someone like Caterina Sforza, who was known as the Tiger of Forli.
When people ask me what I am, my answer varies on my mood. Sometimes it’s “thoroughly screwed up,” but usually it’s “A writer.”
Ahh, mole is my absolute FAVORITE Mexican sauce. I hate that Chanos-style rot-in-your-gut Mexican, but carefully made Tex-Mex or authentic Mexican is so delicious. I appreciate it more now than when I was little. And sorry Cal peeps, Cal-Mex is inferior to Tex-Mex. Bur oh, total pet peeve: people who think Cinco de Mayo is Mexican Independence Day. It’s not — as you said, it’s their victory over the French. The “real” independence day is in September.
I hate labels but recently, I’ve been realizing that I’m starting to find my identity in the way other people view me. I need to stop that because it is truly not how I want to be remembered!
The question of how we define ourselves is one that I have considered deeply as of late, and what I decided is that we have to strip away all of those things which are part of the “negative space” of our lives and focus on the interior space. Things like appearance, ethnicity, and even faith are all about our defining ourselves not by what is inside, but how we relate to that which is outside. Strip away all of that definition and look into the core of who you are. That is the only definition of self, and it is all that you will take with you when you leave this world and enter the next. I think about how physical reality will be gone when I die, and I sincerely doubt that whatever comes after is going to be some convenient little replication of this world. We won’t even be “daughters” at that point in time, or women at all for that matter. We’ll be what we shaped our souls to be.
This is actually a very hard way to understand yourself when you strip away seeing yourself only as a product of your relationship to other people and things. I have concluded, however, that there are essential elements to humanity which we build and take with us. One of those is creativity and the other is the desire and ability to build order out of chaos. Nature degrades things into states of chaos and humans creatively take what they have and make order. We take those and our ability to control our emotions (all other forms of control are irrelevant as they relate to physical reality) as far as I can determine. All other types of “identity” are transient, and not particularly relevant to who an individual really is in my opinion.
So glad you gave it a try and liked it! Your breakfast quesadilla looks hugely deliciously. Peanut butter mole? I like it!
It is truly heartbreaking to think of all the atrocities that have been done to women…going into the profession that you are, it will be a pretty amazing feeling to give a voice to those who aren’t heard, Sophia.
Love the look of that quesadilla! My favorite part is the cheese too.
It’s incredibly sad what you wrote about the history of Korean women. What happened to them after the war(s) is similar to what German women had to bear after WW2. Many were raped until death, and in East Prussia, the rivers were filled with corpses of women who had drowned themselves because they couldn’t bear it anymore. In my family, there are also cases of abuse. I know my grand aunt has been raped for several days in a row, and I have no idea how she survived, psychologically and physiologically.
How can people do such things to others?
“The truth is that we all are guilty of constricting ourselves into labels. And we act (or try to act) according to how we define ourselves.
I don’t think it’s a bad thing. But I think depending on the label and how strictly we adhere to it, we might be missing out on a lot of new discoveries of both ourselves and other people.”
Genius words for me to read on a Wednesday morning!
Being a white girl who THINKS she’s Hispanic (long story), I’m impressed that you liked mole. I’ve had that brand before and I liked it enough, but in general moles I’ve liked have been few and far between. [Actually, I've only tried a few...and they've been far apart...so maybe I just need to sample more?] However, Herdez makes some AMAZING jarred salsa (love the salsa verde–it is in my fridge right now, and I used the mild salsa casera in a recipe posting tomorrow)…sad for you that they didn’t mail you any of that.
I don’t think we will ever escape labels because they are part of the way our brain condenses things and tries to make sense of the world – a lot of it is innate. However, that doesn’t mean that I believe labels are entirely accurate. Far from it! I think I would first label myself as a student, but even within that category there are so many variables and aspects that come to mind. A person’s perception of a label is unique, and then the person is unique as well. So I think that is why there is so much ambiguity and confusion when we are trying to “figure people out”. It’s just a big mystery!
Sorry for the ramble – I’m a psych major so I think about this a lot!
If I’m asked, I say English. I don’t know why, it’s not what my passport says (British) and if you’re being technical, I’m only half “english”… whatever that is. I think humans are quick to label one another, it’s a way of putting each other in a category or group. I guess in some ways it helps us to identify with something but at the same time it can make you feel marginalised.
My family history has it’s depressing stories too. I find it fascinating. I get so sad sometimes that my Ukrainian grandfather dies before I was really old enough to listen and learn from him.
I think we all label oursevels to some degree, but I don’t think anyone is defined by just a label. I am guilty of it, but I don’t define myself by it.
Your mexican breakfast looked great! I loved the comment about the French army! ha! : )
we celebrate cinqo de mayo here in TX. Can’t get enough MOLE and SPICE! Its really all about the food, right? JK! But in all seriousness, it is great to embrace other culture and sink into their flavors……my favorite thing to do!
Speaking of, when is you mom in town to make some YUMMY korean food?
It always strikes me as odd to hear people consider “Chi-Chis” as authentic Mexican food. When I moved from the Eat Coast I was so exited to have REAL Mexican food and not Chi-Chis!
mexican is my favorite type of food. that quesadilla has me drooling!
Sophia, good for you in celebrating Cinco de Mayo…as for your mole quesadilla it sure looks very tasty with the mole and the jalapenos…hope you are having a wonderful week
No one has really ask me who I am (except in the – what’s your name – sense of asking) and I’m thankful. If I were asked that question I don’t know if I could answer it.. at least not yet. When you spend so many years with an ED you lose most of your likes, dislikes and personality. I’m finally rediscovering who I am but I’m not quite at the point where I know who I am. If that makes sense.
I probably would have made enchiladas because I am intimidated by making quesadillas, although yours looks WAY better than any I have ever had in restaurants.
Best part of a quesadilla is definitely the cheese. The cheesier the better. I think the main reason why I like quesadillas so much is because they’re so cheesy. I think I would’ve made the same thing if I got those four ingredients.
When someone asks me who I am, without a doubt or second thought, first and foremost I’m a mom.
I didn’t know much about what it was like to be a Korean over the centuries. Thank you for enlightening me. It is true, it is important to move beyond a label and try to learn more about individuals.
Sorry, I meant a Korean woman.
Hi
I’m Korean living in Seoul.
I was just googling something and found your blog!
I didn’t expect to see Korean so I was surprised.
The women you mentioned, that is so sad. I feel the same way you do.
I can’t even imagine what they had gone through. They were mistreated so many way.
Sometimes, it makes me so sad that I try not to think about that too much.
And I am recovering from ED, too. It is hard but I’m trying to get over it by reading blogs like yours. That helps me
Anyway I LOVE your blog! I’ll come here often =)
감사합니다!
I wish you the best in your recovery!
I’m sure I would’ve figured out a way to turn ‘em into dessert…
Teehee! In all honesty, your quesadilla looks crazypants good, and I can’t even remember the last time I had a quesadilla.
Who am I? Gosh. Someone building up her sense of contentment, worth, and adventure, I think
only mexicans and koreans know how to make things spicy!!!
I find it hard to answer the question. I am just who I am – not determined by nationality.
BTW, I do not like Mexican food too and friends have told me I have not tried the real authentic ones, that is why.
Looks like they turned out nicely. Happy Cinco de Mayo to you! I often label myself as a dietitian, but I think that is because I work too much, LOL. I would consider myself a military spouse since that is an important role for me. There is a lot that goes into that. My favorite “side effect” is that I become a world traveler. Stayed tuned to my blog for my posts on Israel if you are interested. I am headed there soon.
It is truly heart breaking how these women were treated. It tears at something deep inside me when I hear of humans (especially those the most defenseless) who are mistreated so badly. I really appreciate what you wrote about not wanting to lump all these women together and as you grow as a journalist to hear their individual voices.
As for Mexican food – I love it.
Your quesadillas look great!
You made yourself a dang quesa-dilla!!
Sorry, I couldn’t resist the Napoleon Dynamite quote. I read all the comments first to make sure I wasn’t repeating some lame-o nerd who would bother to quote such a thing:)
I once took an African Cinema course, and while it wasn’t filled with horrible sadness such as you described, I did feel incredibly out of place. There was maybe one other white student in the class. It was the absolute best experience for me, it was amazing, and I haven’t experienced anything like it since.
Mmmm…I love mexican food! These quesadillas look delicious!
First time making a quesadilla?!?! You pics are making me hungry it looks so great! Lately I am obsessed with black beans and can’t get enough of them but I haven’t had a quesadilla in awhile. I may have to look into buying some ingredients for Mexican food. I guess today would have been the perfect day to make Mexican. Oh well….
Gender is such a fascinating topic – for my current art project I’m studying hunger strikes by the suffragettes in the UK, really makes me appreciate my right to vote (and do other things) as a woman. It’s also interesting to notice how different situations emphasise different parts of our identity….do you find that being a student in the US makes you more or less aware of being Korean? I am keen to see whether studying abroad in my upcoming degree will make me more or less aware of my British-ness…
Sarah x
Hm, interesting question, Sarah. I’m not sure I ever really felt truly Korean, as I never grew up in Korea. I speak Korean and I’m a Korean citizen, but I hang out so multiculturally, and cannot mesh well with native Koreans for some reason. Even while studying Korean literature and civilization, I feel a bit more like a “them” and “me” kind of distance, if that makes sense at all…I guess you can say I’ve been studying abroad my whole life, so I have nothing to compare to?
I’m pretty sure you’ll become more aware of your British-ness when studying abroad though…especially bc you’ve got such a distinct accent.
Mm that’s a difficult question. I wouldn’t know one word to define myself as, I think I’d want at least 5! BTW so glad I’m eating because your quesadilla shot is total food porn!
It is sad and unfortunate that lots of women in history had a raw deal and there are still many today who continue to suffer the atrocities you mentioned. We only read about it years and years later. We can count ourselves blessed to be born in a place and time where women are more emancipated.
That quesadilla looks good. I can do with a slice for breakfast right now.
Your breakfast quesadilla is awesome! We’ve been eating a lot of quesadillas lately, would love to make one like this to try too!
Glad to hear it’s been a satisfying semester, albeit challenging. Those were always my favorite semesters as well. That quesadilla looks fantastic. I adore mole!
I’ve been reading your blog for a while when I found it through another I read. I guess that makes me stalkerish since I never comment. haha I’m an American living in Korea and actually am getting my Master’s degree here. I took a Korean Cinema course my first semester so the beginning of your post struck a cord with me. I agree with what you said but do you think Korean women here have actually fought to change their position in society here? I’ve been living in Korea for four years and I can say that as someone very interested in women’s issues, I don’t see the status of women here to be all that great. What do you think?
I’d be curious to know some of the films you watched because I love to add more to my Korean film collection.
There were quite a bunch of films that we watched…some better than the others! One that I really liked was The Grace Lee Project, and then another documentary called The Women Outside: Korean Women and the U.S. Military directed by J. T. Takagi and Hye Jung Park. Also a film called The Single Spark by Park Kwang-su about factory workers, and a documentary called “Mudang: Reconciliation between the Living and the Dead” which is on women shamans. Most of these films we watched were documentaries, not fun Korean drama, though a couple of my classmates wrote a paper on “My Sassy Lady” which is probably one of my favorite movies ever.
Status of women in contemporary Korea = CRAP! Excuse my language, but women are still really mistreated in my opinion. But I think women themselves are partly to blame because they seem to allow such conformity, yielding to pressures of plastic surgery and acting all ultra-feminine, despite all the education and opportunities open to them…but still, like any other society, Korean women have to work a lot harder than men to climb the social ladder.
What degree are you working for? So interested that a foreigner would be interested in Korea, because usually Korea is overshadowed by China and Japan. Hip hip hooray for you though!
I’ll definitely check out those documentaries. Thanks so much! Documentaries are more my style for that kind of thing. haha We watched “My Sassy Girl” in my cinema class as well. I’d seen it once before though. I actually think “Old Boy” is one of my favorite Korean movies but that seems so typical. There are a lot I like though.
I agree with you about status of women in Korea and I definitely agree with women being part to blame. Some of my Korean lady friends who are so educated, open-minded, well-traveled, etc. always surprise me sometimes with their comments. Sometimes I expect more because of the opportunities they have had. I wish Korean women would stand up and fight. It would be amazing to see.
I’m getting my Master’s in International Development. One more semester once this one finishes up. I would like to stay here but there aren’t really opportunities for human rights work here. I have a professor who wants me to stay and work for an NGO here though so we’ll see what opens up for me. I know human trafficking is a pretty serious problem here and I’d love to help the women trafficked here from SE Asia and of course, North Korea is a big issue here. We’ll see. But yes, I love Korea. Love the language, the food, etc. I just got back from a few days in Gyeongju staying at a really old minbak. Quite amazing but my heart is in Seoul. haha
Oh, and I think Korea is number 1 over Japan and China.
Ali » LOVE you for saying that!!! Yay! Dae-Han-Min-Guk!!