**** Thank you for all your kind words on my last post.
Just a quick update on Eden’s dad: He didn’t manage to go under surgery today, but will be tomorrow (Tuesday). Please continue keeping her and her dad in your prayers, as well as any other individuals who need it.
And also, I know it’s not the weekend…but being in a somber mood, I don’t feel like writing about food…yet I still feel like writing something (and not school-related). So a not-so-Weekend ED post it is…Check out my previous Weekend ED posts on my Weekend ED Series page if you want to. ****
On my last ED post, things were rather tumultuous between my parents and me to say the least. But I want to talk about one amazing blessing I received from being back at home from college for recovery. That blessing was being able to have a giant stretch of time with my parents and enjoy their attention.
I suppose they were my counselors in a way. And they were the best counselors ever, because they know me the best. They have been watching and loving and praying for me since I was born, after all.
They might not be professionally trained to deal with eating disordered individuals. They don’t have a master’s degree in psychology, and they don’t have any authority or knowledge to prescribe me drugs. But they were the best counselors for me, because they were the people who genuinely cared.
I write this post not just for the people who suffer from an eating disorder, but for the people who love an ED-victim.
I want to let you lovely people—you who can still love a person who acts like she/he’s been possessed by the ED Demon— know that we truly do appreciate you. Even if we don’t act like it. Especially when we don’t act like it.
And yes, spending time with us is exasperating. Yes, there really isn’t much you can do to “cure” us. But your love, you simply being there for us even during our weakest moments, is actually the best thing you can do for us.
I also write this post because too often times, we tend to adopt this dramatic “woe is me!” attitude and paint ourselves as pitiful, tragic victims. Even as I write this series, I worry that I might be getting too theatrical. I try to simply stay to the facts and honestly tell my story, because having an eating disorder is not a tragedy. It certainly is a horrible disease, but tell me who hasn’t suffered or know someone who suffer from some kind of illnesses and misfortunes.
We all have our trials in life. Nobody can avoid that. The only way we can truly overcome these trials is to give thanks for them, and to learn and grow from them.
One of my biggest thanksgivings for my eating disorder experience is that I got closer to my parents. Suddenly I was kind of like a baby being nursed by them again, but with a (slightly) more mature mind, thus being able to appreciate their love and care. As a baby, all you want from your parents is for them to feed you and wipe your poop. You cry and wail when you need them, and they fuss over you, without expecting you to do anything for them in return.
But as a grown individual (I was 18 at the time), your relationship with your parents turn more symbiotic. They still love you much more than you probably love them, and they will still take care of you if you need them, but they deserve understanding and appreciation in return.
Look, Anorexia is a very selfish disease. It made me live in my own world and become incredibly self-absorbed. But even so, thinking about myself 24/7 got tiring after awhile. So during those times, I turned my attention to my parents.
Throughout the six months I spent together with my parents, we talked a lot. Obviously some of our talks were tinged with raised voices of frustration or petty arguments, but otherwise, we enjoyed a lot of different discussions. But my favorite topic (besides me, myself and I) was my parents: Who are they? Why do they do what they do? What are they doing? How are they living?
I used to tell my friends that my parents are pastors, without really knowing what their ministry means to them.
But through my numerous conversations with my parents, I started learning and understanding more about my parents: their passions, their vision, their way of living, their way of thinking, their way of serving God. Sometimes, I wasn’t even speaking. I would just silently eavesdrop on my parents’ conversations, and just from that, gain many insights into their lives and philosophies. Or I would simply observe them.
My parents are busy people. Some people misunderstand that being a pastor means speaking a few bible quotes behind the pulpit every Sunday, but oh no, I assure you, being a pastor means much more than that. There are calls in and out all day, people visiting or people to visit, and oh dear, all sorts of church drama to deal with. Hey, we may be Christians, but we’re not perfect!
At times I would have questions, and that would lead into interesting and deep discussions. I have to give credit to my parents for being patient and eager to answer my questions, even if some of them were “blasphemous.” Because that was when I started to grow in spirit as a person, too.
I’d always known my parents were devoted people to Christ. But it wasn’t until I took the time and consideration to understand and watch their daily lives that I was this impressed by their passion and humility before the Lord. How the heck do they do what they do? How the heck do they continue to love and serve the way they do? And why? These were constant questions I had in my mind, and I became curious to know and experience God as much as they did on a daily basis.
It is a freaking amazing blessing to have all the time to just stop doing something, and instead observe another person. When else would I have this opportunity? I would probably never have gotten the chance, or even had the desire, to learn about who my parents are if not for my eating disorder. It was also the beginning of my attraction to God. I believe that through my parents, God Himself was calling out to me to seek Him.
So in a way, my eating disorder was my greatest trial in life, but also my greatest blessing in life. I think that’s the bittersweet beauty of life: you lose some, but you gain more.
Hm. Wow, I did not expect to be writing a positive post like this. But it sure did me a lot of good. I hope it did yours too.
Let’s share it. What are you thankful towards your trials in life?
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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
Beautiful post!
Trials made me stronger and wiser as a person. I have been thinking what if I didn’t get through all those trials, I never be the same. And most of all I have been so blessed that everything was done so I would come to the Father.
Aww, I’m glad you have such a beautiful relationship with your parents.
My dad and I only became close after we got into catastrophic battles over who I was living with and I was threatening to move out. There was also the fact my mom did some things that I considered horribly weak and pushed me away from her (that was its own lengthy repair story), but my freshman year of college I was calling my dad a lot more than her. For me, I feel my love for my parents only became more “thoughtful” after events transpired that made me see exactly the kind of people they were, rather than just my parents.
I am a believer in the saying “What doesn’t kill you just makes you stronger.” It’s not always positive, as some people pick up negative traits along the way too, but I see strength itself as a neutral entity.
It’s amazing how the hardest endeavors in our lives are usually the ones that make our relationships the strongest. When I was going through my health issues over the past few years, it was then that my husband and I became the closest. It’s through those experienes that I know he is more than just a companion, he is my other half.
I always trust that trials are working patience, hope, and perserverance. I know that I will grow and be a better person by the end of them.
On another note, I have a dear friend who was anorexic for years. Now at just 40 she is on feeding tubes and has to work very hard to sustain her life. She is a miracle though, as the docs don’t know how she is even alive. But, her hope is fading. Her desire to be here is fading. If you think about Kimber, please say a prayer for this sweet sister! She has taught me much, and both of us has worried about the other dying over the extremes of what food can do to a body.
I’m glad your relationship with your parents improved and strengthened your relationship with your parents. It was beautiful to read about.
My parents divorced when I was nearly 10 and I never really appreciated what my mum had put up with. A few years some things about my dad were revealed and I learnt what he’s really like and it was a shock for us all. (I reckon this all sounds really very cryptic, sorry!) It was quite a difficult time for us and it made me realise how strong my mum is and how much I look up to her and respect her. This particular trial improved our relationship too, it made me realise how important she is to me. I’m definitely thankful for that.
Lovely post! xx
I really enjoy these posts. It seems like a weird thing to say, because it is such a serious, emotional, and not-so positive topic, but I think you cover them beautifully. I really admire your candid honesty and your maturity.
There is definitely a way to find good in a bad situation. I’m thankful that through my ED I learned so much about myself and how I deal with stress. In a twisted way it taught me to be my own person.
I also met my best friend through it, and couldn’t be more thankful for that. And I hope that now I am able to help others through sharing my experiences, just like you are.
Just a side thought, I think at 18, the relationship with our parents isn’t quite symbiotic. There’s so much pulling away, the need for independence, the constant struggle. I think that even teens without an ED have that same difficulty at that age, ED almost just gives the whole experience a face
I think trials test you as a person and always make you stronger then ever. I’m thankful for everything I’ve been through since it has made me who I am today!
I think that it is important for us to get to know our parents, not just because they deserve our love and appreciation, but I believe that by getting to know our parents we get to know ourselves. Eating disorders often have a lot to do with identity. That is why they so often begin at a time in your life when you are going through changes, transitioning to adulthood and trying to figure out your place in the world. I know that I felt so lost and unsure of who I was. I didn’t understand so many things about myself. I didn’t know why I felt the way I did and there were many things about my childhood that I blocked out or just didn’t think about critically. By talking to my parents, I started to see how they shaped the person I have become. I started to understand more about myself, my family, my history…and certain things just “clicked”. You are right- the tragedies or hardships in our lives are also growth opportunities. You realize strength that you never knew you had.
I am thankful that I have been able to at least learn things from my mom’s illness, such us not to ever take anything for granted, and how to enjoy each and every day to the fullest.
“greatest trial in life, but also my greatest blessing in life” – Amen!
Trials and tribulations, to bring us closer to Him.
Excellent post. I believe the more crap you overcome in life, the more you can help others, friends and the like, with your experiences.
Hi – I have a relevant guest post regarding eating disorders and children. Wondered if you’d like to take a look?
http://wordsinsync.blogspot.com/2011/03/could-your-eating-disorder-affect-your.html
I also do Monday Madness – a blog linky for mental health bloggers every week, and Awareness day on Wednesdays. Hope to see you over at wordsinsync soon – OH – For those who participate in the linky’s I offer the chance of a feature on Thursdays too. Shah .X
Great post! It’s nice that you got to know your parents through your ED experience.
As for seeing trials as blessings, I tend to feel that way about breakups
They are absolutely and completely heart wrenching, and they can feel like a small death, but we tend to learn and grow from them in profound ways!
Honestly, I attribute all the success of my recovery to my family – especially my Mummy. I was painfully selfish while she had been completely selfless. She silently swallowed all the anger I spat at her, and I think we are all fortunate people to have such wonderful family.
You shall stand stronger and shine brighter!