Okay, writing that made me pause for a long time. I’ve been staring at that sentence for many minutes, letting it sink in, my heart aching. I’ve only left Singapore about a month ago, but somehow it feels like…years. As if it’s a past distant dream, to which I flew like Peter Pan to Neverland. Did it really happen? It all seems so far away.

I’m still in contact with my closest friends in Singapore. In fact, I only just received a heartening email from Jing Wen, sharing with me how much God is blessing her. And inevitably, we again talked about when would be the next time we meet. To which I have no answer, except to bring up words like “I hope…” and “I wish…”

I miss Singapore.

There are places where whenever you think of it, you think of its luscious landscape, the fun adventures you had there, the wonderful food you ate. But Singapore…it’s not a beautiful tourist hotspot with a rich history. It’s blisteringly hot, stiflingly small, young, and well, rather boring, I have to admit.

But my memories there certainly isn’t. It’s contradictory, because although my days in Singapore seem so far away, the memories I have of it is so crisp-clear. I can remember riding the MRT to Bugis Junction, squeezing in between passengers…

I can remember the fragrance of food arriving every Sunday during the pastor’s sermon, making several people look impatiently at the clock for the pastor to finish…and then the communion afterwards…
I can remember shaking out wet clothes from the laundry and hanging it out to dry, just like every other Singaporean living in a flat…
I can remember the myriads of weddings and funerals that took place under those apartments, celebrating the woes and joys of all races…
I can remember the busy hawker centers, the intensity with which the hawker sellers stir-fried their food, the intermingling smell of food and sweat as people tuck into their hot dishes…
I can remember the markets which I’d visit occasionally to score super cheap produce…and the Indian seller who looked up and waved enthusiastically as soon as I took this picture…
I can remember the citizens, young and old, all coming together to rest or hang out every evening outside their living complexes…the kids playing blithely, the adults sitting heavily after a day’s labor…
I can remember finally trying the biscuits from Mr Bean instead of the usual pancakes…
I remember the way they crumbled and melted into my mouth. They were delightful, crumbly cookies filled with a savory bean paste, but pretty expensive at a dollar for a little pastry.
I can remember the more economical waffle they sold by the place I lived…
I remember always being tempted by buy one as I passed by; they were so fragrant cooking in the iron! They taste amazing hot and crispy, freshly-cooked. The reason it’s green is because it is flavored with pandan.
I can also remember the two pancakes a church sister bought me, just because she knew how much I adored pancakes…
These were pan-fried pancakes topped with different ingredients. One was topped with Mozzarella cheese and ground peanuts…
…and the other American cheese with hot dogs…
  I remember being extremely touched, that she remembered how much I love hot dogs and cheese and nuts!
I can remember waiting till late at night before visiting the bakeries, because that’s when they would have great promotions on their leftover breads…
My favorite was the Genie:
Stuffed with mayonnaise and pork floss, and then rolled in more wasabi-flavored pork floss. Freaking awesome. Or what about the yam bun?
Soft milky bread, stuffed with mashed and sweetened taro.
But I can also remember the more traditional snacks, such as this medley of Ang Ku Kuehs…
Each colored glutinous rice cakes are stuffed with different fillings: salty bean, taro, peanuts, coconut, sweet green bean…Here’s one with the salty bean:
Chewy, delicious, tortoise-shaped pastries! I can also remember munching on these old-fashioned sweets before dinner…
These are called Haw Flakes, and they are made from the Chinese Hawthorn fruit. They’re really a candy made from dried fruits, and they usually come in these little packets, shaped in thin disks…
I can remember some lovely fried oily stuff, too. Like this butterfly shrimp from MOS Burger that Jing Wen loves…
And a huge tray lovely, crispy, spicy curry puffs which we shared during bible group…
  I can remember being envious of all the cool iPhones that everyone seems to tot around there…
Most of all, I can remember the conversations I’ve shared with my brothers and sisters in Christ, the warm sensation in my stomach and chest as I listened to their testimonies and thanksgivings…
I can remember so many fine details that I wonder if maybe I dream about Singapore every night.

Wait a minute—What is this?!

I can’t keep on dreaming about Singapore, when right now, I’m living in the United States. I have things to do—I’m a college student in Southern California, I have dreams and a path to run in front of me. I’ve learned and enjoyed much in Singapore, but I have many more things to learn and enjoy here, too.

It pains me to say this, but I need to say goodbye, for real, to Singapore for the time being. Obviously I’ll still keep in touch with the people there—some relationships are meant to be eternal and withstanding of all distance—but I’m coming to realize that by always dreaming of the past and wishing to go back, I’m inhibiting myself from fully enjoying and utilizing the future.

There shall be no sadness, however. I definitely will return to Singapore someday…most likely not within the next few years, but someday. But for now, I shall focus on the now.

So goodbye, Singapore. Goodbye. I’ll see you once again, with new stories and experiences to share.

Question of the Day: Is there a certain place or memory which you find very hard to let go? Which place holds the most sentiment for you?