I’m in pain. Ow ow ow. I feel like all sorts of physical ailments are crushing me all at once.
I have two large ulcers deep within my mouth. My wisdom teeth have started growing again, and both inners sides of my jaws are sore and infected. Meanwhile, a week of consecutive lack of sleep has left me with a chronic headache and an occasional giddy high.
But I must persevere. Yes, indeed. I only have about a week left in Singapore before I head off to Malaysia for my church retreat. There is still a whole list of foods to be eaten, people to meet, things to do, sights to see. So I simply refuse to see the dentist and get my wisdom teeth plucked out until after I get to eat everything I want. Yes, I simply must persevere.
Perseverance. I’m throwing this word out liberally here. But as we all know, it’s not a simple and light word. Perseverance is something which is greatly admired, because it is not an easy thing. It’s a continuous, mindful persistence in doing something that clearly makes you uncomfortable, scared, tired, or anxious. Maybe all of those things.
A reader recently asked me what she should do to break out of her vicious eating disordered cycle. What should she do? What is the first step? How should she do it?
I sent her a detailed reply, but the gist of it is really just one word: Perseverance. The first step is clearly important…but the next step is just as important, and the next step, and the next step, and the next…You can’t escape a chronic problem or habit you have by just attempting to pull out once. And you can’t do it casually, either. You’ve got to meet that problem/habit/obsession head-on, with full concentration, again and again until you are able to break free.
Basically, you are in battle mode. When I hear the word “perseverance”, I keep envisioning a tall muscular person in full Spartan armor. Maybe that’s just me. But this kind of mentality is what we need in order to persevere.
Doesn’t matter if you’re struggling with an eating disorder, or relationship issues, or losing weight, or academic hardships, or a tough project at work. Perseverance, I think, is one of the greatest and toughest, yet most rewarding quality one can have.
And I do not believe it’s a gift. I believe it’s an inherent trait already within us that is just asking to be used. You may be weak, but nobody starts out strong. We’ve all got to start out somewhere. And perseverance will build your character up, slowly but surely.
I guess then, that I shouldn’t use the word “persevere” to describe my compulsive need to stuff myself silly before I finally surrender myself to the dentist. It’s probably more like greed. Gluttony. Foolish obstinacy. But you know what? I’m gonna stick with “perseverance.” Just because it just sounds way cooler.
Yes, that’s what I am: A Warrior of Gluttony. And here’s my battle cry: “Pain be damned— I will eat, damn it!”
Ah, I see that spark of disapproval in your eye. No, you can’t blame me! You don’t understand—the food here…it’s freaking good. In the famous words of my dear friend Jing Wen, “It’s very, very, very nice!!”
I’m having a hard time deciding on a favorite dish in Singapore, especially when I get enthralled by all their small bites. As much as I love the big pot of steaming noodles and seafood, I love the small appetizer/snack-portioned savory bites even more. Thus one day, I just decided to make a full meal out of some nostalgic Singaporean snacks: 
Ooh. So pretty and dainty. It’s like my own dim sum set. Except, it can be found in every hawker center and coffee shop in Singapore at 1/5 of the price. Maybe less.
My favorite out of the bunch is Popiah (the spring roll on the left): 
I have already eaten quite a number of this lovely Asian crepe since I’ve arrived in Singapore. It’s actually not unique to Singapore—I think it originated from the Fujian province of China, and is available in some other Asian countries like Malaysia and Taiwan, too. 
Basically, it starts out with two to three pieces of thin wrapper made from wheat flour. A sweet bean sauce and spicy chili sauce is spread all over the wrapper (you can ask the lady to hold the chili if you can’t handle the spice). Then on goes all kinds of ingredients, all different depending on which stall you visit. 
The lady I bought this from rolled out a hot popiah within seconds with deft fingers. If I were to make my own, I think it would probably fall apart. Mine came with lettuce, bean sprouts, stir-fried turnip, hard-boiled eggs, ground peanuts, and fried shallots. 
Delicious! Please don’t even think about cutting this into pieces with a knife and fork. It’s a pet peeve of mine to see people cutting their food into little pieces. This roll is already cut up, no need to mutilate it even more! Just pop the whole piece into your mouth—just like the way you should eat sushi.
Next, the pork shumai: 
It’s not uniquely Singaporean, of course. Shumais come in different varieties all over the Asian continent. Mine came stuffed simply with ground pork in a wonton wrapper. 
Dipped it in ketchup, because I was too lazy to make my own dipping sauce.
If you’ve been following for awhile, you should already know what otah-otah is: 
You can refer to my previous post to refresh your memory, but there is simply nothing that salivates your mouth more than this spicy, pungent, banana leaf-wrapped fish cake. My ulcers were not happy, but you’ve got to eat what you’ve gotta eat.
The white lump? It’s called soon kueh: 
Another nostalgic favorite of mine. The skin is made from rice flour, which is why it’s so sticky and slightly translucent. The filling is similar to that of popiah: stir-fried turnips, mushrooms (black fungus), and bits of tofu and dried shrimp. It’s chewy, savory, and quite a satisfying snack.
Now, the little pink pyramid-shaped dumpling, or peng kueh: 
The peng kueh is pink because of food coloring in its glutinous rice wrapper, nothing special. Haha. But inside, it holds ingredients that are similar to that of zongzi: braised glutinous rice, mushrooms, shrimp, and garlic. Usually eaten with sticky-sweet soy sauce and chili, but the lady forgot my chili! Apparently you can pan-fry this so that the exterior is crispy, too.
Okay, most dim sum usually ends with a sweet note…such as lotus buns and sesame balls, but I turned to my childhood favorite dessert as a midday snack: 
It’s called Tau Suan. Tau Suan is a sweet split mung bean dessert that is sold in every local dessert stall in Singapore. It is thick, viscuous, sticky, and gooey, with splecks of little cooked mung bean. I’ve made this before, and you flavor the liquid with fresh pandan leaves, and sweeten it with rock sugar. It is freaking awesome, and highly recommended by me as a must-try here! 
The topping is a handful of savory Chinese fried donut, or called you tiao. I usually dislike donuts because they have a bitter taste. But you tiao has none of that, because it’s salty instead of sweet (hm, ironic). It just soaks up all the sweet, lovely gel of the Tau Suan, and is freaking good! 
Can you see those individual split mung beans? They’re not the mature green beans, but the yellow split ones. This dessert is so easy to make at home, but I didn’t want to make an entire pot of it.
Okay, as much as I try, this body can persevere no longer. I was up from 3am to 4am (the next day) the day before, and have still not gotten enough sleep. But I have fun and delightful plans tomorrow with a certain amazing food blogger from Kuala Lumpur, so in order for more good eats, I shall retire to bed…because as you all know, I will eat, damn it! 
Zzzzzz. See you in Dream Land!
Question of the Day: Perseverance. What are your thoughts on it? What is one thing in which you have persevered, and one thing you are persevering through right now?
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Nighty night, hope you’ll have a sweet dream …
Go Sophia! Dominate that food. When I got my wisdom teeth out in October I kept attempting to eat real food.. even though I was told not to and most people said that I wouldn’t be able to. Still, I kept on going at it and the next day after getting my teeth out I managed to eat some bread with PB (among other foods). It was a bit uncomfortable but I just wasn’t willing to settle for ice cream and puddings.
What I’ve really been persevering with would have to be my ED. Even when I stumble I continue to get back up and push forward. If you don’t persevere then you won’t get anywhere in life, you’ll just stagnate and settle for less.
Amazing post, after reading it, I feel like a warrior. Pretty cool
Well, I preserved throughout my father’s coma and his passing away, and I’m still doing it…It was hard, but I came out of it stronger and wiser.
Now I’m fighting my disorder and my 5 exams at the uni…I am so going to win!
I love that pink dumbling, food should always look fun!
I’m persevering through my work commitments even with my digestive issues. I have to keep going to lunch meetings and the like even though they don’t serve food I can eat. So I’ve learned to be a better food packer and just tell people I’m allergic to things instead of explaining it all.
Ooo sweetie I’m sorry to hear about your teeth! Do you think you’re going to have to have them pulled? Or maybe they’re just coming in and so they hurt…kind of like teething babies.
You’re are the picture of perseverance! Nothing, not even a severe toothache, will stop you from devouring the world! Muahahahaha
Aww, sorry about your teeth!
That must be so painful. But you are strong and yes, you WILL persevere! 
Drink calorific beverages as much as possible. I feel like we MUST persevere to survive, nothing and no one is going to get us through many of life’s challenges, so we have to learn to endure and be strong on our own. Right now I am persevering through our cat’s sickness and our slew of other stress factors, like buying a house and “fun” stuff like that, lol.
Jenn
2 summers ago, my sister and I both got esophageal ulcers within 1 week of each other. Hers was induced by stress, while mine was caused by swallowing a pill dry (stupid – don’t do it). She didn’t eat for days, not willing to endure the pain of swallowing, but I couldn’t allow myself to not eat. I slurped away on pudding, ice cream, and fruit, not allowing myself to get grumpy and weak. She did. I was the one with the eating issues, but she didn’t see food as necessary to survive like I had learned to think of it. It was a miserable process for both of us, but we’ve both learned a bit about taking care of our bodies and ensuring that we won’t miss out on an experience because we didn’t take good care of ourselves in the first place.
oh no about your teeth! that sounds so painful. and heck yes to that spartan army dude. not only is it super good imagery for strength but i’m pretty sure all spartan army dudes were hot
Sorry to hear about the pains and struggles. I know why you want to eat lots on your travels, all the foods look so good!! Hope it doesn’t affect the “health” condition of your teeth or anything. Your take on preserverance is still admirable though. I think it’s key in anything you do if you want to do it well with success too!
Enjoy the rest of your time!
I’m sorry — donuts are usually bitter? What planet are you from?
You’re right about you tiao though — it’s amazing. Delicious. But only when fresh and made the day of!
For some strange reason, I get so happy when I see the food in your posts because I feel like they’re all things that I can proudly point and show my parents and they’d nod in agreement, and possibly drool alongside me. My parents, as you might imagine, just don’t get the kale salads.
Lastly, popiah rules. We used to frequent this one restaurant in San Gabriel (or Arcadia I can’t remember) where we’d order “popiah” and they’d let us make it ourselves. They’d provide us with 10-15 of those crepe-y like things and the sauce, the vermicelli, and the meat for the inside. In retrospect, however, giving me the freedom to eat 6 of them when there were at least 8 of us around, was probably not a really good idea. Like you, though, I was a persevering glutton: “I WILL EAT IT, DAMN IT!”
Hey love…I hope you are feeling better =)
BTW I was thinking about you ayer when I was at Joe’s Shanghai…
Sounds like you need some rest girly! Make sure you get some good chill out time in there with all that crazy busyness. I think life itself is just one big long game of perseverance, and just like recovery, it’s being prepared to put in the work even if it’s the last thing you want to do some days. For me, it’s important right now to persevere with my job. It’s not ideal, but I have to give it a chance, and it’s a means to an end. The process of persevering is also important, to notice and appreciate it, and the strengths it is developing within you. Ok I’m rambling! I’ll stop now
Sarah x
I’m so sorry that you’re in pain! Great message about perseverance – I love the image of a muscular person in Spartan armor, who just keeps fighting and keeps fighting and keeps fighting…
hey!! you know if you like poh piah. you must must must try the one at newton circus!! its rather expensive. but its soo freaking good. you pay for what you get(:
one of my favee singapore food is hokkien mee!!! the one at newton circus is not bad but you must try this one at chomp chomp. have you heard of this hawker centre? it’s located in serangoon garden. the hokkien mee is amazing!! i actually prefer it to food republic. hehe.
the queue’s quite long though. like up to 1.5hr! haha. try the stall beside the chicken wings. (the chicken wing’s awesome too. the person frying the hokkien mee is this old skinny man.yeah. it’s on the right side of the place. hope you find the right stall. hmm..
omg this is like a spam of places to go(:
haha! hope you have time to go try it out!!!
AMAZING TOPIC LOVE!!
you KNOW perseverance = stronger faith!!
I learned soo much in the depths of my ED about perseverance.. God WILL reward it and He will strengthen you after it! I LOVE THAT ABOUT OUR GOD!
I used to get those mouth ulcers all the time and then bam they stopped! I had no idea what it was that caused them but I’m so grateful they are gone. I firmly believe they are an allergy to something, to what I have no clue.
I have persevered as a mother. I honestly thought, six weeks into it, that I was going to shoot myself in the head, it was THAT hard. It still isn’t a picnic but it’s getting easier every day.
Oh dear, I hope the toothache goes away soon! I know how painful it can be. I absolutely loooove popiah and siew mai too! One of my all-time favorites. =)
Ouch.. so sorry to hear that you are in such pain right now! As always though, I am so impressed with your attitude
It’s amazing that you are still managing to make the last days in Singapore count 
Hmm.. perseverance? I think recovering from my eating disorder takes a lot of persevering.. but that’s still a work in progress. More specifically, I’m trying to persevere through this extreme back ache brought on by a nasty fall off of my horse! I need to eat up despite my lack of appetite so I can heal quickly to start my job in a few weeks! Eeek!
<3 Tat
i am so sorry about your pain!!!
i know all about perserverence – it’s my middle name! it’s what all actors have to learn – the #1 part of the job.
Sophia! I’m back to the blogging world! It’s so good to read your blog again! I’m sorry that your mouth is in pain. But glad to hear that you’re perservering. I would have to say that my violin playing is the thing in life that I have perservered at the most. I’ve been playing for 15 years and for many of those years I was practicing 2-6 hours a day!
Right now, I’m perservering at keeping my spirits up while my shin injury heals.
Feel Better =) I love that last pic of you sleeping with the butterflies.
Dont’ wait too long to go to the dentist. You can get very sick if things in your mouth aren’t right.
Perseverance! I love it! It is so true. You have to keep trying to be stronger, even when you don’t feel like it. To get over disordered eating and thinking, you have to be stronger then you ever thought. It takes effort and you have to battle it like a warrior!
So sorry to hear that you’re in pain! When I had jaw surgery/wisdom teeth extracted, I lived off of smoothies (even more so than now).
Hope you are feeling better already. It may be what the Chinese calls “heat” or acid- alkaline imbalance. I got that when the weather was hot and I ate too much spicy or friied food. Fish oil supplement and drinking lots of water and green tea helped me. Am loving all your posts from Asia and the spring rolls are my favs.
you are definitely in battle mode my dear! love you sweetie! I’m so glad you are enjoying yourself, can we please get together before the summer ends???? hope your mouth/wisdom teeth stop killing you!
You poor thing–I would just be so mad if I had all that wonderful food to eat that caused me even more pain! I think I would do the same thing, hold off on getting the wisdom teeth out until I’d eaten everything I wanted first. Haha. right now I am persevering with eating healthier foods so that I can lose weight and keep my blood sugar stable (I’m insulin dependent diabetic–don’t know if I ever told you that. I have a scary health history and basically brought the diabetes on myself by refusing treatment for a thyroid disease). I pray almost daily for guidance with my food choices, which I refused to do in the past b/c it seemed so silly to ask God for help losing weight. But it is important b/c my health was declining–my cholesterol rising and my blood sugar way out of control–getting really high. I feel so much better now and I’m not eating totally boring food–I’m eating really delicious stuff. But it does take perseverance every day to resist the sweets I make for others and to reach for the fruit instead. But I can do anything through Him who strengthens me.
ouch! hope you are feeling better. mouth things really get me nervous as they mean a trip to the dentist and I hate the dentist!
i like your thoughts on perseverance. slips ups happen all the time! the most important thing is not to dwell on them and just keep going.
If I ever get a chance to travel the world, I am taking you with me! You sure do know how to enjoy all the food world has to offer!! I love how you’ve stepped out of the boat and will eat just whatever–so great!
A pink dumpling?! Love it!
I’m trying to persevere through this job hunt. It’s hard, very hard, as I look at all of these jobs that I don’t really want as much as I wanted this other job. I fill out each and every application knowing that I am just not as into it as I was with the other job. It’s sucks, but I am PERSEVERING though it all, and I WILL find a job!
Good work! Dental pain and lack of sleep is such a bad combo. I’m quite good at perseverance when it comes to eating food when I’m feeling ill. There is rarely a good enough reason for me not to eat!
Love your thoughts on perseverance. Feel better soon x
Totally agree wise girl! Hope you feel better soon, wisdom teeth aren’t wise at all. Good luck, thinking of you!
xxx Julia (Taste of Living)
I had the world’s worst experience with wisdom teeth, so you have all the sympathy in the world from me (not that it helps you feel any better, but we can pretend.) Anyway, this post was selfishly just what I needed to read this morning. It’s minor in the grand scheme of things, but I’m not doing ANY exercise at all today and am not going to restrict in any way because of it (that’s the plan anyway.)
I seriously effed up my foot/ankle by walking too much or something and can barely put weight on it, so I’m going to honor my body’s obvious warning and take it easy. My head will be spinning and thoughts will creep in, but I’ll keep this post in mind. Thank you and get well soon!
P.S. The best thing about my wisdom tooth experience, if there was one, was the large amounts of ice cream that HAD to be consumed, as I couldn’t eat anything else with a head bloated up like a pumpkin.
your posts always make me think. I love your writing andyour honesty. I think you also do such a great job with trying new foods & exposing your readers to interesting cuisine. You make me realize that indulging in foods not typical to your everyday diet is OK and should happen.
I have persevered in many different times and I know it is incredibly important. Even if something is difficult, if it is the right thing, you have to just suck it up & put your fears behind you because everything will be ok. This is especially true with eds.
you’re so amazing for ur perseverance!!! so glad you pushed through and told urself JUST DO IT! ive had to use that strategy many times when it comes to procrastinating having to do chores or important errands! its so hard isnt it.. yet we know that even when we tell ourselves that we will fell better later on.. its still hard and sometimes feels liek it isnt worth it. but it is! GOOD JOB <3
What a fun idea – yay for a meal of snacks
Hope you feel better soon.
Oh no, I’m so sorry to hear about your wisdom teeth — they are so painful! (Don’t you hate it when you get sick on vacation?!) I’m glad to hear you’re going to persevere though, sweetie — the food is too good to pass up!
I hope you feel better
…… and once again you are the food maniac 
!!!
So sorry that you are having trouble with your wisdoms…I had lots of trouble with mine too! They are such a pain, right? I hope they calm down soon!
Glad you are going to persevere! You are such an amazing girl! This post really made me think.
xxxx
Fantastic post! I had my wisdom teeth out before they became painful, so while I cannot say that I know what you’re going through, I am sorry for your pain. I have been working on incorporating more fats into my diet. I think that if they came up with a new word for it, then people wouldn’t be so afraid of it.
Wisdom teeth are AWFUL! I hope you get to feeling better soon my friend!
Aww I hope you feel better soon Sophia! It’s awful isn’t it but at least once they’re all out they’re out forever!
Perserverance, absolutely necessary to attain dreams I think, just my 2 cents 
awwwww!!! i remember being SOOOOO miserable when my wisdom teeth and then when they were coming in and when i got them out.. argh! im sorry!
but.. all that food is so freakin drool worthy! i love it all!!!
When you finally get home, you’re gonna sleep for days! I really persevered with graduating from college. It was extremely difficult, because of my mental illness, but I kept on taking breaks and recharging my batteries and then going back to school refreshed until I finally graduated.
Sorry to hear that you are in pain right now!
I think the real test of our strength is how we persevere in tough times.
Oh yum yum yum the pork shumai looks delicious and I think I’d love to try the pink pyramid thing just b/c it’s pink! hehe
Feel better Sophia. I’ve heard of using clove paste for help w/ wisdom tooth pain before you can get them out. Not sure where to get it, or if it’s available there, but thought I’d pass the info along!
I sincerely hope you feel better, I know what wisdom tooth pain feels like and to put it in one word it is nasty. I have persevered after marriage when I was going through a lot of emotional issues and change of educational field.
I love that photo of you ! so cute! I love that post on perseverance too! and you are absolutely right; it is an essential quality; I have had to be damn perseverant in certain areas of my life and it has paid off superbly; I wont elaborate but it has to do with my kids and some very difficult and heart-wrenching family situations.
Love all these dainties you are eating, my oh my! Now I have to go to Singapore!
Oh they look so good! Yummy!
GREAT PICTURES! I think every day can need a little perseverance to take risks, be bold, live life uniquely. and then the larger issues come around a d really test that strength…so it’s a great quality to have.
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