Einstein has a famous quote: “God does not play dice.”
Judy Blume has a famous book: “Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret.”
My not-so-famous summarization of yesterday: “God, Are You Freaking There? It’s Me, Your Dice. Stop freaking playing with my life.”
Yeah. I was pissed off and stupefied yesterday. At God. At life. At all my stupid plans, because what the heck? They all crumbled before my very eyes, so what’s the point of planning in the first place? All my meticulous and perfect planning…Gone. Poof. God totally took it and shredded it apart and used it as toilet paper. It was a totally FML and FTW moment.
You see, I made plans, as I always do. I planned to go study abroad next spring semester to Sydney (where the fabulous Lorraine resides) and take journalism credits. Then in the fall, I planned to go study abroad in Beijing to fulfill my Chinese minor requirements.
And then, those plans started to dismantle.
First, my application to on-campus got canceled because of some girls who “don’t do religion” but do drugs and boys. You can read all about the hullaboo here. After that, I looked all around for off-campus housing, but there was no place that would accept a semester’s lease, which meant I can’t study abroad. So I prayed about it. And I decided to accept the only door that God left open for me, which was to apply to the Sister’s House, a Christian community living arrangement of about 20 girls.
I was satisfied. The Sister’s House wasn’t my first choice, but I had listened to God, and I had submitted, without (too) much fuss. I was so proud of myself.
And then God throws a curveball at me.
The Sister’s House interviewed me, and about a month later, they finally let me know the results yesterday: after much consideration, they decided the Sister’s House was “not the ideal place for me, because they could not provide the privacy” that I needed. Apparently, honesty is not the best policy after all, because I pretty much admitted to them that I’m a private person and that I wasn’t too thrilled about applying to the Sister’s House at first (But I did mention that I was willing to learn! Guess they forgot that).
I was kind of stunned. I guess I kind of thought my housing problems were over. I thought by surrendering myself to God, I was a shoo-in to the Sister’s House.
Thus, I was pissed. When I got the rejection email, I immediately turned to God in fury: What the eff? God, you closed all these doors, and you open ONE door to the Sister’s House, and then you close that, too? I even blogged about it! What am I, your toy? Stop playing with my life!
And then I called my parents. My mom received the call, because my dad was in Chicago. I told her nobody wanted me, and then I started to cry.
But somehow, my mom wasn’t even concerned. Her voice was bright and cheerful. As she prayed for me, my tears ceased. I felt my load lightening, and my spiritual eyes brightened. Calmly, I sat down and thought back to everything that went awry:
- My on-campus housing application got canceled.
- My housing application to the Sister’s House got rejected.
- What’s more, a while ago I found out that I couldn’t even go study abroad like I planned because of the way my journalism curriculum is set up.
- The study abroad program to Sydney does not accept journalism credits.
- The study abroad plans to Beijing might never happen, either.
- I might need to take an extra semester of school.
- My art professor is urging me to take more art classes, and I’m suddenly interested in pursuing an art minor, too…except, what about my Chinese minor?
Nothing is going according to the way I planned. And in this chaos, I found out God’s purpose. It was…to trust and obey Him. Not in my own intellect, and my grandiose and detailed plans, but Him. Because…God knows. That this is the hardest thing for me— to give up my plans and to follow His.
Did I really surrender myself to God the last time when I applied to the Sister’s House? Yes, I did. But I became comfortable with that plan, too.
So God allows that plan to mess up as well, asking me, But can you surrender again? And again, and again?
Yes, I will, Lord.
Therefore, I have a new summarization for today: God will provide. As He always has, and as He always will.
What’s gonna happen next? For a moment yesterday, fear gripped me that I might become homeless and become one of those crazy ladies in the streets, mumbling to myself and asking people for a tuna sandwich. And that I might not be able to continue school. Well, even if that happens, I’ll leave it to God.
But. I don’t think He will do that to me. I know, that even though He closed many doors to me, He will open yet another. And He’ll let me find it. Therefore, I am completely at peace with my situation now. You see, I’m not a dice, I’m a child of God; He’s not playing with my life, He’s shaping it.
Besides, there is a reason why I love my school so much. God put that love for my school in me, and He doesn’t ignite such a thing within me only to extinguish it out. Despite the fact that I cannot wait for summer to begin, I really do adore my school. For starters, how many schools do you know have a bunch of trucks parking by it every single day to cater hot and cheap food to students? 
Look at that. Three food trucks, one right after the other, all desperate to feed us. We are so freaking lucky, yes we are.
I’ve already did a review on Bull Kogi, but since then I’ve tried more. Behold, the Slice Truck: 
Honestly, I would not have ordered from this truck if not for my food truck round-up article for the Daily Trojan. I mean, a pizza truck? How boring, compared to all the other cool and innovative food truck concepts out there. 
Even the menu was boring: Cheese, Pepperoni, Veggie, Hot Garlic. 
But the concept Slice Truck has seems to be simplicity itself. Just plain good pizza, without complex toppings to overwhelm the simple goodness of a crust, sauce, and cheese pie. Still, I will never order a plain ol’ cheese pizza unless I was starving, so I went with the most interesting option, the Hot Garlic: 
That hand with the purple nails belong to Mimi (mine is at the bottom). If you see painted nails, you can be sure those are not mine, because I don’t own a single nail polish. She was my food truck companion, and we ate this for a snack. 
Yes, a mid-afternoon snack. Who says you can’t eat pizza for a snack? I can’t understand people who eat a single slice of pizza for a meal. Are you crazy? That’s a snack. Not a meal. 
Anyway, this was pretty good! Even though it was simple, there was enough roasted garlic in there to make the flavors really intense and bold. And, I loved the sprinkle of fresh herbs over, and the extra addition of fresh Parmesan cheese for a tangy bite. The crust was nice and crispy, and the sauce was fresh. Overall, a thumb up. Especially because it’s about 65% bigger than the average large pizza slice! Check out my yelp review.
Oh, and did you celebrate Sweet Treat Wednesday yesterday? To tell you the truth, I’ve been having a Sweet Treat Week, because of those blasted dirt-cheap Easter candies. 25 cents for a 10oz packet of chocolate eggs? Yes, please! I bought about 15 packets, and I’m kind of regretting it now. 
See? Almost all gone already. I ate so much candy that my tongue is swollen and I’m pretty sure I have cavities now.
But how could I resist? These Easter candies are SO cute. Check this out: 
A chick! How can you say no to a chick with “M”-shaped eyes that smiles at you! 
Or a bunny! Winking at you! With whiskers! 
Or a little lamb! With droopy ears and fluffy tuft of hair!
Sigh. Adorable food have a way to my heart. Well, stomach. Same thing.
Hope you all have a happy day today! If I can have a happy day despite being a potential hobo, so can you. 
Question of the day: Ever had a day when ALL your plans go out of whack? What is the most adorable thing you ate?
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I really wish I had those food trucks in my life! I always see them on your blog and am jealous!
And I had to resisted quite a few times from buying the Easter candy… 2 lbs of robin egg malt balls for a dollar??!! What??!!?!
I am so glad that you are able to keep your head up through all the uncertainty. Life is uncertain. We can try our hardest to plan everything we can, but that’s not how life works! So you need to work with what is thrown your way and make it into something great. I still have a good part of a bag of mini Candbury chocolate eggs (the candy coated ones). Those are my absolute favorite easter candy! I also have a large chocolate bunny that I might melt and bake something with.
What I LOVE about you Sophia is that when even all of your plans go haywire, you still have a very strong faith. I have had days like that, too, and try to keep my faith strong. For some reason, knowing how blessed I really am makes it all ok. There are so many people in a worse situation, so I try to remind myself of that!
Aw hun, I know how much it sucks when nothing we want seems to work out. Although I’m not religious, I do believe that sometimes when things don’t go as planned, we actually end up somewhere different, even somewhere better. Some of the best things that have happened to me have arisen from some unlikely circumstances. Wherever you go, whatever you do and whoever you meet along the way, things can still turn out great, because of the person you are and how you make the most of what you have.
And may I say those Easter sweets are cuuute
Sarah x
Sounds like you’ve had a lot of crap piled on your plate this week (figuratively, obviously) and for that I’m really sorry. There’s always a lot of stress with college, especially when you throw study abroad into the equation. I know at my college, my semester abroad was basically just pointless credits because neither of my majors accepted the credits from London. You just have to keep the faith and try to hold on to the thought that God has a plan, even if it’s hard to see right now.
Sorry to hear this girl, but I just know things WILL work out. I admire your faith and strength…Never forget that!
Sending lots of positivity, hope that will help a little…
And something else: your comment about the pizza slice. I laughed so loud and BOY, do I think exactly the same!:)
xxx Julia (Taste of Living)
Isn’t it funny how things never go according to “plan?” I think this has taught me that I can make plans but I must be flexible, as life has too many twists and turns along the path to really be sure of anything. Once I learned to accept that I can’t control everything, the unexpected got easier to handle. Not to say I’ve completely mastered this; I’m still working but certainly getting better at taking it all – good, bad, unexpected – in stride.
You know what they say… man plans, G-d laughs. Nothing could be more true. Sorry things aren’t working out as you expected, but something WILL work out!
<3 <3
you still manage to have SUCH a good attitude throughout it all. there are of course days when my plans fall through and nothing goes right, but you just have to say “ahhh well. shi*t happens!!” just have to think of others who are really struggling in the world even worse!
that pizza looks GLORIOUS!! as do the M&M’s!
xo
This is just what I needed to read today. I have been going through times where I know God is showing me to just trust him. But it is soooo hard. I feel your pain. At least knowing that God loves us makes it all easier to accept and to be at peace. I’ll be sure to say a prayer for you and this situation.
hahah I gotta admit…I’m a sucker for cute food
I also like how you picked the hot garlic pizza because it was the most unique option. I always go for the most unique thing!
I’m glad you’re staying optimistic about the housing situation. You’re a good person, so karma will come around
You know what they say, want to make God laugh, then make a plan. I’ve had some pretty major life plans in my head for awhile now and it’s basically something that I have absolutely no control over. Only God does. And most of the time I’m ok with it. But other days it DRIVES ME CRAZY!!!!! No matter what our situation, it is best to do what you said. Just trust that God will open another door for you. He always does.
Hang in there!!
I’m sorry everything is falling through for you lately. Isn’t it awesome though how comforting your mother was for you? That gave me goosebumps as I read it.
Maybe He’s closing these doors because there are much bigger ones up ahead that He’d rather you go through…
I still think you need to go to the housing people and talk to them about the bullying situation. You need to let them know that you were approached privately on Facebook and the girl made an issue out of your religious views and then made you uncomfortable by implying you shouldn’t live in your designated housing b/c of those views and how the other girls are. You need to stick up for yourself Sophia! Even if nothing comes of it, at least you know you tried and you got the practice for later in life. The school should not allow one bratty girl to derail another student’s plans like this.
And I agree that a slice of pizza is a SNACK. That pizza looks absolutely delicious! Sweet treat Wednesday I ate tons and tons of a bread I baked. I’m posting about it now, it’ll be up in a few days, I have a backlog.
What you’re going through is frustrating, but it will all work out in the end. I had to go an extra semester in college, all thanks to an advisor that didn’t advise me correctly my second year. When it came time to graduate she’d already been fired…I later found out I wasn’t the only one mis-advised. Keep up your faith, it’ll all be fine! Promise! P.S. I love how tasty that pizza looks…and my fiance and I have been gobbling chocolate eggs for the past two weeks. Someone stop us!!
oh such a bummer about the housing. but everything will work out and although it’s totally okay to feel angry and stuff it’s awesome that youre willing to trust that things will work out.
and awww such cute m&m’s!!
So sorry that your days aren’t the ideal lastly, hope you’ll have better luck in the near future!!
I admire you positive attitude and the garlicky pizza
Cheers,
Gera
Hot garlic pizza sounds amazing!
…perhaps the rejection from the Sister House was a blessing in disguise, I remember right before this semester my housing plans were shattered as well and I literally had no idea where I’d be living until two days before school started, but the result was the best outcome.
It’s nice to hear your positive outlook on your housing situation despite how it seems so many doors have been shut in your face, things will work out for the best- they always do
Enjoy the sun
hahaha to funny about the candy. to cute not to eat! when things get overwhelming for me as they DEFINITELY SEEM for you at the moment, i tell myself that everything happens FOR a reason. really, it does. you may be frustrated and disappointed/confused/stressed now, but realize in the grand scheme of things it was all supposed to happen. God will allow you to find your way. He’s got plans for you, just not what you expected
stay strong girl! i ancked on steak earlier!
I’ve never seen food trucks like that -how fun!
oh man I am so sorry girl!! YOU know that God is going to pull through-HE ALWAYS DOES!! He is sharpening you right now..and getting sharpened sucks.. it HURTS .. but its only so we can fit BETTER into His puzzle .. piece by piece at a time..and we dont fit unless He fixes us! praying for you girl
aww girlie I am so sorry about your plans falling through! Don’t stress too much and keep your spirits up, because they WILL work out!!! I know it’s a corny saying, but everything DOES happen for a reason! You will probably land an AWESOME place to live! and if you don’t ill come eat PIZZATRUCK with you and we’ll get a manicure!
(kidding…well actually no I’m not!)
i heart you pretty lady!
~xoxo!
So sorry to hear about this series of events. It seems like you’ve gotten some good perspective on things though–may God shape your life to its fullest potential.
On a lighter note, I think the sight of all those food trucks would definitely bring a smile to my face–yum!
Oh Sophia, I’m really sorry about your plans crumbling down like that. Things will turn out right though, even if it’s not exactly how you pictured it happening. At least you had some good pizza and lots of cute candy to soothe you a bit. I hope your path begins to make itself clearer.
How rare are you, Sophia? With a turn of events that would cause someone like me to give up in frustration, you are still out there, faith strong and outlook positive. By placing yourself in His hands, it will all work out, it will it will, I know it. The more the world seems to crumble around you, the stronger you will emerge.
Have another pizza slice on me
So cute M&Ms. Try not to let one day throw you off too much- I’m so glad you’re looking to the Lord for trust. It’s so easy to forget but He will see you through! Thank you for reminding me
Katherine
This is a GREAT post! When I am feeling down and out I play the song Give Me Something to Believe In by Poison. It always cheers me up.
I think that you are wise in recognizing that it is not about your plan but God’s plan. Hang in there, things will work out in such an amazing way!
I’m sorry you’ve been so stressed out lately chica! That really sucks about all of your trips and plans falling to pieces. As for the housing, have you tried looking into whether any graduate students would be willing to lease you a place for six months? I know you don’t really want a roommate, but it might be a viable option!
I love how you always look on the bright side of things. You are an eternal (semi) optimist!
And at least you have pizza!
I’m so sorry you are going through so much right now Sophia. You are handling it all better than I ever could. I hope things work out for you. Actually, I know they will.
have you ever read the book “things fall apart?” i haven’t, but it’s been recommended to be hundreds of time, as my life falls apart constantly – as i’m sure we now realize everyone’s does….
Ugh, so sorry about the changes in plans and disappointments. I hate meltdowns like that. I was pretty much reduced to tears recently because my computer crashed, I was immobile due to the “bullet holes” on my back, got cavities, and ended up owing way more money than I expected for all of that stuff (and some other things). It always works out in the end, but in the moment, it’s so freaking frustrating. I feel for you!
The most adorable thing I ate? Probably any of the things at the Huntington Library’s tea. I go every year with my mom and they have the cutest mini desserts and sandwiches.
I’m so sorry to hear about all those things gone wrong! But you’re right, everything will work out just like it always has…remember what happened a while back when you missed your flight back to school? In the end you had an amazing story to tell us!
Oh Sophia, I am so sorry to hear about the rejection. But honestly, I can’t stop thinking that everything happens for a reason. Trust God because you know He has a better plan for you!
I’m so sorry about this curveball, of all things–as if housing isn’t stressful enough! I know everything will work out for you; there will be another way, perhaps even a better one.
I won’t go the pastry route (as they are all adorable!) but will say that there is something unquantifiably lovable about a soft boiled egg with the top cracked off, perched in a little cup and devoured with a silver spoon. Bonus points if the cup resembles a farm animal.
Man do I know how tough it is to have all these plans and to have them fall through – it takes a lot of courage and strength to be able to give up control and go with the greater plan! I really admire you for that. You’re an inspiration.
Ahh, I would be freaking out over the housing situation. I love how you can be so positive about it! But, I agree, everything always works out in the end. It has to!
i love cute food but sadly most cute food and me run into allergy issues. sigh.
ok onto your mess of a situation. i am sooooo sorry!!!!!!! pretty much what you are going thru I think everyone does have phases like this, and college is a HUGE time when everything can and does actually fall apart and not go according to plans. Best advice would be, in 10 year or 10 mos none of it will matter and you probably wont remember it. You will remember being annoyed but not the specifics b/c by then, things will be going so awesomely well you wont even remember these blips and bumps.
That’s my best effort at some older woman wisdom without sounding overly chipper b/c that’s annoying too
College housing is an absolute NIGHTMARE. I’m currently sharing a 3 BR apt with 8 girls, none of whom I knew prior and none of whom I’m friends with. It’s been a long nine months, but I’ve survived, I’ve been save, I’ve had a roof over my head and my head is still okay, no matter how many times I’ve felt like bashing it into a wall. I love how positive you are in this post…yes, God WILL provide you with an answer…hang in there, girl!!
My cupcake today was pretty dang adorable in my eyes, despite the fact that it was the approximate size of my head. What can I say, I like to judge food by its taste, and it made me feel pretty dang good!
Hope you have a great Friday!!
In the grand scheme of things Sophia, this will be a minor bump in the road! I know you don’t see it this way, but trust an older woman who has seen plenty and plenty of plans get derailed; you will find another way, your faith will help in that regard a lot!
Love that garlic pizza and the candies! Yum, my kind of meal sometimes!
sometime, i’ll tell you about my fun in college…
the almost transferring every year. (we’re talking, applied, accepted, looking at apartments style here)
the spur of the moment decision to graduate early
and then grad school in something i had no plans of doing (i saw myself getting a law degree… or at least an MS. but turns out i’m supposed to be a teacher)
and here’s the amazing thing-all that madness? it worked out.
if i hadn’t tried to leave, i wouldn’t have gotten off campus which was the best thing for me. if i hadn’t graduated early, i wouldn’t have done americorps… and if i hadn’t done, that i wouldn’t be a teacher.
and i am supposed to be a teacher.
it all works out.
I have many of those moments. But I over the years I’ve come to terms with things not always going according to plan. I’m more of the go-with-the-flow mentality. If it happens, it happens. I’m sure things will work out for you.
Oh Sophia!! I got so excited when I read that you might be coming to Sydney! But oh noes…how can they not accept Journalism credits? Arrrgggh!! OK maybe I need to come and visit you one day if you don’t come here!
Oh goodness Sophia, I’m so sorry about all the chaos! I’m glad that you’ve found a comfortable place spiritually and are a bit more relieved right now. I would say, just trust that things will turn out; obstacles can turn into great opportunities once in a while.
I have had days like that for sure, but I’m not really thinking of any right now. Sending hugs your way!
Oh and I like all Easter candy. So much. I’m glad it’s gone now, actually!
Sophia, I loved this blog! Do you realize every time you learn a lesson and tell us about it, you are teaching us as well? I love how quickly you learn and this was a good lesson. I also have problems submitting to God’s will instead of trying to follow my OWN PLAN. Thank you for reminding me who’s in charge-lol! Even if this doesn’t turn out like you thought it should or how you’d like, you can take comfort in knowing that it’s part of a big plan that is hard for us to see sometimes (or maybe ever!) and like your brother said–whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. It IS oversaid but it’s true!
I totally have days like that … especially at work too!! With 26 thirteen year olds, the day never goes as planned!
I have to try to roll with the punches on a regular basis!
I’m sorry that you are going through all of this. I went through something similar in school, and I simply stopped trying to control and plan life too much. I finally decided it was best to get used to change, perhaps is this something that God is trying to instill in you.
I’m so sorry to hear that your plans have all fallen apart on you like that. This just shows how strong you truly are, despite all that has ahppened you’re still able to cuteness and satisfaction in an egg-shaped candy. I don’t know if I would have the faith and strength to stay as strong as you. Instead of admiring those cute candies I’d probably be using them as something to crush and bash with my bare hands. Keep staying strong Sophia. I’m sure things WILL get better.
Most of my days involve nothing going according to plan, I think I’m jaded LOL. You are very strong and energetic, you WILL get through it all.
Are you sure we weren’t separated at birth?! I don’t get one piece of pizza as a meal, either!! I’m down for at least 2– NY style BIG slices that is. Pizza Hut size, put me down for 4 or 5. hehe Your snack looks superb. I love how outside of the box you are!
Jenn
Wow!!! I understand that you’ve been through so much. And it isn’t easy AT ALL. I would have had a nervous breakdown myself:P but you didn’t. Praise God! Well, you know what they say… sometimes God allows trials to test our faith… but behind every test, God waits with a gift… when we’ve been proven faithful and trusting, He gives us that breakthrough… exceedingly more than we can ever ask or imagine. So hang in there, dear girl. God is with you. There can be nothing better than that
*Hugggggggs*
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