Einstein has a famous quote: “God does not play dice.”
Judy Blume has a famous book: “Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret.”
My not-so-famous summarization of yesterday: “God, Are You Freaking There? It’s Me, Your Dice. Stop freaking playing with my life.”
Yeah. I was pissed off and stupefied yesterday. At God. At life. At all my stupid plans, because what the heck? They all crumbled before my very eyes, so what’s the point of planning in the first place? All my meticulous and perfect planning…Gone. Poof. God totally took it and shredded it apart and used it as toilet paper. It was a totally FML and FTW moment.
You see, I made plans, as I always do. I planned to go study abroad next spring semester to Sydney (where the fabulous Lorraine resides) and take journalism credits. Then in the fall, I planned to go study abroad in Beijing to fulfill my Chinese minor requirements.
And then, those plans started to dismantle.
First, my application to on-campus got canceled because of some girls who “don’t do religion” but do drugs and boys. You can read all about the hullaboo here. After that, I looked all around for off-campus housing, but there was no place that would accept a semester’s lease, which meant I can’t study abroad. So I prayed about it. And I decided to accept the only door that God left open for me, which was to apply to the Sister’s House, a Christian community living arrangement of about 20 girls.
I was satisfied. The Sister’s House wasn’t my first choice, but I had listened to God, and I had submitted, without (too) much fuss. I was so proud of myself.
And then God throws a curveball at me.
The Sister’s House interviewed me, and about a month later, they finally let me know the results yesterday: after much consideration, they decided the Sister’s House was “not the ideal place for me, because they could not provide the privacy” that I needed. Apparently, honesty is not the best policy after all, because I pretty much admitted to them that I’m a private person and that I wasn’t too thrilled about applying to the Sister’s House at first (But I did mention that I was willing to learn! Guess they forgot that).
I was kind of stunned. I guess I kind of thought my housing problems were over. I thought by surrendering myself to God, I was a shoo-in to the Sister’s House.
Thus, I was pissed. When I got the rejection email, I immediately turned to God in fury: What the eff? God, you closed all these doors, and you open ONE door to the Sister’s House, and then you close that, too? I even blogged about it! What am I, your toy? Stop playing with my life!
And then I called my parents. My mom received the call, because my dad was in Chicago. I told her nobody wanted me, and then I started to cry.
But somehow, my mom wasn’t even concerned. Her voice was bright and cheerful. As she prayed for me, my tears ceased. I felt my load lightening, and my spiritual eyes brightened. Calmly, I sat down and thought back to everything that went awry:
- My on-campus housing application got canceled.
- My housing application to the Sister’s House got rejected.
- What’s more, a while ago I found out that I couldn’t even go study abroad like I planned because of the way my journalism curriculum is set up.
- The study abroad program to Sydney does not accept journalism credits.
- The study abroad plans to Beijing might never happen, either.
- I might need to take an extra semester of school.
- My art professor is urging me to take more art classes, and I’m suddenly interested in pursuing an art minor, too…except, what about my Chinese minor?
Nothing is going according to the way I planned. And in this chaos, I found out God’s purpose. It was…to trust and obey Him. Not in my own intellect, and my grandiose and detailed plans, but Him. Because…God knows. That this is the hardest thing for me— to give up my plans and to follow His.
Did I really surrender myself to God the last time when I applied to the Sister’s House? Yes, I did. But I became comfortable with that plan, too.
So God allows that plan to mess up as well, asking me, But can you surrender again? And again, and again?
Yes, I will, Lord.
Therefore, I have a new summarization for today: God will provide. As He always has, and as He always will.
What’s gonna happen next? For a moment yesterday, fear gripped me that I might become homeless and become one of those crazy ladies in the streets, mumbling to myself and asking people for a tuna sandwich. And that I might not be able to continue school. Well, even if that happens, I’ll leave it to God.
But. I don’t think He will do that to me. I know, that even though He closed many doors to me, He will open yet another. And He’ll let me find it. Therefore, I am completely at peace with my situation now. You see, I’m not a dice, I’m a child of God; He’s not playing with my life, He’s shaping it.
Besides, there is a reason why I love my school so much. God put that love for my school in me, and He doesn’t ignite such a thing within me only to extinguish it out. Despite the fact that I cannot wait for summer to begin, I really do adore my school. For starters, how many schools do you know have a bunch of trucks parking by it every single day to cater hot and cheap food to students? 
Look at that. Three food trucks, one right after the other, all desperate to feed us. We are so freaking lucky, yes we are.
I’ve already did a review on Bull Kogi, but since then I’ve tried more. Behold, the Slice Truck: 
Honestly, I would not have ordered from this truck if not for my food truck round-up article for the Daily Trojan. I mean, a pizza truck? How boring, compared to all the other cool and innovative food truck concepts out there. 
Even the menu was boring: Cheese, Pepperoni, Veggie, Hot Garlic. 
But the concept Slice Truck has seems to be simplicity itself. Just plain good pizza, without complex toppings to overwhelm the simple goodness of a crust, sauce, and cheese pie. Still, I will never order a plain ol’ cheese pizza unless I was starving, so I went with the most interesting option, the Hot Garlic: 
That hand with the purple nails belong to Mimi (mine is at the bottom). If you see painted nails, you can be sure those are not mine, because I don’t own a single nail polish. She was my food truck companion, and we ate this for a snack. 
Yes, a mid-afternoon snack. Who says you can’t eat pizza for a snack? I can’t understand people who eat a single slice of pizza for a meal. Are you crazy? That’s a snack. Not a meal. 
Anyway, this was pretty good! Even though it was simple, there was enough roasted garlic in there to make the flavors really intense and bold. And, I loved the sprinkle of fresh herbs over, and the extra addition of fresh Parmesan cheese for a tangy bite. The crust was nice and crispy, and the sauce was fresh. Overall, a thumb up. Especially because it’s about 65% bigger than the average large pizza slice! Check out my yelp review.
Oh, and did you celebrate Sweet Treat Wednesday yesterday? To tell you the truth, I’ve been having a Sweet Treat Week, because of those blasted dirt-cheap Easter candies. 25 cents for a 10oz packet of chocolate eggs? Yes, please! I bought about 15 packets, and I’m kind of regretting it now. 
See? Almost all gone already. I ate so much candy that my tongue is swollen and I’m pretty sure I have cavities now.
But how could I resist? These Easter candies are SO cute. Check this out: 
A chick! How can you say no to a chick with “M”-shaped eyes that smiles at you! 
Or a bunny! Winking at you! With whiskers! 
Or a little lamb! With droopy ears and fluffy tuft of hair!
Sigh. Adorable food have a way to my heart. Well, stomach. Same thing.
Hope you all have a happy day today! If I can have a happy day despite being a potential hobo, so can you. 
Question of the day: Ever had a day when ALL your plans go out of whack? What is the most adorable thing you ate?
Related posts:
{ 89 comments… read them below or add one }
← Previous Comments
Sophia, I’m so sorry to hear about this. I have had a bad week myself, with my job on the line at the moment
I am trying to just breath, and think like you and assume that God has another path for me at this time. This job just wasn’t meant to be. When I was asked to LEAVE my last job (as a waitress, for reasons that are lame) I was so sad. But it ended up being a great thing for me, and I think this is the case for you too. Heck, if the Sister House really isn’t into privacy, would you have really been happy?? I know I wouldn’t have!! YOu will find something. Maybe not today, or next week, but you WILL find something, and you will be happy 
Cutest think I e ever ate? My peeps that I have been eating for the last two weeks, does that count?? SO CUTE!! They are pink, purple, and yellow, and so delicious.
It’s ok to get frustrated/mad sometimes–as long as you always
come to the conclusion that God does provide to those who
faithfully serve him!
Back in college I was such a planner, down to the hours I would get certain work done. If something went wrong I would freak out! Dating Z has really helped me because he is so laid back. But I also have learned a lot from myself since I graduated. What if I don’t feel like making dinner one night, and have nothing to blog about? No big deal. What if I don’t have plans for the weekend by Friday afternoon? No big deal. Every time I start to freak out about something, I sit back and make myself think “whats the worst that can happen?” and I feel better.
So, whenever I say “hang in there” it makes me think of that kitten poster from back in the day and I feel all icky inside. Stupid cat. But…wait for it…HANG IN THERE! Sounds like you’re at peace with whatever happens next, so that’s good. I was just telling someone else yesterday who was stressing about living situations that when I graduated from college I was barely making min wage and I lived in this totally crap apartment with daddy-long-legs and dirty floors…and I had the time of my life! It builds character.
Hang in there, everything happens for a reason, and as much as it stinks now, it will all work out!
that pizza looks delish!!!!!
I have definitely had those “life crumbling before your eyes” days/weeks! I do believe that things have a crazy way of working out, so even though all of your plans have fallen apart, something else that you completely didn’t expect will happen and everything will fall into place!
I’m sorry to hear that your plans didn’t turn out the way you wanted them to but there’s always a reason. Who knows, maybe an even better opportunity will appear. Life is a journey and you will always learn from bad as well as good experiences
.
oh so sorry Sophie to know that the housing situation just got worse! I definitely had days that I felt the world is against me and I couldn’t find a way out, but everything has a solution, sooner or later. Be patient and you’ll see God’s plan for you! HugS~
As usual, you have such a great attitude when dealing with life’s curve balls. Big hugs Sophia, and hope everything works out!
Wow, I am so sorry that everything is unravelling. I think that everything will work, even if not as you had planned, it may even be for the best. Your study abroad plans sound awesome.
I love how you are able turn around the bad into something good.
I have found that when I stop freaking out and start trusting in whatever happens will happen, I am much more peaceful AND everything works out for the best. It’s hard to accept that we cannot control everything and make sure that if we do X, Y will follow. So trust that what needs to happen, will.
We make the best of what’s around.
It’s both amazing and completely unfathomable to me that you manage to take such a stressful and difficult situation and come out of it with such a positive attitude. Your unshakable faith never ceases to astound me and I love the fact that you illustrate that you still feel anger, resentment and anxiety but work through it in the end. A lot of people I have met with strong faith often don’t seem very ‘human’ because they’re so eternally optimistic, but since reading your blog I’ve come to realise that optimism takes a heck of a lot of hard work. I spend a lot of time ranting at the word, resenting it and being angry…I think anger and lonlieness are emotions which I spend more time feeling than not feeling…and I have never been able to ‘let go’ and accept that there are things I can’t control, whether it’s the influence of fate or God or any other concept. It’s not a productive way to live one’s life and I really hope that one day I will follow your example and stop wasting so much time and energy being so furious with everything. I also really, really hope that things DO work out for you because no-one deserves some breaks in life more.
On a lighter note, one teeny slice of pizza for a meal!? Heck, no. The one time I made gluten-free, vegan pizza I ate the lot. By myself. And I was still hungry afterwards
I always find chickpeas incredibly cute…bizarre answer I know but in my eyes they’re adorable
<3
~Jess~
I am so sorry chickie! I hope this gets worked out and you find housing asap…I will def pray for you!
As always, I admire your faith…
I can’t tell you how much I can relate! I just basically said the same thing on my latest post. “Why is God messing with me?”. I was actually having a screaming/crying tantrum in my car asking Him this. (While driving….which isn’t safe!) But I think you have it figured out. We need to stop trying to control our lives and leave it in God’s hands, because He knows what’s best for us.
<3 Tori
I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason. It sucks when you are hit with a bunch of things to deal with at once but things will come together for you, I know it.
I have been a planner all my life and especially so in college and grad school. But what I’ve found is that the twists and turns away from the plan are the things that end up being for the best (or most memorable at least).
I cannot believe your housing situation. It completely astounds me…but you will find a good match. And maybe the study abroad situation will turn into you going somewhere completely different (Italy?) to work on your art. Who knows! Keep exploring!
Cutest thing I ever ate: a teeny tiny cup of lobster bisque served as part of this metallic little rabbit sculpture at the Bel Air Hotel. Delicious and totally cute.
i’ve definitely been there, but somehow things always work out. big hugs!
the pizza looks awesome!
Sophia you poor thing..Im so sorry you had to deal with all of that stress. I always tell myself everything works out for a reason.Sounds simple, yet always true. I want to take a bite of that garlic pizza and give you a big hug. xoxo
Love the food trucks, hate the dilemmas! Amazing how I was led to read your post on this desperately dastardly day! Your post has been a blessing and an inspiration. I have had a comparable day, no, a year very similar. I needed to be reminded that God has the ultimate plan… THe saying goes like this: You wanna hear God laugh? Just tell Him YOUR plan.
Best of luck and many Blessings to you!
(BTW- I found you via sweetsfoods.com)
I just had a day like that too. Everything seemed to turn out awry. But on retrospect, I realized that God was teaching me lots of things through it. Also, I see that there are many wonderful gifts that He has blessed me with despite the trials of the day. Friends who care, family who comfort, even a nice warm shower and my cozy bed. These are things I often take for granted, and I have to remind myself of them whenever I forget God’s goodness amidst my difficult circumstances.
Keeping you in prayer, Sophia…
Chica, I came over here because you’re on my foodie blog list. I had no idea I was walking right into the beginning of this post that I *totally* needed to read today. Thanks so much for posting this. I really appreciate your honesty!
I needed this post so bad. I have no words to thank you enough for writing it! I truly believe that you were meant to write it, and I was meant to read it at this time (ironically when I tried to click on it in my blog viewer earlier nothing would load- only now did the window load properly so I could read it!).
I have said it before and I will say it again: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! THANK YOU
Sophia!
Crap. How did I miss this post. How did I miss the post about surrendering to Him?
Reading all your backstory, I was sure that His way was for you to be in the sisters house. Trust me when I say I’m just as surprised as you are. But the truth is what you have said – trust and obey. And still to surrender, ever and always.
And yes, He IS indeed shaping our lives with each and every experience – if we let Him. After all, precious stones don’t become precious stones overnight, right? We’re in a process of transformation. Heat, pressure, but also rivers of living water! May He supply you with an extra portion of grace in these days, Sophia.
aletheia
My favorite part of this post:
“So God allows that plan to mess up as well, asking me, But can you surrender again? And again, and again?
Yes, I will, Lord.”
Also, I don’t think your parents will let you become a crazy street dweller. They’ve got your back (as I’m sure you know) along with God.
Oh, Sophia! I’m so sorry to hear that your plans went awry. But I know that you are right and that God will lead you down the right path for you. And probably My Sister’s House wasn’t it.
Awww, I’m so sorry your housing situation is such a mess!! I don’t make plans anymore. They never pan out. I just make decisions and hope it all works out for the best. It usually doesn’t, but hey, I’m alive so that’s good news!
Cutest thing I ate recently was yogurt out of my hand-painted bowl. Cute, because it looks like a 6-year-old painted it, but it reality a 24-year-old did
You can always come crash with me in T.O.!
I second what everyone else says. Things happen for a reason, and life has a way of working out in time. Just be patient a little longer and I’m sure you’ll be pleasantly surprised that things will turn out not just A-OK, but downright wonderful. Yes, I am a glass half-full kind of person. heehee. But I also believe positive thinking works.
This post just really hits home!! I think we all go through times like this. When it feels like NOTHING is going our way. But God IS in control, He ALWAYS is, even when it doesn’t feel like it.
<3 jess
xoxo
Sorry about all the struggles! At least your pizza was good
I agree though, I could never just have 1 slice – thats why I just don’t eat it cuz I would be a pizza monster!!
Ohh..tht pizza sure looks good! Even better than our Dominoes here weiii!
Ahh..rotten days..or even months, and in my case year 2008-2009!
well..thk god i scrape thru
Happy to hv started bloggin n “met” frens and BF and long distance (for now) fellow food lover like ya!
Cutest thing i ate? I’m not sure ;p cos I think i would jz go…”awww..so cute and chomp! GONE!”
ROFL.
which uni are you planning to go to in sydney? would a bit of daily travel put you off?
What darling M and Ms those were, so sweet!
I wish my neighborhood had a pizza truck. I’d probably hijack it though.
HOpe you are having a lovely weekend.
*kisses* HH
Oh, dear, Sophia, I’m so sorry to hear about your housing plans not working out. I hope you’ll figure out something soon!
Here are a few thoughts: don’t say squat on Facebook. Ever. About anything. And second, NO. You cannot be completely honest in any interview. If you want it badly enough you have to say pretty much what they want to hear.
And my last two thoughts? The first one is: suck it up and keep going.
And the second is: God will NOT provide. God gives you the smarts to provide for yourself.
(I guess maybe you don’t want to hear all that.)
Sophia, I know where you’re coming from. I totally, totally do, and I totally agree that it sucks!!! I had my whole entire life planned out. After law school I was going to find an articling position right away, then the year after the boyfriend and I would get engaged, and so on.
First off, never got an articling position. Second, the boyfriend and I broke up. My life was just not at all where it was supposed to be going!
Instead, I got into a masters program, and I know have a very good change of finding a GOOD articling position after having done some growing up, and to be honest I’m actually happy with the turns that my life took.
So what I’m saying is: I still really hope you get to do the study abroad program because it sounds like so much fun! BUT if it doesn’t happen, I’m sure it’s because something even better is waiting for you. (ps: I hated it when people would tell me “maybe it was meant to be” but let’s face it, it’s true. there will be something even better for you out there
Because you’re an amazing girl and you deserve the best!
oh sopia..I trust god will provide, you are to worthy for him not too..hugs going out..oh nice slice
sweetlife
What an awesome post Sophia.. You know its funny when you’re so behind on reader, and you read the newer posts before the old posts, you get to see the happy ending before the struggle! So as I already read the good news, reading this just made me smile, despite its negative overall mood. But I totally get you. It’s a constant struggle especially when you get your hopes up about something, and God just rips it right from under you. But you’re right.. a door WILL open eventually! Your trust in God inspires me my dear!
And I’m loving that pizza! I haven’t had good pizza (or any pizza?!) since back home in Tucson, and I do miss it! And cheers to a sweet treat week! You know I’ve had my fair share of those….
So glad to hear that you’re totally loving your art class. That’s sooo great!! We all need something like that in our lives, something that makes us super happy.
That is very intriguing. It gave me several ideas and I’ll be posting them on my website eventually. I’m bookmarking your site and I’ll be back. Thank you again!
Extremely interesting blog post. Your article is very interesting. I enjoyed this article. This article is outstanding! I have to say that after continually reading awful as in, same old ideas, little quality content, etc. blog posts on other sites, it’s enjoyable to actually read something that has some thought put into it. It’s a pleasure to read quality blog posts, especially after continually seeing rehashed crap that writers and bloggers are putting out nowadays. It’s always nice when I come across content that actually has value, I’ve been seeing a ton of subpar writing attempts recently. Anyways, thanks again and I’ll check back frequently to see what else you have to offer. I’ll check back in the future to see what else you have up your sleeve. Keep up the terrific work! BTW, I like your site design, but your header image was only loading half way for me. P.S. Your header is messed up a bit in IE. The problem could be on my end but I thought you might want to look into that.
← Previous Comments
{ 2 trackbacks }