I’m 22. And I still can’t believe I’ve passed to 2-0 mark.
Not because I feel old. No, I feel anything but old, at least inside. It’s almost a nightmare, because I’m trapped in this body that is aging day by day, yet inside, I still feel like a 12-year-old pubescent kid who has a lot of growing up to do.
When is this feeling going to stop? When I’m 30? When I’m 40? What about when I’m 70 attending my grandnephew’s wedding? Do any of us actually feel our age…ever?
Perhaps, one of the reason I feel this way is because I’ve lost 3 years of my life in limbo to anorexia. I’m in college as a freshman transfer, surrounded by people who are 2-4 years younger. My editor is younger than me. My high school friends are sending me invitations to their graduation ceremony. I’ve never had an internship, a job other than serving ice-cream, or even any sort of experience in the “real world”. Heck, I’ve never even had a boyfriend, or gone clubbing, or ordered an “adult drink”.
Perhaps, another reason is because I’m still so attached to my parents. Even though I live across the country from them, I call them almost every single day, just to hear their voices. Whenever I’m happy or sad or angry, they’re the first people I call. When I run into a problem, I ask them for answers. And yeah, I still get monthly allowance from them.
Oh, and here’s a secret: I still catch myself thinking, “ I wanna do/be……when I grow up.”
But what does it really mean to be a “grown up”? When are we really considered mature adults? In truth, I think we never stop maturing. Growing up…it’s a lifelong progression. And it isn’t marked by the end of your growth spurt. It isn’t marked by your first license, or even your first paycheck.
My mom once told me that she was still a child even when she got married…until she gave birth to me. That was when she started caring for someone—really loving someone more than she loves herself, and being able to put someone else’s needs above hers. She learned the meaning of true selflessness, and sacrifice.
I find sense in that. Babies are babies simply because they’re selfish creatures. They need to be taken care of, and are always needing and wanting something. But as they “grow up”…they learn to take care of themselves, and then they learn to take care of others, too.
Wow. In that case, I definitely still have tons of growing up to do; I’ve got to catch up to my age!
But. In the meantime, might as well enjoy being trapped in a 22-year-old body, eh? Although, being 22-years-old doesn’t really mean anything, except that I can face death penalty, and that I can hang out in a pub. I’ll take the pub.
My church fellowship friends and I decided to do just that, by visiting the famous Father’s Office in Los Angeles for their well-acclaimed burger. Unfortunately, some of us didn’t realize that it’s a pub. And some of us aren’t over 21-years-old. 
Father’s Office is a gastropub restaurant near Culver City, but it’s probably more famous for its Office Burgers than its beers. There’s a lot of discussion over the best burgers in Los Angeles, and Father’s Office is one of the heatedly-debated contestants. 
A friend and I have been talking about visiting this place since forever, and we finally found the one day in which our schedules fit. Word got around, and 3 more friends joined our burger adventure. However, we were stopped rudely by this sign: 
They check for ID at the door. I had mine, but one of my friends are still at a tender age of 19. Boo. Hoo.
What to do? Well, we came all the way for our greasy beef sandwich, and we were definitely still going to get our greasy burger, damn it. Since the weather was fairly pleasant and there were benches for us to sit, we decided to take-out and have a nice burger picnic. Everything was peachy again.
In fact, more than peachy. I was wickedly delighted to find out that the lighting in there was kind of dark…horrible for food photography! 
Nanny nanny nah nah…you satisfied, stout-drinking smirkers with ID…you eat and drink in bad lighting! 
Because lighting is more important than location. Right?
Anyway, we all ordered an Office Burger each, with 2 sides of sweet potato fries. With tax and tip, that totaled up to $20 each. I just spent $20 on a burger. This better be worth it… 
And it was. 
The Office Burger comes with caramelized onion, bacon, gruyere, maytag blue, and topped with lots of fresh arugula. 
You can’t get it any other way. You cannot ask the chef to nix the cheese (grr…pet peeve!), or get rid of the bacon, because he will refuse to make any alterations to the burger. I love that. It shows confidence and pride in one’s product, that it is perfect as it is. If I ever get my own restaurant, I’m not allowing any substitutions, either. 
Except. The bread. Oh, the french bread that ruined it all. I hated this bread. It was just at odd with the burger—stale, dry, and altogether nasty. So close, yet so far. This burger could have been perfect! I had tears in my eyes thinking about this travesty. 
Okay, I might have teared up partly because the meat portion of this burger was so freaking wonderful, too. I ordered it medium-rare…won’t have my meat any other way, and you shouldn’t, too. Thank goodness my friends took my advice and ordered it medium-rare, too. If anyone of them had ordered it well-done…well, I’ll have to reconsider our friendship (kidding…sort of). 
This burger was juicy, sloppy, and messy. Like, juices, dripping down my elbows. In other words, awesome because I don’t believe in dainty, delicate burgers. What is with all the hype with sliders these days? I want my burger big and manly and greasy, the kind that requires a stack of napkins on the side. 
I almost wished it had more blue cheese and caramelized onions and bacon, but then decided that it was good the way it was, because the main star was really that high-quality, flavorful beef.
And how can I forget the sweet potato fries?! 
They go all fancy and call it frites, but whatever, it was just plain amazing!! 
It came with this tangy, rich, creamy cabrales blue cheese aioli on the side for dipping. Yum… 
Crispy, salty exterior, with chewy, sweet interior. I will never eat regular potato fries again. 
Look at these church ladies lunching. We don’t nibble on no cucumber sandwiches and pudding. 
My friends all only managed half of their burgers, though. That disappointed me. Am I the only one to be able to finish a whole burger? But maybe they’re the smart ones, because they get leftovers. 
Hm, something about their smiles…looks smug.
After that, one of my friends, Renee, ordered a beverage from a nearby frank truck and begged for me to showcase it: 
Cheerwine. Apparently it’s a special drink. Anyone tried it? 
Personally, I thought it was nasty, but that’s because don’t like cherry-flavored stuff. This one had an intense black cherry flavor. Ew. But all my other friends loved it. Guess that makes me the odd one out.
I still can’t believe I spent $20 on a burger, considering that I can barely spend that much money on a new sweater. But it was worth it, and I’ve got my own priorities. 
Question of the day: Do you feel your age? What does it mean to be a “grown-up” to you? And just for kicks, what is the most incredulous amount you’ve spent on food?
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AMEN, what’s the deal with sliders?!?! I want a GIANT burger!! Not 5 little sliders, so lame. Also, AMEN about feeling young on the inside!! I always think it’s crazy when I tell people I am 27. I do still feel like I’m in middle school sometimes. IN other words, I get along with my brother and his friends REALLY well! I sometimes feel like I fit in more with kids, than anyone else. Maybe it’s because I feel like some of my friends are still SO IMMATURE and my brother and his friends are actually MORE mature, but in a fun, kid way
I agree with your mom. Once I have kids, I’m sure I’ll feel more “adult-like”, it’ll be strange, but I’m actually very excited.
I’m 22 too, and I don’t feel that old either! When I was little I always imagined 23 to be some magical age where I’d have my own apartment and an awesome job. I guess it could be possible – have 5 months to go find a job and move out! I wish I was still in college sometimes.
I’ve had cheer wine!
Urgh, that burger looks way too pink for my tastes. I’m surprised that the chef lets people specify how they want their meat cooked!
At least you can count age by American standards, right? In Korea, you’d be 23 and I’d be 25!
Yess! I remember you tweeting about the $20 burger! I kinda like that they don’t change up the recipe too. It’s assembled that way for a reason
I’m 24 and for the most part feel my age. It’s a strange age to be at anyways, part youngin’, part adult. Sometimes I want to do crazy things like move to the big city and work silly jobs (ahem, like I’m doing!) but I also have a desire for independence and a little more stability. It’s tough one!
I bought a $20 slice of cheesecake in New York once. It was huge!!! I got two breakfasts out of the leftovers. Yes, breakfasts
I once spent 20 bucks on a jar of almond butter. True story.
I actually feel a lot older than I am, maybe just because the last years have seen me through so much. When I’m reminded of my age, I’m surprised by how much I’ve managed to change.
I just spent $9 on mushrooms this weekend that we ate in one sitting
and they were delicious! I would pay that much for that burger – it looks pretty amazing.
NO, I don’t feel my age. I’m turning 27 (!) in June and that is crazy to me.
Oh man, I feel like I am perpetually 17, even though I am almost 25! I still get nervous getting carded at a bar! But I think thats part of the fun of life, stay young at heart and enjoy yourself!
I still feel 12 years old. And I still think, “when I grow up…” This would be okay except that I turn 28 this year. I wonder if some people just never feel like ‘adults’…sometimes I feel like I am missing out on something major. An oversight in some adult responsibility. But I pay my utility bills, buy my groceries and hide my Hello Kitty socks under fancy grown-up boots.
Most I spent on food was about $50 on an entree in Belgium. Also the worst meal I have ever eaten. We fogired out the exchange rate wrong so thought it was like $15. Yeah. Haha. Hilarious. If you go to Belgium, stick to waffles and pommes frites.
Frites…fries…they look really good!
Sometimes I feel older than I really am because I don’t enjoy getting drunk/making a fool of myself like other people my age…and I stress a lot. <–although, who's to say that's a sign of adulthood?
I think the most I've ever spent on food was $20 for a jar of nut butter or something ridiculous. Never again!!
Emmmmhhh, although I am not a burger type person, you manage to make my mouth water.
I think your burger was totally worth it. And yam fries!! YUMMS!!! Oh dear, I think I’mma have to go out for dinner tonight. Like I commented to Ameena, food blogging is so bad for me “haha lol”
And I think splurging on food is definitely worth it. I’m cheap on everything else but when it comes to food (and my kiddies of course), I don’t think you can set a price.
I’m turning 33 this Saturday and other than being a mom, I don’t feel my age at all. But then again what IS 33 supposed to feel like? What is 22 supposed to feel like? Just have fun at whatever age you’re at and it won’t matter I guess. Being a grown up means bills bills and more bills to me. Aaaack! Enjoy being 22, dear
The burger and the fries sound great! I still feel like I’m 24 most of the time, just when I met my husband
Our most expensive dinner? Joel Robuchon at the Mansion – I won’t say how much it was but let’s just say I could have bought a nice used car for that amount 
Oh. My. God. I am so craving a greasy burger right now. Next time I am in L.A., I am definitely going to Father’s Office. I even love the name!
I turn 40 next week and I still don’t feel grown-up. I don’t know what age I actually feel, but definitely not grown-up. I think it helps that I don’t have kids.
Hmmmm…most ridiculous amount spent on food? Probably my first meal at Ruth’s Chris. We were celebrating, so I had a few extras with my medium-rare ribeye steak…stuffed mushrooms, asparagus, and caviar…the first time I had tried it. Sooooooo good. With a few cocktails and dessert, the bill was insane, but totally worth it!
Alright, I couldn’t eat that burger – NO ONIONS! But the beef looks juicy! Not sure it’s worth the $$ though since the bread sucked ass.
My husband and I had dinner on Valentine’s Day. I didn’t realize the restaurant I picked had a pre-fix menu for the night – no substitutions!
While the food was good, with a couple of drinks, without tip, was $225! And the portions were so small, we stopped at Burger King on the way home because we were still hungry!
Hang in there – you are in the home stretch for the school year. And I still feel like I am 22!
So glad you got the good lighting….that burger may be worth a trip to CA?!?! Just saying, it looks amazing!
I’m hoping that is normal!
I feel like I should be a “grown-up” – I mean, I’m 27…but don’t always feel so grown-up!
Wow, I’d rather get the takeout and enjoy the company where you ladies got to hang out
((plus it keeps away the 20% tip to the waitress on the $20 burger)
Katherine
whataboutsummer
We have place just like that called “The Office” around here, same kinda burgers…EXPENSIVE! Went there for dinner and it was insanely expensive..but I have to say the burger was delish. I can see how you would hate that bread…just can’t serve a burger like that on french bread.
Completely get what you mean about everyone around you being younger, especially at the start of the year when there’s all these even… younger… people. I still can’t get over the fact that people born in the ’90′s can go to uni (or that the majority of them have never seen The Goonies). Watching school friends graduate. Yep. Mine graduated around three years ago and have ‘careers’. It baffles me how they did that.
I think I might be classified as a grown up when I own a sofa. Maybe. Or maybe when I grow another couple o’ inches
(curiosity: can you not even be in the pub if you’re not 21 in the States?? Not even if you’re not drinking?)
mmmmm…Father’s Office is delicious! My husband goes there quite frequently. I’m craving their fries after seeing the pics you took. Not sure why they use the bread that they do, though. I can’t stand soggy bread.
I’ve often wondered when I will feel like a real adult. I’ve been married for nearly 10 years, can almost say I’m in my mid-30s (what?!?) and have a solid career. But I don’t feel like a grown up at all. I think feeling young is a great thing. I’ve decided to just go ahead and embrace the fact that I feel like a teenager most of the time. My humor is on a 12-year-old boy level and I can’t seem to shake that!
The most money I’ve spent on a meal is when we took my husband’s brother and sister to the Hump for omekase. I almost had a heart attack when I got the check–it wasn’t 4 numbers but really, really close. Yikes!
I love how your wrote about growing up as a lifelong process – I totally agree! Each experience we have, each day we live, informs the next day and helps us grow towards the next adventure…
I don’t think I’ve ever felt my age – I bounce between feeling much younger than my age (my friends are having children already?! How are we old enough for that?! :-p) and feeling much older than my age, which is maybe a little odd, but oh well.
WOW, that burger looks incredible…
I love how y’all had a picnic, too – I’d choose a picnic outside in beautiful weather over a restaurant anyday! 
I also confess that you’re not alone – I can finish an entire burger by myself too, if it’s a scrumptious one… 
Absolutely DROOLING over that burger. Yum.
I am apparently extremely mature for my age, so I never feel my age – I am 21, though.
That is so crazy, but good food can be worth the price. I like that you found a way around the 21 and older location. Take out was an awesome idea.
I totally do not feel my age. I just got married last year and I know I have to start thinking about kids, which I do want, but I still feel like I am in my early 20′s. I really do feel young, yet I have done so much. Heck, I teach college and even more scary is that I have taught undergrad at a major university where I have been mistaken for a student. I even work at the high school here as a tutor and from behind I have been stopped by the *gasp* vice principal…who then proceeded to laugh when she realized it was just me.
Okay, without a doubt, the BEST part about going out for food is taking home leftovers afterwards. Yum!
That burger sounds tasty and I agree, if someone orders their meat well-done, it’s a deal-breaker
hehe.
In some ways I feel years younger, and in other ways I feel years older, than my actual age. But mostly I feel my age. It suits me, I think.
Here in Canada, the legal age to vote/drink/get thrown in prison (ha!) etc is 18. I wonder if that causes us to “grow up faster” because of it? Hmmm. That’s an interesting thought. Drinking and clubbing and such was appealing to me when I was 18; three years later, I enjoy the occasional alcoholic beverage, but I avoid clubs. They mostly just make me feel kinda dirty these days, heh.
Peter and I spent nearly $200 for dinner on the second night of our honeymoon. No, I’m not kidding. At least we were conservative the rest of the time
You know, at the ripe old age of 25, I still feel like I’m 16. It doesn’t help that I’m surrounded by 20 – 21 year olds in my dietetics program, but I still feel like a kid – in the best way! I think I used to be older than I am now, because I used to be so serious. Now, I take things FAR less seriously and I have more fun because of it. It’s almost like a new Jessie has emerged (just like a new Sophia!).
That is one oozing, delicious burger…
Oh! Father’s Office…sure the hamburgers are expensive, but worth it
Honestly I do not feel my age, after all they are all number 
YUM! YUM! YUM! Looks worth it… maybe crappy bread = more focus on the burger?!?
I feel my age–considering that I’m pretty young
I’ve spend 45 dollars on Holey Donuts. EEEK.
<3 jess
xoxo
P.S Those sweet tater fries look INCREDIBLE!!
that restaurant looks awesome and that “age verifier” is pretty legit! I’m turning the good ol’ 22 in 3 weeks.. kind of depressing but it’ll be fun nonetheless. It seems anything past 21 is just old. I love how in Sex and the City, Carrie refers to her 20s as the “twenty somethings.” It makes being 22 seem a lot younger when you refer to it that way.
It’s funny you’re feeling old at 22 because inside you still feel 12. I feel old at 29 because I still feel 18. So apparently we both feel about 10 years younger than we are! I guess I’m supposed to be mature and wise and selfless and generous by now, but I still have a lot of growing up to do. To me being grown up has nothing to do with age and is all about mental maturity. At this rate, I’ll be dead before I grow up.
I agree with your mom, I don’t think you’re really grown up until you have a child and are responsible for someone else. I wish I had some sweet potato fries right now – yum!
aw 22 always seemed so old!! i guess i feel my age right now but i can imagine when i get in my 20s i’ll still feel like a teen!! that burger looks sooooo deliciouss!
ever since i was 12, i’ve imagined myself to be 16. the year i was 16 was awesome. but since then, i have still felt that age. seriously, how am i 33? i’m 16!!!!
i have been to father’s office and had the fries, but never dealt with the burger nazi. have heard amazing things, of course. will have to try it one of these days.
From your insight about not feeling your age all the way to your threat to disown anyone ordering well-done meat, I feel like this post could have been written by me
I agree with you 100%… and I’m still not sure what I want to be when I “grow up.”
your mom is so wise..I grew up instantly when I had kids..i live for them..and I love living more since I had them..i’m 34 and I feel really good about my age..funny I hated my age when I was younger now I celebrate it..great freaking burger..yum and the fries fab fab..me and hubby spent a S&^% load of money at a wine bar fro our anniversary but the glass of wine was about 8dollars each but it was so darn amazing!!
sweetlife
You’re making me crave burgers at 5:30 a.m. Ode to hamburgers and how I love thee…
Do I feel my age? Heck, no! But I never have really…my parents and others often joke that I was born middle-aged. When I was young, I never wanted to play with the other children or engage in the type of games they liked (I mostly lived in my head, but that’s another story!), preferring to converse with the adults. I never wanted to be around people my own age and yearned to interact with those who were older…but now I think that I’m a hybrid of a 50-year old and a 5 year-old! I am so immature in some ways but ‘old’ in others, for example I still adore Pokémon and playing on swings, yet when I see people my age (24!) staggering around drunk or laughing at sex jokes I just think they need to ‘grow up.’
I think society places too much expecation on us to act a certain way and have ticked so many boxes by a certain point in our lives. I’ve never had a boyfriend, never been on a date, never smoked or taken drugs and I don’t want children (good job, because I can’t have them anyway!) I also don’t have a career-path mapped out and, like you, I think of what I want to be ‘when I grow up’ then feel very sad because, like a tonne of bricks, the realisation hits me that, according to society, I AM grown up. I still feel like a child, possibly because I am an only child still living with her parents and in many areas I’m not very capable of taking care of myself, particularly when I’m experiencing psychotic episodes in my worst periods of mania. I hate having to rely on others so much but at the same time being ‘grown up’ is still quite a frightening concept.
I say act how you feel, not how someone TELLS you to feel. As we all know, numbers in many forms are best ignored.
Your last comment to me was very much like my ‘sensible’ voice, the one which struggles to be heard amongst the jumble of disordered thoughts. Thank you for making me remember that that voice is still there.
<3
~Jess~
22 !!! this number looks so far away from me…. I have well pass 22,but I have a very similar feeling as you do when I had my 22 birthday
anyway, 20 something is still beautiful, enjoy your young energetic 20s, sweetie!
The burger does look mouth watering….its sooo juicy !!!
I NEVER feel my age. I’m down with always feeling like a kid since it’s pretty fun but here I am, married, about to be a mom and totally feeling comfortable and in my zone sitting in my backyard having conversations with my ten and eleven year old neighbor kids.
oh my gosh, my mouth is absolutely watering at the site of that burger, what a fun lunch! i never feel my age, except for physically every once and a while, lol. my back isn’t what it used to be. as far as figuring it out, i don’t know if it ever totally happens. i think we just evolve. i just talked to my mom, who is pushing 60, and she said that in a lot of ways, she still has a lot of figuring out to do!
My husband and I enjoyed the Father’s Office burger last year when we were in LA. Oh man, the caramelized onions and the cheese really make that puppy sing. One bite and you realize it’s worth all the hype.
Whether I feel my age or not depends on the situation. I am ahead of a lot of my peers with regards to my career (which is strange, I think because I’ll be 30 this year), but a lot of my friends got married before I did and have kids. Some are even divorced! I STILL cannot imagine having kids. It’s not that I don’t want kids, but I just can’t imagine having to take care of one. It’s starting to worry me because I’m afraid I’ll be too old by the time I feel ready.
haha, I didn’t know Cheerwine was ‘special’. It’s quite common round these parts. I think it originated on the East Coast.
I’m still not sure if I’m a grown up yet, and I’m almost double your age! In fact, I’ve only just started to feel even vaguely grown up these last few months, now my son is looking at applying to universities. (I figure I must be grown up if my kid is going to university!!) Thing is, I don’t think anyone is ever really grown up cause we all still keep growing – and there is always some adventure waiting round the corner that you thought you were ready for but find that actually…maybe you weren’t after all! As for those burgers, they look amazing. There is nothing like a really good burger – no matter how grown up you get!
Wow! $20 for a burger?! Sheesh! I’m you enjoyed it at least! And I’m 100% with you on ONLY ordering meat medium rare!!! However, I have to disagree with you about wanting to fix the order! Think of all the non-dairy people out there who now CANNOT eat this burger b/c the chef refuses the small act of leaving off the cheese! I think that’s really stuck up and silly. I also don’t understand why you can’t even go into the restaurant unless you’re 21? Odd. Even bars let you in at 18 w/ a wristband!
Thanks for sharing with Friday Firsts!!
I love these photos..Im so impressed to you write so well and are so artistic..I wanna jump on a plane and get one of these burgers right now..on different bread ofcourse cuz I trust your food taste COMPLETELY
OoooOO! I luve burgers! and yes, medium rare’s the way to do it.
I think i would prefer sweet potato fries too!
Too bad abt the bun huh? I got stringent benchmarks for my burgers..and the bun, even the conidments tht comes with it Must match for the ultimate taste! ;p
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