Did you know I used to dream of being an artist? Of course, I also wanted to be a lawyer, a Special Education teacher, a president, a chef, and a number of other things, but I was actually quite serious about art. In fact, I had a genuine passion in art, and I don’t mean doodling in class.
I remember when I would get so excited over a new set of pencils. I would save up my allowance to buy new sketchbooks and art materials, and rush back home to use them at once. I would take such pleasure in sharpening each pencil, brushing my fingers across the bumpy surface of a bristol sketchbook. When I saw a picture or a particular scenery that pleased me, my fingers would itch to grab my pencil and recreate it on paper.
But one day, something else took over that passion. Something called Obsession.
Since then, I have not done any artwork for 4 years. More specifically, I have not had any desire to do any artwork for 4 years. My mind and my desires were as blank as an unused sketchbook. I didn’t even have the room in my eating disordered mind for the thought of just picking up a colored pencil and sketching away on a blank sheet of paper didn’t. In fact, all my previous passions had been wiped away: my love for reading, drawing, skating, shopping, and any other normal activities became anemic as my eating disordered obsession took over. How could I sit still and draw, when I could be up and about burning calories? How could I concentrate on the shading of an object, when thoughts and anxieties about food kept interrupting me?
Obsession. There is a major difference between obsession and passion. Passion is a strong, but regulated, emotion you feel for something which gives you great joy and productivity. It is a major part of your life, but doesn’t rule over it. Instead, it facilitates all other aspects of your life by pumping you with constant adrenaline and happiness.
But Obsession is just a feverish bondage by something which basically takes over your life and inhibits you from all joy and regularity. It steals everything else away from you, it gives you no fulfillment, no purpose, no pleasure. It just sucks and sucks at you until you are left dry, and all you have left is that raving hunger for whatever you’re obsessed with.
I haven’t been in recovery long enough to gain back all my previous passions. I have to admit that I still have trouble stoking up all the interests and ardor I used to have in different subjects and hobbies. And I also have trouble discerning true passion from obsession, such as exercise and cooking. How do I know if my love for running and cooking doesn’t stem from my eating disordered past? There’s a fine line, and I’m still grappling to stay on the healthy side of passion instead of obsession.
But…one thing is sure. I’m feeling the fire inside me again—the passion for art. Actually, it might all be thanks to Christina. On her birthday last year on October, I happened to pick up a pencil in years, and I drew her a nervous picture for her. And something inside me was instigated. So I signed up for an art class this semester. And I love it.
It was tedious at first…3 hours of class is just way too long for me who can barely make it past a 1-hour lecture. But I’m starting to enjoy it more and more. The quiet sketching noises that my charcoal makes against the paper, the meticulous shading, the unique observation of an everyday object. It’s oddly melodious, so blissfully peaceful.
I’ll share some of my artwork next time, but for now, let me tantalize you with a true culinary artwork— the Tunnbrödsrulle. Don’t ask me how to pronounce it, I have no freaking idea. But I saw it on Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservation, and I just knew I had to recreate this delicious monster.
A tunnbrödsrulle is the perfect hangover food in Sweden. It’s sold along the streets, and it’s a wrap of grilled hot dog, mashed potatoes, shrimp salad, mustard, ketchup, lettuce…Basically, the most outrageous combination ever…but goddamnit, it looked freaking good!
Sophia’s Tunnbrödsrulle (Asianized Swedish Wrap)
The directions are idiot-proof. So, you have this wrap. Put nori on one side: This and the following week will be insane for me. The workload is almost crushing me, but I’m trying to keep my head cool. Perhaps I’ll have another tunnbrödsrulle. Gosh, I really need to find out how to pronounce it. My coolness level would totally ratchet up several notches. Question of the day: What is your passion? Can you differentiate between your passions and obsessions?
Add the grilled hotdog: 
Okay, I have no patience to take a picture of every ingredient— add all the rest of the ingredients: 
Roll up, and munch. 
Gorgeous. Have you seen anything like this? It is most definitely a culinary masterpiece. But it’s not so fun covered up like that, so let me show you the insides once again… 
Yes, yes, that’s it! 
Hold it right there! Perfect shot, baby! 
I see Oscars! I see Grammys! Oh wait…what is the art version of Oscars and Grammys? Oh well, point is, it was beautiful. And it was just as wonderful in my mouth, too. 
Don’t get weirded out by the ingredients. I’m really starting to like the Swedish. Ikea, Abba, and now this? Geniuses, I tell you. 
By the way, if anyone knows how to pronounce it, do enlighten me. I’m dying to share with my friends about this wrap, except I don’t want to sound like a fool. And “Swedish wrap” just doesn’t sound as exotic and exciting as tunnbrödsrulle, does it? 
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Yummy wrap! Blogging is a passion, or is it an obsession
mmmm hotdogssss hahah i have a pack in the freezer i found grassfed beefers!!!!!! i should try and do something with them last time i had them they did not digestively agree with me…hem hem… haha
You are so right. I’ve had Passion for many things and Obsessions for some things and man, it’s hard to stop. Thanks for the wake-up call
There are some amazing ingredients in that wrap. Your distinction between passion and obsession is an important one. I constantly war with myself to keep passions from becoming obsessions. Sometimes I actually win
. Have a great day. Blessings…Mary
Can I say diving is my passion? And that I’m fine with it if that comes an obsession?
<3 <3
Um, BEcomes.
Great point on knowing and recognizing the differences. Some folks don’t figure it out until its too late. I’ve seen some obsessed food bloggers lately, focused on getting the blog out and loosing site of family and friends – they even take their computer with them to family gatherings so they can keep working while folks carry on a conversation around them. Loosing that perspective means crossing into obsession
Ohh…i wouldnt knw how to pronounce that. I hv trouble pronouncing most stuffs!!
But i love anythin BREAD-Y and I love this! Woots! Mayb i can replc kabocha with pumpkin..since its aint easy to get kabocha here (if its even avail in the 1st plc!)
and yessss… draw draw draw! My god.. yr blog so interesting
, got food info, recipes, food/product reviews, inspiring stories and now yr doodles!! Whheee!!!
Is it weird that I think macaroni and cheese should be added to that (maybe in place of the mayo based salad)?? Don’t answer that…
So glad that your passion is returning, looking forward to seeing your art work!
i love that the wrap is SO simple! and i would have never thought to put all of those ingredients together. such an odd combo, but if you and anthony bourdain give it two thumbs up, then it’s sure to be yummy! i also liked that you used a flatout, my favorite wrap.
i’m so glad that you took an art class and are starting to get your passion for art back!!
i’m a weirdo and don’t really know what my passion is yet (and i’m 23… yikes! gotta find it soon!), but right now i’m obsessed with the so-called “healthy lifestyle”. in a bad way, of course. i used to think it was a passion to try to find healthy foods and exercise, but then it morphed into an obsession that i’d like to either get rid of or turn back into a passion.
Yummy wrap it looks very colourful
.
Its hard to determine whats an obsession and whats a passion at times, its a bit like food likes/dislikes when you have an ed. You might eat a certain food every day but is it really because you truely enjoy eating it? or just because your ed says its safe to eat?
I go for walks and things and I used to love that now I sometimes ask myself am I really enjoying it now or just doing it because I feel I should be.
I think if you are really enjoying something and not feeling likes its a chore or something you must do then thats a true passion.
Im glad to hear some of yours are returning and with time I hope more of your old ones and maybe some new ones come along to
xox
Laura
My passion is definitely good food! I think I am a little obsessed too…there is a fine line
. I’d say I’m on the healthy side of that line but it can be tricky!
Great differentiation between passion and obsession! I REALLY like your definitions. I think, too, that sometimes our passions can morph into obsession, and sometimes obsession can morph into passion… either one can become the other if the positive/negative energies “take over”. It’s all about keeping the balance so that our passions don’t get infected by obsession!
your dishes are so beautifully created i can’t wait to see what your art work would look like. heck, i hate hotdogs but you make that look so yummy i’m dying to take a bite out of it.
i’m obsessed with superman (don’t ask me why cause i don’t even know) but i have a passion for eating seafood. do i have that right? whatever, i just love to eat! have a nice week girl! don’t over stress yourself with too much work. by the way, thank you for your honest comment on my last post.
Who cares how you pronounce it? All I know is it looks freakin’ INSANE! I love all those delicious ingredients. The pinkness from the ‘real’ hot dog mixed with the bright orange of the kabocha mash is to.die.for. Plus, the dark green of the nori sheet gives it such a sharp contrast. I’m not sure how this would work for a hangover, but I’d eat it sober any day!
It’s hard for me to differentiate between my passions and obsessions. While I love practicing yoga, I know that I do tend to get a bit obsessive if I can’t go to class or think I have not practiced enough. But I do know that when I do practice, I feel much better and less stressed. Thus, starting the cycle all over again
!
I lost a lot of my passions too when my ED came along. I’ve slowly gotten some of them back (and found new ones) over the years. I am very passionate about my love for animals (which is why I went vegan), books, and cooking. There are still a few other things I am not so sure about- I think ED may have an influence on them.
I remember being awed by this on “No Reservations”! Good for you for recreating your own version of it. I have no idea how to pronounce it, either. No matter, it’s a mouthful both in words and taste.
Im OBSESSED with your blog..Do I need help?
ANother great post!
I agree there is a fine line between passion and obsession! I could easily become obsessed with this wrap, Sophia! I’ve never heard of it before, so I learned something new today!
I’d love to see some of your art sometime! I wish I had artistic talent, but I just don’t. I can barely draw a stick figure! It’s horrible. So definitely share your gift with us!
aw Bourdain, I love the man and the show so much. I didn’t see that episode, I’ll have to check the DVR!
Good luck with the upcoming week. My week is going to be about the same. I’m excited for my Spring break to begin!!
My passion is teaching. I just love the heck out of it.
Food is more of an obsession, I’m working on that one.
You are so right in the lack of delineation between obsession and passion. My husband used to say I was obsessed with exercise, but now he understands it’s a passion. Great post!
great looking wrap!!
Yes, I want to see some of your artwork! I’m so glad you decided to take a class this semester – I think that is such an important step in recovery, this re-ignition of passion over obsession.
I have to admit, my mouth started watering when I saw the nori, but the more ingredients went into the wrap, the more my stomach started to turn. It looks like GREAT hangover food, but I think I’d need to be pretty drunk to eat it
Thank you !!! Re: Madeline- Greens and Jeans
tunnbrödsrulle is pronounced like ton- brood (like broody teenage)-s-rule. I’m fluent in Swedish and it rarely ever comes in handy!
Haha I looked through all your comments to see if anyone had attempted the pronunciation. So awesome! I love languages.
I feel that I was obsessed with running at a point. It didn’t help that everyone else in my life was obsessed with ME running. My track team looked to me for our points, and my coach relied on me to score at meets. It was something that took over, and I worked out 7 days a week. It definitely clouded my focus on other things.
I think the breaking point was when I decided to run at college- now it wasn’t just for myself or for a small team. It was for reduced tuition and far-away coaches, and running became my only obsession. I stopped hanging out with friends and getting things in on time, so that was probably when it transformed.
I felt so lost when I got injured! I can’t believe I’m still suffering from the tear an entire year later, but part of me thinks it must have happened for a reason.
Part of me not so much- now my tuition is going to be CRAZY expensive. Sweet.
I need a scholarship for ex-athletes. Any ideas? hahaha
I used to be really into art too. I actually majored in it in college. And I haven’t picked up a pencil in a long time.
I’m trying to decide what differentiates passion from obsession. I haven’t come up with a good answer yet.
Oh and I can’t wait to see artwork!!!!
that is one crazy sammich! I want to try it, but I don’t. I’m like confused. I might end up eating that avocado before it ever meets the dawg.
hmmmmmmm passion and obsession??!?! passion might be running. maybe borderline obsession?!??!!?
Only YOU could turn a hotdog into something I’d consider eating
I am always trying to decide what my passion is. My stinkin’ parents offered me too many opportunities so now I love too many things
I totally understand and I can’t wait to see some of your artwork! Reading was a passion of mine growing up, but ED took away my concentration for a long time. Now I am back to reading a lot again and it feels great!
I’ll skip the hangover. take the Swedish wrap (I can’t pronounce it either!). Maybe minus the hotdog plus a sausage. (Aren’t I picky?)
Delicious inspiration.
I totally know what you mean about ED sucking away your personality, passions, etc. I had no desire to play the piano at all when I was in the throes ED. All I wanted to do was work out and research healthier foods and stare at recipes that I would never make. It was awful. And boring. Thank god I’m a real person again.
Yum! Looks so colorful! I will have to try that! ^_^
So, can you be passionately obsessive about something or vice versa? hehe A passion for art, what a creative outlet, I’m feverishly looking forward to seeing your Warhol..
I seldom think of the difference between passion and obsession–you always bring such good convos to the blog “table”–love it! And that recipe? So unique and it looks greeeat!
It’s wonderful to hear that you got back into art. I can totally relate with your lost interest in everything (though I can’t draw that well
).
That tunnbrödsrulle looks fantastic! I love the Swedes for their funny language.
I am glad you are exploring passion and obsession; I can’t seem to distinguish the two; I shared you passion for art once, for many years actually.
Love your wrap! and you included kabocha in the mix too! I deifnitely need to eat some!
Art is so freeing – I’m glad you’re getting inspired again! And I can’t wait to see your work!
I think it takes time to find a true passion. I’m guessing it’s like falling in love; once you’re in it, you just know.
I’ve said it before but you’re wise beyond your years. My passion is the arts…. writing, filming, editing, basically creating something. That & ice skating. I just feel so happy on the ice. My obsession? Probably money & no I don’t want to be filthy rich but growing up poor, I’m always so careful with it, if that makes sense.
I love your posts because they always leave me thinking “hmmmmm” I was thinking of all the things I am passionate about and then its funny that younever think you are ‘obsessed’ with it, but are you if its something you do merely everyday? I have a PASSION for fitness, health and my work being a personal trainer and working out brings me so much joy, however I would not say I am obsessed with it because I know where to draw the line if I am overtraining or working too hard.
that wrap looks fantastic!! haha I LOL’ed on the ‘preservative free, nitrate free dog’ girrrrl, i will use what is in my freezer!!
I don’t have too many passions because I tend to become obsessed with them all. It’s a character flaw!
Hmm… I’m going to have to think about that one…. You think I’d be prepared for the questions that I know will be asked but everyone always catches me off guard.
which made me sad. I was hoping they would have something unique, and I could have sent you a present, but nothing jumped out at me 
I was at the mall yesterday and I saw Hair bands and it made me think of you… ( they weren’t pretty though
Great post! I ponder this topic a lot and question my own motives all the time. I know that I’m OBESSED with food. I think about it all the time and it distracts me from anything that I really need to do (school and socializing). I do believe that I am truly passionate about exercise because of the unexplainable way it makes me feel. Plus I loved exercise pre-ED and even though I’ve had issues with exercise, it has always been there to lift my spirits no matter what!
i don’t even eat meat and i thought this was the cutest thing:)
Ok I am glad you linked this up to Friday Firsts b/c I totally missed it from being out of town!! I love the drawing you gave me, it’s right next to my desk and holds such meaning for me – through both you and me and our respective stories! I think my most unhealthy obsessions are thoughts. I obsessively begin to worry and create scenarios or I obsess over guilt. Both are huge stressors for me that can turn into endless cyclical thoughts!
Excellent post. I think if everyone understood the distinction between Passion and Obsession, the world would be a much better place.
I am completely at a loss with your Swedish Wrap/tunnbrödsrulle. I honestly can’t tell if I would like it or not…which I guess means I should give it a try!
Great post I could not have said it any better. I think everyone should know what their passions and obsessions are some people don’t.
i love this sophia !
it’s so simple once you put it out in the open
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