The truth is…the process of my recovery had started way beforehand. Even in the depths of my ED, I believe that God’s work had already begun—from the moment my parents gave me up to Him, and prayed tearfully for me. Medically, I should have died a long time ago…but it was the prayers of my family, and my church, that sustained me till now.

However, if I had to single out one particular turning point, in which the gentle prodding from God turned into a full yank, it would have to be when I started to care for someone else instead of myself. And that person was a 33-year-old guy named Ted.

Ted, in many ways, was exactly like me, just with another name for his mental disorder. He was once smart, bright, and ambitious; he graduated with honors from his high school and got into a pretty good college. But he fell into a serious depression his first year of college, and was forced to take leave. And he has never returned.

I don’t know the exact name for his disorder, except that like me, he is unable to socialize. He is entrapped in his own world, his own utterly disordered thoughts and obsessions. He is paranoid about the most random things, and worries about the smallest details that seem so trivial to me but is of utmost importance to him.

Another similarity he and I shared was that we were both hungry for help. And somehow, he and I found one another. Ted started attending our church, and he was desperately looking for someone to teach him more about the bible. Unfortunately, our church was a Chinese-speaking church, and few had the time and English-speaking skills to be able to teach him. When I heard about him, I immediately offered to help.

I don’t know what possessed me to volunteer like that. At that time I was less than half my ideal body weight, and I was literally teetering at the brink of death. But something about Ted’s condition struck me deeply…I saw my own struggles in him, and I was filled with empathy and compassion for him.

So we started our bible study. We met every Wednesday night, and each time we met, Ted would share all his struggles, concerns, and obsessions with me. And let me tell you…they were freaking ridiculous. Absolutely illogical and absurd thoughts that left me flabbergasted. But the most shocking thing was that Ted himself didn’t realize how crazy he sounded, until I had to stop and remind him over and over again.

And that was when I realized that I was the same exact way. A lot of obsessions, rituals, and behaviors that I practiced at that time were totally stupid and ridiculous, but to me, it was so incredibly real and logical. That was when it hit me exactly how much I was deceived and consumed by that disgusting, abhorrent Eating Disorder Demon.

I no longer viewed my eating disorder as an irritating cold, like some kind of mere temporary, inconvenient illness. No, ED was real, and it was damn scary. If I continued to leave it free and rampant inside of me, it would kill me. All of a sudden, I was no longer “okay” with ED. I no longer wanted to endure him—I wanted to kill him before he killed me. I was filled with a burning rage of hatred towards ED, and it was that raving wrath that eventually saved my life.

Our bible study might have started out with me trying to help Ted, but in the end, it was really Ted who helped me. And I find this scenario extremely beautiful…That two completely different people, sharing a rare bond of similar sufferings, would turn away from their own problems to show empathy and compassion to each other instead…and ultimately to find hope in their own recovery. Perhaps you believe in karma…but I believe that God really blessed me in every meeting that I had with Ted.

Phew! Wordiness! NEDA week is almost over (or is it already over?), but I wanted to share my story before it ended. But of course, I have more stories to tell…I just need to space it out a bit before this blog gets too sappy.

Speaking of karma…Remember that spiralizer-slicer giveaway I did a while back? Remember I so (a-hem) “selflessly” denied myself the slow-cooker that I really wanted and decided to gift one of my readers instead? Well, guess what landed on my doorstep?

A SLOW-COOKER!!!! Oh, gorgeous thing…sent by the dearest, most generous lady on earth, Christina! I’ve already sung heaps of praises on my dear blogger-twin Christina…now let me croak out my thanks again! Christina, thank you so freaking much…I’ve been wanting this for months and months, and you’re an absolute angel for surprising me with this thoughtful, wonderful gift!!

The thing is, just a day before I received this slow-cooker, I’d been browsing online for ideas on how to cook beans, and I’d come across so many great crockpot bean recipes that I had woefully sighed, “If only I had a slow-cooker!” So imagine my delight when I received a brand new one the following evening!

Of course, I had to try my new slow-cooker out as soon as possible, so I decided to use it to feed my bible study group on Friday. Coincidentally, one of my bible group friends had been sick for days, so a homey, warm crockpot meal was perfect for her too!

Korean-Style Burrito Bowl

• 1.5 cups dried black beans
• 3 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 large onion, diced
• 3 stalks celery, diced
• 1/2 lb ground turkey
• black pepper
• ~1/2 cup gochujang
• ~1/3 cup Korean red pepper flakes
• ~1/3 cup soy sauce
• ~2-3 tablespoons honey
• a handful of dried figs, chopped
• beef broth (or chicken)
• cooked white rice
• avocado
• shredded cheddar cheese

A day before, soak the dried black beans in clean water, for 12-24 hours. Rinse, and dump into the slow-cooker.

In a large skillet, fry up the garlic, onion, and celery:

Cook for about 4 minutes, and then throw in the ground turkey, crack some fresh black pepper over, and cook until the meat is almost done. Throw into the slow-cooker.
Mix together the gochujang, red pepper flakes, soy sauce, and honey until smooth. Pour into the slow-cooker with the dried figs. Pour enough beef broth to slightly cover the mixture. Set the slow-cooker to high for about 4 hours, and then turn it down to low for another 6 hours or so until the beans are done.
Warning: be careful of the steam that whooshes out when you open the lid! I got an unexpected facial! Tee hee! 

The next morning, prepare white rice (I used my roommate’s rice-cooker). Mound a good serving of rice onto a dish, ladle a good amount of slow-cooker beans over, decorate with avocado slices, and sprinkle with cheddar cheese.
Simple, no-flair, honest-to-goodness meal.
It was spicy, but not too spicy, with a faint sweetness from the honey and dried figs. But definitely with enough kick to clear your sinuses on a cold day!
My friends went for seconds. I was jolly pleased that they enjoyed it so much! The best compliment I ever got, was when my sick friend said, “I have had no appetite for days because of congestion…and now I’ve gained it back!” Top that!
I stuck with the safer white rice because I didn’t want to scare my friends with brown rice. Heh. It soaked up all the juices from the slow-cooker beans, and was actually quite good!
If you don’t like rice, you can always serve this with corn or flour tortillas, too.
Thanks, Christina, for feeding both me and my hungry friends!
And thanks to the commenter who asked me the question about my recovery. That was a great question, and it felt great and rewarding to put it down into concrete words.

By the way, I’m not done with the slow-cooker yet…I’ve got so many things I wanna try! So stay tuned! And see you on Sweet Treat Wednesday!

Question of the day: Any previously eating disordered individuals out there who would like to share his.her recovery turning points?
And for those of you who were fortunate not to endure ED…any ideas for my slow-cooker? What should I make next?