A68WV4YG9MQK
I have a science quiz tomorrow. Here I am, memorizing key facts about the universe and gravity. It is a fascinating subject indeed, but what am I going to do with the mathematical equation of velocity 5 years from now?
I’m not saying that such knowledge isn’t important. But sometimes, I wonder if I’m too busy stuffing my brain with such facts to bother to learn about the immediate people around me. Humans, of all race and characteristics and personalities; humans, whom I will constantly be interacting with for the rest of my life; humans, who are so simple…yet so curiously and intricately complex.
Remember I posted about my eccentric project partner on my
previous post? I honestly did not mean to cast him into a stage for ridicule. My underlying message was that despite his weirdness and the fact that my grade was at stake, I will view this positively as God’s chance for me to improve myself, and to work on my New Year prayer topics.
But I was guilty of something. I labeled him. I segregated him as an outsider, someone to be stared at. Retracting back on my words, I called him a weirdo. I also called him Mr Loony Tunes, Mr Cuckoo, Mr Dingy, Mr Barney…you get the idea. And I feel terrible. Because in truth, he is really just another human being created in God’s love and mercy. He is a real human being with real feelings and emotions, and with his own story and explanation for all his extraordinary actions and speech.
I do not know exactly what or why, but a few of you mentioned Asperger’s as a possible explanation to his eccentricity. Honestly, I have never heard of this disorder before. So I called upon my dear friend Christina to explain it for me:
* * * * *
Before meeting Johnny’s brother for the first time he warned me that he had Asperger’s syndrome. Asperger’s is a disorder within the autism spectrum and can be classified in different degrees. Fortunately Johnny’s brother has been diagnosed with a very mild form of Asperger’s, but it’s still enough to notice he’s a little different. Had Johnny not warned me about his brother beforehand I think I would have just labeled him as "quirky."
Asperger’s is relatively new in diagnosis and not much is understood about it, but in a nutshell it is a difficulty in recognizing social cues. Linguistic signals are misunderstood and things that are common sense to you and me don’t even occur to somebody with Asperger’s. For example, Johnny’s little brother has pretty bad posture, not realizing to present himself as others. There’s also great difficulty in conversations, such as when is appropriate to jump in, when to laugh, and making eye contact.
Johnny’s brother is currently 18 years old and instead of sneaking out to party and sassing back at his mom he really loves spatial things like K-nex, legos, and creating in his 3-D modeling computer program. Despite not being able to convey his thoughts as effortlessly as others, he’s actually very intelligent. This past summer he attended a 3-D Modeling camp at Northwestern University where he won an award and his creations were used as examples for the class.
Another behavior associated with Asperger’s is an intense interest in a particular subject. As explained, Johnny’s brother loves spatial things and accels in that area. He recently attended a social event for those with Asperger’s and a bowling partner was a walking encyclopedia about dinosaurs, naming off facts left and right because he’s unsure of how else to start a conversation with others.
When Sophia described her partner my first thought was that it must be some sort of inside joke from somebody with a very dry sense of humor. I read the first comment left by Clare and instantly realized she was correct – Star Wars quotes by Hans Solo! That’s when I realized that he might have Aspberger’s, but am not an expert and can’t "diagnose" him. The things I know and have learned seemed to add up. He tried to connect with Sophia through the use of an interest of his – Star Wars, which he didn’t realize she probably wouldn’t understand in that context. The other example of his outbursts in class which Sophia described "… every student in the class giggled and glanced at each other with eyebrows raised, he himself was totally oblivious," seemed to me an example of him missing social cues. To him he was making a joke that made perfect sense, but was missing the attention he was creating for himself and the distracting affect this had on the class.
The Nicholas Spark’s novel Dear John, set to release as a movie this weekend features the main character’s dad who is believed to have Asperger’s and collects coins with a passion. There is a quote in the book that both Johnny and I felt explained it very well: "A person with autism lives in his own world. A person with Asperger’s lives in our world, but in a way of his own choosing." The NBC comedy Community co-stars a character named Abed who is quirky and constantly making pop-culture references. I haven’t seen it, but last year a movie called Adam was released telling the story of a young man with Asperger’s who seems to love all things space related. Asperger’s is becoming more commonly discussed and referenced, so hopefully recognition and acceptance will soon follow.
* * * * *
Thank you, Christina, for the wonderful insight into Asperger’s. You’ve taught me something new, something which is even more meaningful and personal and relatable than quoting Einstein’s equation (By the way, Johnny is Christina’s boyfriend).
There is so much to learn. Every human is so different, and we all have our own problems and gifts. But whoever I meet, the solution is always the same: Love.
Sounds so simple, yet it may just be the most difficult and impossible thing on Earth. It’s easy to love someone who is cute and pretty, but what about those who aren’t so adorable? Who will love them, understand them, and be there for them? Perhaps the only person who can truly do this is God. And that is why we all need God’s love, not just to enjoy it, but to transfer that love to others as well. Others who desperately need it.
A slightly heavy topic, and I kind of feel weird to start talking about food right after this. It’s like discussing health care and politics while watching pornography, if you know what I mean. Hope you understand, but rest assured there will definitely be yummy food porn on the next post.
Question of the day: What are your thoughts on loving “unlovable” people? Have you met (or personally experienced) any people of such disorders?
Well, I can name one. Me. My eating disorder? Certainly turned me into a self-absorbed, unsociable pariah. What turned me around? Love. Go figure.
Related posts:
interesting post. don’t feel guilty- we all judge. honestly, i am glad u learned something great out of it
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
We have been suspecting that my boyfriend’s younger brother has that disorder; he certainly does not quite understand common sense or social nuances, but he functions well enough in school. He has an excellent memory, however! Supposedly is good with numbers. Sometimes he can be so aggravating that our tempers are quick to jump on him, but then we take a step back and acknowledge that some people may not or simply cannot know what we do.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
hey soph(: this is a wonderful post. i really didnt know too much about aspergers. i realize now from what you have said that its crucial to keep in mind that everyone is different and some people more then others. everyone is special in their own way i think though, and although sometimes this may be bad, there is a light in the dark! xoxo soph
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Unloveable people? Well, thats a bit harsh, but to me, unloveable people only love themselves. They are hard to have feelings for. I think that for you to love someone you need to feel that that person cares at least slightly for you. But I dont think anyone is intrinsically unloveable. My sister in law is very selfish and it has made me pull away from her. She is incredibly self centered. Really I have just started to avoid her totally. That being said, she still does have some loveable qualities, I am just not endeared to her if you know what I mean.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
One of my best friends in middle school has Asperger’s, and would get really angry with me because of it, just for no reason. I know he couldn’t help it, but it was REALLY frustrating sometimes. One just needs to learn a little more patience and understanding than what they’re used to dealing out.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Shew…I have all too much experience loving someone who has been quite “unlovable.” My sister is an alcoholic. For about 8 years, she was barely in my life. She mostly stayed out of contact from my family, but when we did talk she was either miserable, horribly mean, or just completely out of it. There were times where I felt like giving up with her, or at least becoming numb to the fact that my sister was an alcoholic.
Now she is over 6 months sober, and I couldn’t be more happy to have my sister back. She is a completely different person, and I love being around her. I’m so glad that my family and I didn’t give up on her because all she needed was (like you said) LOVE.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
I deal with “unlovable” 6 year olds every. single. day. It’s such a challenge to love the ones who ironically need it the most. It is one of the hardest parts of being a teacher for me. But I pray about it every. single. day. And that is why I am still teaching and still working towards loving the “unlovables.”
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
This was an interesting book that I read about a year ago. The author has Asberger’s.
http://www.amazon.com/Look-Me-Eye-Life-Aspergers/dp/0307396185/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1265249391&sr=8-1
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Sophia
I like so much that you are sensitive enough to evaluate yourself and see where you may have been insensitive towards someone else! You are growing, girl! Way to go!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Wow. I had heard of Asperger’s but didn’t know exactly what it was until now. This was a really interesting post!
-Kylee
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
I am dying to see that movie! only because of I heart Channing Tatum. I def loved an unlovable person and I still do.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
I’ve heard of Aspergers but didn’t know it was difficult for those who have the disorder to function socially? Recently someone said something to me that I said at an inappropriate time…. so I try to evaluate it = ) as for movies.. girl.. I am so darn behind…
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Yeah, totally makes sense he has a disease….his behavior was so over the top I assumed he had something.
Makes you remember how LUCKY we are not to be afflicted with something like bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, etc.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
HAHAA 3 lb bag! That’s a lot of “taters.”
I should probably cut back. I eat them everyday!!! I think tomorrow I will try some new food!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Hey girl,
I’m really glad you recognized yourself here. I was feeling kindof weirded out by the labeling in your last post. I felt like it just did not jive with the God loving girl I know you are. You said, “I will view this positively as God’s chance for me to improve myself.” Wow he answered pretty fast here, eh?
We all experience people who are “strange” or who upset us or who we may deem “unlovable.” Going through my eating disorder, I try to see now that everyone has hurts, and some are dealing with it negatively, as I did with ED. Some act mean hearted and cruel, some are judgmental, some are strange. But what I remember is that ALL were created in God’s image, and that image is still somewhere inside…maybe buried deep but it’s in there. And if we love God, we gotta love his people too. And love means kindness.
So in the spirit of it all, I LOVE this post and I LOVE you too!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
We are pretty sure that my dad shows signs of Asperger’s Symdrome too, although a fairly mild case. It can be trying to deal with and they can be quite rude but I don’t think it’s done without having an idea of how it impacts others.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Oh.. glad to have read this!
Myself too, I would have chucked him aside & ignore him or considered him a waste of my precious time.
It’s a good thing that Christina told u this!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
What a great post and what a wonderful gift to share the knowledge of Asperger’s Syndrome so others might understand. Don’t feel guilty – I think its a human coping mechanism to make comparisons of people so we know how to connect with them, and understand what to expect from their behavior. You just made the wrong comparison.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
You didn’t do anything wrong, don’t feel guilty or be so hard on yourself. we are all human!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Yeah- I agree with Shelley, as many comments as you get, you’re bound to get a reader that criticizes what you write! Chances are you never have any idea at the havoc you are creating, because all your posts are honest and true written from your heart. That’s why I love to read.
We ALL judge and make impressions we probably shouldn’t. So no worries! Great post.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
hey girl.. leave it to the lovely christina to set things straight for you!!!!!
i cant believe i didnt think of that myself..
ok small story, i know you want to hear it too- so im gonna write it
there was a kid in my HS who i believe had the same condition, but had severe learning disability. he was the most socially ackward kid in our class- but he memorized everyones names, where they worked, where they lived, who their family was.. he got the class list before graduation and started calling everyone by their first and middle names.. “hey amy christine.. how are you?”
anyway, he works at the grocery store near my mothers house.. for 12 years now.. bagging groceries. i used to go there alot before Target and Hannafords came to town. i went once when i was about 7 months pregnant- i was only 19 at the time.. i was standing in line with 3 people in front of me, 4 people behind me when i hear.. “Amy Christine ******* are you having a BABY?!?!?!”
i cringed, knowing, it was HIM!!!! then what came next?! “Aren’t you a little too young to be having a BABY?! Im older than you by two years and i KNOW im too young to have a baby!!!!!!”
oh if i could have died right there i would have. i havent been back to the store since then and its been almost 8 years since my daughter was born. he has gone on facbook though and has been friending me non stop for the last two weeks, i keep ignoring it.. i really really dont even want to see him let alone be friends with him on facebook. i suppose, he didnt know what he was really saying..but people stared, they laughed, and i almost cried that day.. soooooo should i forgive and forget?! lol even if hes learning disabled, i cant let that go! lol
so maybe your partner has this.. and maybe you gotta try and be a little more patient, but dont let him insult you without sticking up for yourself woman!!! at least do that ok?! ; )
ok novel is over.. im sorry for hijacking!!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0