We Koreans are very strict when it comes to age. The young must show respect to the elder, even if it’s only a couple years of difference. You never, ever call someone older by the name. You talk to them in formal language, and address them according to a certain system of mannerism depending on their age. If the person is a lot older, you call her “ah-joom-mah” or “ah-juh-see”. It gets more complicated when the person is only a few years older than you.
If you’re a female, you call the older girl “unni” and the older boy “oppa”. If you’re a male, you call the older girl “noo-na” and older boy “hyung.”
Confused? That’s okay. My brother was, too, for many many years. To the utter delight and amusement of my relatives, my brother spent about 18 years of his life calling me “unni” instead of “noo-na”. I can still remember him when he was 8-years-old, with a cute little pot belly, chipped tooth, and a bowl hair-cut, yelling across the street, “Unni, unni!” while the relatives roared with laughter. Ah, sweet memories. 
It scares me, how time flies by. How much a person can change. Before I knew it, my brother has grown into a real man. And honestly, sometimes I don’t know what to do about it. Gone are the times when I could kick him around, bullying him to bend to my whims and wishes. Gone are the times when we would play Power Ranger, or torture Barbie dolls together. When that childhood phase passed, our relationship distanced as we developed our own group of friends. And I’m embarrassed to say that I begin to scorn and look down upon him.
As is expected between siblings, we were always being compared. The thing is, we are completely different from each other. I was the more dedicated, passionate, and ambitious one. In comparison, my brother came off as a lazy slacker. And thus I gave him a lot of pressure, nagging at him and getting impatient and frustrated that he wasn’t following my path. In my own twisted way of thinking, I thought I was just being a protective older sister…whose only method of expressing love was to scold and oppress.
But things turned around when I got entrapped in my eating disorder. Suddenly, my brother became the golden child of the family. And suddenly, he was the one taking care of me. And within the three to four years of our family’s struggle with my ED…my brother has changed completely. He’s matured. He’s become independent. He’s become more thirsty for God. And despite still being a man of few words, he’s become a deep thinker. He’s even stopped calling me “unni”. And I only just realized the change recently. Because in my mind, I still thought of him as a little chubby boy calling me “unni”. 
I wish time would stop still. I wish we weren’t so apart from each other, so I could show more of my appreciation for him. I’m scared, because he’s growing so fast, and I know soon he’ll get married, have his own family, and then…what? Will we still be in contact? Will we be living close to each other? I don’t know, but I’m certainly praying to God that our relationship will only get deeper as time passes.
Just before I left the east coast, my brother offered to treat me to lunch. He even went out on a morning walk with me in negative wind chill weather. Once again, our relationship was switched. According to Korean custom, I should be treating my brother and taking him out for a walk as the older sibling. But oh well. At times like this, I’m super glad we’re Americanized enough. Though, I wouldn’t mind if my brother spoke formal language to me. 
It was the three of us: Me, my brother, and my friend Joanna to a Vietnamese restaurant called Four Sisters: 
It may be Vietnamese, but it sure was westernized in its interior design. 
Check out the beautiful merry-go-round! 
And I supposed these are the four sisters that gave the restaurant its name? 
We had only one condition when we ordered: Order something other than pho. Pho is nice, but Vietnamese cuisine has so much more than that ubiquitous pho!
Joanna ended up ordering the Mi Do Bien: 
Egg noodles with seafood combination (scallop, shrimp, squid) in chicken broth 
This was the most refreshing, delicious broth I’ve ever tasted. I could drink a gallon of this soup! Unfortunately, the seafood was a bit tough.
My brother ordered the Com Bo Nuong Xa: 
Grilled lemongrass beef on jasmine rice. 
Lovely! I loved the seasoning on the beef, and the rice was perfectly sticky and chewy, not bland at all. 
I ordered the Banh Cuon Ga Nuong: 
Grilled lemongrass chicken served with steamed rice crepes stuffed with mushrooms and ground pork.
It came with a side of steamed bean sprouts, jalapeño, and lime. 
And fish sauce: 
I loved it! The chicken was sticky, flavorful, and perfectly grilled till tender. The chopped peanuts and mint on top made a lovely contrast to the meat. 
And the steamed rice crepes reminded me a lot of a certain dish I used to love in Singapore called chee cheong fun. 
It was filled with flavorful pork and mushrooms, but the crepe itself was kind of bland, so I remedied that with tons of sriracha sauce. It’s not your average crispy light crepe, but rather dense, sticky, and glutinous. 
Since it was our last day together, we all took a picture. Joanna and I: 
My brother and I: 
Gosh, I miss them both already. 
Question of the day: Do you live with your siblings? How has your relationship changed as you grew older?
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Wow, Sophia! I think about this a lot but about my own brother, who is 3 years younger. Except I was the slacker, “problem” child and he was the more driven, Type A one – reverse situation of you and your bro. We rarely talk anymore, usually just through Facebook now and that makes me sad. I wonder how to change it, and I was thinking what will happen when ea. of us gets a family!? We don’t really talk on the phone and if we do, it’s a really short awkward convo. We’ve only seen ea. other IRL I think.. 5 times? in the past 4 years! It’s funny though, b/c when we are together it’s like time hasn’t passed – it’s just when we’re apart it’s weird to cross that barrier and become a part of ea. other’s separate lives.
The squid in that soup looks beautiful! I love how they cut all the little lines – I’d think to make it tender, sad to hear it wasn’t!
Love the pics!! And the message!
you’ve seen-my little bro is my buddy. we used to drive each other nuts till i went to college. and i have two big brothers too. i think we all get along pretty well. we might not all be besties, but we function you know?
i need to go eat with you because you would force me to try new things and i love it!
Such a sweet post! Your brother looks like such a gentleman
! Thank God for siblings, right?
As for my sister and I, I admit when we were younger I definitely took advantage of my role as the older sister and she listened and grasped onto everything I said as sacred truth- nowadays however, things are a little different- we go through phases of being subtly close (she comes to my room sometimes to chat etc) to fighting/her just deciding to ignore me. Weird dynamic- but I know we both love each other and can’t live without each other
Sara
Wow- I could really relate to this post. I have a younger brother (only by a little) who’s going off to college this year. We were so much closer when we were younger & I always worry that we’ll lose touch once he goes off to school. It was crazy- I left for school one month and when I came back a few months later…he was all…changed haha
I love sibling stories! I feel like it’s one of the most interesting relationships. My sister and I despised each other growing up. I’m only about a year and a half older. She was this outgoing, vivacious kid and I was shy and nerdy. I think I embarrassed her. She taught ME how to shave my legs and kiss boys. By the end of high school, we were friends. I think we realized that sisterhood was pretty cool. Anorexia hit when I left high school and there were definitely some weird years for my sister and me. I think she was confused, mad, sad, frustrated. As I got better, we got closer. We’ve definitely gone through phases. We’re totally different, in terms of emotionality and personality, but there’s nothing like being with someone who shares your parents (and your bathroom for 17 years). I don’t see her as often as I’d like but I still consider her my best friend. She knows me well and loves me, despite the fights and bickering. Sometimes, I think all that stuff just makes us closer. There’s nothing fake about sibling relationships. They see it all — good, bad, ugly!
aw so sweet with your bro! i’m sure that no matter where the next stage of life takes him, you guys can grow even closer. hey! i’m pretty sure i’ve been to that restaurant! lol of course my family is so vietnamese, 98% of the time that we eat out it’s at a VN place
. all your pics remind me of yummy things i used to eat when i was growing up
Your brother is super cute! How sweet that he takes care of you. It is so strange when suddenly your younger brother seems older than you, doesn’t it? My brother is 6 years younger and yet takes me out, etc. and sometimes it feels like he is the older one. I love him to death. I have a sister too but she is a mean B@#$%. We don’t speak to her unfortunately but that’s okay because I have my brother and he is all I really need.
PS – I love your comment about pinkie swears.
At the risk of sounding weird, can I just say that your brother is a hottie
I am a happily married woman, but he’s a cutie pie and will make a great partner no doubt for someone! Weirdness over.
The food. LOOKS AWESOME. Not things i could eat but awesome nonetheless. And you,for bringing your camera and taking all of those restaurant pics = totally awesome too!!!
Thanks for your lovely comment about being popular, God, etc. Totally appreciated it
My relationshp w/ my sibling ebbs and flows. We live 2000 miles apart and always will. We talk 1x/week on the phone, sometimes more, sometimes less, just depends. Wish we lived closer, would make our relationship closer.
It’s always nice to spend time with relative especially siblings. I wish I could say the same, but alas…I’m an only child. But I consider my closest friends like my brothers and sisters. So I think it works out in the end.
i think it is so sweet that you are concerned with how close you and your brother will be once he is more independent!! and thanks fort he information about Korean culture- very interesting. You and your brother will always be close because it seems like you two have a great relationship
No fear!! But i completely understnad where you are coming from. My sister & I have gotten a lot closer as we’ve gotten older- i actually think more distance has made us get a long a lot better!!
all thef ood looks amazing as well (as always!)- i love looking at your blog because the eats are so unique!!!
xoxo
shelley
I live with my sister now that I’ve moved back home. I think as we’ve gotten older we get along better, but I would never say we’ll be really close. Close enough, but not BFF’s or anything
Can I just say, all that food looks absolutely delicious. I must go out for Vietnamese!
What a sweet post…you should let your brother read this:)
I’ve got a younger brother and we get along really well. I really hope that’s gonna stay like that in the future!
xxx Julia (Taste of Living)
I love the last picture of you and ur bro. He looks so handsome and you look beautiful, Sophia.
For myself and my younger sister, we’ve become best friends now that we are both above 20 years old. hehehe. Last time, we fought alot, but now… gosh, it seems odd if we were to fight about anything.
sigh.. my elder bro is frm the 1st wife. So yea.. he prob hate my guts.
We nvr spoke to each otr even when we lived i nthe same house.
last year, we spoke after my gran’s funeral & even had dinner toge. But still..we were nvr close.
No otr siblings otr than a younger sis who passed awy whn iwas 12. she was 5 then. She n i werent close either in all of her 5 years. My granny kept us separated. sad isnt it?
LOL isn’t it complicated all those names. For one of my aunts, I called her “Ah Ee” forever and didn’t understand why no-one else knew who I was talking about when I talked about Ah Ee!
First, thanks for the comment about my writing – coming from a future journalist, I am blushing to say the least!
Second, I really admire the appreciation you have for your brother. It was so endearing to read about how much he means to you… I have an older sister and our relationship has never really been ‘stable’. I am working on correcting it now, but there has been a lot of damage in the past and I don’t know if we will ever be really close. She is getting married now, and I am sure a family will ensue soon enough. It’s crazy how fast life goes, isn’t it?
xox
Tat
Even tho I am really close with my siblings, I wonder the same thing. We lived at home until I moved away, and they are in college now. I also wonder what if I have kids now and our kids aren’t close?? I can totally relate to how you’re feeling.
This was a beautiful and touching post! Thank you for sharing that story.
The food looks stunning, particularly that soup.
As for my siblings, we had a very Brady Bunch sort of family in that both of my siblings are my half-siblings. I was the baby of the family, and my brother and sister are a good 14, 10 years older than me, respectively. So, now that we’re all adults it’s hard for them to treat me as such. That’s gotten better as I’ve sunken deeper into adulthood, fortunately.
What a wonderful way to end a lovely visit with your family. You and your brother look so much alike! Beauty obviously runs in your family!!!!
It’s amazing how our siblings turn into our best friends as we get older. My sister and I use to fight all the time and now I can’t imagine my life without her friendship. And…..I just found out that I am going to be an aunt!!!!! But, shhhh….it’s a secret!
Life is so good when you have the love and support of your family surrounding you.
Hope you are well sweet Sophia!
I have such similar experiences with my brother to yours that it’s kinda scary.
I’m definitely the over-achiever and as a result, my brother got the short end of the stick when it came to reputation and being known for the slacker lazy kid. He ended up coming to the same university i went to and now people think he’s the older one instead of me!! He takes care of me all the time…definitely more like my older brother! Thank you for the awesome Korean lesson…despite it being short. 
I’m watching a new Korean drama here in Hong Kong and it is freakin’ awesome!!! Hope you’re doing well my dear…
P.s. I wanna be your facebook friend!
hehehhe
I’ve never tried vietnamese food, but it looks delish!
You bro is a cutie pie! My sister and I are 12 years apart. I’m the baby (and my arrival was a complete shock to my fam). I’ve always looked up to my sister. That’s never really changed. I used to look up to her because she was older and “cool”. But now I look up to her because she is a wonderful mother to my niece and nephew.
I used to work for a Japanese based company and I loved the way they respected each other. Their work ethics are to the T also. Americans are disrespectful, and do everything half assed…yeah, I said it.
Growing up my sister who is 3-4 years younger than me played all the time until I tured 14. From 14-28 we werent’ as close only because we were doing our own thing. Now we LOVE each more than ever! We only live abou 5 miles away but she’s a night owl and i’m an early bird. If we catch each other it’s at 5:30a.
This post makes me miss my brother!
My brother is two years younger then me. It’s just the two of us. We’re from Texas, so our parents and family are there. I live in DC, he’s in Minneapolis. We talk all the time, but only see each other a handful of times. We’re good friends now! I just wish we could see each other more.
Yum, I LOVE Vietnamese method of cooking pork and chicken. It is so tasty!
I don’t have any siblings in my family, but I think I might have some half-siblings somewhere in Korea. (I’m hoping that my biological mother was able to start a happy family after giving me up for adoption.) It’s really weird to think that I’m someone’s unni or noo-na. I suppose I’ll have to learn the equivalents for younger siblings…
So sweet! I do not live with my younger brother who is 4 years younger than me. I think our relationship has changed over the years and I am much more motherly towards him than ever!
Sophia, I loved the story about your brother, and the names that you call the”old” and the”young” in Korea. I’m learning so much cultural information, I love it! Your brother is so handsome, and what an awesome story that he is now matured, as if something good has come out of your ED (and I think other good has come out of your ED too, perhaps you have matured too? And learned some things about life…and started this blog!). Anyway, I have a 13 year old brother and our relationship gets better and better everyday. I used to treat him like he was my son, now I treat him like a brother. He’s super mature for his age, so it’s easy to treat him like a brother, and I always forget he’s only 13!
Yes, I was ok tv, three times! Did you just figure that out?? I posted the link on my blog, under “Where do you find vitamin D?” and it was also on my post that had the “Post Exercise Meals and Snacks”, from a couple posts ago. Check it out!
That soup looks great.
My brother and sister are a lot younger than me. So, our relationship has gotten closer as they’ve gotten older. When they were younger, I sort of felt like I had absolutely nothing in common with them.
You go to the best restaurants! I wish I lived near you!
Delicious food!
Your brother is a handsome young man. Have a great weekend!
What an endearing ode to your brother!
I will definitely be following your blog now that I’ve found it. I can relate to a lot of what I’ve read so far about you…from the ED (except mine is the other extreme) to the Asian culture (my husband is Japanese).
I LOVE Vietnamese food. It is so light and refreshing, everyhting looks so good!
It’s amazing how my relationship with my brother has changed. He’s 3 years younger than me and almost a doctor for crying out loud! He stopped being someone I could torture and became a friend, as weird as that is to say!
You and your brother look SO much alike!
I have five siblings, only one of whom is close in age to me, and that’s a brother. I always wished I had a sister close in age to me, but as I’ve gotten older it doesn’t matter that much anymore; I’m definitely a lot closer with my sisters than I used to be.
<3 <3
awww love your relationship with your lil bro! so cute you’re the older sister and he’s treating you! =D
hahah ucla tops USC AND STANFORD in gorgeousness. i mean, come ON! =D
I have 4 younger siblings and every time I go home I am so struck with how OLD they are! I mean, I left for college and I had 2 brothers in elementary school and 2 sisters in middle school – and now both of my sisters are in college and my brothers are taller than I am. I just look forward to when my brothers are out of the stage where it isn’t “cool” to be nice to/talk with their sisters… oh that late middle school/early high school stage, right?
What a sweet post! I love all the photos, especially the one when you curiously look at your crying baby brother!
And let me just say, the Korean system of addressing people is a nightmare…
My sister is nine years older, so growing up, we weren’t that close. And then I moved to another continent in my early twenties, so sadly I don’t get to see her very often and we are not as close as I’d like to be…
Can I just tell you that I LOVE the name of your blog?
And yes, I live with my sis…it’s actually made us closer! We do a lot together anyway (we’re twins) but it’s really fun to live together!
Aww your brother is so handsome
I hate how sibling relationships can be so complex. My brother is 4 years older than me so I kind of blew him off when I was a snotty teenager and now we’re not as close as I wish we were. He had a baby last year though so now I have an excuse to hang out with him. I don’t think it’s ever too late to reform relationships!
This post is so sweet – it makes me wish I had a sib! I know that there are good and bad times, but it looks like the good far outweigh the bad. Sorry you had to say bye bye to them : (
And may I just say your photos are absolutely gorgy?!
Love the picture of your brother at the restaurant looking to the side – wonder what he’s thinking at that moment?
I live 50 miles from my twin sister, but only see her 4 times a year, although we talk 10 times a day on the phone!
My brother lives in Texas, and I see him about once a year – we typically communicate by email!
Happy Friday My Friend!
That meal looks delish, as always
I have 2 siblings as well, and YES our relationships with each other have definitely gotten closer as we’ve actually gotten mature over the years..its nice 
I loved reading this post! Your photographs are the greatest!
My little brother grew up in a FLASH. It was scary to come home from college and find this handsome boy who TOWERED over me… especially since when I left him he was short, pudgy and immature. Growing up is scary, but it’s also really amazing… You won’t lose touch with your brother if you make an honest effort not to! I promise!
Great pictures!
Yes, time goes by SO QUICKLY….it’s frightening.
Such perfect timing for this post! I’ve been away from my brother for a year and a half now, and we’ve both experienced a lot without each other, now. I was always a bit of a surrogate mother for him, as there are 7 years between us. I was always a mature little kid, so I baby sat him from a young age and still worry about whether he has a proper lunch packed, that he doesn’t drink too much soda, that he is well cared for, etc. As I said in the post the other day, I miss my baby brother so much! He was seriously such an adorable child. But there are advantages to him being older, too. He is such a sensitive, well rounded kid, and thanks to my sister and I, he has great taste in music! He and I can laugh for hours at stupid shit like the Harry Potter puppet pals and now more mature humor. He’s at such a funny middle school awkward age now, too, I can’t wait to make fun of him when his voice cracks. Your brother looks so professional and mature in a tie! If you reach out and make a connection with him, you won’t lose contact. I know what you mean, though, I fear the same thing as I see my dad with his 5 siblings–they grew up together and now sometimes two years go by before he sees one of them. I hope that never happens with my brother and sister.
hi sophia! thanks for stopping by my blog when it’s still just a little newborn! feel free to come by again if you liked it
it’s interesting to read about the Korean culture and how they discern certain relationships. i would definitely be confused haha. the rice crepes look sooo good! i am going out for Thai today and i can only hope my food looks half as good as yours.
i moved back home after undergrad to go to a state university for grad school, and my brother is also living at home while going to a local school, so right now, the whole family is home. my brother is just 3 years younger than me and i totally feel the same way about younger siblings growing up and becoming more mature. i also hope that my brother and i will continue to have a good relationship in the future, even living our own lives apart, and i hope you and your brother will too.
I think that even though your brother may be growing up and will one day have a full life of his own, your relationship can and will continue to deepen if you put forth the effort to make it happen! unlike friendships, you and your brother will always have a bond no matter what, because you are siblings. but like friendships, you have to work to remain close to your brother, whether it’s through calls, emails, letters, visits, etc. it sounds like you have the determination to make this happen!
i have two little sisters and we’ve always been close. even though there are times when we live so far apart, there has always been an intensely strong bond, even if we dont know the day to day details of eachothers lives. as we are growing older, i feel like we are becoming closer on not just a sister level but a friend level. it’s great!!
you & your brother are great
i’m the oldest too, and let me tell you my relationships with my siblings used to be the most rocky and dysfunctional; we were constantly fighting. it’s strange though, ever since i started college things gradually got better, especially with my brother, we can actually have a conversation now 
happy friday love!
xoxo
that place was just ranked as one of the washingtonian’s top 100 restaurants! looks sooooo yummy – i need to get there sooN!
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