I can’t believe the year is almost over. 2010 is fast approaching! 2010! Doesn’t that just sound so…foreign and awkward to you? Like a distant future in a science fiction film…Whenever I say the word “2010” out loud, I can’t help imagining spaceships and little flying scooters jetting around.
A whole year has passed, and boy…has it been a whirlwind of a year! So many things have happened, and I’ve undergone so many personal changes in myself. Once again, I’m astounded by how effective and powerful God’s work is in my life. I’ve been meditating on the process of all the happenings within my life in this year of 2009, and I’ve got goose bumps. 2009 has been an incredible year. And I can’t wait for 2010!
I know that the year 2010 is really just a number. January 1, 2010 is just another day in the whole spectrum of time, but it bears great significance because we humans have designated it as a start of a new year, a new beginning. And I think that’s a good thing. I personally definitely need a set date to remind me to reflect back on the past year, and look forward to a new year with a refreshed mind and perspective. In order to organize my thoughts, I’ve decided to arrange them into three categories:
1) Thanksgiving: What am I thankful for this year 2009? Have I changed? In what way?
2) Dreams and goals: What are my expectations for the upcoming year 2010? What kind of person do I envision myself to me by the end of that year?
3) Prayer Topics, Renewals: What are the specific prayer topics I have for the year 2010? What are the specific things I will change and renew about myself?
And yeah, I’ll be using this blog to publish my thoughts into concrete words. Hopefully, the pressure that some hundreds of people are reading this will help keep me in track. 
So in the next three posts, I’ll be writing on each category in detail. But I really encourage you guys to join me in this New Year’s Self-Reflection. It’d be nice to have a buddy. So who’s with me? 
By the way, I’ve been having a really great time here. I guess the saying, “There is no place like Home” is kinda true. Of course, there are annoying parts where my parents nag at me to sleep early, or to dress properly, or to eat this and that. Of course, I’ve also had several people ask me questions like “So how much do you weigh now?” and “Did you gain at least 18 lbs?”…But I feel incredibly relaxed, comfortable, and…just…home.
The day before, I walked around my old high school’s campus…
And strangely, I got none of those bad memories I used to have. Sure, the memories I had in high school are mostly tainted by my eating disorder: the day my counselor called my parents and made me stand on the scale, the day my friends divided into two camps: Camp “Sophia is Anorexic” and Camp “Sophia is just Stressed Out”, the day I missed school and didn’t come back for 3 months… 
But now…I feel peaceful. All those “bad” memories? They’re really not so horrible when viewed in the whole of things. They were just necessary episodes in my life to keep the story going. And the story has not ended yet. My story is still progressing, and until the end, I can’t clearly define any part of it as “bad”.
Besides, there have definitely been good times mixed in my high school past, too. In fact, I’ve been missing a few certain places like crazy for ages now. These places are really not “that great”, but they are just some of my favorite places ever because I have such fond memories of them! I was one of those students who could never sit still at home and study. I had to move around, and I could only study if I was amidst people bustling about, and preferably with unlimited amounts of drinks.
My favorite places? McDonald’s (free refills!), Starbucks (nice, cushy sofas), and Panera (again, free refills and wireless!). There are plenty of McDonald’s and Starbucks in Los Angeles, so obviously the place I wanted to visit most when I arrived in Virginia was Panera. Thankfully, my parents love Panera too, so they happily came along, together with me, my brother, and my cousin. 
I ordered my favorite combo: 
Turkey-Artichoke Panini, French Onion soup, whole grain baguette. 
This panini can easily be re-created at home, but it’s just not the same to eat it in Panera! 
Is it just me, or did the sandwich get smaller? This panini was definitely smaller than it was a year ago!
Well, at least I found comfort in the intense, beefy and oniony broth of the classic French Onion soup… 
Another thing I really missed: good crusty bread. Mmm… 
My parents, my brother and I all got pretty much the same thing, but Clara just got a bagel with cream cheese. She refused to eat a turkey sandwich because “turkeys are cute”. Eh? Clearly she has never seen a real turkey before.
Tomorrow is Clara’s 20th birthday, so we’ll be celebrating it the way we always celebrate birthdays: a walk, maybe lunch out, and no gifts. Poor Clara. She chose a bad place to celebrate her birthday! But she requested a banana cream pie, so I guess I’ll be doing some baking tomorrow as well!
Question of the day: Will you be doing some self-reflections for this upcoming New Years? When you think back to this 2009 year, what kind of emotions do you feel?
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Wow It seems to me as though the Christmas cheer has barely even began to fade, and now I have to start thinking about a brand new year!? I most definitely will be making some self-reflections for the new year… time seems to be flying and I feel a desperate urge to organize my thoughts as well
When I look back on this year, I see a lot of pain related to ED, but also a lot of personal growth thanks to ED. I can honestly say that I wouldn’t be the person I am now without the many struggles of 2009!
Thanks for the insight girl
xox
Tat
Ps: Panera sounds wonderful.. we have nothing like that around here :/
Great post Sophia. And wow, your mother is GORGEOUS!! Was that your mother?? She looks super young, vibrant, and healthy, you obviously have great genes
I have done a lot of personal reflection in the past couple weeks. Like you, I sort of need a date for it too, as a reminder, you know? I smile when I look back at this year, but I have some similar memories as you when it comes to my younger days. I think I was angry and bitter at the world for some reason….and full of jealousy and resentment.
Oh, and I agree that the Panera (and every sandwich, really) sandwiches have gotten smaller. Recessions are fun, huh?
Love this post. I’m glad that your memories of high school contain some good ones to balance out the not so good ones. Panera…oh boy. Did i ever tell you i used to work there? haha! i can always count on your blog for insightful self-reflections, and this post is no exception. i’ve definitely been extra introspective over the past few days, and i assume this has something to do with the new year around the corner!
CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR NEW DOMAIN!!!
(and I love Panera, too!)
Good for you on seeing your High School years as a whole instead of only focusing on negative parts!
yeah!! totally agree with you!! time flies soo fast that we never know!! also we should never forget the fact that we are getting old day by day!! hahaha!! newas all the best for the new year 2010!!
I’m glad you feel at peace. High school definitely had its ups & downs but it’s only 4 years out of your entire life- so small in the scheme of things.
Maybe I can actually make some New Years resolutions? (never actually done that before)
You’ve inspired me to do some self-reflecting
i’m not sure what i think when i look back on 2009….happiness for starting a blog and making new friends is a big thing tho!
FJ = FitJerk. Hes some dude that comes out of the woodwork and comments on my blog at times. mostly sarcastically. gchatted him a while back for a couple of times and totally kept getting snarked.
he has a blog: fitness related. FITjekr’s flawless fitness blog. interesting articles written by a dirrty minded fit jerk. hahahahha.
GREAT reflections girl!! i LOVE panera-i went there the other day and i agree that the portions have totally gotten smaller! i am glad you like Mcd’s
i do too!
New domain soooo sweet. I love it. Glad you are spending time with family, I hope you are getting spoiled before you go back to the books! I always liked the New Year, it always feels like a fresh start, Im not an organized person so I sorta need that to motivate me, How come when I eat at Panera it never looks this good???
I used to love Panera before I had to stop eating bread but that sandwich definitely looks smaller than I remember it.
When I think back at 2009 I have no regrets except that maybe I could have focused a bit more on family rather than work. This coming year I am going to let work take a backseat to try to focus on the things that make me happier than work. Hopefully that doesn’t lead me to the unemployment office!!
oh my goshh- that sandwich looks incredible!! i’ve never had the paninis but they look awesome. & the you pick two cuts the sandiwches in half :-\ bummer, i know!! & yay for free refills. it is soo werid to look back on old places you used to visit a lot
ps- cant get over how much i love your new format!!
I was about to go to Panera today before I realized that I had a bunch of leftovers that I needed to eat up first. hehe… But I could go for some french onion right about now.
I’ll most likely be doing quite a bit of reflections especially in the up coming days. It is definitely strange to thing that another years is just around the corner. And that means I’ll be turning another year older. (ugh!!! hahaha…) Looking back, even though I didn’t accomplish as much as I would have liked or hope, I’m grateful at what I was able to do. Being able to survive uncertain times.
ps. I got your card. Thank you!!!!
Congrats on the new domain!
I really like the idea Averie posted about–setting new years intentions instead of resolutions. Doesn’t feel as stressful! I intend on focusing on what makes me happy in each moment. I’ve been trough a lot this last year emotionally, so I think it’s ok to be a little selfish sometimes (within reason of course)
Lookig forward to hearing your reflections on 2009!
i’m with you i am in need of some major 2009 reflection, i need to acknowledge my mistakes of the year and hopefully learn from them. but i’m worried that it will hurt to look back.
i hope you bake the boston creme pie, i want to see it!!
ah panera, i hung out there yesterday as well, always reminds me of ap calculus cause we would all meet there to copy each others problems hah
happy sunday!
xoxo
Im so loving the new site! Looks awesome! Im so happy to that you have found the strenght to turn all those negative memories into positive ones. Way to go girl!! I cant believe how fast the time is flying by! Already time for new years resolution. Although this year I plan not to make resolutions but more just goals. Some of my goals for the new year are to say hi to at least one person on the street a day that I pass by and also trying to reach out more to those around me. Well anyways I hope you had a wonderful holiday!!
You’ve been through a lot and you’ve become a stronger person from it.
I am definitely doing some self reflecting about 2009! It was a BIG year for me. I accomplished a lot, and also put myself through a lot of stress. I want 2010 to be about taking time for me, and doing things that I want to do, not have to do. I am looking forward to 2010.
Yes, reflection is good. You have come so far on your journey…
2009 brought very unexpected sadness and turmoil. But I also got to experience so much happiness. There is indeed so much to be thankful for…
I think it’s always good to reflect (not dwell) on the past. This past year has been a doozy for me. I surrendered A LOT. I found a whole new relationship with my husband. I learned a lot about myself, what I want, what I need, etc. Ya, it was a hard year in many ways, but very necessary and good in a way I could not have expected. I’m not big on resolutions because I find them too confining, but I am thinking quite a bit about who I want to be in 2010 (and beyond). I think that’s always a good thing to ponder
Love the new blog site, by the way
In response to your comment on my post, TWSS = That’s what she said. And you, Miss. Sophia, are definitely NOT an idiot. Anything but!
While certain places can bring back painful memories, I think what you said is incredibly wise. How can we label a place or experience as “bad” when its effect is still being played out?
I can’t wait to read your reflections on 2009. I just might have to join you on that endeavor.
Rachael*
Yay! nice to see you have your own domain
Hope you had a wonderful xmas! I unfortunately no longer have a domain due to the neglect and am back to blogspot…haha…I shall be back soon enough!
I can’t wait to see what your banana cream pie will look like! Clara is a very lucky gal
Omg! I won’t show the picture of your mom to mine…she’ll be jealous as hell. Sooooo young! And no wrinckles! My mom always asks me (or more, tells me) that she looks 10 years younger than her real age…I’m obligated to say ‘Yes, mom, it’s common to asians. They always look younger than it seems.’ xD
It sucks that the panini is smaller. >_< But I hope the taste made up for that!
I totally relate to the 2 camps thing…I just realized, reading this post, that the school (not only friends) is separated into 2 camps: ''She's anorexic'' and ''She has heart problems''…
And thank you, Teacher Sophia, to assign me an A+++…Unfortunately, it won't show in my report card xD
xo
Vanilla
Mmmm, Panera always hits the spot! I think food everything is just getting smaller and smaller, but people seem to be getting bigger and bigger. LoL, how ironic!
Glad you are able to focus on these goals. What a great way to begin a new decade.
Take care my darling girl.
I will definitely be joining in with you for some 2009 reflections and realisations. Sometimes it feels like a year has just been full of misery and pain, but thinking about what we have learnt can help put a positive outlook on it.
Its reassuring to hear you speak so positively about revisiting your old surroundings, and the memories it stirs up. This is something that I struggle with, but you’ve given me hope that its something I can overcome!
Enjoy your day
Hannah xo
I love Panera, too. I’m a big fan of the broccoli cheese soup and the Mediterranean veggie sandwich.
I always think looking back on a year is a good thing to do. Seeing the good things and the bad just show me how much I’ve grown and how these experiences have shaped me for the better.
Hey, I like the new look! (Belated me…
)
I’m not one for self-reflection come January 1… I consider my New Year to be in September. All the same, it doesn’t hurt to look back and see what you’ve done / where you’re going!
<3 <3
That panera sandwich looks very yummy – too bad it was smaller than usual!
I always do some reflection, but I like to change things when I start thinking about them, instead of waiting for everything in the new year. It overwhelms me all at once!
Can I just say how gorgeous your mom is?! Also, I’ll bet that sandwich seems smaller because you’re eating more now?
Love the new site! I was forced to be away from all things blog for a bit, but I’m hoping to be back. Merry Christmas! (Belatedly)
Sophia! I see you’ve got a new url
I love the color scheme but more importantly, I love you. I totally know the whole old high school memory and the division of friends. I disappeared for 2 months in 10th grade and when I came back.. I lost all my “friends” and rumors were spread and I don’t think people know how to react to someone who’s gone to treatment. I admit, it hurt, but through that I found my best friend that I know will stick with me forever. Reminds me of that quote: “the people that mind don’t matter, and the people that matter don’t mind.”
I can look back on the year 2009 and say that I am happy where I am and I know I can take myself further. I am enjoying life and that means so much to me. I also realize that life is what you make of it. Sometimes on the blue days I either just accept that it’s a blue day and it won’t last forever, or I do something to change it. Either way, I end up being a happy camper
XOXO
Congrats on the new domain!! I love panera paninis too – I’m kinda happy they made them smaller because I always eat the whole thing anyways! haha.
I love Panera! There aren’t any at my home in Vermont, but at school there are 3 within walking distance. I always get the black bean soup and mediterranean veggie sandwich. It’s completely vegetarian (and vegan if you get the sandwich without cheese) so I’d recommend it to your turkey loving friend.
I try to avoid my old high school. I don’t think of that time as being the best time in my life, so I don’t go back to reminisce and prefer to move forward and think of the person I am now in college. People actually have a hard time recognizing me now, but that means I can walk around with a certain level of anonymity, avoiding awkward situations. I kind of prefer it this way!
I am definitely going to do some self-reflecting…make some goals, etc. Luckily, New Years is also around the anniversary of my blog so many of these will be food-related as well as self-related!
That Panera sandwich DOES look smaller. I was just about to ask you whether or not you ordered one of the half-sandwiches (but I knew that you would never do such a thing haha). Sounds delicious.
Your family is so cute…especially your mom! You’ve got good genes girl!
Hahaha, turkeys are definitely not cute. In fact, they’re so ugly, I almost don’t want to eat them! Almost. Cause that sandwich looks delicious.
I’ve had a really big past year, and I haven’t a clue what this new one holds for me. It will be difficult to reflect on but I’m excited for what the future has to bring!
Great new site!! And I like your categories. It helps to arrange our thoughts in different groups so that we can better understand what we want to achieve.
Congrats on the new domain!
Sophia, I love your new layout! Congratulations!!!
Love your New Year’s resulutions… time for me to put mine to paper, too. This year has been a whirlwind, but an exciting one!
I think when I look back at 2009 I am proud that I stuck with my new years resolution and I am a better person for it. I am hoping 2010 is just as good to me! I am hoping 2010 brings you much joy and success on the road to recovery.
AWWW KOOSH we have the same favorite at Panera lol
Wow..what a post. You have gained alot of peace in the last year. I have hit rock-bottom in the last year…and my journey is not even half over!
I think your new blog is great, your mother very pretty, that panini looks great.
Nice that you can be at peace with the “bad” memories…I sitll can’t get there yet…thanks for that comment on my blog….your words really really clicked with me…made a lot of sense…i have u on my reader…i like your posts.
Omg yes Panera got sooo much smaller- but it is sooo worth every single bite!
I hope I get to meet you this year
I can’t believe it’s almost 2010 either…mostly just because it feels like time is going so fast!
Oooh, Panera! Definitely a fav of mine! And you’re right even though their sammies are easily re-creatable, there’s just something better about eating it there!
Like the new blog/layout!
Hope you had a very happy holiday, and have great things in store for the new year!
Definitely a lot to reflect on from 2009… Interested to hear your thoughts.
Congrats on having your own little space on world wide web
I love panera as well… :
Thank you very much for the sweet invitation to your NEW DOMAIN NAME. That’s so exciting! (I’m considering getting one, but I don’t have enough readers to justify it, I think.)
I love the pictures from your last post. I think 2009 has been significant because you have started to post more pictures of yourself. Is that indicative of some big steps in recovery? I hope so!
This is a great post, Sophia. Congrats with your new domain!
Aha, can’t say I think of turkeys as cute but they’re not my favourite bird to eat, that Pannini certainly looks tempting though.
Glad you’re having a good time catching up with people and enjoying some delicious eats
Hey I don’t have your e-mail address….why can’t I find it anywhere? I’m an idiot!! Anyway, I want to thank you for the card you sent me. It was so sweet. I read it out loud to Nick and it really made me feel super special
Have a wonderful evening Sophia. Thanks again for your kindness and support.
Congrats on the new blog – it looks amazing. I know from making the conversion myself, all the hard work you went through. Congrats!
With regards to 2009 – I feel relief its over – it was an amazingly tough year, but I feel I am stronger for the challenges it presented me, Never the less, I am looking forward to 2010 with much anticipation!
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