There was a battle at my school yesterday—The Battle of the Football: USC vs. UCLA. For those of you who don’t know much about sports and American universities, USC and UCLA are deadly rivals. No question about it— USC is better than UCLA in every aspect, naturally. Of course, I may be a teensy weensy bit biased, but I’m pretty sure that is a well-established fact.
Go Trojans!! FYI: Trojans = USC. Bruins = (f)UCLA. Red = USC. Blue = UCLA(ss).
Anyway, let me just tell you— we USC and UCLA students don’t get along. I mean, we sell shirts that say “My maid went to UCLA” for God’s sake. And we even built a shrine for a dog which apparently chewed the Bruin’s mascot’s head off!
Which was why I was absolutely flabbergasted to see this: 
A family housing both the Trojans and the Bruins? What?! 
Wait, there’s more: 
Trojans and Bruins…tailgating together?!
And this: 
Kids, kids, please! You guys are supposed to fight, not walk in peace together! 
And worse, a Trojan + a Bruin = Romance?!! 
WHAT THE EFFING HELL is going on?!
Okay, okay. I’m overreacting. Seeing “enemies” get along well together does actually make me feel all furry and toasty inside and blah, blah, blah. But I’m exaggerating for a reason. Because in the case of recovery from an eating disorder, this ain’t all lovebirds and cute anymore.
You see, I’ve been chatting with a few people about recovery from eating disorders. And one common obstacle I find is the reluctance to march into a life-or-death battle.
Recovery is a tough, gritty battle. But there is a reason why it’s called a battle. There is a reason why you’re asked to fight in a recovery. Because recovery, ultimately, is the battle between wanting to remain eating disordered and the desire to be free.
Before I even considered recovery, I have to admit that life wasn’t all that complicated. I had a definite goal, and that was to continue on with my eating disordered habits and behaviors, to dwell and thrive in my disordered and self-mutilating thoughts.
But in came Recovery the Bitch. Suddenly, there were two conflicting forces within me. I longed to burst out of my eating disorder, but yet at the same time, I was reluctant to give up a lot of my eating disordered ways. I tried to compromise. I tried to make excuses. I tried to bargain, thinking, “I’ll stop doing this but continue doing that, etc.” But at the same time, deep down I was despairing, because I knew that holding on to these things would never let me truly recover.
Well, it got me nowhere. In fact, there was a time when I actually physically gained the weight. But a few months later, I relapsed and plunged deeper into my ED demise than ever before.
And so I came to this conclusion: There is no 80% recovered, or even 99% recovered. You are either recovered, or you’re not. Otherwise, you’ll be forever caught in that never-ending contradiction between Life and ED.
You have to choose. You can’t face a battle straddling both sides. Make up your mind, and stick to it. Fight for it, tooth and nail, with all your might and soul. Honestly, the biggest turning point in total recovery is the moment you single-mindedly determine that you want to get rid of every trace of ED, once and for all. From then on, things aren’t so complicated, because you have only one goal and purpose in mind, and that is to destroy ED.
And that means, you’ve got to make a complete turnover. No more calorie-counting. No more diet products. No more abusing exercise. No more “fat” thoughts. No obsessive weighing/measuring. No avoidance of any particular foods, no bringing your own food to social events, no repetitive eating of the same things over and over again. I could go on and on, but you yourself know the things you have to change best.
This is a battle. And we cannot ever entertain thoughts of befriending or compromising with the enemy. We need to pulverize him. Or hang him, for this matter. Very much like this: 
Hang the Bruin bear! 
DIE, Bruins!
Here’s a stellar Trojan boo-ing a couple of passing Bruins: 
OMG. Do you see that little kid with the toy sword? Tee hee hee!
Put on your full armor, because we’re gonna win! 
Unfortunately, this is a bad statue. He looks like Bill Clinton.
Anyway. I’m very pleased to tell you that USC totally kicked UCLA’s ass at our football game on Saturday. Sorry, Tra and Sue!
To celebrate, my church friends and I went on a Pho trip. Unfortunately, I have to say that while USC definitely trumps UCLA in many areas, food is just not one of them. There is just a total lack of good restaurants in the USC vicinity!
We went to apparently the best Pho place in the USC area, Pho 36: 
Instantly, I was suspicious to see Korean writings on the menu: 
But the owners looked Vietnamese enough, so my fears were appeased.
The interior design was pretty neat and chic: 
But I do not like this ugly Buddha figure: 
I’m pretty damn sure the real Buddha in history was not a fatso with dangling earlobes.
I ordered the PHO House special: 
Rare steak, brisket, tendon, tripe, and meatballs in rice noodle soup with fresh herbs. 
They also gave me an abundant side of raw onions, basil, bean sprouts, cilantro, jalapeño, and lime slices. 
The “rare” steak became cooked in the hot broth: 
But it was tasty enough.
It was my first time eating Vietnamese meatballs: 
It was meaty. Very meaty. Not bad!
Call me crazy, but my favorite was the tripe: 
Chewy! Yummy!
Unfortunately, the noodles were mushy and overcooked: 
The broth wasn’t bad but it wasn’t as rich and intense as I would have liked. I added tons of sriracha and hoisin sauce: 
One of my friends ordered a dish I’ve never seen before, the Cha Gio: 
Vermicelli rice noodles with egg rolls, vegetables and char-boiled steak. It comes with a sweet and spicy dressing called Nuoc Cham, which you pour over the entire dish. 
Cool. I wish I’d ordered that, but I hate vermicelli noodles. Nasty skinny things.
Well, Thanksgiving weekend is over. Three more weeks of intense stress, and then it’s all over! I might or might not blog during exam week, but we’ll see. 
Have a great week, everybody! Fight your battles!
Question of the day:
For those in ED recovery: What is your thought on the ED battle? Do you think there is something you are unwilling to let go off?
For those not in ED recovery: Skinny noodles (like vermicelli, angel hair). Love or ha
te?
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O.O poor bear!!!
I love the comparison you made! It is so true, and has made me rethink the way I am tackling recovery (pun intended). I need to get into it 100% instead of just eat the amount of calories I am supposed to. Gaining the weight back does not take care of recovery at all.
Thank you, Sophia!
<3Karina
I’m completely a pasta hater. It’s awful that I’m Italian, too.
I clearly need to expand my taste buds because I think I’ve had none of that oriental food before
Great post, Sophia! I love how you always can intertwine your pics, a lesson and your thoughts into a lovely and educational post. I manage to learn something about you in every post. I’m actually not a huge fan of pho. But, I do love vermicelli – can we still be friends? I hope you had an amazing holiday!
I like big, fat chewy noodles. Like fettuccine, korean instant noodles (!) and ramen (even though that’s not on the “fat” side). Skinny noodles- well, it depends…
TROJANS!!!
Anyway, the pho looks deliciousm specially in this cold weather…yummie!
You are Keeling me! I have been craving for Pho since Sunday, now I have to wait till Thursday. I have to have it at least once per week!
Haha this totally reminds me of Duke vs. UNC. I love the analogy to recovery. I agree it’s totally all or nothing. No in between. No 99%.
I think you really hit it right on the head, as they say
I think there really is recovered or not recovered. You gotta FIGHT. Fight for your life!!
Congrats on your win, girl
<3 jess
xoxo
I LOVE vermicelli. If you come to Boston we will go to Myers + Chang and will have the ginger chicken salad which comes with vermicelli dripping in a spicy, gingery sauce. Yummm.
Same here in Maryland!! UMD students don’t get along with the students from VT! two weeks ago we had the football game , I can even smell fire in that tailgate party!!!!!!!!!
Pho noodle is alway my favorite
I tried to make them several times at home, yet the stock is not as good as theirs….so I still have to drop by pho place every now and then !
That food looks absolutely ridiculously good!
Great post, loved the connection. I was just thinking about pho – we’re moving, and there are several pho places in the new neighborhood – so i’ll be getting my fix. I had the rare steak one the last time, must try the tripe. Thanks!
Hot dog 62 comments! Woman you are a bloggie rock star =)
I love this post, not only for the funny pics but for the way you tie everything in together. I love your gift for writing!
I’ll have to try making sweet potato casserole for Christmas then
The women in the photo are my cousin, sister, and aunt–thanks for the compliment! It’s funny because those ladies are very Americanized (my aunt went to middle school here) but they just overdo their expressions, so they look very Korean! They’re just anticipating that Panettone
I definitely have a hard time letting go of certain things because I don’t know the border between ED and a healthy lifestyle. I want to eat healthfully and exercise because it makes me feel good physically. However, I don’t want to overdo it and become obsessive, which I tend to get. I guess I’ll learn with time? Some days are better than others though. Other days, I think that I don’t deserve to eat certain things because it’s my rest day. I will just pray, pray, and pray that I (and the other people with ED) will recover!
Delicious looking food there! I do love the skinny noodles of all kinds, especially angel hair pasta!
this post is hilarious and hideously honest! you are awesome. this is exactly what i needed to read today.
and full out admitting that i am still stuck on so many things ED. im weeding them out one by one, seeking balance.
your analogies are spot on, and dangit if they didnt make me smile and LOL!
capellini!
Great post!
I like noodles of all shapes and sizes
Your questions really made me think. I have been all over the place with my “food relationship” over the years. At times, I definitely held on to different rules/thoughts/behaviors without fully acknowledging them. And I think that’s what it comes down to for me now: being honest with myself and not telling myself “little white lies.”
The pho looks good! Nothing bad that a big bowl of pho on a chilly day!
That should say “nothing better than a big bowl of pho”…
Good food and great weather! I miss warm sunny days!
The last two dishes look especially delicious!
Your football battle analogy is very powerful! I’m awed by your writing, as always… Have you thought of writing a book? You should write one, seriously!
The football game reminded me of my LSU days when we would play Alabama… GO Tigers! Beat Bama!
I’m with you in rooting for USC too, though – USC has a way better team than UCLA! 
I love Fat noodles! The fatter the better eg papardelle
well, you still do drink diet coke, and you’re not even diabetic. Isn’t that still part of ED behavoir?
well written, sophia! as always, you are so wise and eloquent and have a great perspective.
to the commenter above me: a lot of people without diabetes drink diet coke. i don’t think a lot of sugar is good for anyone.
i’m not a huge pasta fan, so i don’t really know that i like skinny noodles. maybe if they were prepared in delish fashion?
Sophia, all your posts never fail to amaze me! You’re so refreshingly honest that I am compelled to look deep within and reflect after I read them. Yes, it’s true. Recovery is an all-or-nothing decision and action. This has revealed to me that I have to be honest with myself and clear about my goals and not give Ed any leeway to wriggle through. After all, if I give him an inch, he becomes my ruler. =P
Very insightful post Sophia!! It’s so true that life is full of battles every which way we turn, and sometimes we can’t pick & choose what ones to fight, we just need to power through what is thrown at us–you did a marvelous job btw!!
Yay for your fball team!!
lovely post!!! such a cool comparison to life!
i love the way your food looks girl- i would never think to order something like that- i go for the same.. rice.. chicken! lol i guess under the asian food facade, im still spanish.. ; )
you are absolutely right lady, you cant pick and choose the patterns you want to keep- its an all or nothing thing. for me? this past weekend i realized that it has been a while since i’ve eaten a full meal, and when my mom was pinning the dress i wore to a wedding because it was too big i realized that i could possibly be sliding back into my old habits… why? not for any real reason besides im too stressed to think straight and the first thing to go is my appetite. i guess i need some hard core stress relief to fix this!!!
Ha, I love all your USC vs UCLA pics, and I think you made a good analogy!
I’m down with skinny noodles. I prefer thicker ones, but they’re all good in my book!
I agree with your all-out war strategy when it comes to EDs. It is highly likely that my food issues would have become quite serious if I hadn’t decided that I was not allowed to diet or focus on weight at all. Sometimes you just have to take it seriously and let yourself balloon all the way up to a healthy weight.
I was all over your Pho dish until I read “tripe.” Sorry, chewy textures and me don’t mix well!
Love skinny noodles. Well, then again, I like just about any kind of noodle.
I missed having my chile paste in my turkey pho yesterday – I may just have to bring a bottle of sriracha to work!
It’s too bad the noodles in your pho were mushy – that’s my favorite part.
I love all noodles, skinny or fat.
Love the rivalry coverage. The dish your friend ordered is easily one of my favorites.
I’m with you all the way. My dad is a huge USC fan. He’d love this post!
As for skinny noodles….totally prefer them to thicker noodles. They are the best!
the rivalry in college is so fun! I didn’t go to a big school but always wish i did just for the fun football games and intense rivalry, great pics
when it coems to noodles I don’t discriminate, fat, skinny, curly, round..i’ll eat it!
Looks like you like sriracha about as much as me! You go girl!
That “house divided” reminds me of my neighbors in 2004 who had a Kerry AND Bush sign in their yard. I don’t know how they did it!
Go you trying the tripe in pho. I love love love pho and have gradually gotten brave enough to work my way up to tendon, but I can’t handle eating… well, you know.
Oh fa sho! I am still clinging to ed like a drunk on a street pole. But it’s the fact that I can see myslef doing it that’s changed. I can see the path, but my reluctance to trudge down it makes me slower than I would like. However, I’ve got to say that it just reminds me of the old fable of the tortoise and the hare. SLow and steady wins the race. I am doing it right this time no matter how long it takes me because I don’t EVER want to do it again.
My friends are mad for pho and we keep making/breaking a date to go get some. I need to try it!! xoxo
I love Pho, however, I too do not like overcooked and mushy noodled…
how funny about the your tailgating experience! i was at the michigan v. ohio state game a couple weeks ago for my birthday, and we saw the EXACT SAME THING. i couldn’t believe it. especially the couple thing, that would be a definite deal breaker for me
i’m also where you are at in your ED recovery…at least it sounds like it. i am RECOVERED but there are still things that i could brush up on. the most important thing is that you are strong enough now to resist those thoughts and kick them to the curb! in time, they will eventually get tired of popping up and just go away
stupid diet coke though…its a must in my household! i really shouldn’t drink as much as i do, but i eat pretty healthy now anyways, so i guess everyone has their vice!
♥ lindsey
OMG I love Pho. When I was in Oregon for a year I missed pho alot especially during winter! Ha now that I am back in Hawaii everywhere! Its one of the first things I ate when I got back!
FYI don’t see what is wrong with drinking sodas I drink Coke Zero just becuase I like it alot, I also drink Kombucha, tea and whatnot.
Ugh! I’ve been busy and am only now catching up on my blogs…
I found this post to be very inspirational. I would say the area were I am still struggling is with my thoughts, like when my nutritionist said I should probably “move more” my first thought was, “oh goody, I can overexercise!” which is not what she meant at all. Fortunately, I also think of the fight as an all out war and when these thoughts come up, I do everything I can to stay healthy.
Wow, what a great post. You are a natural storyteller.
Trust is a hard thing to do when you have complex post traumatic stress disorder. I have it to. What I do is I just tell the person I’m trying to build trust with that I have PTSD and I don’t trust very well. They should respect your wish and help you to start trusting them. I had one person say that to me and I said ask me any question you want and I will answer honestly. I don’t think books do alot for you. I think if you get out there and face your fears it will become easier and easier.
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