I really don’t know what I was expecting. Did I seriously expect to maintain my straight-A status here in USC? After three to four years of academic break? After years of thinking and doing nothing but being obsessed with food and disordered thoughts? Did I really think I would just gracefully leap right onto the academic wagon and have a smooth ride?
My writing professor once asked us to write down what grade we expected from his class. I half-jokingly, half-seriously wrote: “Nothing short of an A. I’m greedy!”
A week later, I got my first C+ from that class. I’ll bet my professor was laughing behind my back. Actually, I’m pretty sure he had a smirk on his face when he handed me the paper.
I warned my parents about expecting a low grade from me this semester. They replied, “It’s okay, Sophia! A 3.5 GPA isn’t that bad.”
Um. More like, 2.5?!
Not that they’ll still care. My parents don’t give a hoot about my grades, as long as I’m happy and healthy. Well, they might not, but I do. I really, really do care about my grades.
Which leads me to ask myself—Why? Why do I care so much about a stupid number? Perhaps that is just a similar question to the one I asked when I was trying to recover from my eating disorder but couldn’t. Why? Why did I care so much about numbers— calories, weight, etc?
And I have concluded that the answer to both those questions is the same: Because that’s the way I define myself. Because that’s the way I define the quality of my life. I want something concrete, and numbers are reliable and literal. They’re not abstract forms, but rigid figures, which gives me assurance and proof that “I am doing well” or even the deluded sense that “I am happy.”
To hell with that! I’m more than a stupid number. I’m a living, breathing life with real, unique background, personal story, circumstances, and experiences. I am a special creation of God, and I’m surrounded and connected with other beautiful creations of God.
I won’t be able to bring my bodily flesh, or my GPA, or my money with me when I die. What the heck—beauty and grades are going to be last thing on my mind when I’m on my deathbed!
I want to live a quality life, and not stress myself out in order to create one. I want to enjoy my life, not spending the majority of my life dreaming of enjoying one. I’m so caught up with physical satisfaction that I forget what is truly real and what is truly mine: my soul, my being.
Life…is like a grilled cheese sandwich. It may be simple, it may be plain, it may be modest. But made with good quality ingredients, it sure ain’t cheap crap— instead, it’s just wholesome, genuine, sincere comfort food. And you know what? None of us is made with inferior quality. Hello? We’re creations of the Almighty God! 
Haha, you know where I’m going with this, right? Yup, I’ve been having a lot of grilled cheese sandwiches lately. But why not? They taste awesome, you can have fun making different variations of them, and they are fast and easy to make!
Here’s one: 
Parmesan, cheddar, and herbed feta cheese with pastrami, tomatoes, pickles, dijon mustard and honey on Nature’s Pride 12-Grain bread. 
I made this 4 times, one with apples instead of tomato. It is that good. 
Another one: 
Parmesan, cheddar, and herbed feta cheese with pastrami and fried egg on Dave’s Killer PowerSeed bread. 
My GF “bled” some yolk while grilling this up, but you can be sure I caught every drop with a plate and mopped it up with the bread! 
Yet another one: 
Parmesan, cheddar, and herbed feta cheese with kabocha, tomatoes, balsamic vinegar, and dijon mustard on Dave’s Killer PowerSeed bread. 
Super yum!
By the way, I’m convinced Dave’s Killer bread is the best thing since sliced bread. I’ve had them for awhile, but didn’t get the chance to feature them on my blog because I’ve just been nibbling on them plain, or with nothing but avocadoes, cream cheese, and a sprinkle of salt. It’s so good that I didn’t want to mask it with any other dominating ingredients!
Dave was kind enough to send me some samples: 
Again, note: this was a long time ago. I only have a couple slices left, and I am so, so, so deva
stated.
This was the bread I used for my grilled sandwich: 
It’s dense, and chock full of protein-rich seeds! 
The Good Seed is already gone in my tummy: 
So is the Cracked Wheat: 
But the Sin Dawg made the fastest disappearing act: 
Ingredients: Organic Whole Wheat Flour, Organic Raisins, Water, Organic Evaporated Cane Juice, Organic Canola Oil, Organic Sunflower Seeds, Organic Rolled Oats, Organic Molasses, Organic Vital Wheat Gluten, Organic Ground Flax Seeds, Organic Cinnamon, Organic Whole Sesame Seeds, Yeast, Salt, Organic Pumpkin Seeds, Organic Cashews, Vanilla, Organic Brown Rice Extract. 
Seriously. The best freaking thing on earth. I finished it within the day. It is so chewy, and sticky, almost like a cinnamon roll but without the cloying sweetness, and with a whole lot more substance and chew from the plentiful raisins, nuts, and seeds.
I totally love Dave’s motto: “Say no to bread on drugs!” LOL!! I’ve never met this guy, but I love him already. In my opinion, if you bake good bread, there is no way you can’t be cool! 
Dave, you’re my man!
Okey dokey. Time to check my email. My study partners were supposed to send me their part of the work, but guess who slacked off and the exam is tomorrow? I think I’m just gonna study solo next time. >:-(
Question of the day: Life is like a… Fill in the blank please? “Box of Chocolates” and “grilled cheese sandwich” are taken! 
P.S. Notice my repeated use of those three cheeses? My only cheese left! Can’t wait for Biz’s giveaway to arrive soon!
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again, another fantastic post that has really spoke to me.. I do NOT want to be defined as numbers…sizes.. etc.
I am not cheap quality either!
Life is like a box of chocolates! variety, flavor, indulgence, sweet, salty, delicious..
x
this was such a great post sophia. sometimes we have to stop and put things into perspective – what does one lower than average grade matter in the grand scheme of things? its just a number, the same as weight and size are just numbers. they are meaningless to who we are as people.
xo hannah
You are now officially queen of grilled cheese sandwiches. They all look amazing but the dripping yolk is calling my name. Nicely done Sophia.
In regards to grades – I am with your parents. You being healthy and happy is WAY more important than an A.
I agree with Pam… you are officially the Queen of Grilled Cheese Sandwiches.
Sophia, this post spoke to me so much.
Sometimes, I feel like numbers are the only thing that define me as a person.
I get an A? I’m a good person. I have a certain dress size, I’m a fantastic person.
But who ever says: Oh she gets good grades and wears a size X, I must get to know her…?
No, it is who we are as people that make us special.
“I’m a living, breathing life with real, unique background, personal story, circumstances, and experiences. I am a special creation of God, and I’m surrounded and connected with other beautiful creations of God. ”
Thank you.
That quote changed everything.
Have a wonderful day!
I agree with Pam… you are officially the Queen of Grilled Cheese Sandwiches.
Sophia, this post spoke to me so much.
Sometimes, I feel like numbers are the only thing that define me as a person.
I get an A? I’m a good person. I have a certain dress size, I’m a fantastic person.
But who ever says: Oh she gets good grades and wears a size X, I must get to know her…?
No, it is who we are as people that make us special.
“I’m a living, breathing life with real, unique background, personal story, circumstances, and experiences. I am a special creation of God, and I’m surrounded and connected with other beautiful creations of God. ”
Thank you.
That quote changed everything.
Have a wonderful day!
I agree with Pam… you are officially the Queen of Grilled Cheese Sandwiches.
Sophia, this post spoke to me so much.
Sometimes, I feel like numbers are the only thing that define me as a person.
I get an A? I’m a good person. I have a certain dress size, I’m a fantastic person.
But who ever says: Oh she gets good grades and wears a size X, I must get to know her…?
No, it is who we are as people that make us special.
“I’m a living, breathing life with real, unique background, personal story, circumstances, and experiences. I am a special creation of God, and I’m surrounded and connected with other beautiful creations of God. ”
Thank you.
That quote changed everything.
Have a wonderful day!
I agree with Pam… you are officially the Queen of Grilled Cheese Sandwiches.
Sophia, this post spoke to me so much.
Sometimes, I feel like numbers are the only thing that define me as a person.
I get an A? I’m a good person. I have a certain dress size, I’m a fantastic person.
But who ever says: Oh she gets good grades and wears a size X, I must get to know her…?
No, it is who we are as people that make us special.
“I’m a living, breathing life with real, unique background, personal story, circumstances, and experiences. I am a special creation of God, and I’m surrounded and connected with other beautiful creations of God. ”
Thank you.
That quote changed everything.
Have a wonderful day!
If I thought grilled cheese was a tasty sandwich before, you’ve just transformed it into the greatest mouthwatering delicacy of a sandwich I’ve ever seen. I’ve never seen a grilled cheese look so good. Fried egg MUST go into the next one I make.
And MUCHO thanks for the heartfelt thoughts about grades and QUALITY OF LIFE. I need to remember that right now. Is one silly letter worth the stress, the upset, the self frustration? Is it worth putting all of the good things in life on hold just to get that letter that will be forgotten not longer after? Definitely not. There’s SO much more out there. Good grades are nice but living life and ENJOYING it is much nicer.
I had already planned what I wanted to make for dinner….but I might just make grilled cheese instead. Such tasty sounding combos!
you write very well…
We both differ as I was never worried about my grades… never but my mother was always worried about them
Oh Sophia! Please don’t worry about your grades! I used to be so grade obsessed and then something happened to me in college where all of the sudden something threw me off course (my BF of 4.5 years broke up with me and my parents divorced). It was a lot to deal with and my grades suffered. But, I then started making more friends and caring less about my grades and more about my life and the time I was having in college. I think it was the best decision I ever made and it was one of the best times of my life.
I read a quote recently, “Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.” I think that sums everything up perfectly.
And to answer your question, “life is like a bowl of oatmeal – plain and simple and good for you. But if you want to spice it up, add what you’d like – so long as you have a good solid base, everything will be groovy!”
I’m loving all of your grilled cheese sandwich creations! Cheese seems to taste good with just about everything!
Hi Sophia, take it easy on the grades, the most important thing is to enjoy the process and to have a happy college life. ^^
I used to really stress out about grades. A B+ was failing to me. I spent the first half of grad school working 35 hours a week on top of school though, and that really forced me to relax about my grades!
holy moly! look how many comments there are. i feel like i missed the boat or something. okay first things first: you’ve changed my opinion on grilled cheese…those look so scrumptious. secondly, yes, grades ultimately don’t matter but i’m sure that once you get back in the swing of things you’ll do just fine. all the best!
grilled cheese is just glorious in all its many forms
all those breads look wonderful. I’m the same way about grades, but it’s really about learning not a number on a transcript. Many classes I got an A, but wondered what the heck I even learned?
I’m looking for your refried beans and runny egg lol
AGH! it’s been so long since i’ve been able to catch up on blogs!! that egg sammich just made me drool and i’m SOOOO full today! i love that you’re keeping up with the fun food creations
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