I really don’t know what I was expecting. Did I seriously expect to maintain my straight-A status here in USC? After three to four years of academic break? After years of thinking and doing nothing but being obsessed with food and disordered thoughts? Did I really think I would just gracefully leap right onto the academic wagon and have a smooth ride?
My writing professor once asked us to write down what grade we expected from his class. I half-jokingly, half-seriously wrote: “Nothing short of an A. I’m greedy!”
A week later, I got my first C+ from that class. I’ll bet my professor was laughing behind my back. Actually, I’m pretty sure he had a smirk on his face when he handed me the paper.
I warned my parents about expecting a low grade from me this semester. They replied, “It’s okay, Sophia! A 3.5 GPA isn’t that bad.”
Um. More like, 2.5?!
Not that they’ll still care. My parents don’t give a hoot about my grades, as long as I’m happy and healthy. Well, they might not, but I do. I really, really do care about my grades.
Which leads me to ask myself—Why? Why do I care so much about a stupid number? Perhaps that is just a similar question to the one I asked when I was trying to recover from my eating disorder but couldn’t. Why? Why did I care so much about numbers— calories, weight, etc?
And I have concluded that the answer to both those questions is the same: Because that’s the way I define myself. Because that’s the way I define the quality of my life. I want something concrete, and numbers are reliable and literal. They’re not abstract forms, but rigid figures, which gives me assurance and proof that “I am doing well” or even the deluded sense that “I am happy.”
To hell with that! I’m more than a stupid number. I’m a living, breathing life with real, unique background, personal story, circumstances, and experiences. I am a special creation of God, and I’m surrounded and connected with other beautiful creations of God.
I won’t be able to bring my bodily flesh, or my GPA, or my money with me when I die. What the heck—beauty and grades are going to be last thing on my mind when I’m on my deathbed!
I want to live a quality life, and not stress myself out in order to create one. I want to enjoy my life, not spending the majority of my life dreaming of enjoying one. I’m so caught up with physical satisfaction that I forget what is truly real and what is truly mine: my soul, my being.
Life…is like a grilled cheese sandwich. It may be simple, it may be plain, it may be modest. But made with good quality ingredients, it sure ain’t cheap crap— instead, it’s just wholesome, genuine, sincere comfort food. And you know what? None of us is made with inferior quality. Hello? We’re creations of the Almighty God!
Haha, you know where I’m going with this, right? Yup, I’ve been having a lot of grilled cheese sandwiches lately. But why not? They taste awesome, you can have fun making different variations of them, and they are fast and easy to make!
Parmesan, cheddar, and herbed feta cheese with pastrami, tomatoes, pickles, dijon mustard and honey on Nature’s Pride 12-Grain bread.
I made this 4 times, one with apples instead of tomato. It is that good.
Parmesan, cheddar, and herbed feta cheese with pastrami and fried egg on Dave’s Killer PowerSeed bread.
My GF “bled” some yolk while grilling this up, but you can be sure I caught every drop with a plate and mopped it up with the bread!
Yet another one:
Parmesan, cheddar, and herbed feta cheese with kabocha, tomatoes, balsamic vinegar, and dijon mustard on Dave’s Killer PowerSeed bread.
By the way, I’m convinced Dave’s Killer bread is the best thing since sliced bread. I’ve had them for awhile, but didn’t get the chance to feature them on my blog because I’ve just been nibbling on them plain, or with nothing but avocadoes, cream cheese, and a sprinkle of salt. It’s so good that I didn’t want to mask it with any other dominating ingredients!
This was the bread I used for my grilled sandwich:
It’s dense, and chock full of protein-rich seeds!
The Good Seed is already gone in my tummy:
So is the Cracked Wheat:
But the Sin Dawg made the fastest disappearing act:
Ingredients: Organic Whole Wheat Flour, Organic Raisins, Water, Organic Evaporated Cane Juice, Organic Canola Oil, Organic Sunflower Seeds, Organic Rolled Oats, Organic Molasses, Organic Vital Wheat Gluten, Organic Ground Flax Seeds, Organic Cinnamon, Organic Whole Sesame Seeds, Yeast, Salt, Organic Pumpkin Seeds, Organic Cashews, Vanilla, Organic Brown Rice Extract.
Seriously. The best freaking thing on earth. I finished it within the day. It is so chewy, and sticky, almost like a cinnamon roll but without the cloying sweetness, and with a whole lot more substance and chew from the plentiful raisins, nuts, and seeds.
I totally love Dave’s motto: “Say no to bread on drugs!” LOL!! I’ve never met this guy, but I love him already. In my opinion, if you bake good bread, there is no way you can’t be cool!
Dave, you’re my man!
Okey dokey. Time to check my email. My study partners were supposed to send me their part of the work, but guess who slacked off and the exam is tomorrow? I think I’m just gonna study solo next time. >:-(
Question of the day: Life is like a… Fill in the blank please? “Box of Chocolates” and “grilled cheese sandwich” are taken!