For those of you who have been reading since the start of this blog, or if you look at my About Me page, you’ll know that I started this blog as a sort of “treatment center” for me to fight my eating disorder…And for the past month or so, you might have noticed that I don’t really talk much about my eating disorder anymore.
Well, the simple truth is, I just don’t have much to say about it anymore. Why? Because it isn’t part of my life now. Take note that I am not saying I am completely healed. But it’s no longer dominant. There used to be a time when I would wake up feeling eating disordered, and go to sleep feeling eating disordered. The two letters ‘ED’ rang in my mind, poking me and taunting me in every single action and speech I made.
But now, I no longer care for it. Quite simply, I have many other things to think about that is much more significant and meaningful to me than my eating disorder.
Again, I am not saying that I am quitting, or that I am no longer fighting. The thing is, I don’t even have to fight or struggle that hard anymore. I just…simply don’t get all those irrational fears and anxieties anymore, and if they do come occasionally, it takes just a few shrugs to brush it off.
My dad once told me that one day, ED will be like a distant dream to me. At that moment, I felt my heart clench with longing and desire— I wanted that day to come so desperately, but I did not have any spark of hope that it will. And now…I believe I am very close. ED is but a shadow in my life. There are still remnants of it lingering from time to time, but the light inside of me is getting brighter and brighter, chasing the darkness away.
One key evidence is the ease with which I dine with others. Gone are the days when I would freak out over a social eating days in advance. Even if a social event is sprung upon me by surprise, I can comfortably abandon my plans and follow along.
Sunday was one example of that. After church service, a bunch of girls asked me out for lunch. I actually had something else in mind that day, but I said “yes” immediately, simply for the reason to socialize…like any normal person would!
And guess where we went? 
CURRY HOUSE in Little Tokyo! Remember that time I went there and had a divine lunch with my parents? I was so thrilled to be able to visit it again!
This time, I ordered the Chili Shrimp and Spinach Pasta: 
Shrimp, spinach and onion in spicy chili flavor with Spaghetti 
Eee! Divine! I forgot to ask them to make it as spicy as possible though, so it certainly wasn’t hot enough for me. Thus I dunked tons of Tabasco sauce on top, shocking the hell out of my new church friends. Don’t mind me, just being Korean… 
By the way, I think I found my church. I really enjoyed the Sunday’s message. I had goosebumps all over; the message was so powerful! Also, my new friends are pretty awesome! One of them also grew up in Singapore, and guess what? She whipped out her camera with me, too! How cool is that? A potential food-blogger, perhaps? 
Anyway. There is another reason why I should hang out with them more. They have cars. Haha! We might be making a Trader Joe trip sometime, and of course downtown for more good eats!
Sadly, the food options in my own school’s campus seems to be limited without a car.
See, I’ve also been exploring other dining options in my campus with my friends. On Wednesday, my friend Yoomi called me out for lunch out of the blue, and we went to this on-campus cafe called Popovich.
Obviously, the Smoked Turkey Wrap caught my eye: 
Smoked turkey, orange-infused cream cheese, cranberry chutney, and spinach in a spinach wrap, done Panini-style. Side of pasta salad and pickle. 
Orange-infused cream cheese? Cranberry chutney? How could I refuse? 
Unfortunately, there was too much spinach and too little cheese and chutney. They were skimpy on the two most interesting ingredients, so this wrap turned out…quite unremarkable. Sad. 
The pasta salad weren’t that great, either. Not a fan of cold pasta or dressing…
And all those people who have been telling me Parkside Dining hall is better than EVK? They were WRONG! 
Mimi and I met up yesterday afternoon for lunch at the dining hall next to my apartment. 
It was the first time I was dining here, and I see I haven’t been missing much. 
Parkside looks nice and polished, but I can’t say the same for their food: 
Turkey burger, Mango chicken, Indian-stewed vegetables, salad, fruit. 
Blegh. The mango chicken had a great sauce, but the chicken was overcooked and tough. 
The turkey burger was completely inedible. I had to get another cheeseburger: 
And this was almost as horrible. Dry, tasteless, bland. Even the cheese. I thought processed cheese was supposed to at least have some kind of taste with all the crap they put in there. 
The stewed vegetables were all right, but too greasy and heavy.
To “get my money’s worth” from this completely unsatisfactory (and expensive for $10.25) lunch, I loaded up on two of these ice-cream cones: 
Even the cones were tiny! Rip-offs! >:-(
I might have also snuck out with some fruits. ;-p
Ah, well. You can’t always have fabulous meals all the time. Too bad I have 49 more meals I’m forced to eat in Parkside. Boo.
Anyway, I’m glad it’s a weekend! Weekends didn’t mean anything to me before, but now it’s such a pleasure to have a couple of days off! I guess this goes to prove that we need a little tough moments (or bad food) in our life to make us appreciate the good moments (or yummy food)!
Question of the day: Why did you start your blog? Has the purpose/motivation for your blog changed over time?
P.S. Check out Mimi’s post on her revelation on calorie-counting and her recipe for her Hotshot Creamy Cuke Sammie!
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I started this blog so I wouldn’t be able to hide my thoughts from myself. It’s working, and also helping me discover new problems I didn’t know existed.
I’m so glad you see ED as a shadow. An eating disorder is a scary thing to be stuck in, and to view it as a shadow is an incredible accomplishment!
yay for getting better!
i started my blog because i’m bored and like to cook? who knows what it will do as time goes on… i’ve got a feeling in a few months it’ll start getting wedding heavy…
I’m glad to hear you’re doing so well. It’ll be a thing of the past real soon.
Um USC’s dining halls look so much neater/nicer than ours. Food is terrible here too so don’t worry.
I started my blog I think out of boredom but because I like food also. The passion’s still there but I think the goals of my blog have changed somewhat from last year.
And yes, I started following Pete Carroll. I love that man.
Kudos Kudos to see that the ED isn’t anymore!!! So happy to read it
))
The Panini-style with smoked turkey and the other pics looks totally fascinating!
All the best!
Gera
I love your attitude! You have so much to be focused on in the now! Allow the ED to be your past!
Sorry about the less than stellar eats! Ahh but the chili shrimp and spinach pasta looks absolutely divine!! And I’m SO happy that ED is behind you… now all you have to look forward to are millions of good times
The reason I started my blog was to make someone aware of the eatings problems I’ve had.. I didn’t suffer from an ED per se, but I had problems with binge eating and I thought a blog would make myself accountable for the food I ate. It has definitely helped a lot, but I think the people I’ve met through blogging has been the most amazing part!! <3
I’m so happy for you! You are such a strong woman to have made such huge steps away from your ED!
I started my blog to help keep me accountable for what and how much I was eating. But it has turned into waaaaay more than that now! Now I enjoy it way more because of the amazing women I have met. The support is out of this world. I have found countless ideas and recipes. I hope that I have inspired or had some kind of positive influence on even at least one person.
I started my blog to post most of my eats and my observations of Belgium. It was also about how to maintain a healthy balanced lifestyle in a country where soy milk and tofu are still novelties. Forget about almond milk or tempeh. I still post my observations, only now in Hawaii! I don’t post my daily eats, but anything I find particularly interesting or any point I want to raise.
Glad to hear that you’re making such strides!
It’s great to hear that you’re doing so well!
I have to say, I miss college sometimes, but the dining halls are one thing I don’t miss (with the exception of a few specific foods of course!). Our main cafeteria served such unappealing options. You’re lucky you at least seem to have several options on campus, we only had. 2
I’d steal that pickle from you!!!
The purpose of my blog was b/c food has always been a prominent part of my life growing up in an Italian family. My mom and dad made every single meal home made growing up, from scratch, and we ate around the dinner table together.
When I moved in with Johnny that all changed b/c of his food allergy and for a long time I was lost. I relied on frozen meals, we’d get take-out, or I cooked a few bland things I knew were safe. I realized it was depressing me so I pushed through it, googled, educated myself and learned to cook allergy safe like 2nd nature. Through that googling process I found many food blogs and thought “I can do that!!!” and somebody would benefit from allergy safe foods if they googled for it!
It’s been wonderful b/c I have gotten to meet so many wonderful people (including you!!) and my long-distance family and friends read and stay in touch. It’s brought us closer together and helps them see into my life each night through what I’ve been cooking and eating!
Sorry about the crappy food! I had to deal with it freshman year and it was horrible. I love having my own apartment
I started my blog to share my interests in running and cooking. It has been a blast so far!
Looks awesome!!
yay! i love that you have come so far and that you are in such a fab spot now. you are DEFINITELY a girl who enjoys and appreciates good food, so it would be a shame to decline such invitations to yummy places like that curry house. yum yum yum. sorry about the bummer dining hall experience, at least the ice cream made up for it! my favorite! have a great weekend, and hey any chance we will ever get to read any articles you write?
xoxo
dohh forgot the Q. i started my blog to stay accountable for my food and keep track of my workouts. still use it for that but sure have made a lot of friends i didn’t expect to! love you!
Hooray for you! You are doing fabulous…and exploring new food-stuffs on campus…the perpetual food blogger, LOL!! That question has WAY too long of an answer for me to write it out on here
That’s amazing Sophia! I’m so happy for you
I think because you constantly challenged yourself (and because you’re a freaking awesome chef), you were able to do it. So proud of you, and you should be proud of yourself too – just look back at how far you’ve come!
let’s see.. I started my blog because I thought it would be an interesting idea. I remember being little and eating everything, then I moved to the states and become super picky. But now I’ve discovered that I do enjoy trying new things although I’m a bit of a food snob when it comes to ingredients. I just thought it’d be neat to share the combinations of flavors with others
http://www.ohonemorething.wordpress.com
very awesome that it’s no longer such a big part of your life. growing every day, the learning will never stop!
i started my blog after searching and cooking for healthy recipes, i thought i’d share my experiences!
i started my blog as a way to express myself .. to get my mind off ED too. Your first few paragraphs actually made me get goosbumps.
..how ED. those two letters are always in my mind.. and take up each moment of my day..
I have days or moments where those screaming ED thoughts are silenced.. and I am just living in the moment with my good freinds. But most days my fears are still very present.. and I more so try to ‘force those thoughts out of my head.
its hard.
and i love your story!!! thank you SO much for sharing that.. this post was really beautiful, and inspriational to me.
I’m really, really happy for you! I hope I can be like you one day, able to look back and feel that ED is no longer part of my life.
Ahhh, all your food pictures are making my tummy rumble. Not only is your taste good, your photography is great XD
I first started my blog in an attempt to keep up with this community, after discovering it through Natalie’s blog:)
Good for you on getting over your Disorder!!! I’m sure you’re enjoying life SO much more now, which is what you really deserve.
It’s so great to hear such honesty! I’m glad you feel your ED is not a major part of your daily existence anymore. Congratulations.
That smoked turkey wrap…divine btw.
Go Sophia! I think your love of food greatly helped in your road to recovery. So glad that you’re doing so much better.
Hmmm, I started my blog to meet people in the running and eating community.
Yay Sophia – glad your ED is just a shadow these days. I can remember when I was in the height of my “dieting” and didn’t even want to go to events where I couldn’t control my food. Now I look back and think about all I missed out on and vow never to do that again …
That Curry and Spaghetti place looks so good. I LOVE prawns AND spicy! (Frank’s Red Hot for me please)
I started blogging as a way to share my journey and connect with others. As a SAHM, I don’t get out much (really.) so blogging/blogs has kept me sane during the day (and some evenings like now) when most are filled with kiddie stuff. There is only so much of the Wiggles and so many sippy cups one can take! LOL
Wonderful that ED is taking its proper place in, um, nonexistence
congrats! i agree – my ED is like a distant dream, but it’s always there, lurking…
i might be coming to the USC campus on tuesday to be interviewed for some student show!
I started my blog because I wanted to really focus on appreciating life and making the best choices I could. The purpose of my blog hasn’t really changed, but life has surly thrown me a few curve balls in the last few months that I I never saw coming… My blog (and the blogging world) has allowed me to focus on the simple pleasures in life… I love that!
I’m glad that you are doing so well!
Happy weekend!
So glad to hear that the ED is becoming a smaller and smaller part of your life, you definitely have a ton to be proud of. I think that school can be a big help with that. Taking classes and being a student is no doubt stressful, but it exposes you to so many new people, new ideas, fresh things to be passionate about, that it leaves less and less room for the ED.
Great job, you’re definitely an inspiration!
this post made me SO happy
i staretd blogging because i was reading but never had the courage to start. i was sick. very sick. and it helps to have those “sick months” for me to look back and see now to further help me and scare the crap out of me so i NEVER go back to who i was.
my blog is more of a journal as opposed to food blog, and i am A-OK with that
Sophia, you have NO idea how much your post touched me. It absolutely made my eyes sparkle with delight! Though I haven’t known you for long, and through your experiences with ED, I can see that you have come such a long way, you have REALLY made amazing strides – you should seriously reward yourself with a massive shopping spree at the mall based on your fabulous progress! and i bet you’re surrounded by TONS of amazing shops and boutiques. but probably super expensive, not the best for us poor college students!
I’m determined to fight harder than EVER now, just so I can get to where you are! I’m not there yet but I know I can do it – and YOU are majestically the proof that it CAN be done.
I want to start a blog but I’m not very good at these things – any advice on how to put one together? do you recommend a particular website? I want to start a blog so I can have something a bit more..tangible, to remind myself every day of my recovery and that yea i can BEAT this thing for sure!
You are so awesome for kicking your eating struggles to the curb. You must feel so proud:)
That turkey wrap looks amazing!
I started my blog to highlight some of my dorm-room eats every now and then…little did I know that I would soon be sharing so much more–meals, emotions, and ramblings.
I haven’t been reading from the beginning but in the past few months I have seen such growth and I am so amazed by how far you’ve come. I’m so proud of you.
God is so good, no?
Now… this dining hall thing is troubling me- how can you mess up a burger? Eek. Hope the next time it’s better
You are just so amazing girl! that’s just so wonderful to hear
so sorry the food sucks. Our dining commons were terrible and I had to down grade my meal plan because I just couldn’t eat there. I even had to sell of my wolf bucks to a friend. Funny, I had to eat a lot from the frozen yogurt machine too! that and the salad bar because I knew it would be reliable. Well, at least you had a good sunday with friends 
Hope you make a good POM creation!
I think it’s awesome that the ed is no longer the main part of your life. I’ve had days of contemplating quitting blogging because I’m sort of tired of all the ed thoughts myself. I’ve come a long way. I started my blog as a way to keep food logs! If you see my early posts, it’s basically a list of what I ate during the day, along with some thoughts. I got so tired of the food stuff and started talking about the other stuff… Now even that bores me! I know anorexia is part of who I am (in that I’ve spent many years “in” it), but I’ve come very far. You’re an inspiration
I’m really amazed at the remarkable progress you’ve made with Mr. ED. I’m proud of you for that.
I’m craving curry house all of the sudden. It’s been forever since I’ve been there.
As for why I started the blog, I wanted to do it as a hobby to sort of share stuff with people. I think I’ve fulfilled that in various levels. I love doing it. and “met” so many different people in the process. That one of the things I love about it.
I am so happy for you, Sophia… It’s so weird how things change and ED just kind of…fades? I don’t think everyone believes this, but I personally think it fades 100% over time. I love hearing how far you have come and how things have transformed for you. Inspiration at it’s finest!
My blog was originally just a place for me to write/talk. My older entries are very…heh, depressing. I had no readers and no comments for a really long time, and it didn’t bother me because to me, it was just a diary, you know? It has changed a LOT. I can’t read my old posts- currently debating whether or not to delete them. It’s who I was and what I was dealing with though so maybe I would regret it…
Wrap sounds delicious
I’m soooo happy your light is growing and your ED is becoming but a shadow!
I started my blog because 1) I like to talk a lot and 2) I had a lot on my mind (mostly about eating disorders). Sometimes I talk too much that I didn’t want to bother the people around me – so I thought I’d write. And there were limited people that I could talk to about my e.d., so I decided to talk to blogger people about it. Also, I missed blogging. I had blogged a couple of years ago on a weight loss site. LOVED the blogging but the weight loss nature of the site was just bad for me so I had to leave. I made a final post saying I’m leaving b/c I can’t be healthy and be on this site and my readers strongly agreed with me. Anyway, I missed blogging – and needed a space to talk about eating issues.
Congratulations on how far you’ve come. You really have something to celebrate. And how terrific, that you’ve found a church you like
All good. I thought that starting a blog about recipes would help me get my recipes organized, but it turns out I just keep finding great new recipes to try so I have even more to organize now! But it is so much fun, I had no idea how much I’d enjoy connecting with other bloggers.
Its so nice to hear that your ed is fading into the background more now, Im really pleased for you that your having the chance to live your life properly instead of wasting it worrying about food all the time. I hope I can make it there to! You definately are an inspiration, the way you constantly challenge yourself eating out and things is great
I started my blog as a diaryreally, just somewhere I could go and let out all thats bothering me and sometimes it helps to motivate me further as well. I really do find reading others blogs ( such as yours) the biggest thing in helping me with my recovery.
xoxo
I started this blog for the same reason as you
and also because I wanted to meet people who knew what I was going through, and because I desesperately needed someone to talk to.
Sorry for your tucky meals (the shrimp pasta looks tummy though!), I know it must be very annoying to eat something we don’t like…:(
especcially if you have 49 days to go *gasp*
Be strong, hope your tummy can cope with it, lol.
xxx
Vanilla
I love this post and you know what? I’m so PROUD of you! Really!!!
I started my blog not too long ago, mostly for the same reason you started yours. I’m recovering and doing really, really well. There are so many days now when the ED doesn’t really excist. But until I reach my goal weight and stabilize for a while, I want to keep myself reminded about the importance of recovery. And that’s working:)
And posts like this one really help!!!
xxx Julia (Taste of Living)
thats so wonderful! i am hoping, with the grace of God, that I too can reach the same position that you are in. it takes such work and determination but you are proof to me that it is possible. <3 what an inspiration you are, girly!
true true, otherwise if we had good meals all the time, we would not truly grasp just how good they are. pity about the 49 meals left though. bahhhh.
i started wwld because i had been reading blogs for so long, mainly starting with yours, Jenny @ PB&J and a few others and loved the support and positivity and the belief that recovery is possible – just suck it up and DO IT! heehee.
L. x
I started my blog to talk about parenting a food allergic child. It has expanded to include our whole family, recipes, and life in general.
Sophia, When I first found your blog it was all about what you were eating and the yummy mouth watering pics that followed, often I would quickly scroll down to the bottom. Now.. its different. Its the day to day events of your life that pull me in, your front page story, advice from your dad, photos of him wear crazy glasses, new friendships, church stories, photos of professors that inspire you throwing bags of m and m’s. You are getting your life back.. its sooo cool to witness. Figtreeapps
I’m so happy to know that ED has become shadow of you and bother you less and less often! that’s a great achievement dear!
I started my blog as personal dairy of what I eat and what I do. I think it has remained somewhat the same, but now I’d share more my personal life and deep thoughts with the amazing community of bloggers.
I started my blog to lose weight and it helped tremendously. Now my blog is focused on maintaining my weight loss and living a healthy, fulfilling life.
HAHAH yeah, i did, i think the coupon is being sent AS I TYPE THIS! hahah. oh they’re not PLAIN- they’re like boiled tea eggs. so they’ve been boiled, and then reboiled (crack the shell) in tea. it’s quite delicious. =D but i might make some egg white omelettes and try it with a ton of KETCHUP usually i do tabasco but that makes my mouth go on FIRE! CURRY HOUSE! leave it to you go to go curry house and not order curry!
I started mine to help with ED issues too and I know they will always be there bbut the support and motivation from other blogs helps!
Too bad about your lunch, I hate that.
Thanks for your comment on my blog, I appreciate your comment about my wisdom, but the truth is that I tell it like it is, and I’ve been inspired by YOU! I’m so glad to hear that you no longer feel that your ED is a part of you. I think, like me, you will start talking about it as a past experience sometime in the future, as it’s helpful for others to read and understand what THEY MAY BE going through, you know? I bet you have helped many women and men out there who have struggled.
Why did I start my blog? I started it to spread the message about nutrition and health. I feel that there is so much information out there that is confusing and/or completely false, and people need to learn about it! I now really like to incorporate my past ED experiences just as a way to show people that RDs aren’t perfect either! Oh, and I throw in my alcoholic beverages and cake and cookies too
You’re smart for hooking up with someone with a car!! I did that plenty in college.
I have to say, I’ve definitely noticed how you seem much more open to eating out and “scary” food choices now. I’m SO happy you’re getting to the point where it’s becoming a thing of the past. You’ve come a long way Sophia! You are one tough cookie!
I started my blog to document my journey to my first triathlon. Mostly just to hold myself accountable and make sure I did it!
Then I fell in love with babbling about food, exercise, health and well-being. Now I just hope that it can motivate, inspire, entertain, and start a conversation 
Yes, I totally agree with you. Thats why I stopped reading it! I’ve moved on to a better book! I want a book that makes me laugh and smile!
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