For those of you who have been reading since the start of this blog, or if you look at my About Me page, you’ll know that I started this blog as a sort of “treatment center” for me to fight my eating disorder…And for the past month or so, you might have noticed that I don’t really talk much about my eating disorder anymore.
Well, the simple truth is, I just don’t have much to say about it anymore. Why? Because it isn’t part of my life now. Take note that I am not saying I am completely healed. But it’s no longer dominant. There used to be a time when I would wake up feeling eating disordered, and go to sleep feeling eating disordered. The two letters ‘ED’ rang in my mind, poking me and taunting me in every single action and speech I made.
But now, I no longer care for it. Quite simply, I have many other things to think about that is much more significant and meaningful to me than my eating disorder.
Again, I am not saying that I am quitting, or that I am no longer fighting. The thing is, I don’t even have to fight or struggle that hard anymore. I just…simply don’t get all those irrational fears and anxieties anymore, and if they do come occasionally, it takes just a few shrugs to brush it off.
My dad once told me that one day, ED will be like a distant dream to me. At that moment, I felt my heart clench with longing and desire— I wanted that day to come so desperately, but I did not have any spark of hope that it will. And now…I believe I am very close. ED is but a shadow in my life. There are still remnants of it lingering from time to time, but the light inside of me is getting brighter and brighter, chasing the darkness away.
One key evidence is the ease with which I dine with others. Gone are the days when I would freak out over a social eating days in advance. Even if a social event is sprung upon me by surprise, I can comfortably abandon my plans and follow along.
Sunday was one example of that. After church service, a bunch of girls asked me out for lunch. I actually had something else in mind that day, but I said “yes” immediately, simply for the reason to socialize…like any normal person would!
And guess where we went? 
CURRY HOUSE in Little Tokyo! Remember that time I went there and had a divine lunch with my parents? I was so thrilled to be able to visit it again!
This time, I ordered the Chili Shrimp and Spinach Pasta: 
Shrimp, spinach and onion in spicy chili flavor with Spaghetti 
Eee! Divine! I forgot to ask them to make it as spicy as possible though, so it certainly wasn’t hot enough for me. Thus I dunked tons of Tabasco sauce on top, shocking the hell out of my new church friends. Don’t mind me, just being Korean… 
By the way, I think I found my church. I really enjoyed the Sunday’s message. I had goosebumps all over; the message was so powerful! Also, my new friends are pretty awesome! One of them also grew up in Singapore, and guess what? She whipped out her camera with me, too! How cool is that? A potential food-blogger, perhaps? 
Anyway. There is another reason why I should hang out with them more. They have cars. Haha! We might be making a Trader Joe trip sometime, and of course downtown for more good eats!
Sadly, the food options in my own school’s campus seems to be limited without a car.
See, I’ve also been exploring other dining options in my campus with my friends. On Wednesday, my friend Yoomi called me out for lunch out of the blue, and we went to this on-campus cafe called Popovich.
Obviously, the Smoked Turkey Wrap caught my eye: 
Smoked turkey, orange-infused cream cheese, cranberry chutney, and spinach in a spinach wrap, done Panini-style. Side of pasta salad and pickle. 
Orange-infused cream cheese? Cranberry chutney? How could I refuse? 
Unfortunately, there was too much spinach and too little cheese and chutney. They were skimpy on the two most interesting ingredients, so this wrap turned out…quite unremarkable. Sad. 
The pasta salad weren’t that great, either. Not a fan of cold pasta or dressing…
And all those people who have been telling me Parkside Dining hall is better than EVK? They were WRONG! 
Mimi and I met up yesterday afternoon for lunch at the dining hall next to my apartment. 
It was the first time I was dining here, and I see I haven’t been missing much. 
Parkside looks nice and polished, but I can’t say the same for their food: 
Turkey burger, Mango chicken, Indian-stewed vegetables, salad, fruit. 
Blegh. The mango chicken had a great sauce, but the chicken was overcooked and tough. 
The turkey burger was completely inedible. I had to get another cheeseburger: 
And this was almost as horrible. Dry, tasteless, bland. Even the cheese. I thought processed cheese was supposed to at least have some kind of taste with all the crap they put in there. 
The stewed vegetables were all right, but too greasy and heavy.
To “get my money’s worth” from this completely unsatisfactory (and expensive for $10.25) lunch, I loaded up on two of these ice-cream cones: 
Even the cones were tiny! Rip-offs! >:-(
I might have also snuck out with some fruits. ;-p
Ah, well. You can’t always have fabulous meals all the time. Too bad I have 49 more meals I’m forced to eat in Parkside. Boo.
Anyway, I’m glad it’s a weekend! Weekends didn’t mean anything to me before, but now it’s such a pleasure to have a couple of days off! I guess this goes to prove that we need a little tough moments (or bad food) in our life to make us appreciate the good moments (or yummy food)!
Question of the day: Why did you start your blog? Has the purpose/motivation for your blog changed over time?
P.S. Check out Mimi’s post on her revelation on calorie-counting and her recipe for her Hotshot Creamy Cuke Sammie!
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Whoops! I accidentally commented you on my old account @ wordpress! haha..
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What a motivating and truly uplifting thing to hear. I can not tell you how proud I am of you for all that you’ve acomplished and I am sure that since you’ve discovered how freeing life can be without being controlled by an ED, you’re life has been entirely fulfiling and purposeful.
Good for you sweetpea!
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I’m so happy for you Sophia (^^)v It’s good to know God is working miracles in your life.
On a food note, college campuses depress the heck out of me when it comes to food. So sad… so sad…
I haven’t tried the curry place in Little Tokyo, but I swear the Japanese can make any foreign food taste that much better than the people who came up with it. (^^)
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yay! so glad that other things have taken more importance in your life. such a good feeling to be living healthy and as God intends! i’m so glad you’ve found a church too. i pray that God will continue to bless you and work through you during your time at college.
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I could not be happier for you and your evolution. Congratulations!
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The chili shrimp and spinach pasta looks sooooooo good. I am so happy to hear that ED is a distant shadow – it no longer controls you. WAHOO!
I started my blog a year and a half ago to organize my recipes and to give me something to do for MYSELF. I am a stay at home mom and I was feeling like I needed to do something to make ME happy since I was usually doing everything for everyone else. It’s been a wonderful outlet for me.
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Your remarkable!! It’s amazing to see how far you’ve come since I first started reading your blog. School was but a dream back then, and here you are living the dream!!
That dining hall food looks gross! But I bet they have a few things that are good – it’s just figuring out what they are.
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Sophia,
If my sister didn’t move overseas, I probably never blog. So far, I keep focus on the purpose of my blog, which is trying to make food that will remind them of our gathering, also to encourage my 2 sisters that cooking is not that difficult.
Cheers,
elra
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I think it’s awesome that ED is faded into the background. I know it doesn’t mean you’re hunky dory just yet but gosh it’s wonderful. And you are amazing
I started my blog for the same reason it’s still around (being a fairly new blog and all) to vent and help with my ED recovery
Hope you’re having a good weekend
Katie x
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Yay for making ED a shadow in your life
I noticed that you’ve stopped “talking” about it on your blog and was excited to see your HUGE progress! HOOORAY! Sometimes there is something I want so badly that is so far away and have no hope of ever getting there too, but this post shows how amazing faith can bring you there!
I started this blog because I wanted to be more involved in the blogging community. I was a lurker on food blogs for a while before I decided to join in on the fun, hehe. I didn’t have a particular purpose like many other bloggers did, but now I have a new motivation. There are so many wonderful girls here, and I’m so happy I met them all. And thanks to a certain WONDERFUL blogger (ahem), my relationship with God has never been better
Haha, thanks for the enthusiastic birthday wishes! No worries about missing it my dear chingooooo, hehe. *HUG* right back at you!!!
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I started my blog because I was depressed and needed an outlet. But even though I’ve only been blogging for like 4 months I already feel lighter and happier. It’s amazing!
That wrap sounds SOOOO good!
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I’ve only “known” you a short time but I just wanted to tell you how happy I am for you. I’m so glad your ED isn’t the struggle it once was and I’m really happy to have “met” you. You are a strong, amazing young woman with so much to offer. I just love the beautiful pictures you always have with your posts. And today is no exception!
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I am proud of you!
and curry pasta? Ah-mazing!
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Sorry your dining hall experience was horrible!
Hope you manage to find something that is good!!
I’m so proud of you!! You’ve come so far and I am so inspired by you!! Keep on working hard!
<3 jess
xoxo
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Hi Sophia! I’m so proud of how far you have come! You are right, you have way more things that are more important (and fun!) to do.
Sorry about the dorm food, I remember that as well and the best thing they had was a ice cream sundae bar!
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It’s wonderful to hear that you are doing so well! I actually started a site only to keep my restaurant reviews initially and then the regular bloggging came along somehow
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Props for kicking ED’s ass! God knows, that it’s not an easy thing to do and you’ve been a star. When I’m reading your blog,I don’t feel like I’m reading a blog about someone who’s recovering, but about someon who’s already back and alive! Well done
And keep up Koreanifying your food (aka pouring hot sauce over everything), I think in that case, I might have some Korean blood too xD
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Girl, I am sooo dang happy for you! I also cannot get my food spicy enough!
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I’m really glad for you regarding your attitude change toward food! I hope you continue to progress and heal!
Ah, I so fondly remember my first few weeks at the college cafeteria… So many interesting looking/sounding things, yet so many disappointments… Better luck next time, I guess?
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I’m so impressed by your strength. You should be so proud of what you’ve achieved. You are an amazing woman!
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what a wonderful accomplishment! i am very inspired by what you’ve overcome.
i started my blog simply for the food, but i’ve stuck around for the friends, i love my bloggy friends!
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you
make
me
so
effin
happy
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p.s. keep shining
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So glad that ED is becoming but a shadow in your life. ptl!
I started blogging because I felt like I had all of this pent up nutrition info I was learning at school that I should share with everyone else. The benefits of nutrition research are limited if only nutrition students know about them…the rest of the world deserves to know, too!
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Yay for getting over ED! You’re such an amazing girl, I knew you could do it
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Did you save me any of that shrimp pasta?
I’m totally salivating over it.
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P.S. I started my blog because I got laid off after 18 years from the newspaper I was working for. Nope, definitely not a good time to be a journalist. I started it as a way to continue writing until I found out what I wanted to do next. And it’s turned into a great way to connect with fellow foodies all over the world. The friendship and compassion found in the blog world was truly one of the best surprises I’ve discovered about blogging.
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My blog was basically intended as a way to get me to “journal” every day in some form… even though I don’t do it every day. The shame!
I’m so glad to hear that ED is but a shadow in your life now; people tell me that happens, but it’s wonderful to see that it really does.
(Oh, and Dippity Do is just the crazy name of some run-of-the-mill hair gel that I liked a million years ago!)
<3 <3
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Lots of yummy eats….love that turkey wrap because they put soooo much spinach in it (which rocks!) Bummer about the rip off ice cream cone- whats up with that?
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So proud of you! Of course, you had me at Tabasco!
Since my sister just sent you her box, I am sending mine at the end of next week
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I started my blog so I could share my interest for creative/fun eats with people. So many of my friends do not care about healthy eating and living so I needed a place to unload all my thoughts
Something I didn’t expect out of blogging (but so grateful for): everyone that I’ve met and have gotten to know!!! I really didn’t see the value of the community before blogging, now I feel like I have so many new friends.
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Yay for shadows!
I started my blog as just a way to scrapbook my kid’s lives and so my parents far away could keep up with us. Then I started just adding recipes of things I like here and then and next thing I knew, I was a food-bloggin’ and lovin’ it. It has grown in to quite the hobby and I love all the people I’ve “met”!
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Both of my blogs were created in an attempt to start a supportive community. My first blog, Hope is Real!, was started when attending college in Milledgeville, because I, too, was enmeshed in my ED and unfortunately, there is almost no support in all of central GA. After my first blog post, I got so discourage from no responses, that I gave up and abandoned the blog for a whole year (and relapsed
), but now I am happy to say that while I only have a few commenters, the blog does provide with a lot of hope and encouragement and I do feel like I am building community, although it is quite slow.
My much newer one, Femi-Nation, is an attempt to build a supportive, all-inclusive feminist community in response to the fact that so many people were commenting about how much a certain very popular feminist blog has become very exclusive and almost hateful at times. This site hardly has any commenters at all, but I just have to keep reminding myself to be patient (and that I really need to market myself more effectively…)
My church is a wonderful, inclusive, loving community and after experiencing that, I just feel that people need to know what a loving community is, rather than what a hateful one is and I believe that message is so important that I feel that it is essential that I stay persistent! Which is why…
I am so happy that you found a possible church home! A supportive spiritual community feeds a soul in a way that knowledge and food cannot. (Can you tell that I just came back from a church retreat?! lol)
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What an inspirational post Sophia, you’ve come so far! We’re all very proud of you
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Sophia, I am happy for you and proud of you.
Cheers.
Angie’s Recipes
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Sophia, I’m sooooo proud of you! You have your whole wonderful life ahead of you, and I know you’re going to rock!!
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You have come SUCH a long way since the inception of this blog and we are all so proud of you! As someone who has also walked the path of ED hell and never thought she would fully come out of it alive, I am happy to say that I am feeling so much more recovered these days as well! There are so many things that I used to do even when I thought I was recovered that I just don’t do or think about at all anymore. I’ve just thrown myself into this new life headfirst and know that no matter what I will be okay. It’s such a great feeling that I’m glad you can enjoy as well!
Yes dining hall food sucks. But that curry house looks delicious! Glad to see you’re having fun with your new friends.
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So glad your blog served its’ original purpose(helping you recover), and now cheers to it serving a new purpose(college life, good food and friends)! Congrats
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Echhh… dorm food! I think you’re doing much better checking out area eateries.
I started my blog as a creative outlet. I actually just posted about going back to making it that creative outlet.
Also, your post really inspired me tonight. I’m back to fighting something I thought was in my past and you remind me that it’s all possible. Thank you.
Also, SO glad you found a church you like. That’s so important for people who get wonderful sustenance from church communities.
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I’m so happy you feel that way about your eating disorder! It takes a lot to overcome them and some people never do! You should be so proud of yourself!
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Congrats, I’m so happy for you! You have so much to be proud of.
Sorry about the dining hall food.
The good thing is that maybe we’ll get to see more of your original recipes whipped up in your kitchen! 
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Oh man… sorry about the crappy $10.25 lunch! Not cool! But I’m so happy to hear that ED is getting farther and farther from your mind…. sounds like surrounding yourself with new friends is helping!!!! Good times!!!
-A
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I started my blog out during the lowest time of my life too..
Things were crashing down, I was jobless, lost my savings & contemplating suicide..
I used to laugh at pl who blog, say things like “cis..got nothing else better to do ahh?” and now I realized how much it has helped me pull thru those darkest loneliest hours..
And I made friends and (BF!) and now I got YOU and your posts to keep me going…
Maybe life is not so bad after all
Tho my blog is mainly on food, (as i’m not so open to post abt my personal depression
), when I post away, edit pics, arrange the sentences, it keeps me sane somehow 
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So happy for you =)
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I love the dessert parfait from Curry House. So delicious, but I don’t think all the branches carry it.
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I have frequented your blog before. The more I read, the more I keep coming back! ;~)
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[...] Latin eateries in the vicinity, but the campus itself just has crap food. Think rubbery chicken, disgusting burgers, and Baja Fresh, which really should be called Bah! Ha! “Fresh”. I mean, we don’t even have [...]
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