Why are you guys all so freaking amazing? Seriously. Every of your comments on my last post really rocked. It made me smile, laugh, tear up, and wise up at the same time. A big fat thank you for all of your support and encouragements and empathy!
That said, I feel my last post was rather inadequate. As I read back the previous post, I seemed to have cast the poor lady from my church in a negative light. I really didn’t mean to. My main purpose was to acknowledge my continuing struggle with ED, and confirm how there can be sweetness even in these struggles.
I’ve been thinking more deeply about the lessons I learned during my church retreat. One thing learned is the clear reminder of how swift and sly ED can be. It’s like a vulture perched up high with a ravenous gaze, hunting for any opportunity to swoop in and attack my thoughts and mind. I really have to be vigilant and protect my heart and mind at all times.
I’ve told my parents about how upset I was by the comment that the lady (and many others) had made, and one thing they said really hit me: “It’s good that you tolerated these remarks. But you can’t just tolerate it. You’ll be hearing these insensitive and triggering remarks all the time for the rest of your life. What will happen then? One day you might just blow up. You can’t just bear with it and keep it inside. You’ve got to deal with it, and eliminate the source of why such comments bothers you at all.”
My parents are right. I can’t let ED use triggering comments as a continuous strategy to hinder my way to total recovery. More insensitive and upsetting remarks are bound to come, and I can’t let them make me stumble ever again. I almost crumbled the last time, but I’ve learned my lesson.
Also, one of my commenters, L, said something that really resonated to me: “That woman may not have been the most tactful and she may not have realized that what she was saying really wasn’t what a recovering anorexic wants to hear – BUT, she obviously cares about you a great deal, praising the Lord for His help in your recovery. To have her believe that your recovery is THAT important that she would praise and worship God for it, well…that’s quite something. I can imagine her praying for you, remembering the sight of you eating and praising Him, asking for His mercy and grace in continuing to help you in your struggle.”
You know what? L is a freaking wise person. That lady, as clueless and ignorant about ED as she was, said that out of love for me, and overwhelming joy that I am on the path to recovery. I should not just dwell on the words that she said, but her overall intention.
And from here I have discovered the secret to maintaining peace even when people say such “rude” and “infuriating” remarks to me: Instead of getting angry at them, I will try to be grateful to them for their love and attention, appreciating their true underlying good intentions.
Scenario #1:
ED-ignaromous: “You’ve gotten fatter!”
Me: “Thanks! Fat is the new sexy, did you hear?”
Scenario #2:
ED-ignaromous: “You’re eating all that?”
Me: “Yup. Can you believe I used to gnaw only on lettuce and carrots all day? And aw, I know you wish you could eat as much as me. But please don’t be jealous. It’s really not that big a deal!”
Ha ha ha! Can you believe what a huge turn of situation this will be? ED will be stunned into a total loss and confusion.
Anyway. Today’s lunch was a flipping spin on the classic chicken salad. Remember my “Hint of Fruit” Chicken Salad? Well, I still had some grilled chicken leftover, and I decided to create a totally unexpected twist on chicken salad…
Spicy Peanut Butter Cinnapple-raisin Chicken Salad
- 1 cup grilled chicken, cubed or shredded
- 1/2 cup whipped cottage cheese
- spoonful Greek yogurt
- spoonful crunchy peanut butter
- 1 chipotle pepper in adobo sauce, minced
- 1/2 large apple, diced
- 2 tablespoons raisins
- 2 tablespoons dry-roasted peanuts, crushed
- cinnamon, to taste
- brown sugar, to taste
- salt and pepper, to taste
The directions are really complicated: Mix everything together. Taste and test as you go. Phew!
I slathered the whole thing on a toasted jumbo whole-wheat English muffin:
Did the ingredients surprise you? I know it looks kinda crappy, but trust me: This is freaking good.
My favorite parts were the chewy, plump raisins and the crunchy bits of crushed peanuts.
The spice and smokiness of the chipotle peppers and adobo sauce really kicked it up a few notches!
The apple, cinnamon, brown sugar and raisins also added a bit of dessert-like components of an apple pie…
Man oh man…Just look at that foodie jewel!
Question of the day: What is your secret to maintaining inner peace even in the face of upsetting comments from other people?
Related posts:
{ 75 comments… read them below or add one }
← Previous Comments
i love the flippin turn on ED AND that amazing looking chicken salad
to keep my peace, I just have to try to remember what I’m doing and why I’m doing it. My reasons probably mean nothing to other people, but they mean something to me.
I love your scenarios! Way to put a positive and witty spin on things
And yes, this L sounds very wise!
I must say, when I first saw ‘raisin’ and ‘cottage cheese’ I got a little nervous, but I started thinking about how all these flavors could make a deeelicious sandwich! I might try it w/o raisins though
yumyumyum!
those are wise words from your parents. i would love to see you (and everyone) enact those scenarios and more!
that meal looks a-mazing. i am so making this! i wonder how it would be with shredded salmon instead of chicken?
What a great attitude to take on it! The whole “kill them with kindess” thing goes a long way. Or, in your case, finding the deeper meaning behind what people are saying. Yes, some people are just downright rude (I can’t stand mean commenters and it makes my blood boil), and others don’t even realize what they are saying is offensive. The best thing to do is just let it roll off of your back – especially with random people because, really, when will you ever see them again?
The PB&C sandwich is totally awesome, btw.
ahah i love that the fat is the new sexy remark! I def. think you should say that if someone ever makes that remark to you
okay anything with peanut butter wins over my heart! haha
yums that sandwich looks AMAZING! your parents are great people =)
You are the ONE, who we like to THANK! Love your writing and enjoy your sense of humour!
As I was reading the recipe I never doubted that this chicken salad was anything but yumalicious (as my daughter would say).
You have SUCH a great attitude. You’re exactly right — there will be comments and other triggers for the rest of your life. It’s all about your ability to manage them, have confidence in yourself, and push ED out of the way. Very inspirational!
The chicken salad with spicy peanut butter sounds awesome-I’m definitely trying this one!!
I’m actually about to fix lunch soon and I think I’ll make me some chicken salad!
The most insensitive remarks have actually for me been from others in recovery, which is really sad. I’ve been hospitalized twice and something that people need to know is that not everyone who is hospitalized for an ED is there, because they’re so thin. I was severely restricted, but I wasn’t there because I had gotten badly underweight, but because I was so depressed. The worst comment I had was from a roommate at the hospital who asked me if she needed to look like me in order to get out. Talk about insensitive!!! I somehow managed to not take those comments very seriously, as I knew that the other women there were very sick and weren’t able to think rationally about their own body at that point. And now if someone comments on my food or body, I try to remind myself that our society is so messed up that people honestly don’t think we need fat in our diet or that food is optional. Calories are energy, pure and simple. Fat helps keep the brain running. When I don’t eat, I become depressed and lethargic. I actually feel a little good, because I know that when I am not restricting, then I am truly taking care of my health and I feel sorry for those that still don’t get it. The thing that has been best for me is reading fat acceptance blogs and books. Even though I’m not fat, I love the FA movement, because it’s all about accepting your body the way it is right now and I find that really empowering. The best blog on it is called Shapely Prose. (Sorry this post is so long…)
ohh..anythin w peanut butter is awesome ;p And apples does goes well w p/b!
And thks for ur good wishes..so relieved my room is rented out!
I used to be sensitive to these remarks too..cos i was fat last time..then one day i jz took it as a challenge to show them tht i can lose the weight & started working out & watching what I eat.
U should see these ppl now..much fatter than i was and not any happier! LOL.
But i didnt say the same remarks back to them..instead I jz shared what I did to help me shed the weight..& hope the best for them..
No point bearing grudges!
I am going to use your response to scenario #1, LOL. I am so happy for you and yoru win against ED
Thanks for the comment sweetheart!
I love your conversations with ED-ignoramous! They’re fab. And your parents are so right, it’s one thing to tolerate them and another to deal.
Aren’t the simple truths powerful?
I hope you have a fabulous day (PS I am SO coming to you for recipes now!)
<3 Jenn
omg that recipe sounds amazing… i think im going ot have to try it out, although maybe with tofu instead of chicken. although i have been thinking of eating chicken again so maybe this is a good time to reintroduce the bird back into my life
keep it coming, i like reading your posts
I am so proud of you and so glad you talked to your parents about this. Speaking as a parent, just remember, no in this world loves you more than they do, so listen to their wisdom.
That is one serious sandwich! I just finished lunch and could go for it right now.
Cool chicken salad creation! Love the chipotle there along with other yummies!
Sophia, this was such a wonderful post, you have a great perspective! I am a rather sensitive person by nature (a quality I like and loathe about myself), and so I get a bit sad when I feel like someone is offering a backhanded compliment, or being judgemental or rude. But over the years I have worked hard to realize that I have a CHOICE as to whether or not I’m going to let myself be offended, or let a certain person ruin my day. I have the power, not the other person, to decide how I’m going to respond to them, and I thought your responses were AWESOME!!! I’m going to keep trying harder to keep this mindset!
the chicken salad looks very hearty and delicious!!
aaahh! That looks freakin amazing, I love chipotle peppers in adobo, it gives such a wonderful back smokiness. mmmmm . . . I won’t lie I’m a pretty sensitive person, so I almost always have a good cry! I don’t know why but the waterworks just start flowing and then I can calm myself down and talk it over with my fiancee. Talking with him or my mom and dad always makes things feel better
Oh my..this is a TOTALLY different chicken salad!
I am lovin it!!!!
Thanks for your comment on my Little Mermaid cake!
It’s so good that you are finding great ways to cope with your struggles, especially because people can be such idiots without meaning to be. You’re awesome! ^_^
That is definitely a new twist on chicken salad… but it sounds pretty good I’ll have to try it sometime.
Wow, I’m so totally overwhelmed by your strength and wisdom. Happy to have discovered your blog, thanks for the comment on mine.
Sophia,
I happened across your blog today by chance (I bought a clif’s mojo bar, searched for an online review, was directed to http://www.iateapie.net, where I found http://www.foodyum.net, which led me to you.
(I explained that in detail so you can see just how i found your article and story – and tell you how much I relate. I’m so thankful to have stumbled across your post…. and I thank my divine guides for connecting the dots.)
While I have not experienced ED, i have Crohn’s disease, which affects the digestive tract. Within the last month, I was hospitalized because inflammation in my intestines resulted in blockage and no food was able to pass through. I missed 2 weeks of work. I have had this disease for many years, and this is not my first hospitalization. This is, however, the first time I have realized that I MUST do what is necessary to take care of myself. Maybe I finally felt I was worth it? And i think this is what surprises people the most….. that I’m doing something different.
It’s uncomfortable when people stare, make comments about my appearance (my diet is much different and i have quickly lost a lot of weight) and state their opinions about my food. I realize that people aren’t used to my new habits, but neither am I, and feeling self conscious is the last thing I need.
Your post was liberating- you did not give your power away and you celebrated your right to care for yourself the best way you know how.
My Dr. is advising that my flare ups seem to be related to emotional stress….. and that I HAVE to find ways of managing it. Your parents advice to deal with the root of what triggers you, is something I’m also taking to heart.
Yesterday a co-worker of mine made extremely prejudical and sterotypical statements about my race and ethnicity, and i felt the stabbing pain flare up. This only exacerbates my health condition. When i left the room, she followed to hug me and comfort me. The audacity, I thought….. here she is saying these awful things and thinks I want her arms around me in comfort?
It’s making me see….. I need to get a handle on my own reactions, for my peace of mind and my body’s health. You’re an example of strength, joy and peace, and I am thankful to know you are there.
I’d like to share something I learned recently, about having “courageous conversations”. When we are insulted by something someone says or does in a way that touches us to the core, we are responsible for having a couragous conversation with the other party about that. The 4 elements of cc’s are to 1) stay engaged (it’s so tempting to shut down, protect yourself from further vulnerability or hurt) and continue the conversation 2) expect and accept non-closure (you may not reach consensus or agreement with the other person, but this conversation needs to happen to bring awareness and keep you in your power, instead of feeling like a victim 3) Speak your truth (this may include saying things that may be uncomfortable for other people to hear, or that you think may be disagreed with, but it is important to be honest and true to yourself and 4) Be willing to experience discomfort.
This model is new for me, and I often shy away from saying what I think if I sense that it will cause obstacles in my relationships. But while doing this, I’ve been selling my own spirit out, and maybe that’s why I’m getting sick. Just a thought to ponder.
This has been long, but I know you can skim it or ignore it if need be. I simply felt compelled to share, and to thank you for all of the sharing you have done on your journey.
Peace be with you…….. in your battle. Victory is already yours.
← Previous Comments