This time tomorrow, I’ll be at McDaniel College attending a church retreat. This time tomorrow, I’ll be standing in front of a group of teenagers, preaching. This time tomorrow, I’ll once again be a youth leader.

I guess I never told you that I used to be a leader in our church’s youth group. I started when I was a freshman in high school, and our youth group was really a bunch of my church friends, some younger, some older. I led all the way till my senior year.

What happened in senior year? Well, anorexia happened. When my anorexia became revealed to the whole church, I gave up my leadership position, and the whole youth group disintegrated. I was too ashamed, too embarrassed, too humiliated to stand on stage preaching about things I didn’t live out in my own life. I felt like a total hypocrite, and I didn’t feel worthy. Worse, whenever my friends’ looked at me, all I could feel was the heat of judgment and criticism in their eyes. That was not true at all, but because I looked down on myself, I felt certain that the whole world looked down on me as well.

Four years have passed since then. A lot has changed. My church friends have all separated into different colleges. Meanwhile, I “recovered” for awhile, then relapsed even deeper into ED. Throughout that period, I grew and matured in spirit and mind. I gained many insights and revelations. But the most precious thing I learned was empathy and compassion.

Four years ago when I was youth leader, I was an arrogant pomp. I cared a lot for my youth group, but in selfish ways. I might have spent hours preparing for my speech, but never spent much time personally listening to each individual. I liked to hear myself talk, but got impatient when others started talking about their problems. I didn’t understand them, and I got overly frustrated as to why they couldn’t just “snap out” of their “petty and trivial personal dramas.”

Ironic, isn’t it? That I sank into the deepest “petty and trivial personal drama” in the group. I’m chuckling now, but it sure wasn’t funny at that time.

But ultimately, my anorexia ended up benefiting me in the long run. I’ve been forced into a level of humility that I never would have achieved without this problem. I am no longer capable of judging others, but instead, I am learning to embrace other’s weaknesses, and commiserate with them because I’ve been down the same dark road.

I am no longer ashamed. I confidently admit I am imperfect, that I have lots of flaws. But I can change those supposedly blemishes into a whole new perspective and refreshing attitude. In fact, I don’t view those blemishes as ugly and shameful at all. Those blemishes are marked permanently on me, and I might as well flaunt it as my own unique characteristics, and use it to my advantage. I refuse to see it as blemishes. No, they are my beauty marks.

And I have several physical examples to prove my point.

Example #1: blemished bananas. You know, those overripe bananas with unattractive black spots and strong odor that nobody wants to it? I have had two of these large blemished bananas lying around the house forever, and it was time to turn their “flaws” to good use. And what better way than to bake a delicious banana bread?

Example #2: White Chocolate Wonderful peanut butter from PB & Co.

White Chocolate Wonderful, my ass. More like White Chocolate What the—? After reading rave reviews on this brand all around the food blogosphere, I was delighted to find it on sale at my local grocery store. I snatched it up, and dug into it excitedly as soon as I reached home….

I almost spit it out! It was sickeningly, cloyingly sweet! More like icing than peanut butter. I was sorely disappointed, and have been wondering what to do with it since then. Well, the perfect opportunity arrived today when I decide to bake a banana bread:

WCW Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Banana Bread

• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 2 large ripe bananas, mashed
• ~1/2 cup WCW peanut butter
• 3 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 2 large eggs
• 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 1/2 cup whole milk
• 1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Grease and flour a 9-inch loaf pan.

Sift together flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt.
In another bowl, beat together banana, peanut butter, butter, and sugar until creamy. Mix in eggs and vanilla extract. Fold in milk and flour mixture until just combined. Stir in chocolate chips

Pour batter into prepared pan and bake for 60 minutes.

Now this, is wonderful. The fragrance was so amazing my parents, who were trying to take a good nap upstairs, came clambering down for a taste. I’m not kidding!

The taste was just like a moist, rich banana bread with a hint of mild peanut butter, and infused with the white chocolate undertones. Yummy~ I’ll be bringing this to the retreat to share

And now, on to example #3: Crushed pretzels

I found this at the backseat of my brother’s car. It was a half-eaten bag of mini pretzels, crushed to bits by a watermelon. I was just about to toss the bag into the trash can when I was hit by lightning…a lightning of inspiration!

Ladies and gentlemen, leftover pretzel crumbs are given another chance to shine as……

Pretzel-coated Peanut Butter Chicken

• 1 large chicken breast
• 1 heaping spoonful of crunchy peanut butter
• 1 large egg white
• 1 spoonful whole milk
• salt and pepper
• ~1 cup crushed pretzels

Mix together the peanut butter, egg white, milk, salt and pepper until well-combined. Coat the chicken breast in the PB mixture, let sit to marinate for about an hour, or more if possible.

Coat with the crushed pretzels, then transfer onto a baking sheet and bake in a 375 degree Fahrenheit oven for about 10 minutes. Flip, then bake for another 5-10 minutes until thoroughly cooked through.

I served this amazing piece of PB-pretzel chicken with a couple of whole-grain waffles.

Words fail me. This chicken was darn amazing. I told you chicken is freaking awesome, and here’s another concrete proof!

The peanut butter taste was mild, yet clearly present, and the crunchy pretzels clung well to the PB-marinade. It was so much fun to eat!

I drizzled the last few bites with maple syrup, and it was even better. Chicken and Waffles, watch out!

Well, I think I am both mentally and physically prepared for the retreat tomorrow. Not having a choice on my meals, and having to eat exactly what the dining hall dishes up will be a bit of a challenge for me, but I think it’s time for another good head-on challenge.

I’m not even going to bring any “safe” foods along with me whatsoever. That will be losing the battle from the start! Nope, I’ll just eat exactly what the others eat. Well, except the WCW peanut butter chocolate chip banana bread, but you need to understand, that thing is crack!

I’ll be back Sunday, so I’ll see you then. Try not to miss me too much!

Question of the day: Do you have any “blemishes”, literal or metaphorical-wise, that you now view as “beauty marks”?
And for those who are just too perfect to have any blemishes…What do you love/hate most about cafeteria/dining hall food?

P.S. Lucky Taste Buds is having a freaking amazing giveaway! Don’t check it out!

Related posts:

1. Well-Rounded Confidence
2. A Flipping Turn on ED and Chicken Salad
3. You’re a Yummy One, Mr Weirdo
4. Canadian Maple Peanut Butter Banana Cheerio Breakfast Bars
5. Wishing For Dreams Come True…

Tagged as: banana, cake, chicken, chocolate, eating disorder, peanut butter, pretzels, product review