I almost killed myself today. I’ll tell you the details later, but first let me share lunch.

Lunch was inspired by a Rachel Ray show that I watched about a week back. She was making prosciutto-wrapped chicken, which I always thought was kind of fancy. But if someone like Rachel who uses cutesy words like “E.V.O.O” and “Yum-o” can make a dish like that in under 30 minutes, hell yeah, so can I!

Rachel’s was stuffed with some kind of spinach-ricotta mixture, but I wanted to create my own filling with my favorite ingredients that I already had lying in the fridge. I also did not have any prosciutto, so I decided to use the last remaining turkey bacon. Here’s my take:

Bacon-Wrapped Chicken with Pumpkin, Goat Cheese, and Walnut Filling
Serves One

• 1 large piece boneless, skinless chicken breast
• salt and pepper
• 1/4 cup pureed pumpkin
• 1/4 cup chopped walnuts
• 1/4 cup crumbled goat cheese
• 4 strips turkey bacon

First slit the chicken breast lengthwise (not all the way through), then flattened it out by pounding it with my rolling pin. Then season it with salt and pepper.

Mix together the pumpkin, walnuts, and goat cheese, spread it over the chicken.

Roll the chicken, wrap each roll with bacon and secure with toothpicks. Season the outside of the rolls with salt and pepper.

Heat oil in skillet over medium-high heat. Brown the chicken evenly all over, 5 to 6 minutes. Transfer the chicken to a small baking sheet, place in the oven at 350 degrees and cook 15-20 minutes more until chicken is done.

Okay, now that was the directions I was supposed to follow. But of course, cocky, self-confident me did not refer to any recipes. No, I watched one show of Rachel Ray yabbering away while pulling out pre-made chicken out of nowhere and I thought I knew what I was doing.

Here’s what I did wrong:

#1: I got too happy pounding the crap out of my chicken (stress-reliever, anyone?) that my chicken looked like a sad, flat piece of torn rag. Seriously, there were holes in some places.

#2: I totally forgot to season my chicken. I only remembered after I had finished rolling up the chicken. Bad, bad, bad! How could I have forgotten? That is rule #1 in cooking!

#3: I didn’t cook the chicken enough.

Disaster? I think so. But when it came out of the oven, it looked pretty okay:

I’d somehow “glued” the holes in the chicken together by just pressing the flesh back together and covering it with the bacon. Though I’d forgotten to season it, I figured with the high sodium level in bacon and the strong flavor of the goat cheese, it wouldn’t be too bad.

But what was bad was that the chicken was half-cooked. I never checked up on how long I was supposed to cook it in the oven. Being greedy and impatient, I just followed my nose. It smelled good, so I became antsy and decided it was time to dig in.

Yum. I was half-way through this when I discovered that it was only about 70% cooked through. Holy shit.

Looks are deceiving, aren’t they? It looked perfectly cooked to me from this angle, but the undersides of the inner chicken was still pink. And I’d EATEN IT!

I jumped up and popped the chicken back into the oven to cook. Meanwhile, I frantically searched the internet to find out my fate for eating undercooked chicken. And the results were not too pleasant. Here were what some people said about undercooked chicken in Yahoo Answers:

"You will, undoubtedly, die. Call a lawyer immediately.

"It’s called food poisoning, first you get diarrhea then you get dehydrated then you die!!”

"I don’t know but I’m pretty sure it’s bad…for you”

"It can make you very ill. Starting with ecoli and salmonella to begin with. Good luck.”

Holy crap. I’m going to die. I felt my stomach. I checked my pulse. I sat there in a daze, waiting for some sort of painful symptom to come, consume me, and leave me dead with foam in my mouth.

Minutes passed. Nothing happened. The chicken in the oven smelled good again. I got up, removed the chicken from the oven, double-checked to make sure it was cooked all the way through, then finished it.

For your information, the chicken was pretty good. It would have been perfect with a bit more seasoning, but really nice with the sweet pumpkin, the tangy goat cheese, and the crunchy walnuts.

How can you say no to something wrapped in bacon?

By the way, I still feel fine. But if you don’t find a new post up on my blog tomorrow, it may be because I’m already dead. Haha, kidding.

Question of the day: Ever had a similar case of kitchen disaster before? And why are the people in Yahoo Answers such insensitive jerks?

Related posts:

1. How Calbi BBQ Got Its Ass Kimchi-ed
2. Second Chances
3. Deflated but Comforted
4. It’s Worth the Grill
5. Thank You Letter to God

Tagged as: bacon, cheese, chicken, nuts, pumpkin