I remember the first time I challenged myself with pasta. I wrote about it excitedly in this post, but I have not made another pasta dish since then. Thus my fear of pasta, swallowed for once day, has swelled back up again.

I have realized that it’s not enough just to face your fear food (or any fear for the matter) once. You’ve got to face it continuously again and again until you knock that fear unconscious for good.

I’ve noticed my fear of pasta arising again for some time now, as even though I suddenly may feel like having pasta at times in restaurants, I would just order something else and pick off somebody else’s pasta instead. Being able to sample somebody else’s pasta dish is already a bit of an accomplishment, but I know it is not enough to defeat ED.

Today, I decided it was time to face the old devil again. I made a pasta dish. And oh, how I relished each bite!

I am very excited to share the recipe with you. I’d been playing the ingredients in my mind for days now, wondering how to combine them together. I definitely wanted to use the roasted red pepper-artichoke tapenade I bought from Trader Joe’s, but I also wanted to use some of the sundried tomatoes I have in my pantry. I wanted something kind of creamy, but not too creamy. I wanted something creative, something different from the usual boring marinara sauce. And of course, I wanted to incorporate in some cheese. Here’s what I came up with:

Pasta in Creamy Sun-dried Tomato Sauce with Red Pepper and Artichokes
Serves 2, or 1 very hungry person

• 4 oz dried rotini
• 1-2 teaspoon butter
• 1 large clove garlic
• 1/2 large sliced onion
• 2-3 sundried tomatoes, sliced
• 1/2 cup milk (or more)
• 1/3 cup fresh grated Parmesan cheese
• 2 big spoonfuls of Trader Joe’s roasted red pepper-artichoke tapenade
• 1-2 tablespoons plain Greek yogurt
• salt and fresh-ground black pepper
• extra Parmesan cheese for sprinkling

Directions:
~Cook the pasta according to directions in water with tons of salt. Drain, leave aside.
~Meanwhile, in a small saucepan, melt the butter over medium heat. Then toss in the garlic and onion, sauté until soft and fragrant. Add in the sundried-tomato, sauté. Then pour in the milk, and cook for 10-15 minutes, letting sundried tomatoes sort of “bleed” into the milk and allow all the flavors to combine.
~Turn down the heat a bit, stir in the Parmesan cheese and the tapenade. Cook for a minute or so.
~Remove the saucepan from heat and stir in the Greek yogurt. Season with salt and pepper according to taste.
~Put pasta into a bowl, pour the sauce all over and mix. Sprinkle as much extra cheese over as you would like.

Now dig in and say, “Boy, that Sophia is a freaking genius.” And here’s the pictures to prove it:

I really don’t know what you’re still sitting there for. You really should give this a try! It was super duper amazing!

The sauce tasted rich, but not too cloyingly so. It was infused with the sweetness and tartness of the sundried tomatoes, roasted red peppers, and artichokes. The Greek yogurt and cheese added an extra touch of creaminess and richness to the sauce.

For those curious, here’s the tapenade I used from Trader Joe’s:

Once again, I was surprised at how satisfying and filling this dish was. Pasta really is a hearty, comforting dish!

Now on my last post I asked if you had any questions for me, and was delighted to find quite a few of you actually had some! Yay! Thanks for making me feel special. So now it’s…

Q & A Time!!!

luckytastebuds asks:
“My question for you is…you always have so much fun and make the most out of your time with friends and family…. can i come visit you!??!?!? hahaha OK just kidding.
I’m curious about what your plans in life are!!! In the short term and the long! Where do you want to live? What do you want to do? ”
and Coco asks a similar question:
“What’s your plan for the near future?”

My answer:
“Haha, you’ll rock my world if you do come visit! I should only be too honored!
Okay as for my life plans, I’m the kind of have got my life planned out to the day I die. But then I found out life never turns out the way I plan it to be, so I’m learning to take things as they come. But still, I shall work my best to achieve my goals.

Short-term goals: Recover from ED, get to my ideal weight, go to college, major in online journalism.
Long-term goals: Go to graduate school, then work as a professional journalist, then maybe go to theology school, and become a missionary, specializing in healing ministry (esp in regards to mental disorders) and helping in the church’s media ministry with my journalistic skills.
Where do I want to live? I’ll like to say someplace warm and sunny like Southern California, but I’m a restless soul. I’ll probably be traveling round the world!”

Kim Hooper asks:
“Do you have any fear foods left on your list? Anything you still want to conquer with your eating? Just curious ”

My answer:
I’m glad you asked, Kim! Some of you might think that I’ve conquered most foods, but that is definitely not the case! I’ve still got a long road ahead! I still have lots of fear foods indeed: I still have trouble with all deep-fried foods. I still feel guilty eating refined, white carbs like pasta, bread, rice, etc. And sugar. If it’s added into a savory dish in small amounts I’ll eat it, but I still have a problem adding pure sugar to my coffee or oatmeal. Yeah, I still use splenda sometimes, and drink diet sodas! Oh, and pure butter, as in butter itself spread on bread, freak me out. Definitely a lot more to conquer. But I promise to fight on!”

Alison asks:
“What are your plans for the summer? What’s your favorite book (other than the Bible)?”

My answer:
“Not much specific plans for the summer yet, but I do have a church retreat coming up in mid-June. I might visit my friend Jane in New York, and my parents are so ecstatic that I’m getting better that they’re dreaming of taking a family vacation…perhaps to Canada! I’m tremendously excited, because ever since my ED, we have not taken a family vacation for years! Oh, how my family has suffered from my disorder!
And my favorite book? Heh heh…actually, the bible isn’t my favorite. I wish it was, but I’m not so holy as I wish I were! Anyway, I read so many books that I have too many faves! But some that I really, really loved were Crime and Punishment, The Brothers Karamazov, all Harry Potter series, and all the Shopaholic series, Jemima J, The Thirteenth Tale…oh, dear, I can go on and on!”

Sweta asks:
“The wrap looks sooo good—was it raw mango or ripe mango chutney with ginger?”

My answer:
“It was ripe mango-ginger chutney, from Trader Joe’s.:-) It’s awesome, especially with smoked salmon, but next time, I’m making my own to save some $$!”

Meg asks:
“What is your fave restaurant in the states?”

My answer:
“Here’s the sad truth: I’m not sure yet because I’ve limited experience in restaurants due to my eating disorder. That is why I’m so excited to discover whole new dining experiences back in America! For now I’d say Panera for its fresh, simple sandwiches and paninis and soups, but ask me again a few months later and it’ll probably be something different!”

Lexi asks:
“What are your top 5 favorite dishes to prepare?”
and Eating RD asks a similar question:
“What’s your favorite recipe to make?”

My answer:
“Ooh. There’s a lot!
#1: Oatmeal. You can make so many variations of it!
#2: Soup. There is something so comforting about roughly chopping all the ingredients and simmering it for a long time on the stove!
#3: Wraps. I’m addicted to this now. Just stuffing all sorts of ingredients into a thin, flat piece of bread, and rolling it up and munching into it…Fast and satisfying!
#4: Omelets. Love them.
#5: My “mix-it-up” bowls. They’re so quick and versatile and yummy!”

Yasmin asks:
“If you could travel to any country next, which would it be?”

My answer:
“Anywhere in Europe. It’s a continent I’ve never set foot on! France, England, Italy, Greece, Spain, I want them all!”

Mari asks:
“Wait you’re in NY now??? I know you are back in the States but did not know where exactly.”

My answer:
“Ha ha, no, I’m not in New York. I’m at Northern Virginia, where I live. My friend Jane was just back from New York where her school is! But I’ll be visiting New York soon sometime!”

Marta asks:
“What do/did you study in school?”

My answer:
“I’m not in school at the moment because of my ED. I know, how sad! I was accepted to Northwestern University’s Medill School of Journalism, but was hospitalized just one month into the school year in 2006. Since then, it’s been a continuous up-and-down struggle with my ED. I later applied to University of Southern California though, and was accepted, but had to postpone my enrollment two times. I’m still waiting for their decision as they reevaluate me for my second request for postponement. But if they do give me the “okay” then I want to study and major in online journalism.”

Reeni asks:
“Were you ever overweight? What I mean by that is did you go on a diet to lose a few pounds and then did it escalate with ED?”

My answer:
“Nope, I never was overweight. Actually, I was underweight all my life. That’s how much ED deceived me. It actually started with a little competition between me and my cousin on who could lose more weight that spiraled into disaster. The story is much more complicated than that, but this is the super-super summarized version. But one day, I shall share my entire story. ”

Hee hee. That was fun! And I have one more picture to share with you guys:

Ain’t they lovely? A lady-missionary in our church, who is also the mother of one of my best friends, brought these over this morning to welcome me back to the States. It was also sort of a celebration for my upward recovery of ED, so I thought it was only appropriate to share the beauty with you guys, since you all played a huge part in my recovery too. So THANK YOU all, for all your love and support and encouragements!

Question of the day: What is your biggest fear? Do you have a fear you’ve already conquered?

Related posts:

1. From being to IN control
2. No Longer Me, Myself, and I
3. Broke and Happy
4. I’ll Study Here for the Food
5. Just a Shadow

Tagged as: artichokes, cheese, eating disorder, fear food, pasta, q and a, red pepper, tomato