Santa Claus did not come to town for me this Christmas. Not to say I didn’t have a good time with my church friends Christmas eve and on Christmas day, but…I’ve succumbed to ED and barely challenged myself during these past two days. Not that I’ve been starving myself of course, it’s just that I hid myself in my comfort zone and couldn’t venture out and try something new and different and uncomfortable. I freaked out in the face of all the new fear foods and messed up eating schedule, and just gave up the struggle and took the “safe” route out. I feel like a failure…
Well, didn’t get to take much food pics the past couple of days so I’m combining both Christmas eve and Christmas day eats…The weather has been quite rainy and chilly so for breakfast I had a spoonful of chunky peanut butter instead of the usual yogurt…Just a bit of good fat to keep me warm! And because of a lack of sleep, I made “mocha” oatmeal by substituting my leftover cold coffee instead of water for my oats and added some vanilla extract…Coffee + oats = <3!~
Wengang came home early from work on Christmas Eve and asked if I wanted to eat lunch out with him, but I decided to eat at home instead because I knew I would be eating out for dinner that day…I made my favorite meal again…
Cooked spinach, cut-up raw carrots, omelette (made from 1 whole egg, 2 egg whites, onions and American cheese), and roasted pumpkin.
I love the color contrast! Green, orange, yellow…It made the whole dish look so appetizing! For my afternoon snack I had 2 cheese pancakes from Mr.Bean…
Yes, I “accidentally” burnt the tops on the frying pan again…Enjoyed these with a cold glass of iced green tea~ And then off I went to go caroling with the church…To tell you the truth, I did not really enjoy caroling…First off, I sing like a suffocating duck, and second of all, I kept worrying that I would get home too late for my late night snack…URGH! Gotta stop obsessing like this…I freak out if I miss a meal and don’t get to eat what I planned…Why do I have to be in control of everything? It only puts me under more stress and bondage… But anyway, the buffet the family provided was…quite yucky. All fried stuff in sweet sauce and of course the usual like fried bee hoon, which I loathe. I’d brought along some cooked veggies with me, so I ate that (hiding in the bathroom so I wouldn’t look weird, which only makes me MORE weird and pathetic), along with some stir-fried broccoli, a tiny bit of rendang (some kind of greasy, spicy Malaysian stew-thingy) and some raw carrots. For some reason I was uncomfortably bloated even eating that little. After a few hours we were off to another place for caroling, and only got back home past 11 pm… I was quite hungry when I got home! I totally binged on pistachios, almonds, and cashews…Had about one cup worth of pistachios, and more than 2 cups of almonds and cashews…And then went to sleep absolutely fatigued… And so…Merry Christmas, everyone! The next morning (yesterday) I got up extra early to make sure I had a good solid breakfast, and then we were off early to church for our Christmas service! The sermon was extremely good with the topic about God’s infinite and unconditional love, but…gotta be honest here…I didn’t get much sleep the previous night so half the time I was fighting to keep awake! (shhhhhhh….) After the service we had a Christmas buffet…Oh my God, what is it with the Chinese and deep-fried stuff?! Every dish for the buffet was DEEP-FRIED: fish nuggets, deep-fried chicken wings, another type of deep-fried chicken in sweet sauce, fried potato wedges, fried veggies and mushrooms in oyster sauce, fried rice…Tell me, who the heck eats fish nuggets on Christmas? The only thing non-fried was…the desserts, which was custard puffs and some kind of yule log cake. Ha, at least one thing in the buffet was “festive.”
I’d brought my own cooked veggies again, which took up half my plate and then I just picked on some stuff reluctantly…
Cooked cabbage (my own), mushrooms in oyster sauce, some fried rice, one fried “sweet and spicy” chicken wing, some fried potato wedges…
So obviously my lunch was pathetic and not enough, so I hopped down to a nearby fruit stall and bought a packet of durians, ignoring my previous bad experience with out-of-season durians…And BOY AM I GLAD I DID! Those durians were awesome! Obviously not as good as seasonal durians in the summer, but still delightfully sweet and creamy. Sorry no picture, as I dug into it greedily and forgot all about my camera. Haha, I wasn’t too greedy though…I shared some with my church friends. Heh heh heh, will be visiting that stall again sometime very soon…
After the service we went food-shopping for the steamboat tonight, which I won’t be attending because I’m gonna meet up with an old friend. But look what I picked up!
Caramel-flavored ceylon tea! Apparently Dilmah is a good tea brand…Quite expensive, though! I also got a BIG case of eggs…30 whole eggs! More omelettes coming up~ Haha, and that’s what I had for dinner…Broccoli, omelette, and a handful of almonds and cashews…sorry, no picture again as it looked quite exactly the same as my previous pictures of omelettes…
Then I helped clean up the whole house in preparation for tonight’s steamboat party, had my midnight snack of oatmeal, had 3 big handfuls of almonds and cashews, then went to sleep. So as you can see, my eats have been entirely bo-ring the past couple of days (except for that fabulous durian!) and I hardly challenged myself…
AH! Will try harder…
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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
i am rooting for you and wish you the best with your struggles w/ ed! you are strong and way more powerful – you can do this!
Your omelette looks very delicious- I'm sure it was!
And those cheese pancakes? They sound terrific!
Good luck. <3
cheese pancakes? interesting…
i havent had eggs in so long,i used to have omelets alot,i dont eat eggs any more,(are you vegetarian?)
replying to your comment about me not cooking..well..its so much easier to eat packaged organic meals,i love to cook and i do sometimes i have a very hectic schedule alot of appointments and dinners need to be fast. i enjoy Amy’s meals alot and my ED feels safe with them.
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